- Are you sure this is gonna work?

-你確定這樣會成功嗎？

- Trust me.

-安啦

Whip cream plus spray cheese

在起司上面塗上奶油

equals cream cheese.

不就變成奶油起司了嗎？

- All right.

-那好吧

[loud bang]

(大聲碰撞聲)

- Mads, are you okay?

-麥姿，妳怎麼了？

- I failed.

-我失敗了

- To look in the mirror? - [chuckles]

-透視鏡子沒成功？ - (笑)

- My nursing school application.

-護校的申請入學書

I can't ever be a nurse.

我永遠都當不了護士了

- But you studied for like a year.

-可是妳已經努力唸了1年了

How's that possible?

這怎麼可能啊？

- I flunked the personality test.

-我性向測驗沒過...

both: Ohh.

雙方異口同聲: 哦~

- Give me that! - Hey.

-給我那個！ -嘿

- I haven't had sugar in 10 years and you know what?

-我已經10幾年都沒吃糖了，你們猜怎麼樣？

I'm done trying to be good.

我再也受不了沒糖吃的日子了

- Wow.

-哇

- [sighs] - Well?

- (嘆氣) -覺得好點了嗎？

- Mama's got a sweet tooth.

-讚到快要飛上天了

- Aah! - Show me your stash.

-啊！ -快告訴我你藏甜食的地方

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

- (女聲) 你錯了，你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

到底為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

- And...

-欸...

got ya. [laughs]

找到你啦 (笑)

I'll see you next week.

下周再見啦~

Oh! - So, my mom was reading me

嚇死人喔！ -按照慣例，我老媽禮拜2在漫畫店

the comics-- normal Tuesday tradish,

的時候，讀了一段新聞給我聽

and look who's beady eyes were staring at me

現在看看是哪雙犯罪過的眼睛

from the crime section.

正盯著我看啊？

[dramatic tones] - [groans]

(戲劇性音樂) -(嘆氣)

- Pete Petronavitch, 18-year-old male was arrested

-一名18歲的少年，名為皮特羅維奇遭逮捕

for feeding ducks in Maple Park after hours.

因為在工作時間偷偷去公園餵鴨子

This is the third strike for Mr. Petronavitch.

這竟然是他第3次罷工呢！

- It's not my fault. Those ducklings imprinted on me.

-那不是我的錯，是那些鴨子一直糾纏我不放啊

Please don't tell anyone.

求求你別跟其他人說

I don't want to be treated like criminal Pete.

我可不想被冠上「犯人皮特」的稱號

It's hard enough being treated like Pete Pete.

原本的我要受到好的對待已經夠難了

- Lucky for you I spent some time in the slammer.

-你很幸運，剛好我也有在監獄度過一些日子

- Uh, you said it was for like an hour.

-呃，你說是在裡面待1小時耶

- Yeah, which is an hour longer than you,

-對啊，比你還久1小時

so obviously, that makes me the expert.

所以很明顯地，我就是個犯罪專家啊

So allow me to be your tour guide

所以呢，就讓我來擔任你參透

to the dark side.

「暗處」的導遊吧

[clangs twice]

(2次敲擊聲)

- Oh, a secret door?

-喔，神秘之門？

Wow, Ian, this is so--

哇，伊恩，這實在是太...

[jazz music] Oh, my God.

(爵士音樂) 喔，我的上帝啊

Welcome to Club DuLocker.

歡迎來到「杜置物櫃俱樂部」

It's a working title.

這其實只是暫定名稱啦

- Mads, consider us your sugar sherpas.

-麥姿，請你把我們想像成是帶給你糖吃的夏爾巴人 (譯註: sherpas是一支散居在尼泊爾、中國、印度和不丹等國邊境喜瑪拉雅山脈兩側的民族，書寫時使用藏文)

- The shamans of the sweet.

-想像我們是甜點巫師

- As the Spaniards say, azúcares espirituales.

-就如同西班牙人在說的，(西班牙文)「糖就是你的活力來源」

- Basically, we're gonna guide you through your first

-接下來我們要帶妳體驗十幾年來吃糖

sugar high in a decade. - Sweet.

