Dear Ryan, can you do, "How to be Ninja 2?"

親愛的Ryan 你可以做"如何當一個忍者2"嗎?

Dear Ryan, can you make "How to be Ninja"?

親愛的Ryan 你能再做一次"如何當一個忍者"嗎?

Dear Ryan, How to be Ninja! [How to be Ninja! x7]

親愛的Ryan 跪求"如何當一個忍者" ....

That video is so old.

那個影片已經年代很久遠了

The sad part is that I think that some of you watching are actually younger than that video.

而且有點可悲的是 我想那個影片可能比你們還老

Anyways, it's been like 8 or 9 years since this video came out.

青菜啦 反正我發布那影片大概是8或9年前的事了

A lot of you actually saw it back then.

顯然有很多人覺得回味無窮

It's one of my most popular videos by far.

那也是我目前最受歡迎的影片之一

And probably every single year since, I've been asked to remake this video for some reason.

然後自那之後的每一年 我幾乎都在被問甚麼時候會有第2集

And there's reasons why I never remade that video.

但其實我是有些苦衷才不做的

I mean first of all, it has tons of copyrighted music in it that almost got my account removed in 2008.

我的意思是說畢竟裡面有太多音樂的版權 以至於讓我的帳號在2008年還要搬家

Secondly, there's a very offensive joke in this video.

第二 那影片其實開了一個很沒品的玩笑

That back in the day it was like, I mean it wasn't okay to say, but people could say it and get away with it.

如果回到那個年代(?) 我的意思是說那個玩笑真的很沒品 但人們還是會一笑置之的

Today, I can't get away with it.

但現在 我就會很嚴肅看待這件事(種族歧視)

If you saw the original, you know which part I'm talking about.

如果你已經看過那影片了 你就懂我在講什麼

And last, but most importantly, it's probably one of my most popular videos of all time.

然後最後一點 也是最重要的 那個影片大概是我最受歡迎的影片了吧

And no matter what I do, or how I remake it, you can never beat the original.

所以就算我再怎麼努力或者再做第二集 也不可能超越原版的

People naturally love the original more.

人的天性就是會 比較喜歡原版一點

I mean think about every single movie that was ever remade.

我的意思是說 你想想看那些翻拍過的電影

The people who watched the original, or read the books always complain about the new version.

那些看過原版的電影或書的人總是會抱怨新的版本

So I apologize for this misleading title, but I am never going to remake How to be Ninja.

所以我很抱歉如果你是被標題騙進來 但我是不可能再做"如何當一個忍者2"的

It has copyrighted music, it has offensive jokes,

那影片有版權音樂 有很針對性的玩笑

and it's never going to meet anyone's expectations, so why do it?

所以我不可能達到任何人的期望 那我為什麼還要做?

It would probably just upset more people who actually enjoyed the original,

那可能只會讓喜歡原版的人覺得很不爽

so I'm sorry. I just can't make it.

所以 抱歉 我真的沒辦法

With that being said, here is a parody of How to be Ninja. Enjoy.

但說了這麼多 讓我在此為你獻上惡搞版的"如何當一個忍者" 請好好欣賞

AH! Oh, oh sorry.

哈! 喔喔抱歉

♪ This song is copyrighted ♪

♪這首歌是有版權的♪

♪ and this is kinda racist ♪

♪而且還有點種族歧視♪

Woah! *groans in pain*

呃阿!!...(好痛)

Wah!

(哀號聲)

Give me your money!

把你的錢交出來!!

No!

不要!!

*groans in pain* Stop it! Stop it!

(又是一片哀號)你住手啦!!快住手!!

Hey you!

喂 那邊的小夥子

Who, me?

誰??我??

Yeah, you.

對啦就你

God?

是神嗎?

Do you want to learn how to defend yourself?

你想知道如何保護自己嗎?

Yeah.

想

Aren't you tired of bullies picking on you all the time?

你不覺得那些總是霸凌別人的惡霸很煩嗎?

Mhmm.

嗯亨

Well then, How to be Ninja 2.0 is the DVD for you!

好那 "如何當一個忍者2"教學影片絕對是你的救星!!

This DVD comes with your two very own personal trainers.

此教學影片附贈兩位專屬你的私人教練

Hello, my name is Hanate Wakuso Shiseo Tadashite Teriyaki Suzuki Honda Civic.

你好 我的名字是 Hanate Wakuso Shiseo Tadashite Teriyaki Suzuki Honda Civic. (譯者注 : 以下口音是在諷刺亞洲人英文)

Hello, my name is Bob.

你好 我的名字是 Bob

And today we are going to be teaching you how to be ninja!

而我們今天就要來教你如何成為一個忍者

Hata! Hooooo!

哈噠!!!嗚!!!

You're supposed to fall down.

你應該倒下吧...

Oh. Ooo.

喔.嗚~~

The first lesson in being a ninja is to make loud, unnecessary sounds when you hit things.

忍者學成第一課 當你打到東西的時候要發出沒必要的聲音

*ninja sounds*

忍者慷慨激昂的叫聲(?!)

Wait a second.

等等

*groans in pain*

＊痛苦的呻吟＊

Lesson two. You must be able to catch anything with your chopsticks.

忍者學成第二課 你必須用筷子接住任何東西

Hey, should we change this lesson? I feel like catching things with your chopsticks doesn't really have anything to do with being a ninja.

