and here's your receipt.

然後這是收據

- And here's my coupon.

-我要用這張優惠券付錢

- Coupon?

-優惠券？

Haven't seen this before.

為什麼我之前都沒看過？

- When I first saw it I said,

-我第一次看到它的時候，我驚呼

"$10 off every $7 pizza?"

「每塊7美元的披薩都可以便宜10美元？」

That means you owe me $3 per pizza.

那就表示妳每塊披薩都得付3美元給我

[sighs] Such a deal.

(嘆)還挺不賴的，是吧

- That can't be right.

-我想你是說錯了

That means we owe you over $100.

那意思是說我們得付還給你多達100美元

- That's what I said! Such a deal.

-對啦，我的意思就是那樣，真的很划算，對吧？

- Sir, as terrible as our food may be,

-先生，縱使我們的食物再怎麼難吃

we do not pay people to eat it.

我們也絕不會付錢給客人來吃我們的東西

- Well, according to this coupon, you do,

-嗄？可是根據這張優惠券，上面是這樣寫的啊

and I want my money.

我現在就要拿到我的錢

- What seems to be the problem, sir?

-請問發生了什麼問題嗎，先生？

- This man is clearly a fraud.

-這個人明顯根本就是來亂的

He tried to pay with that.

他試著要用那個來付款

- Oh, good, my coupon! It's working!

-喔，太好了，我作的優惠券耶，真的有人在使用了！

Mads, please take care of this gentleman.

麥姿，請妳好好禮待這位男士

Here at Pork E. Pine's, the customer's always right.

在「神埼寶杯」餐廳裡，客人永遠是對的

- Thanks, man.

-謝啦，老兄

Hey, we're running a special next door:

嘿，我們隔壁在辦一個活動:

free pizza with car wash.

免費披薩又能免費洗車

You should stop by.

你待會該去路過看看的

- Oh, that's so nice.

-喔，聽起來真不錯呢

Thank you.

謝謝你

- Thank you.

-謝謝您的蒞臨

- Unbelievable.

-真是不敢置信

- I know, right?

-我知道

We're gonna make a fortune.

我們就要發大財了

And make sure to tell all your friends!

回去記得厝邊招隔壁，樓頂招樓下嘿！

- Now they're gonna tell all their friends!

-現在那些客人都通通跑去跟他們親朋好友講了！

- Exactly!

-沒有錯啊！

- Your coupon's gonna tank the business.

-你的優惠券會毀了我們的生意

- I'm getting real tired of you always saying

-我也真是受夠妳滿口自以為是的生意經

I'm gonna tank the business.

我就是執意要這麼做

If anything's bringing this business down,

如果到最後真的被迫關門大吉

it's your poor attitude.

那也是因為妳那討人厭的態度，好嗎？

- How did you even come up with these figures anyway?

-你腦袋瓜到底為什麼會想出這種鳥點子？

- I crunched some numbers, but then my mind got confused

-那時候我就在咀嚼一些數字，但腦袋卻突然打結了

so then I did some crunches on my abacus

所以我就開始在算盤上推推算算

and came up with some new numbers.

最後得到一組新數字

I call it six pack math.

我叫它：「六塊積」

- Wow. - Yeah, I know.

-哇 -耶，我懂

It's not easy being a visionary.

當一個夢想家是不太容易的

Now I know how Steve Jobs must've felt.

現在我總算能夠體會史提夫·賈伯斯心裡的感受了 (譯註: Steve Jobs是一位美國企業家、行銷家和發明家，蘋果公司的聯合創始人之一亦為皮克斯動畫創辦人，已於2011年逝世)

[sighs]

(嘆)

- Look, we've lost a fortune this week.

-聽好，我們這禮拜損失慘重

I need you to consult an accredited financial planner

我要你和一位合格的理財顧問進行商討

to fix this before Pork E.'s becomes destitute.

好在餐廳破產以前彌補這次損失

- Destitute?

-窮困潦倒？

Pork. E.'s would never sell sex for money.

我們餐廳絕不會為了錢來提供性服務

Wait, should we?

等等，我們不該嗎...

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] Not you, though

- (女聲) 你錯了

You're stuck here

你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer, yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on, that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

到底為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

- Of course I'm accredited.

-我當然是合格認可過的啊

Look at all my a-credit cards.

你看看我所有的信用卡都信用良好

- I knew you were the man for the job.

-我就知道你很適合來做這份工作

- As your financial planner, I'll get you all your money back

-身為你的理財顧問，我要把你所有的錢都拿過來

plus my standard business fee of 25%.

