and here's your receipt.

然後這是收據

- And here's my coupon.

-我要用這張優惠券付錢

- Coupon?

-優惠券？

Haven't seen this before.

為什麼我之前都沒看過？

- When I first saw it I said,

-我第一次看到它的時候，我驚呼

"$10 off every $7 pizza?"

「每塊7美元的披薩都可以便宜10美元？」

That means you owe me $3 per pizza.

那就表示妳每塊披薩都得付3美元給我

[sighs] Such a deal.

(嘆)還挺不賴的，是吧

- That can't be right.

-我想你是說錯了

That means we owe you over $100.

那意思是說我們得付還給你多達100美元

- That's what I said! Such a deal.

-對啦，我的意思就是那樣，真的很划算，對吧？

- Sir, as terrible as our food may be,

-先生，縱使我們的食物再怎麼難吃

we do not pay people to eat it.

我們也絕不會付錢給客人來吃我們的東西

- Well, according to this coupon, you do,

-嗄？可是根據這張優惠券，上面是這樣寫的啊

and I want my money.

我現在就要拿到我的錢

- What seems to be the problem, sir?

-請問發生了什麼問題嗎，先生？

- This man is clearly a fraud.

-這個人明顯根本就是來亂的

He tried to pay with that.

他試著要用那個來付款

- Oh, good, my coupon! It's working!

-喔，太好了，我作的優惠券耶，真的有人在使用了！

Mads, please take care of this gentleman.

麥姿，請妳好好禮待這位男士

Here at Pork E. Pine's, the customer's always right.

在「神埼寶杯」餐廳裡，客人永遠是對的

- Thanks, man.

-謝啦，老兄

Hey, we're running a special next door:

嘿，我們隔壁在辦一個活動:

free pizza with car wash.

免費披薩又能免費洗車

You should stop by.

你待會該去路過看看的

- Oh, that's so nice.

-喔，聽起來真不錯呢

Thank you.

謝謝你

- Thank you.

-謝謝您的蒞臨

- Unbelievable.

-真是不敢置信

- I know, right?

-我知道

We're gonna make a fortune.

我們就要發大財了

And make sure to tell all your friends!

回去記得厝邊招隔壁，樓頂招樓下嘿！

- Now they're gonna tell all their friends!

-現在那些客人都通通跑去跟他們親朋好友講了！

- Exactly!

-沒有錯啊！

- Your coupon's gonna tank the business.

-你的優惠券會毀了我們的生意

- I'm getting real tired of you always saying

-我也真是受夠妳滿口自以為是的生意經

I'm gonna tank the business.

我就是執意要這麼做

If anything's bringing this business down,

如果到最後真的被迫關門大吉

it's your poor attitude.

那也是因為妳那討人厭的態度，好嗎？

- How did you even come up with these figures anyway?

-你腦袋瓜到底為什麼會想出這種鳥點子？

- I crunched some numbers, but then my mind got confused

-那時候我就在咀嚼一些數字，但腦袋卻突然打結了

so then I did some crunches on my abacus

所以我就開始在算盤上推推算算

and came up with some new numbers.

最後得到一組新數字

I call it six pack math.

我叫它：「六塊積」

- Wow. - Yeah, I know.

-哇 -耶，我懂

It's not easy being a visionary.

當一個夢想家是不太容易的

Now I know how Steve Jobs must've felt.

現在我總算能夠體會史提夫·賈伯斯心裡的感受了 (譯註: Steve Jobs是一位美國企業家、行銷家和發明家，蘋果公司的聯合創始人之一亦為皮克斯動畫創辦人，已於2011年逝世)

[sighs]

(嘆)

- Look, we've lost a fortune this week.

-聽好，我們這禮拜損失慘重

I need you to consult an accredited financial planner

我要你和一位合格的理財顧問進行商討

to fix this before Pork E.'s becomes destitute.

好在餐廳破產以前彌補這次損失

- Destitute?

-窮困潦倒？

Pork. E.'s would never sell sex for money.

我們餐廳絕不會為了錢來提供性服務

Wait, should we?

等等，我們不該嗎...

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] Not you, though

- (女聲) 你錯了

You're stuck here

你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer, yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on, that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

到底為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

- Of course I'm accredited.

-我當然是合格認可過的啊

Look at all my a-credit cards.

你看看我所有的信用卡都信用良好

- I knew you were the man for the job.

-我就知道你很適合來做這份工作

- As your financial planner, I'll get you all your money back

-身為你的理財顧問，我要把你所有的錢都拿過來

plus my standard business fee of 25%.

再加上我25%的業務手續費

- Half? [inhales sharply]

-一半的錢？(大力吸氣)

I don't know, man. That seems kind of steep.

我不知道耶，老兄，這聽起來好像有點不太合理

- Yeah, it's only that high

-哈哈，因為我知道你數學超爛

because I know how bad you are at math.

所以我才敢把收費標準調這麼高

Do you remember how you spent your sweet 16 birthday cash?

你還記得16歲生日的時候你怎麼花掉你的錢嗎？

- Yeah, I still believe in dry-hump jeans.

-耶，我到現在都還記得那件摩擦來摩擦去的牛仔褲

- Yeah, which is why I'll be doing all the heavy lifting.

-對啊，那就是為什麼我一直要抬重物的原因

So you in?

那就這樣說定囉？

- Congratulations, financial planner.

-恭喜你成為我的理財顧問

So how are we gonna get our money back?

那我什麼時候可以把錢拿回來？

- Oh, crowdfunding.

