- Wow.

-哇~

I've dreamed of working at Pork E. Pine's

我從小就一直夢想能

ever since I was a kid.

在「神埼寶杯」工作

- Really?

-真的假的？

Astronaut? Firefighter?

太空人呢？消防員呢？

All those dreams taken?

都沒得選了嗎？

- Excuse me? - Nothing.

-妳剛剛說什麼？ -當我沒說

I'll show you around.

我會帶你到處逛逛

That's Dinger.

那是丁格

He's been here longer than Pork E. Pine's itself.

他在神埼寶杯開業前，就在這裡工作了

It was a Hometime Buffet before.

這裡之前是「家鄉滋味自助餐」

He just never left.

他都沒有離開過呢

That's Ella.

那位是艾拉

We found her sleeping in the alley and took her in.

我們當時發現她睡在路邊，就把她帶進來了

She's new to the idea of personal boundaries.

她有點不懂人際關係之間的界線

She'll get it. Or get sued.

她要嘛就是遲早領悟，要嘛就是會被告到死

Moving on.

我們繼續

That's Anton, the owner.

那位是安東尼，我們的店長

His dad gave him this place

他爸在他不小心燒掉

after he accidentally burned down the last one.

上一間店之後，再給他這一間店

And Ian there, he's our mascot.

然後那位是伊恩，算是我們的吉祥物

- Wait, that's Pork E. Pine? For real?

-等等，他就是「神埼寶杯」嗎？ 我有沒有看錯？

- Mm-hmm.

-嗯嗯，對啦

But the novelty will wear off soon enough.

但你放心好了，一切新鮮感很快就會消失

- Oh, it won't for me.

-噢，我可不會

You know, Lori, back when I was a kid

妳知道嗎？羅莉，我小的時候

growing outside of Vulture's Pont,

我家是外食族

my family ate practically every meal at Pork E. Pine's.

我們家幾乎每一餐都會來吃「神埼寶杯」

We weren't fancy enough for the Spaghetti Factory crowd.

我們不夠潮，所以在「義大利麵工廠」吃飯就會感覺怪怪的

But at Pork E.'s we felt welcome,

但在這裡，卻總讓我覺得舒服又自在

not just on birthdays, but every day.

不論是不是在過生日，都一樣

This was a place we could always call home.

我覺得這個地方就像是我第二個家

- Sorry, new guy.

-抱歉，新來的

- Is he okay?

-他沒事吧？

- No, he's dead.

-當然有事，他已經死了

We're gonna have to find a new one.

現在我們得再找另一個新人了

- Oops.

-糟糕

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

- (女聲) 你錯了，你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

幹嘛要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -什麼啊，搞什麼鬼？

- Welcome to your new job...

-歡迎來到你的新工作...

Pete.

皮特？

- Wow, this place is so amazing.

-哇，這個地方真的是太讚了

You know, I used to come here when I was a kid.

妳知道嗎，我以前小的時候常常來這個地方

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-好好好

This is your dream, blah, blah, blah.

這是你的夢想，blah，blah，blah

Tell you what, why don't you show yourself around.

我看不如這樣，你自己四處去逛逛走一遭怎麼樣？

- Oh, this place hasn't changed a bit.

-喔，這個地方還是都沒變

[soft piano music]

(鋼琴輕音樂)

[rock music]

(搖滾音樂)

Wish that I were but a drop of barf on her cheek

我好希望自己是她臉上的嘔吐物 一小滴也好

so that she might touch me.

這樣她才願意摸我

- Hey, new guy.

-嘿，新來的

Back off. - Huh?

退後 -蛤？

- You're standing too close to the prize booth.

-你離獎品區太近了

- But that's over there.

-但獎品區是在那裡耶

- Think of the prize booth as my castle.

-你就把獎品區當作是我的城堡

That makes this the moat.

這裡呢，就是我的護城河

- Oh, well, permission to cross the drawbridge, sir.

-喔，那好吧，請允許讓我通過吊橋，先生？

- Denied. - Oh.

-不要 -喔...

- But as a gesture of goodwill,

-不過，為表善意

I'll let you pick a prize.

