Name: 【MarieTV】當背叛無法忘懷時，該如何寬恕對方? (How To Forgive When You Can't Forget)
Uploaded: 2021-06-30T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 6 min 28 s

現在進行式

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life you love.

嘿，我是瑪莉·芙萊奧，你正在收看的是 Marie TV，在此創造你所熱愛的事業與生活。

形容詞最高級

And today is Q&A Tuesday, one of the best days of the week.

今天是禮拜二的問與答時間，一週中最棒的一天之一。

Today’s question comes from Lindsey and Lindsey writes:

今天的問題來自琳西，上面寫道:

“Hey Marie. First, you rock.” No, you rock. “Second, I’m seeking some spiritual advice.

「嘿，瑪莉，首先我得說，你太讚了！」沒有，你才是最讚的。「接著，我想尋求一些精神上的建議。

Lately I’ve been struggling with resentment towards a particular person.

最近我糾結於對某人憎恨的情緒之中。

I know I need to let go of it, but my gut is telling me not to trust this person because they’ve burned me before.

我知道自己必須釋懷這種情緒，但內心卻告訴自己不該再相信這個人，因為他們曾讓我受過傷害。

I don't want this to eat me up inside because I know it’ll just hold me back from becoming everything I’m meant to be.

我不想被這樣的想法吞噬，因為我知道那只會是阻礙我成為理想中自己的絆腳石。

How do I let it go and move on when I’m so full of distrust?

我該如何在內心充滿不信任的情況下，釋懷這樣的情緒並讓我還能有繼續往前的動力？

Do you have any suggestions about how to forgive without forgetting? Thanks so much, Lindsey.”

有沒有如何在寬恕他人的同時，不忘教訓的建議呢？感激不盡，琳西上。」

Lindsey, this is a fantastic question. Forgiveness is an important topic and it’s a vital spiritual nd emotional practice.

琳西，這是個很棒的問題。原諒他人是項重要的課題，同時也是心靈與情緒層面上不可或缺的習題。

You know, as Nelson Mandela once said, resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.

正如納爾遜·曼德拉曾言，憎恨如同自己飲用了毒藥，卻希望也能同時藉此毒死敵手。(譯註：納爾遜·曼德拉 (Nelson Mandela) 為前南非總統，曾因推動廢除南非的種族隔離制度而獲頒 1993 年諾貝爾和平獎)

Now, I personally get my inspiration from others who demonstrate forgiveness in incredible ways.

我自己通常會從那些以不可思議的方式彰顯出寬恕精神的人們那獲得啟發。

So I think about that guy Louis Zamperini, the Olympic runner that turned war hero in Unbroken.

我想到一位名叫路易斯·詹帕瑞尼的人。在《永不屈服》電影當中，描述了他從一位奧運跑將變成了戰爭英雄的故事。 (譯註：Louis Zamperini 是一位在二戰中倖存的美國戰俘，亦是奧運長跑運動員。《永不屈服》 (Unbroken) 為 2014 年放映，重現路易斯·詹帕瑞尼傳奇一生的美國電影。)

He forgave the prison guard who brutally tortured him for years.

他原諒了那位當初殘暴折磨他多年的監獄長。

And, of course, I also think about the families of those who were killed in the horrific shooting in Charleston who also forgave the person who murdered their loved ones.

當然，我還想到了那些在查理斯頓恐怖槍殺事件之後失去親人的家屬們，也原諒了那些曾經殺害他們摯愛親人們的兇手。(譯註：這裡提到的事件，是於 2015 年 6 月在美國南卡羅萊州查理斯頓所發生的重大槍擊案)

對我來說這就像寬恕的名人堂一樣。

Now, thankfully, Lindsey, I don't think your situation is quite as extreme, but still you feel hurt and you feel betrayed.

幸好，琳西，我想你現在的情況應該不至於如此極端，但你仍感到受了傷，甚至覺得遭到背叛。

And you’re right when you say that not forgiving someone, no matter what they did, will hold you back from being all you’re meant to be.

而你說得沒錯，無論那些人做了什麼，如果你不寬恕他們，那只會讓心裡的疙瘩成為阻礙你成為理想中自己的絆腳石。

Here’s the big distinction I want you to get.

這裡有一個我希望你能釐清的重要觀念。

Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you instantly or ever trust someone again. Forgiveness and trust are separate issues.

原諒他人並不代表你馬上就要再度或永遠信任他人。寬恕和信任兩者是各自獨立的問題。

When you forgive someone it doesn't mean that you condone their behavior and it doesn't mean that you’re gonna tolerate any further abuse or lack of respect.

當你原諒某人的時候，並不代表你寬恕他們的作為，也不意味著你得容忍更多的傷害或不尊重。

And frankly, even if you fully forgive someone you do not have to keep that person in your life.

坦白說，就算完全寬恕了某個人，也不代表非得要讓此人繼續出現在自己的世界中不可。

Now, Lindsey, you’ve already said that your gut is telling you that you can’t trust this person, and I think it’s wise to pay attention to that.

而琳西，你說過自己的內心告訴你沒辦法信任此人，而我覺得多加注意這點是明智之舉。

Now, if you do choose to keep this person in your life, they’re gonna need to rebuild that trust with you and that’s likely gonna take some time.

如果現在你選擇繼續讓此人出現在你的世界中，他們便勢必得重建起你對他們的信任， 而這將會花上好些時間。

Now, more importantly though, realize that forgiveness is not something that you do for the person who wronged you. It’s something you do for you.

