They behaved terribly, maybe broke something and said something hideous to you.

他的行為很惡劣，例如砸壞東西跟對你說了非常傷人的話

It's so tempting to give up on them and just hate them, but there's another way.

你大可直接放棄並開始討厭這個人，但事實上有另一種做法

Here's a big idea

事情大概是這樣的

People are almost never simply bad.

人們基本上不會只有糟糕的一面

What they are far more often is scared.

而是他們經常感到恐懼

When they behave in really horrible ways, it tends to be because they're extremely anxious for some reason or another.

當人們做出非常糟糕的行為時，通常是因為在某種層面上，他們感到極度的不安

Though their behavior can seem strong, no one who actually felt strong would be all arsey like that.

雖然他們的行為可能看似強勢，但真正的強者並不會表現得像混帳一樣

The mature response shouldn't therefore be to increase tension and flare up in return

所以，對這些行為成熟的反應，不應該是加深雙方之間的緊張並加以反擊

but to strive to see all you've got in front of you is someone who can't cope.

而是想辦法看清眼前這個人是如何的無法面對自己的情緒

We are so aligned to the idea that it's patronizing to think of people as younger than they are

我們深信，把他人的心智年齡視為比實際年齡還小是一種踐踏

we forget that it's also, at times, the greatest privilege to look beyond someone's adult self

但我們也時常忘記，能夠看透他人作為成人的一面

in order to engage with and forgive the anxious or disappointed, furious or inarticulate child within.

藉此和他心裡那焦慮、失望、憤恨不平、措辭不當的孩子互動，並且原諒他，是多麼幸運的事

There's another thing to bear in mind when all you can see is a person's weak points.

當你只看得見別人的缺點時，你也必須記得另一件事：

Weak points are always linked to strong points and vice versa.

人們的優缺點永遠是一體兩面的

So, for example, the strength of thoroughness is always going to bring with, in other contexts, the weakness of pedantry.

因此，舉例來說，細心的人可能也會對雞毛蒜皮的小事錙銖必較

Creative brilliance might well be inseparable from logistical unreliability.

豐富的創造力可能也隱含在實務上的不可靠

People who are fantastic leaders at work are likely to be seriously difficult around domestic chores.

在職場上傑出的領導者在做家事時也可能讓人覺得不可理喻

The reason for keeping this in mind is that we often encounter people's weaknesses

我們必須謹記這點，因為他人的缺點

at moments when we're in danger of losing sight of their strengths.

經常在我們忽略他們的優點時被放大

At certain points, all it seems we're bumping into are the weaknesses.

甚至，有的時候，似乎只能看見他們的缺點

We wonder: "how did I end up in this relationship or hanging out with this person?"

例如，我們會納悶自己為什麼會和這個人交往或和那個人成為好友

During tough times, we only see the flaws.

當一段關係面臨挑戰時，我們也只看得到缺陷

We are failing to step back enough and ask a really vital question

我們無法後退一步，並加以思考

not just what are these people's weaknesses

除了缺點之外

but what are the strengths of which these annoying traits are the unfortunate shadow sides.

他們這些煩人的特質有哪些優點，讓他們不幸的也擁有這些缺點

Everyone is going to have the weaknesses of their strengths.

每個人都擁有自己的優點所伴隨的缺點

Forgiving people must mean doing everything we can to keep their strengths in view

原諒他人代表在我們只能看見他人的缺點的時候

at moments where their weaknesses are only too painfully apparent.

盡力地讓他們的優點處於焦點位置

if you like our films, take a look at our shop

如果你喜歡我們的影片，也請光顧我們的網路商店

theschooloflife.com/shop

theschooloflife.com/shop

You'll find lots of thoughtful books, games, stationery and more

在那裡你會找到許多耐人尋味的書籍、遊戲、文具等等