manage them.

I went on a diet last year, an extreme diet and people kept saying, "Aren't you hungry? Aren't you hungry?"

And I'm like, "No! I'm angry!"

And course that had uncovered the fact that I had been medicating my anger with

food for years and years and years.

Subsequently now I've discovered that

I medicate my anxiety with working. I'm a workaholic. I medicate my

sadness with television,

I'm reality show freak.

And I medicate

all of them to some degree, not excessively, but I can take a

drink now and then. Cheers

to everyone watching.

And, the downside of this is three things. Three things are guaranteed

when you medicate your emotions instead of manage them. One,

you will be addicted to something

now that something could be socially acceptable like work

but you're going to be addicted to something.

Two, we will act out

our emotions on others

and you know this, we act the worst with the people we love the most.

And what happens then, is we feel the sense of guilt that we've hurt others

that we love. That we've actually hurt ourselves, or damaged the relationship,

damaged colleagues whatever the case may be we blanket the emotions with a

layer of guilt

and then we spend the rest of our lives managing guilt

instead of trying to manage

ourselves

or even our children.

Third we pass this unconscious system down to our children through our parenting

practice and educational uh... institutions through teaching and through parenting.

We want to do it differently,

we just don't know how.

So the first step to any change is conscious awareness. Now in my book,

"Managing Emotional Mayhem" you cannot manage children's emotional mayhem

until you start learning to manage your own, you can't manage your own unless you become

conscious of what the tendency is

for you to do and that comes from how you were raised. So let me read you a

teeny tiny bit.

"Think back to when you were a child

what were your parents responses to your emotions? Did they name, acknowledge, and use

them as a teaching tool? "You seem angry you were hoping you could stay up later." or

did they punish, ignore, bribe, dismiss? "Go to bed now!

Don't make me have to get up."

Our relationship with our emotions starts early and can last a lifetime.

if we're to foster the emotional well-being within children we must make

the necessary changes to tune up our own system."

Part of this book too is a wonderful exercise that has you look at each emotion

and see how they were responded to in your family origin.

Let's take a look at anger right now.

Ignore

"Mom! Mom!

That's it! I hate my teacher! I hate my teacher!

"Mmm. Yeah." "You wouldn't believe what she did today! You would not! Mom! Look Mom!" "I'm listening.

I'm listening. I'm listening."

"She picks on everyone, everyone!" "Yeah. I'm listening.

You know what, could you-" "You wanna know what she did?!"

"Uh... Honey-" "What about Marcus?!"

"Uh." "Remember the other day?" "I remember Marcus. Here take this one, here just, here go ahead, just

start drying.

What?

What? What are you-" "Whatever."

"We don't need to have that, honey?

Just give me the dish then. Give me the dish.

Alright good."

Punish

Mom!

I hate my teacher!" "You do not come in here this way!" "I hate my teacher!"

"You do not come in here yelling at me!

What do you think you're doing?! Pick that up!"

"Hang that up! Hang that up right now!

This is ridiculous.

I've had it with your mouth."

"But mom!"

"You want to do this again?

You pick that up! You pick that up now!"

"NO!"

"You pick this up!"

Dismiss

"Mom! Mom! I hate my teacher! I hate my teacher!"

"Listen-" "You would not believe what she did to Marcus. You would not believe what she did to me!" "Listen, honey. You like your teacher. She's nice honey. You like your teacher."

"Do know what she did to Marcus? Do you even know?

Do you care what she did to Marcus?" "It doesn't matter what she did to Marcus, you know.

You're a good student. You're good at school. You're a good student.

You like her.

And you're good at school. You're a nice person sweetheart. You're a nice person.

So you just have to remember that

remember how you're a nice person and you like people. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

Ok, do you want a little snack? You want me to get a snack?

Let's just." "Okay." "Okay. Let's just. I'm sure I've got some ice cream in the fridge."

"Thank you mom."

"Here you go sweetie.

Let me just get you a spoon.

