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Being a good listener is one of the most important and enchanting life-skills anyone can have.
Yet few of us know how to do it, not because we're evil, but because no one has taught us how and –
a related point – no one has listened to us.
So we come to social life greedy to speak rather than listen, hungry to meet others, but reluctant to hear them.
Friendship degenerates into a socialised egoism.
Like most things, it's about education.
Our civilization is full of great books on how to speak –
Cicero's Orator and Aristotle's Rhetoric were two of the greatest in the ancient world –
but sadly no one has ever written a book called ‘The Listener’.
There are a range of things that the good listener is doing that makes it so nice to spend time in their company.
Firstly, they egg us on.
It's hard to know our own minds.
Often, we're in the vicinity of something, but we don't quite close in on what's really bothering or exciting us.
We hugely benefit from encouragement to elaborate, to go into greater detail, to push just a little further.
We need someone who, rather than launch forth on their own, will simply say those two magic words: Go on…
You mention a sibling and they want to know a bit more.
What was the relationship like in childhood, how has it changed over time.
They're curious where our concerns and excitements come from.
They ask thing like: why did that particularly bother you? Why was that such a big thing for you?
They keep our histories in mind, they might refer back to something we said before
and we feel they're building up a deeper base of engagement.
Secondly, the good listener urges clarification.
It's fatally easy to say vague things: we simply mention that something is lovely or terrible, nice or annoying.
But we don't really explore why we feel this way.
The friend who listens often has a productive, friendly suspicion of some of our own first statements
and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background.
They take things we say like ‘I'm fed up with my job’ or ‘My partner and I are having a lot of rows…’
and it helps us to focus in what it really is about the job we don't like or what the rows are really about.
They're bringing to listening and an ambition to clarify the underlying issues.
They don't just see conversation as the swapping of anecdotes.
They're reconnecting the chat you're having over pizza with the philosophical ambitions of Socrates,
whose dialogues are records of his attempts to help fellow Athenians understand their ideas and values in a better way.
Thirdly, good listeners don't moralize
The good listener is acutely aware of how insane we all are.
They know their own minds well enough not to be surprised or frightened about this.
They're skilled at making occasional little positive sounds:
strategic ‘mmms’ that delicately signal sympathy without intruding on what we're trying to say.
They give the impression that they recognize and accept our follies;
they're reassuring us they're not going to shred our dignity.
A big worry in a competitive world is that we feel we can't afford to be honest about how distressed we are.
Saying one feels like a failure could mean being dropped.
But the good listener signals early and clearly that they don't see us in these terms.
Our vulnerability is something they warm to rather than are appalled by.
Lastly, good listeners separate disagreement from criticism.
There's a huge tendency to feel that being disagreed with is an expression of hostility.
And obviously sometimes that's right.
But a good listener makes it clear that they can really like you and, at the same time, think you're wrong.
They make it plain that their liking for you isn't dependent on constant agreement.
They are powerfully aware that a really lovely person could end up a bit muddled and in need of some gentle untangling.
When we're in the company of people who listen well, we experience a very powerful pleasure,
but too often, we don't really realize what it is that this person is doing that is so nice.
By paying strategic attention to the pleasure, we can learn to magnify it and offer it to others,
who will notice, hear – and repay the favour in turn.
Listening deserves discovery as one of the keys to a good society.
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成為一個好的聆聽者的四大要素 (Being A Good Listener)

63353 分類 收藏
Shirley Huang 發佈於 2017 年 10 月 24 日   Shirley Huang 翻譯   Mandy Lin 審核

影片簡介

在社交上,勇敢地發表自己的意見、講述自己的想法固然重要,但是當一個好的聆聽者其實是一個非常重要的技能!到底好的聆聽者能對社會以及周遭的人帶來什麼樣正面的影響呢?快透過今天的主編精選,讓我們探索當一個好的聆聽者的秘密!

1egg someone on0:52
可不要以為這句跟「蛋」有什麼關係囉!egg someone on 是「鼓動、鼓勵某人」的意思。在影片中是比較正面的意思,但是平常用在負面的狀況居多噢!
The fight between the two boys escalated because others were egging them on.
兩個男孩的打架會越來越激烈是因為其他人的鼓動。

Chris and Steven are so childish! They are always egging each other on to do stupid challenges.
克里斯跟史蒂芬真的是有夠幼稚的!他們每次都慫恿彼此去做一些愚蠢的「挑戰」。


大家可能有看過 Don't put all your eggs in one basket. 這句話吧!「不要把所有的蛋都放在一個籃子裡」是什麼意思呢?其實它就代表「不要孤注一擲」。
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. There is a chance that the investment might fail.
不要孤注一擲。投資是有可能會失敗的。


2keep in mind1:32
keep in mind 指的是「記住、牢記」。keep 是「保留、保存」的意思,所以「保存在頭腦裡」就是「牢記」的意思啦!
Please keep in mind that the deadline is next Wednesday.
請記住死線是下禮拜三。

You have to keep in mind that you have a meeting with your boss first thing tomorrow morning.
你需要記得你明天早上第一件事就是要跟你的老闆開會。


*同場加映:
8個電影教你的錯誤知識!(8 Common Movie Myths Debunked!)


3folly3:05
folly 這個名詞代表的是「愚蠢、蠢事」。
His folly has cost the company millions.
他的愚蠢讓公司損失數百萬。

Nathan deeply regrets the follies of his high school years.
內森非常後悔自己高中時期做的蠢事。


*同場加映:
【Ted-Ed】我們為什麼會相愛?讓哲學告訴你 (Why do we love? A philosophical inquiry - Skye C. Cleary)


4make it plain3:50
make it plain 這個用法指的是「明確說明、講白」。
Sam has already made it plain that he doesn't like the new employee.
山姆已經講白說他不喜歡那個新員工。


plain 這個形容詞有很多意思,包含「樸素的、清楚的、坦白的」。
Tom likes to live a plain lifestyle. He likes to keep everything simple.
湯姆喜歡簡樸的生活方式。他喜歡全部事情都簡單化。

The beautiful city lights are in plain view on the top of the mountain.
美麗的城市燈光從山頂上一覽無遺。

I'll make it plain to you. This dress looks really bad on you.
我跟你坦白說,你穿這件洋裝非常不好看。


口語中如果想要委婉的描述一個人的相貌「很普通」,也可以用 plain 這個形容詞。
Jessica has a plain face, but an awesome personality.
潔西卡長的很普通,但是個性非常好。


5in turn4:23
in turn 在這裡是「反過來」的意思,但它也可以表示「依次、照順序」。
If you help me right now, I'll definitely repay you double in turn.
如果你現在幫我的話,我以後必定會雙倍的報答你。

The kindergarteners hop on the school bus in turn.
幼稚園學生依序跳上了校車。


by turns 是一個跟這裡的 in turn 非常相似的用法。by turns 的意思是「交替地、輪流地」。
The brothers look after their ill father by turns.
兄弟們輪流照顧生病的父親。


看完今天的主編精選,有沒有頓時覺得成為一個好的聆聽者非常的重要呢?如果你是常常受惠於自己身邊的聆聽者的人,不妨與他換個角色,來回報那個幫你分憂解勞的他吧!

文/ Christine
編輯/ Tina Hsu

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