不過現在更重要的是，你必須了解到寬恕並不是為了那個曾經傷害過你的人，而是為了你自己。傷害過妳的人，而是為了妳自己。

Want a little etymology? The Latin root means to give completely, without reservation.

想要來點對英文「寬恕 forgive」字源的解釋嗎？在拉丁字根中，其意指毫無保留、完全的給予。

So think of it this way. When you forgive, you’re giving a gift to yourself. A gift of freedom, mental, emotional, and spiritual freedom.

所以試著這樣思考吧。當你寬恕他人的時候，就代表給了自己一份禮物。一份讓你在心理、情緒及精神層面上皆重獲自由的禮物。

以下有兩個步驟能幫助你做到這點。

Step number one in this process is forgive yourself, especially if you’re having any thoughts like, “Oh my goodness, how could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so naïve?”

第一步，原諒你自己，特別是當腦中開始出現如「噢我的老天，我怎麼會這麼愚蠢？我怎麼會這麼天真？」等等想法的時候。

You've got to realize that this situation, like every situation, is an opportunity to strengthen your soul.

你得體認到如同人生會碰到的任何情況一樣，這是能讓你的靈魂變得更加堅強的機會。

You know, every time that I’ve been burned, after I get over that initial anger and hurt I always ask myself, “What can I learn from this? And how can I grow from this?”

你知道，每當我受到傷害，在我發怒完、傷心過後，我常會捫心自問：「我可以從中學到什麼教訓？而我又能從中獲得什麼成長？」

And when I ask those wise questions, what comes back are usually some really wise answers.

而在我問自己這些明智的問題之後，多半都能得到一些非常明智的答案。

Step number two is to forgive the person.

Now, I know that this is easier said than done and there are many, many different approaches to forgiveness.

我知道這說的比做的還容易，而且這世上有太多，各種不同寬恕的方式。

There’s a spiritual approach, there’s a faith based, there’s a psychological approach, and what I’ve seen to be the most important step in all of those approaches is willingness.

好比說，有精神層面的方法，有以信仰為基礎的，還有心理層面的寬恕方式。但在我看來，不論是何種寬恕方式，最重要的莫過於自身有沒有寬恕的意願。

You being willing. That slight little shift in energy from, “Nuh uh. Can’t do it,” to, “You know what? I don't know how, but I’m willing to forgive,” can radically change everything.

你自身必須有寬恕他人的意願。只是將心態從「不不不，我做不到」轉為「你猜怎麼樣？雖然我不知道該怎麼做，但我有意願想寬恕對方」的小小改變，便能完全改變所有一切。

And a simple little prayer or a mantra that you might wanna practice saying to yourself is this: “While I don't know how, I am willing to forgive. Please God, the universe, Smurf fairies, whatever language suits you, show me the way.”

你可以自己練習一個單純且簡潔的祈禱文：「雖然我不知道具體該怎麼做，但我願意選擇寬恕，拜託上帝、宇宙、甚至藍色小精靈 (任何你覺得適合的對象都行)，指引我繼續向前吧。」

Because that simple willingness is often all it takes to melt the walls around your heart and begin to truly forgive.

因為那股單純的意願經常會是融化妳心中那堵牆，讓你能真正開始寬恕所需的一切。

Now, before we wrap up there’s just one more thing that I wanna say about forgiveness and, yes, it’s a Tweetable.

現在，在節目結束之前，我還有一些關於寬恕的話想說。沒錯，接下來是瑪莉的推特轉發時間。

[瑪莉的推文轉發時間 | 盡情推文，發散出去吧！]

“Forgiveness isn’t a weakness. It’s the ultimate sign of courage and strength.”

「寬恕並非示弱，而是勇氣與力量的最終展現。」

That was my A to your Q, Lindsey, and I really do hope it helps.

而這正是我對你問題的解答，琳西，我希望今天真的有幫助到你。

Now I would love to hear from you. Have you ever wrestled with forgiving someone or rebuilding trust after it’s been broken?

現在我想聽聽看你們的想法。你是否曾經在彼此關係破裂後，在原諒對方或重建起信任時感到掙扎呢？

In terms of forgiving and forgetting, what’s worked for you and what hasn’t?

就寬恕與遺忘兩者而言，哪一個對你是有幫助的，而哪個不是？

Now, as always, the richest discussions happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, and we have a lot of fun in the comments.

如往常一樣，在每一集結束後，MarieForieo.com 網站上都會出現熱烈的討論，而我們都很享受閱讀下面的評論。

So please go over there and let me know your responses now.

所以現在就請你到網站上留下你的想法吧。

Did you like this video? If so, subscribe to our channel and it would be great if you shared this with your friends.

你喜歡這部影片嗎？如果喜歡，請你訂閱我們的頻道，若能將這部影片分享給你的朋友那更是再好不過了。

And if you want even more great resources to create a business and life that you love, plus some personal insights from me that I only share in email, come on over to MarieForleo.com and sign up for email updates.

如果你想要更多超讚的資源來創造你所熱愛的事業及生活，或者想要參考一些我只會在電子郵件中提到的個人洞見的話，請前往 MarieForleo.com 網站並註冊以利收到電子報的通知。

Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have.

繼續闖蕩你的事業，並繼續朝著你的夢想邁進，因為這世界正需要你那獨一無二的天賦。

Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

非常感謝你的收看，我們下回再於 Marie TV 上見囉！

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【MarieTV】當背叛無法忘懷時，該如何寬恕對方? (How To Forgive When You Can't Forget)

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