我讓你選一樣獎品吧

- Oh, no, thanks.

-喔，不用了，謝謝

- What, my crappy little prizes aren't good enough for ya?

-怎樣，不屑我的小禮物嗎？

- Oh, uh...

-喔，呃...

Ah, you know what,

啊，你知道嗎

I'll take this badge.

我要選這個徽章

- You know what,

-你知道嗎

ever since you took over,

自從你接手這間店之後

this place has really improved.

這個地方真的變得越來越好了

- I know, right?

-我知道，這還用說

I don't see any other kid's restaurants

你有看過哪間兒童餐廳

installing tanning lights.

裝日曬燈的？

Genius. - Yeah, I know.

真是天才 -我知道

Hey, is it just me or is something a little off

嘿，是只有我覺得那個新來的

about the new guy?

臉臭臭的嗎？

- Like what? - I don't know.

-怎麼說？ -我不知道

I need a closer look.

我需要看個仔細

Pass me the hello-scope.

給我「招呼望遠鏡」

Well, hello.

妳好嗎？

- Dude, he's over there. - Sorry.

-老兄，他在那裡啦 -喔抱歉

Ah, looks like he's looking for something.

嗯，他看起來像在找某樣東西

Huh.

哈哈

He's got a badge.

他身上有個徽章

Oh, my God. The new guy's a narc.

喔，我的老天，那個新來的是一個警探

- No way, man. He's, like, what, 12 years old?

-不會吧，拜託，你看他才幾歲，12歲的小屁孩？

- Two words: 21 Jump Street.

-你有看過龍虎少年隊嗎？

- Why would they send an undercover cop here?

-那為什麼他們要派臥底來嘛？

- Maybe because of Scooter.

-應該是因為史庫特的關係

- Who? - You know.

-好比說誰？ -你知道嘛

The guy whose face got in the way of our skee ball.

被我們用球砸死的那個人啊

Yesterday, dude.

昨天才發生的耶，老兄

- Wait, so you're saying we're prime suspects for a murder?

-等一下，所以你的意思是我們兩個是這起謀殺案的主嫌囉？

But the coroner said it was an accident.

可是驗屍官說這是一場意外

- The coroner is probably in on it.

-驗屍官也可能牽涉在其中

Who knows how high up this thing goes.

天曉得這件事情會鬧得多大？

- Wow, this thing must be serious.

-天啊，這件事好像真的很嚴重

They sent their number one sheriff after us.

-他們派他們的頭號警長來對付我們

- It was such a good crime.

-這樁犯罪事件是如此地毫無紕漏

We didn't even know we did it.

連我們自己都不知道人是我們殺的

- Wait, did we do it? - I don't know.

-等等，人是我們殺的嗎？ -我不知道

But we should probably figure it out before he does.

但我們應該要在被發現之前想出對策

- Um...

-嗯...

Hello?

妳還好嗎？

- You ever think grease spots

-你可曾否想過油斑

are really just birthmarks for buildings?

其實只是房子的胎記？

- No. - Hmm.

-沒有 -嗯...

- Um, I'm just here just to rinse off a retainer.

-呃，我來這裡只是要來洗牙套

I think it belongs to the one girl with the long braid.

我想它的主人是一位長髮女孩

- Ah, that would be Mads.

-啊，那應該是麥姿的

- Mads. - Uh-huh.

-麥姿？ -沒錯

- Oh. That's a cool name.

-喔，挺酷的名字 (譯註:女生名字Mads音似英文的mad，原意有生氣發怒的意思，故皮特才會說這樣的名字很酷)

Um, can you tell me what she's like?

嗯...妳能告訴我她是什麼樣的人嗎？

- Well, I know she loves guys who--

-這個嘛，我知道她喜歡的男人應該...

[bell dings] Pizza's done.

(烤箱鈴響) 披薩好了

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

喔喔喔，燙燙燙

Do you want some?

你要不要來一塊？

- Oh, no, thanks.

-沒關係，不用，謝謝

- I made it. It's mushroom.

-我做的耶，蘑菇口味喔

- Okay. Okay.