吃最多的一次 -讚啦

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. No.

-哇哇哇，別那麼心急嘛

You got to start right, little sister.

-下手的時機可要抓好呢，小妹妹

- Too fast, you'll have a bad trip.

-對啊，欲速則不達，心急吃不了熱粥

Too slow, you'll never leave the airport.

但是太慢，妳可是會一失足成千古恨呢

- Yeah, you got to start with something raw

-對啊，妳必須先從最簡單

and pure.

最單純的開始

- Hold your nose and let the sugar drip down your throat.

-摀住妳的鼻子，讓糖直接倒入妳的喉嚨

Don't force it. - [gags]

可別太勉強 -(作嘔)

- Now slam these gummy sours.

-現在再嘗嘗這些酸的軟糖

- Now chew. Chew! Chew! Chew! Chew!

-現在猛力嚼、嚼、嚼、嚼！

- Knock this back...

-打開這一瓶...

and get ready for the ride of your life.

準備好享受妳的人生吧

- [gulping]

-(狼吞虎嚥)

Oh, yeah!

喔，耶！

- Remember that rush? First one's always the best.

-還記得那句話嗎？第一次都是最棒的

- How could I forget it?

-我怎麼可能忘記？

- I want to do something super crazy!

-我想幹一些瘋狂的事！

Let's go wild! - Yes!

我們去撒野吧！ -這樣才對嘛！

- We're with ya! - Let's...

-我們與妳同在！ -那我們來...

put sugar in the salt shaker.

把糖倒進鹽罐裡面

- Eh, think crazier. - Salt in the sugar jar?

-呃，再瘋狂點 -那把鹽倒進糖罐？

- Not there yet. - Here, you need to take a bump.

-還不夠瘋狂 -來，妳應該再多吃點糖

- I got it, let's go next door and run through the carwash.

-我想到了，我們到隔壁，去洗車場跑跳碰

- Yeah. - Naked!

-太帥了 -脫光吧！

[laughs]

(笑)

- Uh, I'm not gonna be doing that.

-呃，如果我是她，我絕不會像她那樣

- Zero chance. - Yeah.

-我也不會 -對啊

- Here we are, Pete, bartender's bound to be

-就是這裡，皮特，待會酒保可以

around here somewhere.

帶你四處晃晃

- Shirley Temple...

莎利譚寶... (譯註: Shirley Temple是一種沒有酒精的雞尾酒，以美國童星Shirley Temple命名，它的主要成份為石榴糖漿)

extra Shirley.

那是你的雞尾酒

- I feel like James Bond.

-我覺得自己好像詹姆士·龐德 (譯註: James Bond是一套小說和系列電影的主角名稱，有著007的特務代稱)

- James Bond is a mama's boy.

詹姆士·龐德是個媽寶

He went to club DuLocker.

他有來過「杜置物櫃俱樂部」

We're hardcore.

我們倆都滿勇猛的 (譯註: hardcore一般用來形容人事物的激進、強烈、猛烈程度)

- Drink up.

-把它喝完吧

- [coughs]

- (咳)

[games beeping, whirring]

(電玩遊戲聲)

- The carwash was awesome, you guys.

-剛去洗車場玩了一圈真的是太爽了，兩位

The brushes left some lacerations,

刷子在我身上留下一些撕裂傷

but no pain, no gain.

但不經一番寒澈骨，焉得梅花撲鼻香啊

Am I right?

我說的是吧？

Where is it?

在哪裡？

- Where is what?

-什麼在哪裡？

- The sugar. I need more...

-糖啊，我要更多糖...

now. - There isn't anymore.

現在 -已經吃完了

- What? - [whimpers]

-瞎說什麼？ -(嗚咽)

- Come on, man. I just need a little more.

-拜託，大哥，我只是想要再多吃點糖

Just a teensy bit. - [grunting]

就算只有一點點也好 -(叫喊)

- I'll do anything.

-我願意做任何事

- Mads, I'm sorry, we ate it all.

-麥姿，抱歉，但真的都吃完了

- [screams] No!

- (尖叫) 不！

There's got to be more. There's got to be more.