再加上我25%的業務手續費

- Half? [inhales sharply]

-一半的錢？(大力吸氣)

I don't know, man. That seems kind of steep.

我不知道耶，老兄，這聽起來好像有點不太合理

- Yeah, it's only that high

-哈哈，因為我知道你數學超爛

because I know how bad you are at math.

所以我才敢把收費標準調這麼高

Do you remember how you spent your sweet 16 birthday cash?

你還記得16歲生日的時候你怎麼花掉你的錢嗎？

- Yeah, I still believe in dry-hump jeans.

-耶，我到現在都還記得那件摩擦來摩擦去的牛仔褲

- Yeah, which is why I'll be doing all the heavy lifting.

-對啊，那就是為什麼我一直要抬重物的原因

So you in?

那就這樣說定囉？

- Congratulations, financial planner.

-恭喜你成為我的理財顧問

So how are we gonna get our money back?

那我什麼時候可以把錢拿回來？

- Oh, crowdfunding.

-喔，網路募款

You just make an awesomely sappy video

你只需要作一部很炫很讚的影片

and put it up on GiveYourMoneyToMe.com,

然後放到「給我你的錢」網站上面

and then people just give you free cash

然後大家就會無條件給你錢

in exchange for dumb thank-you prizes.

你再給他們愚蠢的感謝狀作為回報

- Okay, but how are we supposed to make a video?

-好喔，那我們該怎麼拍影片？

- Oh, don't worry.

-喔，別擔心

I know a guy.

我知道有一個人可以幫我們

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- Quiet on the set.

-現場安靜點

Anton, you're playing the role of Sarah McLachlan.

安東尼，你負責扮演莎拉·麥克勞克蘭 (譯註: Sarah McLachlan為加拿大創作歌手、音樂家，以其獨特動情的次女高音歌聲而著名)

Ian, you're playing the role of sad puppy

伊恩，你扮演一隻即將要被

about to be euthanized.

安樂死的悲情小狗狗

- Got it.

-了解

- Uh, who is Sarah McLachlan?

-呃，請問一下莎拉·麥克勞克蘭是哪位？

- Dude, she's the original crowdsourcer-er.

-老兄，她可是群眾外包人士的創始人 (譯註: crowdsource指的是用網路串連一大群人，獲取他們的知識、專長、時間或資源的過程)

You know, she's the one that talks really dramatically

你要知道，她可是一個講話很戲劇性

and looks really sad and gets everybody's money.

哭起來又十分到位的人，所以總能拿到大家的捐款

- Oh.

-喔

- Yeah.

-對啊

- Slate, please.

-打板器拿來給我

Copy. - All right.

稿子準備好 -沒問題

- Heartfelt crowdsourcing video take one.

-真心誠意群眾外包影片，第一拍

- All right.

-好，來

- [clears throat]

-(清喉嚨聲)

[sighs]

(嘆氣)

Every hour, a human is beaten

每1個小時，就有1個人類被

by math.

數學擊垮

I know because it happened to me.

我會這麼清楚，是因為我身歷其境過

And now this little fella is also a victim of mathematics.

而現在身旁這可憐的小傢伙也是受害者之一

Soon, he'll be jobless

很快地，牠就會失業

and forced to live out on the streets.

被迫流浪街頭

- [woman singing] Na na

- (女聲) 吶~吶~

- But we could stop math before it's too late.

-但我們可以在一切都來不及以前，消弭數學

For just $1 a day,

1天只需要1美金

that's $150 a year--

1年相當於150美金

- [woman singing] Na na

- (女聲) 吶~吶~

- 365?

-1年竟然有365天？

[acoustic guitar strumming]

(吉他彈奏聲)

Oh, God, it's happening again.

喔，上帝啊，悲劇又發生了

- [woman singing] Na na

- (女聲) 吶~吶~

- Please donate.

-發揮愛心，捐款吧

- [woman singing] Na na

- (女聲) 吶~吶~

- [whimpering]

- (嗚咽)

[sobbing]

(啜泣)

[both sobbing]

(雙方都啜泣)

[sobbing] Please donate.

(啜泣) 拜託來捐錢吧

[sobbing] Please donate!

(啜泣) 捐錢給我們！

- Well, if we're gonna be the worst,

-呃...如果我們被獲選為最糟的影片的話

we might as well be the best at being the worst.

那我們也可能是最爛影片裡最好的那個啊

We did it!

