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So last year, on a sunny summer morning,
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I was in the old city of Antigua in Guatemala,
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hailing a cab to go visit a client.
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I got into the car, I was sitting on the back seat,
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busily preparing for the meeting I was about to have,
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when the driver attempted to engage me in conversation.
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"Where are you from?
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What is your name?
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Are you here for work?
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What do you do?"
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And it didn't take too long for him to ask me:
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"How do you like the weather here in Guatemala?"
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I've been very fortunate to have a job that allowed me to travel the world,
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and to interact with people from all different cultures.
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From the taxi driver, that drove me around Guatemala City,
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to the barista, who served me a cup of coffee
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in a small coffee shop in Sydney, Australia,
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to the photographer, whose photo exhibition I happened to walk in
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while I was strolling through the streets of London,
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all these people started a conversation
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asking me the same type of questions.
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Questions that would make the conversation feel scripted,
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and that would put the conversation on a path of what I call:
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"Predictable superficiality".
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I mean, how much can you actually learn about a person
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if you end up doing small talk about the weather?
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All of this changed sometime last year
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when I had the unexpected opportunity
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to participate in an event called: "A Conversation Gala."
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Now imagine receiving an invitation to an event
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where you don't know the host,
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you don't know the other guests,
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and you also don't know the occasion.
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However, you do know that there's one rule
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that everyone has to stick to.
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You're encouraged to meet other people, and have conversations,
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but you're not allowed to ask questions, or discuss topics
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that can otherwise be discovered
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through the other person's Facebook profile.
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So I got to the event with absolutely no idea what to expect,
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and I found myself in a room full of unfamiliar faces,
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and to break the ice, and to get the conversation going,
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the host had provided handwritten cards with questions on them.
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Questions like: "Do you believe in karma?
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What quality do you most appreciate in your mother?
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What scar of yours has the most interesting story to tell?
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Rihanna or Beyonce?
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And seriously, do we still need cursive writing?"
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So I took one of those cards,
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I approached a person and I started a conversation,
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and then another person, and then a couple,
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and then a group of people, and by the end of the night,
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we had talked about each other's family values, and childhood details.
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We went deep into the things that keep us up at night,
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and the things that get us out of bed in the morning,
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and we also touched on the things that we felt, and the things we feared.
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All of that, with people whom I had met for only one evening,
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and then never saw again.
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I barely knew their names,
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but I had learned about their relationship with their parents.
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And while I didn't know what they were doing for a living,
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I certainly knew their biggest regrets in life.
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The evening was very unique, and anything but usual.
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And it got me thinking --
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thinking about how one simple rule
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made all the difference that evening,
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in terms of the strong connections that were built,
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and the meaningful stories that were shared.
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And it also got me reflecting.
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Reflecting upon how often
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we have a chance to meet a new person in our lives,
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and how sometimes these encounters end up being yearlong friendships,
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while other encounters, we cannot even remember a few years later.
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So what I didn't know that evening
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was that I was a guinea pig.
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I was a guinea pig in a social experiment
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hosted by a non-profit company called: "Irrational Labs."
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The social experiment was based on a research paper,
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published in the Journal of Psychological Science,
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which has found that more meaningful conversations
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can actually lead
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to increase levels of happiness, and well-being.
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Not necessarily because the content of the conversation
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is of a more positive nature,
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but because deeper conversations
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help us find more meaning, and importance in our own lives.
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Nevertheless, even when we're surrounded by the smartest people,
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and the people that have the most interesting stories to share,
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we default to the lowest common denominator and small talk prevails.
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Researchers have also found that there are some things
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we keep doing even when we understand that they're not ideal for us.
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I think most of us would agree
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that using the phone behind the wheel can be lethally dangerous.
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In fact 94% of all drivers surveyed support a ban on it.
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Nevertheless, drivers still pick up the phone.
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Same thing with projects,
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and the fact that we start them very late,
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even though we have deadlines,
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and that always, most certainly, results in high anxiety, and late nights.
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But we still procrastinate.
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And what about dinner conversation?
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Well, nobody said that talking about the weather
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is either exciting or fulfilling. Yet we engage.
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So how can we get ourselves to break this habit of small talk
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even when we understand --
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even when it's sometimes harder not to?
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So here's the thing to keep in mind --
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There are 7 billion people in this world
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each with an amazing, and unique story to share.
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The dreams that we pursue are different.
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The challenges that we have to overcome, and that shape us, are different,
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and the memories that we carry in our hearts are different.
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That makes 7 billion treasure boxes
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full of life lessons, wisdom, and experience.
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So the next time you meet someone for the first time,
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and you lose yourself to the mere exchange of small talk
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it is as if you went to museum in which you could explore
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the beauties of our past and marvel at the wonders of our future,
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but instead you just sit there, and you play on your smartphone.
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Why would you do that?
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Now imagine how much
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you can actually learn about someone, and from someone,
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if you approach each conversation with the innate curiosity
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that you normally demonstrate as an infant.
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How much you could learn if you embrace the unknown
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knowing that each person out there can help you
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become a better version tomorrow, of who you are today,
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and if you open yourself to the vast possibilities
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of how one single encounter with someone
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can truly change the trajectory of your life?
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All it takes for us
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could be to be genuinely and authentically interested in the other person.
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Not necessarily by their title, their resume, achievements or status,
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but in who they are as a human being, and the story that they have to share.
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And often times it's the simplest people who can teach you the most.
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I could have asked the barista in Sydney about the weather in Australia.
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But I was rather interested in his motivation to be a barista.
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So I asked him:
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"What makes you so passionate about coffee?"
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And he told me that his grandfather had migrated from Italy to Australia,
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and that it has been a family tradition for over 5 generations
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to work as a barista.
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The photographer whose exhibition I happened to walk in,
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I didn't ask him how his exhibition went, I was rather interested in his memories.
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So I asked him:
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"Which of your pictures evokes the most profound memories?"
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He then walked me to a photograph, describing it:
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"The last picture he took as a homeless person living on the streets of London."
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And my taxi driver in Guatemala,
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I could have asked him: "How is your day?"
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But I was rather interested in his emotions.
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So I asked him: "What made you happy today?"
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It turned out it was his 10-year wedding anniversary,
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and he was sharing this very, very beautiful story with me,
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of how his wife once entered his cab as a passenger, many years ago.
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Yes, all of these conversations started with small talk,
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and yes, to certain degree,
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it was needed to build some initial rapport and comfort.
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But the key was really
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to get off this track of predictable superficiality,
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and really touch on the things, and topics that make us who we are,
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our motivations, our memories, and our emotions.
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Such slight change in language, and intention
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can really open up a small window into the true spirit of another person,
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and allow us to have in-depth conversations
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that can truly lead to such meaningful, and memorable moments.
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Just imagine how many more strong connections we could build,
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how much more cross-cultural understanding we could create,
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and how many interpersonal bridges we could build with people
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that, one day, can impact our lives.
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This way, we could, maybe, finally see that each stranger out there
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is actually just another friend that we haven't met yet.
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
