[If people were honest in college application essays]

[ 如果大家在申請大學的「自傳」上說實話的話 ]

It is completely obvious that I am totally burnt out.

看得出來我徹底才思枯竭了。

My mom is standing over my shoulder right now, so this has no trace of my real personality.

我媽現在正站在我後面，所以這篇文章其實和我真正的人格特質一點關係也沒有 。

I'm using words I literally learned a minute ago on Thesaurus.com

我的用字是剛從 Thesaurus.com（註：線上同義詞字典）上學到的。

I got this opinion off CNN.com.

這個觀點我是從 CNN.com 上抄來的。

I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm a privileged white person.

我正在試著掩蓋「我是有優勢的白人」的這個事實。

I consider Abraham Lincoln to be my hero because you've heard of him, and this is not a controversial opinion.

我把林肯總統當成我的英雄，因為你們都聽說過他，而且這個看法沒有什麼爭議性。

I will write anything you want to hear, just so I can get out of this terrible town.

我會寫下任何你們想要聽到的內容，因為這樣我才能離開這個討厭的小鎮。

Here's where I pretend like your school is my first and only choice.

我假裝你們學校是我的第一志願，而且是唯一的選擇。

You're my safety school but I'm not going to say that.

你們學校是我的安全落點學校，但我可不會說出口。

I'm only applying to college because my parents will kill me if I don't.

我申請大學的原因，只是因為不申請的話爸媽會殺了我。

I am making myself sound like a serious student, but I'm probably just gonna drink malt liquor for four years.

我讓自己聽起來像個認真的學生，但我大概只會喝著麥芽啤酒度過這四年。

I'm mentioning how excited I am about your small class size and personalized attention because you mentioned it five times on your website.

我會表示我對你們的小班教學和個人化訓練有多麼興奮期待，是因為你們在網站上強調了足足五次。

Now I will tell you about the one time I visited another country to put a cultured spin on myself.

現在呢，我要跟你們分享我唯一的一次的出國經驗，藉此捏造我很有教養的形象。

I did a lot of community service, and by community service, I mean I donated blood once.

我做了很多社區服務，而這個社區服務其實指的是我捐血過一次。

For cookies!

為了拿到餅乾！

I live in a rich Jewish neighborhood.

我住在一個富裕的猶太人社區裡。

Does that count as diversity?

這算是多元文化背景嗎?

I'm only name-dropping my grandfather 'cause he's an alumni.

我稍微提起我祖父的名字，只因為他是校友。

If this wasn't a college essay, this would be considered way oversharing.

如果這不是申請學校的自傳的話，肯定會被認為是愛現。

I know what it means to suffer.

知道苦難的意義。

I went through a horrible breakup sophomore year.

我二年級的時候經歷過一場痛苦的分手。

He's now dating my best friend, so I understand the world.

他現在跟我最好的朋友在一起。所以我了解社會現實。