喂 我們是不是該把這課改掉阿 我覺得用筷子接住任何東西對於成為忍者沒有任何幫助

Yes, it does. You just don't want to do it because you know you're going to get hit at the end.

明明就有好不 你根本只是不想做 因為你知道最後你還是會被打

No. I-I just think that we don't...

哪有 我..我..只是覺得我們不...

*sigh* Fine, I'll do it.

*嘆氣*好啦我做就是了

Hey! I got it!

耶!!我接到了 !!!

Hey, wait, where's the green ball? I thought I was supposed to get hit by it.

喂 等等那顆綠球球勒? 我不是應該被它打到嗎?

Yeah, about that. I kinda left the green ball in Hawaii so...

對阿 關於這個嘛..我好像把球球留在夏威夷了 所以...

Oh, now you guys want me in a video.

喔 你們終於想起我了是吧

Eight years later with no videos and waiting in Hawaii.

嗤.八年我在夏威夷都沒發通告給我

Well, you know, we don't even need the green ball 'cause what does a green ball have to do with being a ninja anyway?

呃..不過你知道 我們根本不需要綠球球 因為它根本對於成為忍者沒有幫助

Yeah, but we have to end this lesson somehow. I mean, I gotta get hit my somet-

是啦..但至少我們必須有個結尾吧 我是說 至少我必須被甚麼東西ㄉㄚ--

*gunshot*

”槍聲“

*groans in pain*

呃阿...

Lesson three. A true ninja must be able to teleport from place to place-sudu.

忍者學成第三課 一個真正的忍者可以在空間內自由瞬移

And that's how it's done!

輕鬆解決!

No, it's not. *all scream*

明明就不是 *啊啊啊啊!!*

Lesson four. You must be able to transform into anything.

忍者學成第四課 你必須要會72變

You must be able to turn into an animal.

你必須要會變身成動物

*makes monkey sounds*

*嘎嗚*

Turn into a tree.

或者是棵樹

Or maybe even a--

或甚至是個-----

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. We can't say that one, remember?

等等 你給我等等 我們說好不要講那個的記得嗎?

Why?

為什麼?

That's a gay slur now, and we can't get away with saying that anymore.

這樣會罵到同性戀 而我們這次就可不能輕易脫身了

Right.

對齁

Alright, let's just go back and do it ag-

好啦 我們回去重新再做一次

Or maybe be a politically correct homosexual male.

或甚至政治正確男同性戀者 (譯者注 : politically correct ”政治正確“意思是在用詞上較不具歧視意味)

I am just like, equal to, and/or equivalent to everyone else in every way.

我只是想要在任何形式上都能得到與他人平等的對待

*ding*

讓我再重演一次

Let me just do that one again

那聽起來有夠娘的

That sounded so gay.

忍者學成第五課 你必須學會演出"致命一擊"

Lesson five, you must be able to preform a fatality.

等等 等一下

*laughs*

安那?

*gasp*

為甚麼我每次都是被打的那個?

*scream*

嗯.因為我是那個演出"致命一擊"的人

*scream*

為什麼你是演出"致命一擊"的人?

*gasp*

好嘛 不然換你來教啊 來啊

*scream*

好啊~

Wait wait wait no no.

綠球球忍術大絕招

Why?

喔..對齁...(突然想起某件事)

Why do I always have to get beat up in these?

如果你確實完成以上的課程

Well, because I'm the one showing the fatalities

那你應該就像這樣

Why can you do fatalities too?

等等

Fine, if you really want to teach, go ahead

忍者學成第一課 當你打到東西的時候要發出沒必要的聲音

ok~

你準備好沒?

*gathering energy sound*

♪真人快打配樂合成♪

*gathering energy sound*

啊~~

*gathering energy sound* Green Ball No Jutsu!

Hanate!

oh... yeah...

Bob!

*gunshot*

Hanate!

If you follow all these lessons

Bob!

You should have come up with something like this

Hanate!

*mad groan*

Bob!

Wait

Hanate!

The first lesson in being a ninja is to make loud, unnecessary sounds when you hit things.

啊!!忘記這個了

Are you ready?

蛤?

♪ Mortal Kombat ♪

耶!!我接到了ㄟ!! 我想說不定用筷子接東西

*girly scream*

真的對於成為忍者有幫助

*slow-mo groan and scream*

--我是說 --綠球球忍術大絕招

*yell*

蛤?

*scream in pain*

我演錯了哈哈哈...

*yell*

我好害怕 哈哈哈

Hanate!

你再往後仰一點

Bob!

先生 你還好嗎....

Hanate!

我說了再往後一點

Bob!

喔...原來如此...

Hanate!

喔我忘記我的台詞了...媽的!!

Bob!

譯者 : 翻譯站

Hanate!

Oh! Forget this!

huh?

*gunshot*

*catching bullet by chopstick sound*

Hey! I got it! I guess catching things with your chopsticks

Really do have something to do with being a ninja...

- I mean... - Green Ball No Jutsu!

Huh?

*get hit sound*

Teehee!

That's wrong...

I'm scared, ha ha ha ha...

Lower further back

Dude, are you...

Further back

Oh... that's why...

*happy scream*

Oh I ate my line... Damn it! *laughter*

*laughter*