We learn how to tell ourselves off for our failures, and for not working hard or smart enough.

我們經常因為失敗，或是不夠努力、不夠聰明而苛責自己。

But so good are we at this, that we're sometimes in danger of falling prey to an excessive version of self-criticism,

但正因我們太擅長這樣做，有時我們反而可能會淪為自己的敵人，被過度的自我苛責而傷害，

what we might call self-flagellation, a rather dangerous stage which just ushers into pressure and under-performance.

這種自我鞭笞的危險心態會帶給我們壓力，讓我們表現不佳。

We might simply lose the will to get out of bed.

我們可能會因此失去起床的動力。

For those moments, we need a corrective.

這種時刻，我們就需要些改變來糾正。

We need to carve out time for an emotional state of which many of us are profoundly suspicious: self-compassion.

儘管我們對此抱持著高度的懷疑，但我們應該騰出時間給自己進入這種情緒狀態：自我疼惜。

We're suspicious because that sounds horribly close to self-pity.

我們質疑自我疼惜，因為它聽起來就像自我憐憫。

But because depression and self-hatred are serious enemies of a good life, we need to appreciate the role of self-care in a good, ambitious, and fruitful life.

但若要有個幸福美滿的人生，我們必須面對鬱鬱寡歡和自怨自艾這兩大敵人，因此，我們應該珍視自我療癒在人生道路上所扮演的重要角色。

To this end, we can perform what we've called "a self-compassion exercise", a structured meditation, lasting 15 minutes or so.

為此，我們可以練習先前所提到的「自我疼惜」，這是一個有架構的冥想，大約會持續 15 分鐘左右。

Lie in bed, or perhaps a bath, turn over a sequence of thoughts that interrupt and correct the flow of your worse self-accusations.

你可以躺在床上或浴缸裡，冥想一連串的想法來阻止且糾正你的自我苛責。

For a time, adopt an entirely kindly perspective on your setbacks.

在冥想的片刻，用完全友善、寬容的態度來面對自己的缺失。

The self-compassion exercise goes like this:

自我疼惜的練習如下：

We're so in love with success.

我們太想得到成功。

We fail to notice the scale of the challenges we routinely set ourselves.

導致我們無法察覺經常自己設下的挑戰。

There is nothing remotely normal about what we've tried to achieve.

我們所想達成的，其實已經超乎常人所及。

We failed, but given the mountain we were trying to climb, the conclusion doesn't have to be that we're simply fools.

我們雖然遭遇失敗，但看看我們想要達成的遠大目標之後，我們其實不必認為自己純然是個蠢蛋。

We have tricky family histories; we all do.

家家有本難念的經。每個人都有。

There were things which happened to us at the hands of others which can help to explain some of our current troubles.

有些事情，並不是我們自己所能掌握，這能解釋為什麼我們現在會遇到這樣的困難。

We're not entirely sane or well, but none of us are.

我們並不是完美的，但又有誰是呢？

We weren't well set up to carry out certain tasks.

做某些事情的時候，我們就是無法如願以償。

It isn't wholly our fault in the here and now.

但這並不代表在那個當下，我們是全然的失敗者。

From the media, you'd think everyone was rich and famous and successful, but in reality, undramatic, quiet failure is by a huge margin, the statistical norm.

媒體報導常讓我們以為每個人都是人生勝利組，但在現實生活中，失敗更屢見不鮮、是個常態。

We shouldn't tear ourselves apart for not managing to beat what were, in truth, awesome odds.

我們沒有必要為了成為那少數中的少數而費心傷神、否定自我。

Tough, self-critical people don't allow themselves the indulgence of believing in luck.

自我要求嚴格的人字典裡沒有運氣兩個字。

They take responsibility for everything.

他們一肩扛起所有責任。

They think winners make their own luck.

認為運氣是贏家的自我造化。

But they don't, for the most part.

但大多時候，事實不是如此。

Luck is a genuine feature of existence.

運氣是其中一個我們存在的真正意義。

We're robbing ourselves of fair consolation by believing that we're entirely in control and, therefore, entirely to blame when we crash.

如果我們認為自己可以掌握一切，我們便失去了慰藉的能力，在失敗時就會完全怪罪自己。

You're not only your achievements.

你的成就並不足以代表你的一切。

Status and material success are one bit of you, but there are others as well.

地位與財富只是一部份，而不是全部的你。

Those who loved you in childhood knew this, and, in their best moments, helped you to feel it.

小時候愛你的人明瞭這件事情，並且會盡能力所及讓你知道你有多棒。

Rehearsed internalized voices of all those who've been kind to you.

在腦中回想那些曾經善待你的人。

Bathe in the memory of a love, independent of achievement.

徜徉在愛的回憶裡，這時，變脫離了成就的束縛。

"It seems it will never end."

「似乎沒有結束的一天。」

That's not the truth.

其實並不是這樣的。

It's just how a crisis feels.

只是因為當下你遇到了困難。

You need to reduce expectations to zero for a time.

有時候你得拋開所有期望。

Take each new hour as it comes.

順其自然地度過每個時刻。

And, without being banal, what you need most of all is some rest.

在忘卻世俗煩惱後，讓心靈好好休息。