- Introducing the first step towards

-隆重介紹能讓「神埼寶杯」餐廳邁向

a healthier Pork E. Pine's.

健康路線的第一步

It's...the spinach pizza!

那就是......菠菜披薩！

Ooh.

怎麼樣，不錯吧？

Because let's admit it.

因為我們不得不承認

The frozen food we serve here

我們這裡所提供的冷凍食品

is slowly killing people.

事實上是在慢性殺人

- Yeah, but the kids love it.

-是沒有錯啦...但孩子們就是喜歡啊

- So you want to use company money

-所以...妳想用公司的資金

to introduce a healthy menu item?

來引進這道健康餐點嗎？

- Yes.

-沒有錯

- Approved.

-我贊同

- Yes!

-太好了！

- Employee Idea Day is genius, Lori.

-羅莉，「員工創意發揮日」這招真是天才

- It was your idea.

-那是你提出來的吧？

- Yeah, I know.

-哈哈，對啊我知道

All right, Dinger, what do you got?

好啦，丁格，你有什麼想法嗎？

- All right, first, we install

-好的，首先，我們想要在

an invisible electric fence

這棟建築物外面設置

around the entire building.

一個隱形電籬笆

Then we put microchips in the bad kids.

接下來再把晶片植入那些壞小孩身上

So when they come back for a return visit?

所以你猜他們之後再來這裡玩，會發生什麼事呢？

Bam! Electrocuted.

碰！他們就會觸電

- I love it!

-我喜歡這個點子！

- Whoo! - No.

-你看吧！ -我反對

- No, Dinger, that's a terrible idea.

-不行不行，丁格，這真是一個爛透的點子

Get out of here.

趕快從這裡滾出去

All right, who's next?

好啦，誰是下一位？

- I am!

-還是我！

Okay, so I install homemade solar panels,

好的，那這一次我想裝個自製的太陽能板

thereby knocking 40% off of your electric bill.

這樣我們就能為餐廳省下40%的電費了呢

- No. - Yes!

-太糟了 -哪會，這很好！

- Yes.

-呃..其實還不賴

- That's a good idea.

-這真是一個絕妙的點子

What is wrong with you?

你到底是有什麼毛病啊你？

- Well, I thought you were gonna say no.

-呃...我本來以為妳會說不行的嘛...

Dinger, it's a go.

丁格，開始大顯你的身手吧

- Yes!

-太好了！

- Seriously?

-你認真的？

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [singing] This is America

- (片頭曲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [singing] Not you though

-你錯了，你明知道

- [singing] You're stuck here

-自己被困在這裡

- [singing] 'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

-因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [singing] You can do anything

-想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [singing] As long as it's not hard

-前提是不要太難

- [singing] You can go anywhere

-想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [singing] As soon as you get a car

-前提是你得有車

- [singing] You're gonna be a huge success

-你就能坐擁天下

- [singing] Come on that's not who you are

-拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [singing] You're a part-timer cursed with full-time dreams

-實習工讀生是一種詛咒，雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here

到底是為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh-ho

喔~

Seriously, dude. - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

[hinge squeaks]

(牌子搖晃聲)

[clattering]

(掉落聲)

- Well, do you like it?

-怎麼樣，你們還喜歡嗎？

Is it terrible?

很難吃嗎？

I think the sauce might have too much salt.

我覺得醬料的部分好像放太多鹽了

- No, shut up. It's really good, man.

-不不不，這根本就超讚的！拜託

- Oh, no, I don't do greens.

-喔，不用了，我不喜歡吃青菜

I prefer the chemical version, but it looks good.

其實我比較喜歡加工食品啦，不過這看起來真的還滿不錯的

- Why are you so nervous anyway, Mads?

-麥姿，為什麼妳看起來那麼緊張啊？

- My high school friend Jennica is gonna come review it today.

我高中朋友潔妮卡今天要來這裡做評論

She is a big health food flogger.

她是一位滿有名的健康美食主義者 (譯註:根據Urban Dictionary的解釋，flogger原指出現在性虐待中施行鞭策的行為，後來具有鞭策者的意思)

She single-handedly got a cafeteria

她憑藉自己的力量開了一間餐廳

to switch Salisbury steak with Salisbury kale.

並將索爾茲伯里牛排換成索爾茲伯里蔬菜湯 (譯註: Salisbury steak主要由牛肉與豬肉混合而成，對於美國人來說，它能作為一種能夠取代三明治的速食)

It was a big deal.

那真的很了不起耶~

- Wow. I kind of hate her already.

-哇嗚，我好像已經開始有點討厭她了...

- Mmm.

-就是說啊...

[upbeat music]

(酷炫音樂)

- Jennica!