我們成功了！

- I can't believe we made the front page of HuffPo

-我真是不敢相信我們竟然被哈芬登郵報登在頭版 (譯註: 哈芬登郵報是一個美國主要的新聞網站、聚合部落格，創立於2005年)

for sucking.

說我們很爛

- Yeah, but we're on the front page.

-是沒錯啦，但我們登上頭版了啊

There's no such thing as bad press.

就算是負面新聞，那也是一種宣傳啊

- You're right.

-你是對的

All that matters is that people are donating,

重要的是人們捐錢給我們

and we got the hits.

我們有受到關注，這樣就夠了

- Mm-hmm. - Hits.

-是不是？ -受到關注

[both chanting] Hits, hits, hits, hits, hits!

(一起叫喊) 關注、關注、備受關注！

- Wait. When are we gonna get our money?

等一下，那我們什麼時候才可以拿到錢啊？

- Well, once we fulfill the donation orders,

-這個嘛，就等捐款落成搞定囉

then it's bada-bing, bada-boom, cha-ching, cha-ching.

然後再來就是巴搭兵、巴搭碰、恰清恰清

[rapping] Cash register noise

(說唱) 收銀機的聲音

Your financial woes are over

金融危機已過去

Forget about it

忘得痛快、忘得徹底

You talkin' to me?

你認同我嗎？

- Okay, so how do we fulfill all these orders?

-好喔，那我們要怎麼實現這些訂單呢？

- Well, we promised our donors jewel-encrusted t-shirts,

-這個嘛，我們承諾會給鑲著寶石的短袖汗衫

so do you still have those misprinted tees?

你之前那些印錯的衣服還在嗎？

- Yeah, but I was gonna use them up in the air ducts

-是還在，可是我打算把它們放在排氣孔

to cover up all the asbestos.

好遮擋所有的石棉

- Don't. Don't. Don't bother with that.

-千萬不要，不需要這麼麻煩

No.

不必

We'll just throw some jewels on those,

我們就只需要丟一些寶石在上面

ship them out, and get paid.

然後運送出去、收捐款費用

Problem solved. - How many do we have to make?

問題就解決啦 -那我們要有多少錢才能這樣做？

- Just, like, a pinch over...

-掐指一算，最少也要...

2,000.

2000美元吧 (譯註: 2000美元約等於6萬元新臺幣)

- What?

-搞屁啊？

That's gonna cost a fortune!

那要花掉老子一大筆錢耶！

- Relax, dude.

-放輕鬆，老兄

I know a great t-shirt guy.

我認識一個很會做短衫的傢伙

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- You know, this design and I

-你們知道嗎，這件衣服的設計

really clicked.

跟我還真的是一拍即合

It only took me seven hours.

這只花我7個小時的時間製作

Just 2,000 more to go. - No!

只要給我2000美金就幫你搞定啦 -太扯了！

Dinger, you're gonna have to work way, way faster on these.

丁格，你必須要加緊腳步把所有衣服都做出來耶

- Said the pope to Michelangelo.

-你怎麼不乾脆叫米開朗基羅來幫忙？ (譯註: Michelangelo是文藝復興時期傑出的雕塑家、建築師、畫家和詩人，與達文西和拉斐爾並稱「文藝復興藝術三傑」)

- Dude, just get it done.

-反正你趕快完成就對了

- Okay!

-好啦！

But this one's mine.

但這一件我要定了

[upbeat jazzy music]

(愉悅的爵士音樂)

[horn blares] - Wake up!

(號角聲) -起床了啦，還在睡！

- [screams]

- (尖叫)

I quit!

我不幹了！

These working conditions are starting to seem illegal.

這樣的工作環境已經顯得不合法了

- No, no, no.

-那可不行

If you quit, none of us get our free money,

要是你不幹了，我們就都拿不到免費的善款

and none of us get paid.

也沒有人會付錢給我們

- Well, you guys finish the shirts then!

-是嗎，那你們自己先來完成這件衣服再說啊！

- Hey, I'm the financial advisor.

-嘿，我可是理財顧問

I sign checks. I don't do manual labor.

我是負責開支票的，我可沒在幹這種手工勞力

- Anton, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

-安東尼，你等著見我的律師吧

- You have a lawyer?

-你有律師？

- No, but I do have someone that's willing to act like one.

-沒有，但我有朋友很樂意當我的律師

- Have you been a victim of harassment in the workplace?

-你是惡劣工作環境下的受害者嗎？

Does your boss chain you to a desk

你的老闆是否將你綑綁在辦公桌

and force you to pee in a bucket?