肯定還有糖的，這裡肯定還有糖可以吃的

There's got to be-- - Mads...

一定還會有的... -麥姿...

I think you've had enough. - [evil laugh]

我想你夠囉 -(惡魔笑聲)

- Come on. - [evil laughter]

-來啦 -(惡魔笑聲)

- Garbage cake.

-我要吃垃圾桶裡的蛋糕啊

- And the downward spiral begins.

-啟動螺旋槳降落模式

- [screams]

- (慘叫)

- [giggles] Fits like a glove.

- (笑) 就如手套一樣合身

- You think he's ready to hear the master plan?

-你確定他準備好要聽終極計畫了嗎？

- Ooh, I don't know if he's ready.

-嗚，這偶也不豬道捏...

- I'm ready.

-我準備妥當了

Come on, Ian, you said I was a criminal now.

拜託，伊恩，你說我現在是犯人啊

- Okay, we're gonna rob a bank.

-那好吧，我們現在要去搶銀行

- What? - Ha-ha! Just kidding, man.

-三小朋友啊？ -哈哈！跟你開個小玩笑啦

- Holy crap. - Yeah, we actually tried that,

-嚇死我的毛了 -對啊，但我們還真有試著做過

but it was super hard. - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

難度超高的搶案 -嘿啊嘿啊

So, uh, instead, we're gonna rob Pork. E. Pines.

所以，其實呢，我們是要去搶「神埼寶杯」餐廳

- What?

-什麼鬼？

Guys, I am not comfortable with this!

兩位，我對這樣的行為可是很不認同

I mean, what would Anton think?

我的意思是說，安東尼他會怎麼想？

Or Lori? - That's the beauty of it,

還有羅莉呢？ -這才是整件事情的重點啊

they won't even notice.

他們壓根都不會注意到

- We're gonna rig all the videogames,

-我們會在暗中操控所有電動遊戲機

so that every third quarter,

所以裡面的錢

comes directly to us.

就會是我們的了

- And how are you gonna do this?

-那你們要怎麼進行？

- We're not. - You are.

-我們啥都不用做 -因為是你去做

First, you're gonna go down the street

首先，你得穿越這條街

and break into the construction site

然後闖進工地

and steal a jackhammer.

把電鑽拿走

- Next, you'll drill a tunnel into the basement.

-接著，你要鑽地洞到地下室

- Then, you'll knock down 10 holes in the support walls.

-然後再把梁柱鑽出10個洞出來

- Without Lori noticing. - And install a series

-但要注意羅莉，不能讓她看到 -接著你得安裝

of tubes that connect to the quarter collectors of every game

可以連接到每一臺遊戲機的管線

and empty those quarters... - Into our bucket.

最後再把你偷出來的錢... -放到這個水桶裡

- Okay... - Also, you'll need to install

-好喔... -還有，你還要偷偷裝上

some kind of software

一些軟體

that'll reroute every third quarter into our bucket

得以讓硬幣回流到我們的桶子裡

so we aren't suspected.

如此一來我們就能不被嫌疑

We know you're good with computers,

我們知道你電腦很強

because you wear glasses. - No!

因為你是四眼田雞 -不是啦！

I just have astigmatism.

我只是有點散光

- We'll worry about that later.

-待會再回來討論你的散光

First, and most importantly,

但最重要的一件事呢

you need to break into Lori's office

就是你得潛入羅莉的辦公室

and steal the alarm codes.

然後破解出電腦密碼

- Because you'll be doing all the construction...

因為你要做的這件事情

both: At night.

雙方異口同聲: 將在晚上進行

- And what are your guy's jobs?

-那你們兩個負責什麼？

- Oh, we already did our job.

-喔，我們早就作完啦

- We got the bucket. - The rest is up to you.

-我們拿到水桶了 -剩下的交給你了

- But-- - Pete!

-可...可是... -皮特！

You're not gonna be a success in the real world

你有犯罪前科，就注定你以後出社會

with a criminal record,

是不會有出息的好嗎？

but you still have a chance with us.

但你跟我們混在一塊，是會有東山再起的機會啊

- [groans] Okay, I guess,

- (嘆氣) 好啦，我做

but I'm that good with a jackhammer,

但我不是很會用電鑽

but maybe I can get the codes from Lori's office?