-潔妮卡！

- Mads!

-麥姿！

Oh, hi!

喔，嗨！

Oh, it's been so long.

-哇，我們真的好久不見了

- You look so great.

-妳看起來氣色真不錯

- You look the same.

-妳嘛，倒也一樣都沒變啊

So you work here?

所以妳在這裡工作嗎？

It's so...empty.

這裡還真是...有點空曠啊...

- Well, we get a lot of kids and parents

-這個嘛...放學之後就會有很多家長帶著

in the after-school hours, so...

他們的小孩來這裡了，所以...

- I think it's great you work with families.

-我覺得很好啊，妳上班的時候可以看到這麼多家庭

It really suits you.

真的很適合妳呢

- Mm-hmm.

-恩..哼

- You know, some people might call this place,

-妳知道嘛，其實有些人可能會覺得這裡

like, dirty, but I think it's just fun.

就是...有點髒...不過我是覺得還不錯啦

It's like Reno but for kids.

這裡就很像雷諾，但是專門給小孩子的 (譯註: Reno是位處美國西部內華達州的一座城市，素有「離婚之都」之稱，也就是只要在該市住滿6週即可順利離婚。與臺灣的臺中市為姐妹市)

[both laugh]

(雙方皆異口同笑)

- I'm really excited for you to try our healthy pizza.

-我真的非常榮幸能邀請妳來品嘗看看我們的健康披薩

I'm gonna go get you one.

我去拿一片給妳試試看

BRB.

我馬上就回來 (譯註: BRB也就是Be Right Back的縮寫)

- Oh, Mads.

-喔，麥姿

No one says, "BRB," anymore.

現在已經沒人在講BRB了

You're welcome, girl.

不用謝我啦，孩子

- Pete, you ever look at Mother Nature's bounty

-皮特啊，你可曾否對這如此豐饒的大自然

and thought, "I could use this to avoid

好好想過：「我可以利用這自然風光來

the watchful eye of the U.S. government"?

抵擋掉美國政府的監視」嗎？

- Um, no.

-呃...沒有

- Well, let me show you the error of your ways, my boy.

-那好吧，就讓我來告訴你，你這樣的作法是錯誤的吧，孩子

Pork E. is going solar.

我們餐廳即將要使用太陽能發電了

- Are there instructions?

-沒有任何的說明書嗎？

- It's all in there.

-沒有耶，就這些啦

Ah, dang it. Forgot the duct tape.

啊，該死，我忘記帶膠帶了...

- I got it.

-我去幫你拿

[grunts]

(咕噥聲)

Dinger, we're locked out.

丁格，我們被反鎖在外面了

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

- I knew this day would come.

-我就知道遲早會有這一天

- Don't worry. I can call Mads.

-別擔心，我馬上就打給麥姿

She'll be up here real quick.

她會馬上趕過來的

Problem solved.

問題就能解決啦

[phone beeps]

(手機嗶聲)

Dinger!

丁格！你在做什麼？

- New plan.

-看來我們得想出一個新計畫嚕...

Today, we survive!

今天，我們要活下來！

- I think I'll just wait until a customer walks by

-我是覺得我們只要等客人經過

and then yell down.

然後對他們求救就可以了啦

- Hey, Periscopers.

-嘿，Periscope的大家 (譯註: Periscope是Twitter所推出的行動直播軟體，只要開啟程式就能隨時看到其他國家使用者的LIVE直播)

Thanks for joining me, Jennica, at Pork E. Pine's.

謝謝你們的加入，我呢，潔妮卡，現在人在神埼寶杯餐廳呢

We're here to try the hot new menu item, spinach pizza.

我們今天要來這裡嘗鮮這裡的新餐點：菠菜披薩

Ooh! Sorry, guys. [chuckles]

喔，真是不好意思呢，大家 (笑)

One moment. Hey, girl.

稍等一下下唷，嘿，孩子

Didn't want to accidentally catch you on my Periscope feed.

妳可不可以不要在我直播Periscope的時候突然出現呢？

You're not really camera ready, you know?

妳應該知道妳現在這個模樣，沒辦法上鏡吧？

- Well, the pizza is the real star here.

-呃...披薩在這裡才應該是主角吧

We have a whole wheat crust and low-fat cheese--

我們的健康披薩是用小麥麵包皮搭配低卡起司...

- Mads? Um, hi.

-麥姿？ 恩？嗨！

Can I talk to you for a quick sec?

我可以耽誤妳一分鐘嗎？

- Sorry, Jennica. Just give me a sec.

-抱歉，潔妮卡，麻煩妳等我一下

- Live your life, girl.

-請便吧，孩子

- Ow! Oh, my God.

- 噢！噢，我的天啊

I almost forgot what a b-hole Jennica is.

