- Don't you dare.

-你最好是不要來亂喔

Don't beat my high score, you old sack of crap.

不要破了我的最高分數，你這個又老又臭的狗屎

- Your score's going down, Dinger,

-丁格，你的分數可是要被拉下來了呢

just like your mama last night at the Rotary Club.

就像你媽昨天在扶輪社的樣子 (譯註: Rotary Club宗旨在於鼓勵並培養以服務之理想為可貴事業之基礎)

[chortles]

(得意的笑)

- What is going on?

-這裡是發生什麼事了啊？

- Arnie was the original Pork E.

-阿尼是以前餐廳裡的老闆

He's been playing "Amish Hitman Warrior"

他從以前就一直在玩「阿米什殺手勇士」

against Dinger for the past 15 years,

過去和丁格廝殺了15年

and he's about to beat his high score.

就為了破他的最高分數

- If you beat my high score, I will beat you to death.

-如果你敢破我的最高分數，我就讓你死得很難看

- Get your beating stick ready, 'cause watch this.

-快點把要打我的棍子準備好，因為你準備好看這個...

Yeah! - High score.

耶！ -刷新最高分數

- No! - World record!

-不可能！ -刷新世界紀錄！

- Oh, my God, he just got the world record.

-喔天公伯啊，他剛剛竟然刷新世界紀錄耶

- I want a rematch.

-我要再重玩一次

Move your diapered ass over, and give me a quarter.

把你那穿著尿布的臭屁股移開，給我25分美元 (譯註: quarter即4分之1美元，相當於新臺幣8元左右)

- I got your touchdown dance, sissy.

-我要來跳一個觸地得分舞啦，娘砲

[chortles]

(得意的笑)

[gasps]

(噎到)

[grunts]

(嗆到聲)

[all gasp]

(所有人驚慌叫出)

- Someone call 911!

-來人趕快去報警！

- Forget it, Pete.

-不用啦，皮特

He's faking it.

他只是在裝死而已

[indistinct murmuring]

(不明的喃喃聲)

Arnie, get up and watch me crush your score.

阿尼還不快起來，我破了你的記錄了喔

[indistinct murmuring]

(不明的喃喃聲)

My bad.

好吧，我錯了

He's dead.

他真的死了

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

- (女聲) 你錯了，你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

到底為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

(In Memory of...... Arnold Reginold Titball)

(謹此紀念......阿諾德·雷金納德·提伯)

- Isn't he supposed to be in a coffin?

-他不是應該躺在棺材裡嗎？

It's not like he's a piece of taxidermy.

他現在看起來根本就像一個動物標本

- It's what he wanted in his will.

-那是因為他遺囑裡有要求要這麼做啦

The man is his own memorial.

這樣的做法是他對他自己的紀念方式

It's genius.

還真是天才= =

- Well, some people

-這個嘛...有些人

say crazy things

就是喜歡在自己

when they think they're gonna die.

快死的時候說一些狂言妄語嘛

It doesn't mean they mean it.

但這不代表他真的會做

- Arnie meant it.

-阿尼就是那種說到做到的人

He wanted us to remember him in death

他希望我們在他死之後惦念著他

as he was in life--

就像他在世的時候

grinding Dinger's nuts.

瘋狂地折磨丁格一樣

- He even beat me to the afterlife.

-他連來世都想打敗我耶

When will the punishment stop?

何時才能停止這樣的折磨啊？

[music stops]

(音樂停止)

- Love you, Arn.

-我們愛你，阿尼

[applause]

(鼓掌)

- Okay, okay, thank--thank you, Ella.

-好了好了，謝謝妳，艾拉

That just happened to all of us.

沒辦法，一切都發生得太突然了

Next, we'll have Arnie's daughter Becky

接下來，我們有請阿尼的女兒貝琪

say a few words.

來說幾句話吧

Becky.

貝琪

[electronic beeping and warbling]

(電玩遊戲聲)

- [sighs]

- (嘆氣)

[creaking]

(吱吱作響)

[sighs] When I was growing up,

(嘆氣) 在我慢慢長大、變得懂事時

I always wondered where my dad was.

我常常在想我爸以前到底是在哪裡工作的

Now that I've been here and met all of you,

現在我終於站在這裡和你們各位相見了

I can truly say that I am completely...

說實在的，我真的完全覺得...

underwhelmed.

這一點也無法讓我留下深刻印象

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)

[scattered applause]

(零散的鼓掌聲)

[music continues]

(音樂繼續播放)

[whooshing]

(呼呼聲)

- Oh, sorry, guys. You just missed the service.

-喔，不好意思先生，現在不是營業時間喔

- You're the owner, right? - Obviously the owner.