還逼你尿尿只能尿在桶子裡呢？

Are you underpaid, overworked,

你是不是薪水太少、工作時數過長

and constantly told that you have bad teeth?

還不斷被人家說你有口臭呢？

Well... [chuckles]

哼哼... (笑)

Not anymore!

你再也不用忍受這種苦了！

Howdy!

大家好！ (譯註: howdy相當於hi, hello，是牛仔慣用的招呼方式，在美國德州地區盛行)

I'm Peter Petrinovic with Peter & Petrinovic,

吾乃彼得·彼得林以及彼得·彼得林

and I'm here to fight for you!

吾人來這裡的目的就是要和你共同對抗惡老闆！

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

午安，兩位紳士

I'll get straight to the point.

我就不客氣直接進入正題了

Here are my client's demands.

這是我委託人的請求

Mr. Von Ripworth would like overtime, under time,

梵瑞普沃斯先生要求超時加班、限時完成工作

hammer time, and a subscription to "TIME."

甚至掄起槌子的時間都要加薪，還要訂閱「時代雜誌」

- But our whole business is going under.

-可是我們的公司幾近破產

I can't afford to pay him anything.

我根本什麼都付不出來

[video games beeping]

(電玩遊戲聲)

- My client wishes to inform the both of you

-我的委託人希望我告知你們

that he is unionizing.

他已經加入工會了

- What union?

-哪個工會？

- The BGA:

BGA

Bedazzler's Guild of America.

亮片裝飾美國協會

Perhaps you've heard of them.

不知道你有沒有聽過

They are huge.

這工會規模可是非常龐大的

[no audible dialogue]

(現場無語)

[children yelling]

(孩子吼叫聲)

- Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

-貼水晶人士也要人權！ 其他人: 嘿！

- Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

-貼水晶人士也要人權！ 其他人: 嘿！

- Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

-貼水晶人士也要人權！ 其他人: 嘿！

- Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

-貼水晶人士也要人權！ 其他人: 嘿！

- Great, now we have to fight a union to get t-shirts

-太好了，現在我們得對抗這個工會，才能拿到衣服了

to fulfill orders so we can get free money

才能完成訂單，也才能拿到善款

to pay our company bills.

來付公司的帳單了

- Minus my 50% off the top, exactly,

-正確來說，還要從中扣除掉給我的50%利潤

but don't worry, dude.

但別擔心，兄弟

I know a guy.

我還知道一個傢伙

He's a union buster.

他可是工會的剋星

- Ian, you always claim to know a guy

-伊恩，你都說你自己認識某個傢伙

and it's always the same guy.

但到頭來還不都是同一個人

Tell me it's not Dinger.

不要跟我說又是丁格

- It's Dinger.

-是他沒錯啊

What? He's affordable.

怎樣？他比較便宜嘛

- You claim to be a fixer,

-你都說會請來一個解決問題的傢伙

and all you do is make things worse.

但最後都只會讓事情變得更糟

- I can't help it if I'm an idea guy and you're not.

-就算我點子再多也還是解決不了啊，你又不會幫忙想

- I have an idea. - Yeah?

-我想到一個點子 -是啥？

- You're fired. - What?

-你被開除了 -什麼？

But, like, fired from Pork E. Pine's

說清楚，是被這家餐廳開除

or fired as your financial advisor?

還是理財顧問當不成了？

- Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

-貼水晶人士也要人權！ 其他人: 嘿！

- Right, I'm just gonna assume that I still have a job here.

-隨便你，我現在要去確認這裡的工作還在不在

Cool?

不賴吧？

[sighs] That was close.

(嘆氣) 差一點點

- Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

-貼水晶人士也要人權！ 其他人: 嘿！

- Rhinestoners have rights! all: Hey!

-貼水晶人士也要人權！ 其他人: 嘿！

- Dinger?

-丁格？

- Rhinestoners have rights!

-貼水晶人士也要人權！

- Dinger, can I talk to you for a second?

-丁格，可以方便跟你講幾句話嗎？

- No, you'll have to speak to my union rep.

-不行，你得跟我的工會代理人發聲

Hi, I'm Dinger's union rep.

嗨，我就是工會代理人

- Look, I can't afford to pay you overtime, okay?

-聽著，我沒辦法付你超時工作的薪資，好嗎？

We just don't have the money,

我們沒有那筆錢

but would you be willing to settle

但你願意成為我們

for some stock in the company?

公司的股東之一嗎？

- [spits]

- (吐口水)

Send the paperwork over to my lawyer.

把合約送給我的律師

I'll have him take a look when he's finished