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Being a good listener is one of the most important and enchanting life-skills anyone can have.
Yet few of us know how to do it, not because we're evil, but because no one has taught us how and –
a related point – no one has listened to us.
So we come to social life greedy to speak rather than listen, hungry to meet others, but reluctant to hear them.
Friendship degenerates into a socialised egoism.
Like most things, it's about education.
Our civilization is full of great books on how to speak –
Cicero's “Orator” and Aristotle's “Rhetoric” were two of the greatest in the ancient world –
but sadly no one has ever written a book called “The Listener”.
There are a range of things that the good listener is doing that makes it so nice to spend time in their company.
Firstly, they egg us on.
It's hard to know our own minds.
Often, we're in the vicinity of something, but we don't quite close in on what's really bothering or exciting us.
We hugely benefit from encouragement to elaborate, to go into greater detail, to push just a little further.
We need someone who, rather than launch forth on their own, will simply say those two magic words: Go on…
You mention a sibling and they want to know a bit more.
What was the relationship like in childhood, how has it changed over time.
They're curious where our concerns and excitements come from.
They ask thing like: why did that particularly bother you? Why was that such a big thing for you?
They keep our histories in mind, they might refer back to something we said before
and we feel they're building up a deeper base of engagement.
Secondly, the good listener urges clarification.
It's fatally easy to say vague things: we simply mention that something is lovely or terrible, nice or annoying.
But we don't really explore why we feel this way.
The friend who listens often has a productive, friendly suspicion of some of our own first statements
and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background.
They take things we say like "I'm fed up with my job" or "My partner and I are having a lot of rows… "
and it helps us to focus in what it really is about the job we don't like or what the rows are really about.
They're bringing to listening and an ambition to clarify the underlying issues.
They don't just see conversation as the swapping of anecdotes.
They're reconnecting the chat you're having over pizza with the philosophical ambitions of Socrates,
whose dialogues are records of his attempts to help fellow Athenians understand their ideas and values in a better way.
Thirdly, good listeners don't moralize
The good listener is acutely aware of how insane we all are.
They know their own minds well enough not to be surprised or frightened about this.
They're skilled at making occasional little positive sounds:
strategic "mmms" that delicately signal sympathy without intruding on what we're trying to say.
They give the impression that they recognize and accept our follies;
they're reassuring us they're not going to shred our dignity.
A big worry in a competitive world is that we feel we can't afford to be honest about how distressed we are.
Saying one feels like a failure could mean being dropped.
But the good listener signals early and clearly that they don't see us in these terms.
Our vulnerability is something they warm to rather than are appalled by.
Lastly, good listeners separate disagreement from criticism.
There's a huge tendency to feel that being disagreed with is an expression of hostility.
And obviously sometimes that's right.
But a good listener makes it clear that they can really like you and, at the same time, think you're wrong.
They make it plain that their liking for you isn't dependent on constant agreement.
They are powerfully aware that a really lovely person could end up a bit muddled and in need of some gentle untangling.
When we're in the company of people who listen well, we experience a very powerful pleasure,
but too often, we don't really realize what it is that this person is doing that is so nice.
By paying strategic attention to the pleasure, we can learn to magnify it and offer it to others,
who will notice, hear – and repay the favour in turn.
Listening deserves discovery as one of the keys to a good society.



成為一個好的聆聽者的四大要素 (Being A Good Listener)

74294 分類 收藏
Shirley Huang 發佈於 2017 年 10 月 24 日    Shirley Huang 翻譯    Mandy Lin 審核



1egg someone on0:52
可不要以為這句跟「蛋」有什麼關係囉!egg someone on 是「鼓動、鼓勵某人」的意思。在影片中是比較正面的意思,但是平常用在負面的狀況居多噢!
The fight between the two boys escalated because others were egging them on.

Chris and Steven are so childish! They are always egging each other on to do stupid challenges.

大家可能有看過 Don't put all your eggs in one basket. 這句話吧!「不要把所有的蛋都放在一個籃子裡」是什麼意思呢?其實它就代表「不要孤注一擲」。
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. There is a chance that the investment might fail.

2keep in mind1:32
keep in mind 指的是「記住、牢記」。keep 是「保留、保存」的意思,所以「保存在頭腦裡」就是「牢記」的意思啦!
Please keep in mind that the deadline is next Wednesday.

You have to keep in mind that you have a meeting with your boss first thing tomorrow morning.

8個電影教你的錯誤知識!(8 Common Movie Myths Debunked!)

folly 這個名詞代表的是「愚蠢、蠢事」。
His folly has cost the company millions.

Nathan deeply regrets the follies of his high school years.

【Ted-Ed】我們為什麼會相愛?讓哲學告訴你 (Why do we love? A philosophical inquiry - Skye C. Cleary)

4make it plain3:50
make it plain 這個用法指的是「明確說明、講白」。
Sam has already made it plain that he doesn't like the new employee.

plain 這個形容詞有很多意思,包含「樸素的、清楚的、坦白的」。
Tom likes to live a plain lifestyle. He likes to keep everything simple.

The beautiful city lights are in plain view on the top of the mountain.

I'll make it plain to you. This dress looks really bad on you.

口語中如果想要委婉的描述一個人的相貌「很普通」,也可以用 plain 這個形容詞。
Jessica has a plain face, but an awesome personality.

5in turn4:23
in turn 在這裡是「反過來」的意思,但它也可以表示「依次、照順序」。
If you help me right now, I'll definitely repay you double in turn.

The kindergarteners hop on the school bus in turn.

by turns 是一個跟這裡的 in turn 非常相似的用法。by turns 的意思是「交替地、輪流地」。
The brothers look after their ill father by turns.


文/ Christine
編輯/ Tina Hsu




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