Firstly, we don’t understand ourselves

首先，我們不了解自己

We're all crazy in very particular ways: neurotic, unbalanced and immature...

某方面來說，我們都是神經質，不平衡且幼稚的瘋子

But we don’t know the details.

但我們不知道自己到底哪裡出了問題

Because no one encourages us too hard to find out. Our friends just want to be kind and have

沒有人告訴我們要去找出自己的問題。我們的朋友只想當好人

fun with us. Our enemies don't want to waste the trouble.

或與我們同樂；而敵人們根本漠不關心

So we end up with such a poor level of self-understanding, we have no clue who we'd be compatible with.

所以我們完全不了解自己。我們不了解自己適合哪種人

A standard question on any early dinner date should simply be: ‘How are you mad?’

我們應該在前幾次約會就問對方：「你會因為什麼而生氣？」

But it's so hard to know...

但我們很難知道自己為甚麼生氣...

Secondly, we don’t understand other people

第二，我們不了解對方

It's as hard to work out the craziness of other people as it is our own.

我們連自己的問題都發現不了了，更何況去發現對方的問題

They put on such a good show at first.

而且對方又掩飾得很完美

What we'd ideally need is to send them and us through a battery of psychological questionnaires

理想上，我們應該以心理學的方式捫心自問、了解對方

and have four years of intensive psychotherapy, individual and couples' based

並接受四年的密集個人與情侶心理療程，

before reaching a decision.

才能確定自己到底適不適合對方

By 2100, this will no longer sound like a joke - people will merely wonder why it took

等到西元2100年，大家才會正經看待這件事。人們只會納悶

humanity so long to get there.

為何人類過了這麼久才開竅

We aren’t used to being happy

第三，我們不習慣快樂

We think we want happiness, but what we really want is what we're used to,

我們以為自己在追尋快樂，但事實上我們在追尋習慣

and that usually doesn't involve too much happiness at all.

而我們所習慣的事物通常與快樂毫無瓜葛

Growing up, most of us had our love mixed in with other, darker stuff, being controlled,

我們的成長過程中，愛常常與更黑暗的事物混雜在一起，像是備受控制、

feeling humiliated, being abandonned or abused. In short, suffering.

覺得被羞辱、被狠狠拋棄或虐待。簡而言之，受苦。

And now, whatever we may say, that's what we're mostly still on the look out for.

而現今，無論我們怎麼辯解，這仍是我們所尋尋覓覓的

It explains why we rejected all those candidates, the well-balanced, mature reliable ones, as

這也解釋了為何我們拒絕了那些心智成熟、可依賴的對象，雖然

somehow a bit 'boring'.

他們有些「無聊」

- and why we head instead with secret energy to those characters we unconsciously know

反而有股神秘的力量驅使我們去追求那些潛意識裡

will mess us up in such cosily familiar ways.

會像之前一樣毀了我們人生的對象

Four, being single is so awful

第四，單身很痛苦

You have to be very at peace with empty Saturday evenings, constant alienation and sexlessness

你必須要對空虛的星期六下午、長時間和人群疏遠與無性生活感到十分淡定

in order to be choosy in the right way.

因為你寧缺勿濫

No wonder most of us half shut our eyes and grab what's there.

難怪多數人就睜一隻眼閉一隻眼，接受眼前有的人選

Five, instinct has too much prestige

第五，太過依賴直覺

Marriage used to be a rational business; all to do with your parents matching their bit

從前，婚姻是一樁理性的生意——只為了合併你父母的土地

of land with the neighbours'. It was horribly cold and calculating.

和鄰居的土地。那是相當冷酷且心機的

So now we have Romantic marriages. It's meant to be all about how you feel.

現今，我們鼓勵浪漫的婚姻。自己的感覺最重要。

You should never think too much. To analyse the decision immediately feels ‘un-Romantic’.

不用刻意想太多。理性的分析結婚這檔事會讓人覺得「很不浪漫」

Indeed, the most Romantic thing to do may just be to propose really suddenly, perhaps

的確，最浪漫的莫過於閃電求婚，或許

after only a few weeks - in a chapel in Vegas at 3am...

相處過幾周後就在凌晨 3 點拉斯維加斯的教堂裡舉辦婚禮了...

The madness seems a paradoxical sign that the marriage itself will be a sensible idea. It won't be.

直覺讓人有種似是而非的感覺，認為婚姻是個好主意。其實不然

Six, we don’t go to Schools of Love

第六，我們沒有學習如何去愛的資源

We don't have any information.

我們對愛沒有足夠的資訊

We don't take classes, we don't talk to married couples and steer very clear of divorced ones.

我們不會去上愛情課程，我們也不會跟已婚人士聊愛情，甚至遠離那些離婚的人們

We go into it without knowing why marriages really fail.

我們就這麼在不知道為何婚姻會失敗的情況下踏入婚姻

beyond what we take to be just the simple stupidity of all those other couples we're not like at all.

比我們認為相當愚蠢，且我們永遠不會成為的那些情侶還要來的無知

Seven, freezing happiness

第七，希望凍結快樂

You want to make nice things permanent: you're in Venice, on the lagoon, with no responsibilities,

你希望美好的事物可以永恆持續：試想你在威尼斯，在河道上，無憂無慮

the evening sun throwing gold flakes across the sea,

傍晚的夕陽在海平面上灑落成片片金黃色的雪花，

the prospect of dinner in a little fish restaurant and your beloved in a cashmere jumper in your arms…

而你在一間海鮮餐館裡，期待著一頓美味晚餐，臂彎裡躺著的，是身穿喀什米爾毛衣的愛人

You get married to make that feeling permanent.

你為了把那剎那變成永恆，毅然結了婚

But it all goes and what is really permanent is the partner - but now in a very different mood.

但其實那段時光已然逝去，而真正永恆的是你身邊的伴侶-只不過掛著副臭臉

Eight, you want to stop thinking about Love

第八，你想要停止去想什麼是愛

It's such a pain: the heartache, the dating, the one night stands...

那些心痛、約會、一夜情，是這麼的令人心碎

You want shot of it all. You marry to stop having to think about love all the time.

你想要它們都不見。你結婚了，希望自己能不要朝朝暮暮想著什麼是愛

All of which is why you'll marry the wrong person - or perhaps have done so already.

以上八點，都是為何你會與錯的人結婚的原因-或早已與錯的人結了婚

But it's not really your fault. No one ever teaches us how to do this thing,

但這不是你的錯。沒有人教過我們怎麼去做這些事

and so of course we crash.

所以我們理所當然會失敗

We will, as a species, eventually learn. The careless madness can't go on.

我們身為一個物種，終將會學習。這冷漠的愚蠢終將消失

Too many people get hurt.

太多人在這條路上受傷了

In a few centuries at least, we'll be getting the hang of it - for sure.

至少在未來的幾世紀中，我們會逐漸掌握訣竅的-我保證