-你是這家餐廳的老闆，對吧？ -他看起來明顯就是

- He's wearing a tie in an arcade.

-他在電玩遊戲場戴著一條領帶

- Yeah, he's definitely the owner.

-對啊，他肯定就是老闆

- Uh, yeah, I'm Anton, the owner.

-呃，是的，我是安東尼，這家店的老闆

- How'd you like to make your arcade

-你是怎麼讓你的電玩遊戲機

a national sensation?

轟動全國的？

- Wait. Who are you?

-等一下，你們倆哪位啊？

- The answer to all your prayers.

-等一下你就知道了

- Lucky you.

-你出運啦！

- We're from Jamco,

-我們是Jamco公司的人

the makers of "Amish Hitman Warrior."

「阿米什殺手勇士」的創作公司

[gong sounds]

(鼓鑼聲)

Someone Instagrammed the new high score.

有人在IG上po出有人破了最高紀錄 (譯註: Instagram是一個於2010年推出的免費線上圖片及視訊分享的社交應用程式)

- Yeah, that was Arnie's score, but he's, uh--

-是沒錯啦，那是阿尼破的，但是他現在，呃...

- An inspiration? We think so too.

-一位神人嗎？ 我們也這麼認為

We'd like to meet him.

我們得見見他

Can we talk? - He wants to talk.

我們可以聊聊嗎？ -他ok的啦

- Sure.

-當然可以

- Officially?

-正式的嗎？

- Yeah.

-沒有錯

[electronic beeping and warbling]

(電玩遊戲聲)

Guys, guys,

大家，大家

guys, we got to bring Arnie back from the dead.

各位聽我說，我們得想個辦法讓阿尼起死回生

- What are you talking about?

-你在胡說八道什麼啊？

His daughter's about to bring him to the cemetery.

他女兒都說要把他帶進墳墓了

- These video game guys are throwing stupid amounts of money

-有群電玩遊戲商說要在我們餐廳挹注資金

at Pork E. Pine's to host a major tournament.

舉辦一場大型錦標賽了耶

They just want to meet the high score champ.

他們只是想親眼看看這位傳說中的破高分紀錄的冠軍

- Alleged high score champ.

-那就是你所謂的破高分冠軍？

- Why can't we just tell them he's dead?

-你怎麼不直接跟他說阿尼已經死了？

- Uh, because then we wouldn't be able

-呃，因為這樣的話我們就不能

to prove his high score and then we wouldn't be able

證明我們的最高分數紀錄，而且我們就不能

to have the tournament.

辦這場大型錦標賽了啊

- What the hell you want us to do, put on a séance?

-那你是要我們怎麼做？放在降神會等著他顯靈嗎？ (譯註: séance該詞源自法文，是一種嘗試和死者溝通的活動，相當於華人世界的碟仙活動)

- Don't be ridiculous, Lori.

-別搞笑了，羅莉

I want you guys to rig him up so he looks alive.

我要你們在背後操控他，讓他看起來像個活人

- That's insane, Anton, and probably illegal.

-安東尼，你瘋了不成啊，這很有可能觸法耶

- Oh, I love illegal. What's in it for us?

-喔，我愛死觸犯法律了，那我們能拿到什麼好處？

- What do you guys all want?

-你們想要什麼作為回報？

- A new Pork E. suit that

-一件全新的小箭豬套裝

doesn't smell like children's vomit.

而且不要聞起來有小孩嘔吐的味道

- Fine. - A trip to Mexico.

-可以 -一趟墨西哥的旅行

No questions asked.

不要問我為什麼，你不會想知道的

- A white noise CD of Burt Reynolds laughing.

-一張畢·雷諾斯的白雜訊CD (譯註1: Burt Reynolds是一名美國演員、導演及配音員，譯註2: white noise是功率譜密度在整個頻域內均勻分佈的聲音，它不是一種噪音，所以可以有效幫助放鬆和睡眠)

- First aid kit. - First aid kit.

-我要急救箱 -對啦，急救箱

- There's a rare plant that grows

-我要一株長在

on the south-facing side of a hickory tree

南美洲山核桃向南的

in South America.

那棵罕見植物

- Dinger, please. - Fine.

-丁格，認真的 -好啦

Just take me to Black Angus for lunch.

你就帶我去黑安格斯牛排館吃午餐就好了啦 (譯註: Black Angus即黑安格斯牛排館，於1964年創立，總部設於美國加州)

- Done. Mads and Pete,

-成交，麥姿和皮特

take Becky out of the building and stall her.

先把貝琪帶出去，盡量拖延她別讓她進來

She can't have Arnie back yet, understood?