-好吧，我吃我吃

Oh. Hmm.

喔，嗯...

But we were talking about what's-her-name.

我們剛剛談到她叫什麼名字

Mads. [bell dings]

麥姿？ (烤箱鈴又響)

- Ooh, that'll be the garlic bread.

-喔，這一次是大蒜麵包呢

- [sighs]

- (嘆氣)

- Okay, top ten reasons we are guilty of murdering Scooter.

-好，來想想我們殺死史庫特，會被定罪的10大理由

- Dude, if someone comes into this room

-老兄，萬一有人走進來看到

and they see Scoter's name written on here,

上面寫著史庫特的名字

we're busted.

我們就死定了耶

- You're right.

-你說的對耶

Top ten reasons we are guilty

我們殺死「屎哭咖特」

of murdering "Scu-ga-ter."

的10大理由

- Dude, that's brilliant.

-這招太神了

- I know, right?

-我知道，是不是很厲害啊？

- Okay, one, we totally killed "Scu-ga-ter."

-好了，第1，我們真的殺死了「屎哭咖特」

- True.

-這個算

We did it.

我們幹的

- Two.

-第2

Your fingerprints are on the murder weapon.

你的指紋留在凶器上面

- Ah! You're right.

-啊，沒錯

Fingerprints.

ㄓˇ指 ㄨㄣˊ紋

- Three, I may have spit on the ball.

-第3，我好像吐東西在球上面

- Why would you ever do that?

-你為什麼要那樣做？

- Well, you know, I thought it would be funny

-喔，因為我覺得這樣滿搞笑的啊

if you were, like, "Eww, there's spit on my hand,"

如果你說，「好噁，我的手上有口水」

and then I would laugh at you.

那這樣我就能嘲笑你

- God, you are so stupid.

-老天，你這白痴

Now the cop has our D 'n A.

現在警方可是有我們的DNA了

D and A.

D跟A

- Oh, my God, dude.

-喔，我的天啊，老兄

We are so guilty.

-這下子我們絕對會被判有罪

You know there's only one thing we can do.

你知道我們現在只能做一件事了

We're gonna have to kill-- - Ourselves?

我們得去殺了... -我們自己？

- No, we're not gonna kill ourselves.

-不是，我們不用殺了自己

We have to kill the cop.

我們得把警察殺死

- Wait, why don't we just bribe him?

-等一下，我們為什麼不直接賄賂他就好？

- Works for me.

-你說服我了

- Hey, sorry

-嘿，不好意思

that I'm bringing this up again,

我想再問一次

but you were telling me that Mads loves guys who...

就是妳說麥姿喜歡哪一種類型的男生...

- Oh, yes.

-喔，是的沒錯

Okay, so Mads loves guys who...

好，所以麥姿喜歡的男生類型是...

Oh...

喔...

I think those mushrooms were off.

我想這些蘑菇開始起作用了...

- Why?

-什麼意思？

- Because you look like Abe Lincoln.

-因為你看起來像亞伯拉罕．林肯 (譯註: 解放黑奴的總統)

- Oh! - Oh, man.

-喔！ -喔，天啊

We're messed up, aren't we?

我們搞砸了，對不對？

- What...

-妳在說什麼...

What kind of mushrooms were these?

這是什麼蘑菇？

- Don't know.

-我不知道

I found them growing outside

在外面找到的

the free clinic this morning.

今天早上在診所外面

- I think I'm gonna go.

-我覺得我該離開了

- Thanks for freeing the slaves.

-感謝您解放奴隸

Abe.

亞伯

- Oh, I have a whole stack of coupons

-喔，我有一整疊隔壁

for the car wash next door.

洗車店的優惠折價券

Or do you think maybe he prefers cash?

還是你覺得他會喜歡現金？

- Don't ask me.

-不要問我

All my money's tied up in the sock market.

-我所有的積蓄都花在「襪市」

- You mean the stock market.

-你指的是股市吧？ (譯註:sock和stock字形相似，此處玩的是文字遊戲)

- Yeah, that's what said.

-對啦，應該是這樣講

The sock market.