我都差點忘了潔妮卡這個人是多麼的機車 (譯註: b-hole即butt hole的縮寫，意思相當於ass hole，有罵人混蛋、垃圾之意思)

- I just got an email from the supplier of the new pizza.

-我剛剛才收到一封新披薩廠商寄來的電子郵件

All spinach products have been recalled due to E. coli.

所有的菠菜都因為大腸桿菌而緊急回收了 (譯註: E. coli(大腸桿菌)即Escherichia coli之簡稱，是人和動物腸道中最著名的一種細菌，某些菌型會引起腹瀉的症狀)

- What? - Listen to me!

-有沒有搞錯？ -繼續聽我說啦！

Under no circumstances can we let

不管是什麼樣的狀況，我們都絕不能讓

that future "Real Housewife of Bitchtown"

那位將來的準八婆 (譯註: 這裡的Real Housewife of Bitchtown字面直譯是指婊子鎮裡的家庭主婦，換句話說就是指很令人討厭的家庭主婦，此處衍伸指八婆)

eat any spinach pizza.

吃到任何一塊菠菜披薩

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

Don't eat that!

不要吃那個！！！

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

Hey, hey! Listen up! Listen up!

嘿，嘿！注意聽這裡！聽這裡！

The healthy pizza's been contaminated.

健康披薩已經被汙染了

I'm gonna call Mario's Pizza and pull a switcheroo.

我現在要打給馬力歐披薩來處理這個突發狀況

- I don't feel so hot. - Me either.

-我現在覺得有點不太舒服... -我也是...

- Guys, I'm pretty sure I just sharted.

-各位，我很確定我現在才正要開始胃疼

[both vomit]

(嘔吐聲)

- Oh, God. Don't puke.

-喔，天啊，拜託別吐

Don't puke. Don't puke!

別吐出來，拜託別吐！

[vomits]

(還是吐了)

- Oh, come on, now! Pull it together.

-吼，拜託，你們是不會吐在同一個地方喔？

I need you all out on the floor swapping pizzas.

我需要你們去拿剛剛叫來的披薩

- Oh, don't say, "pizza"!

-喔，拜託別提到「披薩」這兩個字

[both vomit]

(嘔吐聲)

Guys, it's coming out both ends at the same time!

大伙，我覺得我開始兩邊都要開始發作了 (譯註: 其暗指嘔吐與腹瀉)

[both vomit]

(嘔吐聲)

- Here is the spinach, which looks fresh.

-看看這些菠菜，看起來多麼新鮮可口啊

And even though we all know the pitfalls of low-fat cheese,

雖然我們都知道低脂起司的陰謀... (譯註: 此處所提到的陰謀，乃因人們會因為是「低脂」的起司，因此就放心的吃，但往往忽略低脂還是有脂肪，攝取過多，最後導致胖得更快)

this doesn't look plastic-y at all.

但這些看起來一點也不像是塑膠塊

It could totes pass for real cheese.

或許是真的有加一些真正的起司吧

Just got a bunch of hearts on that.

我的影片得到了很多的愛心呢 (譯註: 此處提到的愛心，乃是指在Periscope直播影片時，其他人可以傳送愛心來表達喜歡這部影片)

Now let's dig in.

現在就讓我來好好享用吧！

- Oh! - What the hell, Mads?

-等一下！ -麥姿，妳在搞什麼鬼啊？

- I just, uh, wanted to show your viewers

-呃..我只是想讓你的觀眾看看...

this other awesome thing about the pizza, um, here.

在披薩上面使用的佐料看起來是多麼的絕配，恩，對，這裡

See how the spinach is attached to the pizza?

看看菠菜和披薩是多麼的絕配啊！

- I got dinner, Pete.

-皮特，我們的晚餐有著落了

- Ugh!

-真是噁心！

Dinger, I need water.

丁格，我需要喝水

It's so hot.

這裡有夠熱的

- Don't worry, little friend.

-別擔心，我的朋友

Open wide and I'll spit in your mouth.

張開你的嘴，我吐點口水給你喝

[snorts] I got extra.

(鼓鼻聲) 我再弄更多出來...

[snorts] Come on.

(鼓鼻聲) 別害羞，來嘛

- And, um, see where the dough bubbles up?

-恩...然後來看看麵糰上面哪裡有起泡泡啊？

Those are the...antioxidants trying to get out

這些抗氧化劑是為了....要.....呃...

to fight the...oxygen.

呃...喔對，來對抗氧氣

[whistle and finger snaps]

(提醒鈴聲)

- Wow. A lot of comments.

-哇，還真多評論呢

"Where's Jennica?"

「潔妮卡女神在哪裡呀？」

"Who's that plain girl?"