我可不可以只潛入羅莉的辦公室就好？

- If you can't use a jackhammer,

-如果你不會用電鑽

you can always dig the tunnel with this spoon.

你可以用這把小湯匙慢慢挖

- [panting]

- (喘氣)

[spy music]

(間諜音樂)

Damn. Uh...

該死，呃...

Oh!

喔！

S-E-X-B-O-O-K.

性..愛..小..說..

Damn! [sighs]

他媽的！ (嘆氣)

[chuckles]

(笑)

"Alarm code: 1111"

「電腦密碼：1111」

[cell phone rings]

(電話鈴聲)

Mom, I told you not to call me when I'm at work.

媽，我不是跟妳講過不要在我工作的時候打來嗎？

They dropped the charges?

他們對我停止控訴了？！

I'm no longer a criminal?

所以我沒有犯罪囉？

[laughs]

(笑)

- What are you doing in my office?

-你在我的辦公室搞什麼鬼？

- Uh, masturbating. - Mm-hmm.

-呃，打手槍 -最好是

Give me the passcode.

把我的電腦密碼還來

Now say "Hi," to Ian and Ella for me.

代我向伊恩和艾拉問好啦

(Will Work 4 Sugar) - Hey, you got some candy?

(願意為糖做牛做馬) -嘿，你有糖嗎？

Any sugar? Chocolate bar?

有糖果嗎，巧克力呢？

- Sorry. - Get a life!

-不好意思 -清醒點吧！

- [sighs]

-(嘆氣)

- Mads?

-麥姿？

Are you okay?

妳還好嗎？

- Uh, I had kind of a rough day.

-呃，我今天過得不太順遂

- Yeah, me, too.

-哦，我也是呢

I did this like weird dance

我剛剛才從「暗處」

on the dark side for a while,

繞了一圈回來

but, uh, you know, if you really believe in yourself,

可是妳知道嗎，只要妳相信妳自己

you can come back from anything.

失去的東西總會贏回來的

- Wow, Pete, you're so wise.

-哇，皮特，看不出你還挺有智慧的

- I know, right? I read it on a Snapple cap.

-可不是嗎，哈哈，這可是我在史內波汽水瓶蓋上讀到的話 (譯註: Snapple為美國胡椒博士集團旗下推出的汽水飲料之一)

[both chuckle]

(雙方都笑了)

Anyway, bye, Mads.

好啦，那我先走啦

- Bye, Pete.

-再見，皮特

- She's relapsing! - Distract her.

-她又要發瘋了！ -快點分散她注意力

I'll grab the cake. - No need, you guys.

我來把蛋糕搶走 -不需要，兩位

I'm done with that. 10 days clean.

我10天前就已經恢復正常了

- That's great.

-太好了

- Hey, I'm really sorry about nursing school,

-嘿，我真的對妳沒能申請上護校一事感到十分遺憾

I know how much that meant to you.

我知道那對妳意義很重大

- Forget it. I'm over it now.

-沒關係啦，反正都過去了

I found a new calling. - Heroin?

-我現在找到副業啦 -運送海洛因？

- No, I'm going to dentistry school.

-最好是，我要去讀牙醫系了

[upbeat music]

(輕快音樂)

- [sighs] Do you have any 4s?

- (嘆氣) 4張Ace是不是都在你那？

- Uh, go fish.

-呃，不告訴妳 (譯註: go fish除了表示「釣魚」，尚有另一個意思為美國俚語，指的是拒絕人家的請求或是說詞)

- Are you sure he's coming back?

-你確定他真的會回來這裡嗎？

- Yeah, he hasn't been gone too long.

-會吧，他不是才去沒多久而已嗎？

- It's been 10 days! - [groans]

-他都去了10天了耶！ -(嘆氣)

All right, fine, let's start digging.

好啦好啦，我們自己動手挖吧

- Okay.

-好喔

And we only have one spoon.

我們只剩1根湯匙

and I got the bucket, so...

而且我已經去拿水桶了，所以...

[upbeat music]

(輕快音樂)