He was a charmer.

他是個很有魅力的人。

I was at the park one day when this man walked up that I'd never met and said, "I've been staring at you for the last hour. You're all I can think about."

有天我在公園時，有個陌生男子向我走來並對我說：「我已經看著你一個小時了，我滿腦子都是你。」

My heart was a flutter.

我的心噗通噗通地跳著。

This guy was just staring at me. Then he walks up and essentially says he's obsessed with me.

這個男人就一直盯著我，然後朝著我走了過來，跟我說他被我迷住了。

I took him for a playboy so I declined, of course.

我把他視為一個玩咖，想當然爾地拒絕了他。

But your grandfather was persistent. He wouldn't take no for an answer.

但你爺爺很堅持，他無法接受被我拒絕。

I told him flat out, I wasn't interested. But he wouldn't take a hand.

我直截了當地告訴他我對他沒興趣，但他不願意接受。

He sent two dozen roses to my office.

他送了兩打玫瑰到我的辦公室。

I show up to work and there are two fucking bushels of roses on my desk.

我去上班的時候，看到兩打令人厭惡的玫瑰放在我的辦公桌上。

My co-workers thought my mom died.

我的同事還以為我媽過世了。

He finally won me over and I agreed to go out with him that night.

他終於贏得我的心，我也同意那天晚上與他約會。

I said I would have one drink with him, in a public place.

我告訴他我可以和他喝一杯，但必須是在公共場合。

When he pulled up at my house, he looked at me and smiled. And I said, "Why are you so happy?"

當他出現在我家門前，他看著我並露出笑容。我問：「為何你這麼開心呀？」

And he said, "Because I have a date with a girl that I'm gonna marry."

他回答：「因為我正與一個我未來將娶的女孩子約會。」

Yeah, he fucking said that.

沒錯，他就是這樣說的。

We were dancing and when this other boy tried to cut in, your grandfather sucked him right in the jaw.

當我們在跳舞時，有另一個男生試著插進來，你爺爺給了他一個上勾拳。

He punched Mike. We were just dancing.

他竟然揍了麥克，我們只不過是在跳舞。

I still have a necklace he gave me that night. It was a family heirloom.

我仍然戴著他那晚給我的項鍊，這是個傳家寶。

He asked me to wear his mother's pearls.

他要我戴他媽媽的珍珠項鍊。

After our date, he wrote me the most beautiful love letter with his most animate feelings.

他在我們約會完後，用他最真摯的情感寫了一封很美的情書。

I feel like I've known you my entire life.

我覺得我好像認識你了一輩子。

Again, after hanging out once.

重申一次，我們只約出去一次而已。

Of course, my father didn't approve. So, he sneak up the rain pipe and climb in my window.

當然，我的爸爸並不同意。所以，他偷偷地爬水管上來，來到我窗前。

This fucking psycho shows up to my apartment at 2 a.m. without so much as a text.

這討人厭的神經病竟然在凌晨兩點出現在我的公寓，甚至沒有先傳個訊息。

I called the cops and I didn't put down the kitchen knife until they showed up.

我撥電話給警察，等到他們來了才敢把刀子放下。

From then on, we were inseparable. We've married for 50 wonderful years.

從此之後，我們再也分不開，我們已經結婚五十年了。

I bought a handgun, moved to a new burrow and legally changed my name.

我買了一支手槍，搬到新住所並且合法地改了我的名字。

I still think about him everyday.

至今，我還是每天想起他。

What was that?

那是什麼？

Hey guys, I'm Murf from College Humor.

嗨，大家好，我是來自 College Humor 的 Murf。

Click here to subscribe, here to watch more videos or anywhere else you damn well please, ok?

訂閱的話請點這邊，想要看更多影片請點這邊，或者隨便你想點哪就點哪，好嗎？

Don't let the government tell you where you can and cannot click.

別讓政府告訴你什麼能點、什麼不能點。

I've got some literature on the subject.

我這有很多關於這個主題的文章。