她現在還不能把阿尼帶走，明白嗎？

The rest of you get Arnie rigged up.

剩下來的人來負責操控阿尼

Arnie, look alive, buddy.

阿尼，表現得像個活人好嗎，兄弟？

[creaking] [sighs]

(吱吱作響) (嘆氣)

- And over here we have the family reception area.

-那邊是我們的親屬接待區

- This has to be the worst funeral

-這真的是我這輩子看過在

at a children's restaurant I've ever been to.

兒童餐廳辦過最爛的葬禮

Look, just give me my dad so I can go.

聽著，你們就趕快把我老爸給我，我就可以馬上閃人，好嗎？

- Our boss wanted a few final moments

-我們老闆說他希望能和「神埼寶杯」餐廳

to say his last good-byes to original Pork E. Pine.

的創始人好好說聲再會

- Fine. Whatever.

-那好吧，隨你們便

So...

所以...

What's the deal with you two lovebirds?

你們這兩個愛情比翼鳥之間進展得怎麼樣啦？ (譯註: lovebirds因其深情的天性而得名，其會與伴侶形影不離，相依相偎，且多會廝守終生)

[both laugh] - Oh.

(異口同笑) -喔

We're not-- - We're not lovebirds.

我們不是愛情比翼鳥啦

- You know, more like friend-birds.

-妳知道，我們比較像是朋友手足鳥

[chuckles] - Well...

(竊笑) -恩...

Even friend-birds have a mating season.

但朋友手足鳥也是會有交配季節的時候嘛

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)

- I don't know. Still looks dead.

-我不知道怎麼搞的，他看起來還是像個死人

- Could a dead guy do this?

-死人能來這一招嗎？

"Hey, guys, look. I'm climbing a ladder."

「嘿，大家，你們看，我在爬梯子」

"Now I'm swimming."

「我現在在游泳呢」

[water splashing]

(水花濺出聲)

"Oh, having car trouble?

「喔，車子壞了嗎？

I'll flag for some help."

我需要一點求救」

[arm thuds]

(手落下重擊聲)

- [sighs]

- (嘆氣)

- Cool.

-太讚了

So I'll go tell Anton we're ready.

我們可以跟安東尼說我們準備好了呢

Knock 'em dead, Arnie.

全力以赴吧，阿尼

[creaking]

(吱吱作響)

- We'll put a little Velcro up behind the head.

-我會在他頭後面放一個魔鬼氈的....

It'll be fine.

一切都會沒事的

[creaking]

(吱吱作響)

[electronic beeping and warbling]

(電玩遊戲聲)

- And you're giving away tickets too freely.

-你送我們門票送得太隨意了

You're not running a charity here.

你又不是在經營慈善機構

There he is. - Man of the hour.

他來囉 -風雲人物來了

- This is the very old, definitely alive

-雖然他非常地老了，但他絕對還活著

Arnold Reginold Titball.

阿諾·雷金納德·提伯 (譯註: 此處titball一語雙關，titball有另外的涵義是指大胸部的女性穿著胸罩垂掛著，看似男性下面的陰囊垂掛的模樣)

- Yeah, uh, he's just a little tuckered out,

-對啊，呃，他只是有點疲憊

which is normal for Arn-dog.

不過這對我們的「手臂狗」來說是家常便飯啦 (譯註: arn-dog源自於一些為狗狗多畫了手臂的惡搞圖片，此處應該是代指Arnold，因為他旁邊也多了兩個「手臂」)

- It's nice to have helpers, am I right, Arn-dog?

-有個幫手在身邊感覺挺不賴的，對吧，「手臂狗」？

[laughs] That's right.

(笑) 這就對了

Now, we don't have much time, so let's talk.

好了，我們沒那麼多時間跟你瞎混，現在就進入正題吧

- Brass tacks.

-對，直接進入主題 (譯註: brass tack指的是講話不囉嗦，直接進入正題)

- Jamco thinks that bringing back

-我們公司要我們帶回

a "vintage" game like "Amish Hitman Warrior"

一套太古老的遊戲，好比說經典之作

could be big for the brand.

「阿米什殺手勇士」

- Old is very, very in right now.

-現在真的非常非常過時了

- We just have one small request.

-我們只有一個小小的請求

- That means he's very interested.

-他說他在洗耳恭聽

- Good.

-很好

We need to validate his score on tape.

我們必須錄影存證他所破的最高分數

- Live tape, today.

-現場錄影喔，今天

- Can he play for us?

-他今天方便玩給我們看嗎？

Live?

現場喔~~

- No. - Eh, it's too late in the day.

-不不不 -呃，現在都什麼時間啦？

- Nah, not today, no.