-喔，網路募款

You just make an awesomely sappy video

你只需要作一部很炫很讚的影片

and put it up on GiveYourMoneyToMe.com,

然後放到「給我你的錢」網站上面

and then people just give you free cash

然後大家就會無條件給你錢

in exchange for dumb thank-you prizes.

你再給他們愚蠢的感謝狀作為回報

- Okay, but how are we supposed to make a video?

-好喔，那我們該怎麼拍影片？

- Oh, don't worry.

-喔，別擔心

I know a guy.

我知道有一個人可以幫我們

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- Quiet on the set.

-現場安靜點

Anton, you're playing the role of Sarah McLachlan.

安東尼，你負責扮演莎拉·麥克勞克蘭 (譯註: Sarah McLachlan為加拿大創作歌手、音樂家，以其獨特動情的次女高音歌聲而著名)

Ian, you're playing the role of sad puppy

伊恩，你扮演一隻即將要被

about to be euthanized.

安樂死的悲情小狗狗

- Got it.

-了解

- Uh, who is Sarah McLachlan?

-呃，請問一下莎拉·麥克勞克蘭是哪位？

- Dude, she's the original crowdsourcer-er.

-老兄，她可是群眾外包人士的創始人 (譯註: crowdsource指的是用網路串連一大群人，獲取他們的知識、專長、時間或資源的過程)

You know, she's the one that talks really dramatically

你要知道，她可是一個講話很戲劇性

and looks really sad and gets everybody's money.

哭起來又十分到位的人，所以總能拿到大家的捐款

- Oh.

-喔

- Yeah.

-對啊

- Slate, please.

-打板器拿來給我

Copy. - All right.

稿子準備好 -沒問題

- Heartfelt crowdsourcing video take one.

-真心誠意群眾外包影片，第一拍

- All right.

-好，來

- [clears throat]

-(清喉嚨聲)

[sighs]

(嘆氣)

Every hour, a human is beaten

每1個小時，就有1個人類被

by math.

數學擊垮

I know because it happened to me.

我會這麼清楚，是因為我身歷其境過

And now this little fella is also a victim of mathematics.

而現在身旁這可憐的小傢伙也是受害者之一

Soon, he'll be jobless

很快地，牠就會失業

and forced to live out on the streets.

被迫流浪街頭

- [woman singing] Na na

- (女聲) 吶~吶~

- But we could stop math before it's too late.

-但我們可以在一切都來不及以前，消弭數學

For just $1 a day,

1天只需要1美金

that's $150 a year--

1年相當於150美金

- [woman singing] Na na

- (女聲) 吶~吶~

- 365?

-1年竟然有365天？

[acoustic guitar strumming]

(吉他彈奏聲)

Oh, God, it's happening again.

喔，上帝啊，悲劇又發生了

- [woman singing] Na na

- (女聲) 吶~吶~

- Please donate.

-發揮愛心，捐款吧

- [woman singing] Na na

- (女聲) 吶~吶~

- [whimpering]

- (嗚咽)

[sobbing]

(啜泣)

[both sobbing]

(雙方都啜泣)

[sobbing] Please donate.

(啜泣) 拜託來捐錢吧

[sobbing] Please donate!

(啜泣) 捐錢給我們！

- Well, if we're gonna be the worst,

-呃...如果我們被獲選為最糟的影片的話

we might as well be the best at being the worst.

那我們也可能是最爛影片裡最好的那個啊

We did it!

我們成功了！

- I can't believe we made the front page of HuffPo

-我真是不敢相信我們竟然被哈芬登郵報登在頭版 (譯註: 哈芬登郵報是一個美國主要的新聞網站、聚合部落格，創立於2005年)

for sucking.

說我們很爛

- Yeah, but we're on the front page.

-是沒錯啦，但我們登上頭版了啊

There's no such thing as bad press.

就算是負面新聞，那也是一種宣傳啊

- You're right.

-你是對的

All that matters is that people are donating,

重要的是人們捐錢給我們

and we got the hits.

我們有受到關注，這樣就夠了

- Mm-hmm. - Hits.

-是不是？ -受到關注

[both chanting] Hits, hits, hits, hits, hits!

(一起叫喊) 關注、關注、備受關注！

- Wait. When are we gonna get our money?

等一下，那我們什麼時候才可以拿到錢啊？

- Well, once we fulfill the donation orders,

-這個嘛，就等捐款落成搞定囉

then it's bada-bing, bada-boom, cha-ching, cha-ching.

然後再來就是巴搭兵、巴搭碰、恰清恰清

[rapping] Cash register noise

(說唱) 收銀機的聲音

Your financial woes are over

金融危機已過去

Forget about it

忘得痛快、忘得徹底

You talkin' to me?

你認同我嗎？

- Okay, so how do we fulfill all these orders?

-好喔，那我們要怎麼實現這些訂單呢？

- Well, we promised our donors jewel-encrusted t-shirts,

-這個嘛，我們承諾會給鑲著寶石的短袖汗衫

so do you still have those misprinted tees?

你之前那些印錯的衣服還在嗎？

- Yeah, but I was gonna use them up in the air ducts

-是還在，可是我打算把它們放在排氣孔

to cover up all the asbestos.

好遮擋所有的石棉

- Don't. Don't. Don't bother with that.

-千萬不要，不需要這麼麻煩

No.

不必

We'll just throw some jewels on those,

我們就只需要丟一些寶石在上面

ship them out, and get paid.

然後運送出去、收捐款費用

Problem solved. - How many do we have to make?

問題就解決啦 -那我們要有多少錢才能這樣做？

- Just, like, a pinch over...

-掐指一算，最少也要...