Let me get a spoon. Here you go. Enjoy." "Can I have the whole thing?" "Of course." "Okay, thank you." "Of course, of course."

"It's better now isn't it. It feels better now doesn't it?" "Yeah. Yeah."

Save

"Mom! Mom!"

"What?

What happened?" "I... I... I hate my

teacher!" "What did she do?!" "You wouldn't believe what she did! She did it to Marcus first! She wrote his name on the board

and sent him out of the room. And you know what she did to me? She humiliated me in front of the whole class!"

"She will not be getting away with this." "No." "She is not getting away with this." "She shouldn't!"

"You know what? I'm calling her right now!" "You call her! Can you get her

fired?

Mom, do something!

She was horrible!

"You know what she said to me? She said I'm stupid.

She-" "No I can't wait!"

"She said I was stupid." "She said... You know what?" "She made fun of me in front of the class!"

"I'm going to call. No we are getting you out of that school! We are going

to make this a better for you.

Nobody treats my girl that way."

"Oh. Mom. Thank you. Thank you."

"Your welcome." "Thank you."

"I'm the one that you love.

I'm the one that takes care of you." "Your the best mom."

"We have a test tomorrow."

"Oh, I'll help you. I'll help you do it." "What if I don't have to go? I don't have to do it."

"Oh, that's right.

Yeah. We don't even need her."

Coach

"Mom! Mom!

"You wouldn't believe it!

I hate my teacher! I hate my teacher!

You would not believe what she did to me today. You wouldn't believe what she did

to Marcus!" "Yes, you'll tell me." "Mom." "Yeah." "Mom. Okay." "Yeah."

"Okay but I gotta tell you. Okay.

Okay. She calls us up in front of the school

right up at the front of the board

and she has to do these problems.

Marcus goes up first, of course everybody laughs,

they always laugh at Marcus. So they walk up there, he left. And I'm like, "I'm not

going. I'm not going.

I put my head down. You know what she did? She called on me anyway. She calls on me, I go up there.

I work the problem. Right in front of everybody. She says "Well, you didn't get

it right.

You're not working hard enough."" "And you were hoping she would

really understand how hard that was for you. You were hoping that she would

understand that you were really taking a risk to go up there."

"Yeah." "Yeah." "That was really scary to walk up in front of everybody." "Yeah. That is scary."

"And you know math isn't my strong thing." "Yeah and

it would've been so much more helpful

if she had been able to really give you that encouragement that confidence and yet

you did handle it." "Yeah, yeah. Yeah." "You got through it." "And nobody laughed.

At least Marcus."

"And we'll work on that too. We'll work on how you might be helpful to Marcus too.

Right now what might be helpful to you?

What might be helpful to you right now and then work on what might be helpful

to you the next time she calls on you and you don't know what to do."

"Right now I just kinda wanna go

outside and walk around a little bit." "Okay.

Because that is one of the ways-" "But I do need help with math." "Cause I can feel your hands, that you're really tense."

"I need. I need. Yeah." "You're still frustrated, you're still feeling frustrated.

So take a walk outside.

We'll work on the math.

Sounds like a plan.

And then you know what we're going to do. When that moment comes when you're sitting at your

desk.

What is it

that will help you?

We'll find that."

"Okay." "Yeah." "Alright.

I'm going outside.

See you mom!" "Oh. Honey

your pack." "Oh. I'm going to

drop that over here. See you later."

As funny as the previous scenes have been

it's a serious problem.

We can't do

differently

unless we know differently,

unless we become consciously aware.

I hope this information guides you in a journey

so that you have a new,

inspired relationship with your own emotions

and in turn can help the next generation of children

find emotional well-being

that we didn't even dream could be possible.

I wish you well.

Give yourself the gift of Conscious Discipline

"Managing Emotional Mayhem" is available now

ConsciousDiscipline.com

For hilarious videos going through each emotional state and starring Dr. Becky Bailey as the child, visit us at www.youtube.com/lovingguidance