-不行，今天真不方便呢

- Pork E. Pine's is very interested

-我們餐廳可是非常樂於協助

in being part of the Jamco business,

Jamco公司的

and we'll do whatever it takes

而我們今天願意用盡全力

to show you guys a champion today,

來為你們展現冠軍的實力

right, Arnie?

對嗎，阿尼？

[creaking]

(吱吱作響)

- He's in.

-他說好

- I'm just not looking for a relationship right now.

-我只是現在還不想談戀愛

I'm really focused on school.

我現在只想全心專注在課業上

- And I'm super busy too.

-我自己也是忙翻了

I've got stuff.

我想拿到自己想要的東西

And I'm super focused on it,

我現在也是非常專注在那上面

like, all of the time.

應該是說，花了所有的時間

- Boring.

-真是有夠無聊的

I literally would rather go bury my father at a cemetery

我覺得去我老爸的墳墓比和你們聊天

than talk to you.

還比較有趣

- Uh, the front door's locked,

-呃，前面已經鎖住了

so you're gonna need the set of keys.

所以妳如果要進去的話得要有鑰匙

- Well, give me the key.

-那好吧，還不趕快給我鑰匙？

- Ah, Becky,

-啊，我想到了

I haven't even told you the real juicy reasons

我都還沒跟妳講我不喜歡

why I really don't like Pete.

皮特的真正原因

- What? - I'm listening.

-什麼？ -我洗耳恭聽

- Pete hid in a locker once and saw my boobs.

-有一次皮特躲在置物櫃裡偷看我的胸部

- Are you kidding me?

-妳在跟我開玩笑嗎？

- I'm sorry. It just came out.

-對不起嘛，不小心就脫口而出了

- I'll do it.

-我來吧

I'll play "Amish Hitman Warrior" dressed up as Arnie.

我來假扮成阿尼來玩「阿米什殺手勇士」

But I want that son of a bitch watching

但我要讓那個死賤人親眼看著

when I beat his high score.

我破他的最高分記錄

- From where, heaven?

-哪裡看，天堂嗎？

- You guys aren't athletes.

-唉呀，你們不是運動員

You don't get it.

你們不會懂的啦

Every sports rivalry has a bad guy.

每項體育競賽都有著一個反派角色

Arnie is the bad guy,

阿尼就是那位反派角色

dead or alive.

死的或是活的

- So you want us to prop up his naked body

-所以你要我們撐著他的裸體

next to you or something?

擺在你旁邊嗎？

- Come on. Don't be insane.

-拜託，別傻了

He'll need a disguise.

他需要的是偽裝

[bright instrumental music]

(歡愉的輕快音樂)

- [creakily] "Please, Ian, let me do it, please."

- (吱吱作響) 「拜託啦，伊恩，讓我試試看嘛，求求你」

- Fine, but only because it's Arnie.

-好啦，但這一切都只是為了阿尼

- I'll need his boxers too.

-他的四角褲我也要定了

- "Amish Hitman Warrior."

-「阿米什殺手勇士」

You used electricity!

你使用了電擊術！

You've been shot!

你被射中了！

Lose 10 Amish points.

失去了10點阿米分數

- You see that, you old nut sack?

-你看到了沒阿，死臭老頭？

That's called approach to victory.

剛才那招就叫做以近取勝法啦

[electronic beeping]

(電玩遊戲聲)

- He's really sprung to life.

-他真的很嗨耶 (譯註: spring to life原指由沉悶的氣氛突然活躍了起來)

- His pencil definitely has lead.

-他真的是滿嗨的 (譯註: have lead in someone's pencil是指一個人活力四射、幹勁十足)

- Did I mention that I stopped taking naps here

-我有沒有跟妳提到我不喜歡在這裡睡午覺

because Pete likes to watch me sleep?

是因為皮特喜歡偷看我睡午覺？

- [sighs] Just get me the key.

- (嘆氣) 給我鑰匙就對了嘛

- Can you please stop talking?

-妳可以不要再亂說話了嗎？

- Can you please start?

-那你可以幫忙說點什麼嗎？

I feel like I'm doing all the work here.

搞得好像我一個人在負責撐全場

Think of something bad to say about me.

說一點我的壞話啊

Now's your chance.

現在換你了

- God, I can't think of a single thing!

-天啊，我腦袋瓜現在擠不出任何東西啦！

Damn it!

他媽的！

- Will you two just do it already?

-你們兩個到底是準備要說了沒啊？

Hell, you can use the hearse. It's parked out front.

媽的，在那邊要講不講的，靈車都停在前面了

- You know what? You want in?

- 這樣好了啦，你想要進去是不是？

Be my guest. - Pete, no!