襪子市場

- Hey!

-嘿！

I'm looking for someone.

我在找人

both: He did it.

雙方異口同聲: 是他幹的

- Did what?

-做了什麼？

- He's playing dumb.

-他在裝瘋賣傻

- All right, we'll play.

-太好了，我們就來好好陪你玩一下

What do you want from us?

你到底想要什麼？

- I want to know

-我想要知道

what your dating policy is.

你們的約會教戰策略是什麼

- Could you excuse us for a second?

-稍等一下

- Dude, I did not see that one coming.

-老兄，我從沒料到事情會變成這樣

- I know, he's totally hitting on you.

-我知道，他完全在針對你耶

- Me? He's hitting on you.

-我？ 他是在針對你吧？

- I'm not gonna have sex with him.

-我可不想跟他做愛

- Neither am I.

-我也不要

- We're talking about jail time here.

-可是我們現在面臨的是牢獄之災耶

- Oh, no. The retainer.

-喔，不好了，牙套不見了

- Okay, narc.

-好吧，警探

We'll both have sex with you

我們兩個都願意跟你發生性關係

if you--hey.

只要你...嘿

Hey!

嘿！

- Damn, this cop is hard-core.

-媽的，這個警察還真不好對付

- I know. He can't be bought.

-我知道，他不肯接受賄賂

Where are you going?

你要去哪裡？

- To prepare.

-去為我們

We are totally going to prison.

將來的監獄人生做準備

- Mads. Or--I mean, hey.

-麥姿，還是，我是說，嘿

You. - Hey.

您 -嘿

- Wow. Hi.

-哇，嗨

- Pete, right?

-你叫皮特，對吧？

- Yeah.

-是的

Um...

嗯...

Oh, um...

喔，嗯...

I found this, and I think it's yours.

我找到了這個，我想這應該是妳的

- You know, I really love a guy who--

-你知道嗎，其實我非常喜歡的男人類型是...

- Yeah? - Isn't afraid to touch

-是什麼？ -不怕碰觸到

a girl's mouth.

一個女孩的嘴巴

I like your glasses.

我喜歡你的眼鏡

It's like they're hiding a real man behind them.

就像是你在隱藏自己一樣

[rock music]

(搖滾音樂)

- [sniffs]

- (大力吸氣)

Oh, man, the toilet wine's coming along great.

喔，老兄，馬桶酒這個點子真的是太妙了

We're gonna be such a hit at the prison Christmas parties.

一定會在監獄裡的聖誕趴上大受歡迎

- Oh, that's awesome, because I just fit three sandwich bags

-喔，好極了，我剛才才把3包三明治的袋子

worth of contraband up my butt.

塞進我的屁眼

- What you got up there?

-你到底塞了什麼進去啊？

- Dude, the real question is

-兄弟，真正的問題就是

what don't I got up there?

我什麼東西也沒塞進去

Yeah, I got a yo-yo.

沒錯，我有一個溜溜球

I got a stretchy hand. - Nice.

黏黏手玩具 -太絕了

- A ball and paddle for entertainment.

-一組玩樂用的連球拍玩具

And a harmonica for the ladies.

還有一臺要吹給妹子聽的口琴

- Prison lays.

-監獄辣妹

both: Heyo!

雙方異口同聲: 嘿唷~

- Hey, you know what would be even cooler

-你知道還有什麼事

than toilet wine?

比馬桶酒更酷嗎？

- What's that?

-是什麼，兄弟？

- Toilet beer. - That's genius.

-馬桶啤酒 -你太神了

It's a whole new demographic.

超級新鮮的主意

- All you gotta do is get the yeast.

-什麼東西也不需要，你只需要酵母

- All right. - [laughs]

-沒錯 -(笑)

- I got to figure out how to fit that up there too.

-我也得弄清楚該如何適應那邊的生活

Great.

好極了

[rock music]

(搖滾音樂)

- Wow.

-哇~

The sheriff likes to get freaky.

警長看起來也被我們感染了呢

- Uh...

-呃...

is he really--

他是真的在...

- Yep. - With--

-你沒看錯 -他在和...