「那個平凡無奇的鄰家女孩是哪位啊？」

"Ooh, definitely not camera ready."

「喔，她肯定是還沒準備好，就急著要上鏡了」

I'm sorry about that, fans.

喔，粉絲們，真的非常不好意思呢

My little buddy got a hold of my feed,

我的朋友剛才把我的手機搶去了

and speaking of feed-- [gasps]

然後說了一些廢話呢... (喘氣)

Okay, seriously, what is your problem?

妳鬧夠了沒，說真的，妳到底是有什麼問題啊？

I'm sorry, guys.

我很抱歉，大伙們

My friend here obviously thinks

但很明顯的，我的朋友認為我

I shouldn't eat this pizza, but really,

不應該吃披薩，不過說真的啦

I'm not the one with the love handles.

我又不是那種身上一堆贅肉的人 (譯註: love handles指的是腰間贅肉)

Or maybe it's the high-waisted khakis.

或許是這件高腰卡其裝讓她這麼認為吧...

I can't tell.

我也不曉得呢...

- Fine.

-那好吧

Have your pizza.

好好享受妳的披薩吧

It's all yours.

這全歸妳啦

- [chuckles]

- (笑)

This...is actually pretty good.

這...這其實還滿好吃的耶

It tastes healthy.

吃起來感覺還滿健康的

[upbeat music]

(輕快音樂)

[dramatic music]

(戲劇性音樂)

- Well, Pete, looks like Mother Nature

-皮特啊，看起來大自然

made you her bitch.

想要毀了你呢...

- Please just call down to one of the car wash guys.

-求求你，你就只要到下面隨便叫一個洗車工人上來就好了...

- No. Trust me.

-那可不行，你要相信我啊

You'll be happier to die now as a man

和你在80歲去世的時候相比

than you will in 80 years from now as a boy.

你現在死了是會比較快樂的

- Dinger, I'm gonna kill you.

-丁格，我一定要把你給殺了

- That's the spirit.

-沒錯，就是這種精神

- Mmm. Mmm!

-恩，太美味了！

Fans, you just saw me eat every bite

粉絲們，你們剛剛都全程見證到我把這美味

of this hot, new item, and you know how rare that is.

的披薩吃得一塊不剩，你們知道這是多麼難得的呀

Two tongues up.

太美味啦

Over and out.

那我們今天就到這裡直播結束啦

Mads, this could really big for you.

麥姿，這還真是妳的傑出大作呢

[chuckles]

(笑)

- [laughs]

- (笑)

I bet it'll go viral.

我相信這會像病毒傳播似的快速散播出去 (譯註: 此處一語雙關，其中一個意涵是指，潔妮卡吃了有大腸桿菌的披薩，因此病毒將迅速在體內擴散開來，另一層含意是指多虧潔妮卡的直播影片，能讓她的菠菜披薩傳出去讓更多人知道)

- Mm-hmm.

-恩哼~~

- You.

-我是指妳

- Oh, don't touch me.

-喔，可以不要用妳的髒手碰我嗎？

[both laugh]

(雙方一起笑)

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

- It's okay.

-放心沒事的

We'll get you off this roof and into Valhalla.

你會成功逃離頂樓，然後前往英靈殿 (譯註: Valhalla是北歐神話中的天堂，英雄戰死成為英靈後將會來到這個地方)

- Don't throw me over the edge.

-拜託你不要把我丟在刀口上

- You're delirious.

-你已經開始神智不清了

Shut up and relax your muscles.

閉上你的嘴然後肌肉放鬆吧

- There, there. Get it out.

-乖，乖，吐出來吧

It's probably because you ate the whole pizza.

我猜這大概是因為你吃了一整塊的披薩吧

- [vomits]

- (嘔吐)

[retches]

(反胃聲)

- Hey!

-嘿！

Nurse Mads!

麥姿護士！

I'm gonna lower Pete down.

我現在要把皮特慢慢地滾下來

If my rig breaks, can you catch his fall?

但如果我的鑽井器壞掉了，妳可以幫我接住他嗎？

- Dinger, stay!

-丁格，站在那裡不要動！

- [vomits]

- (嘔吐)

[coughs and sobs]

(咳嗽加上啜泣聲)

- What did you do to him?

-你到底對他做了什麼啦？

- In case I never see you again,

-萬一我再也見不到妳了，該怎麼辦？

you're all I think about.

我腦海裡想的都是妳...

- What?

-什麼？

- I'm going to sleep now.

-我想我要睡著了...

- Hey, uh, how safe is it to drink your own urine?

-嘿，呃...妳覺得喝自己的尿是安全的嗎？

I drank a lot.

因為我剛剛喝了滿多的

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)