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- It's good to see you again.
And this is so exciting, isn't it?
I mean, who woulda thunk it, that this would be happening?
- I knew. - No, you didn't.
- No, but people do ask me,
and I think that's the craziest question:
"Did you know it was gonna be that big of a hit?"
So now I say yes.
- Uh-huh. - In fact,
I thought it would be bigger. - Uh-huh.
And I'm let down. - Yeah.
- So, I know this one's gonna do well, too,
'cause I'm psychic. - Yeah.
Look at that right there.
[cheers and applause]
- That's before and after. That's not my fault.
- It's really-- what's not your fault?
- What I look like now is not my fault.
[laughter]
Now, this is not my fault.
Medication did it.
Years of living longer makes you look worse.
Who knew about that?
It's really upsetting. - [laughs]
- So, but, see, I looked good then,
but didn't know it then either.
- Yeah. We never do.
We never appreciate where we are in that moment in time.
- That's what I try to think of.
I think, when I am 70...
- Mm-hmm. - I'm gonna wish
that I looked what I looked like when I was with you.
- Yes, yes. - Just this, though.
Okay. - Just this.
- Just this, what I-- just right here.
- Just this moment? --Yeah. - Yeah.
And I'm getting these clothes and--okay, go ahead.
- Okay.
I love you so much.
So, we went out and we tried to sell tickets.
We actually ended up being very charitable.
We were raising money for charity,
and we didn't really have a charity in mind,
but we went on Barham Boulevard--
- I made up one.
- Yeah, you made up ridiculous ones.
But anyway, we had signs,
and we wanted to see how many people we could get to pull over
to give tickets to the opening night of "Star Wars."
And this was just this afternoon.
- "Star Wars" for charity!
- Carrie Fisher!
- Carrie Fisher in stupid hair, again!
Look. Come on.
See, it's not as popular as you think.
- This movie is very popular.
[car honking horn] - Oh.
- Oh, pull over. - Okay.
- Yeah, okay, hi. - Okay, hi.
- Are you interested in seeing "Star Wars"?
Yeah, I would like to see it.
- Have you bought tickets yet?
I haven't, I was just waiting.
- Good, that's good.
- So now, normally they're $500 for a pair.
- Right, right, right. - Because you can't get them any more.
They're like, you know--
- They're--they're gold. They're like gold.
- People are-- they are like gold,
but more. - More than gold.
They're like Trump's money. - So, how much money
do you have?
- I have, like, $150.
- Yeah. - But, like, on my debit card.
- Oh, well, that's all right.
What do you have in your trunk? We'll trade you.
- Do you have-- - I have some clothes.
- This is where it pays to be a hoarder.
- Do you have a blouse? - I have a--yeah.
I got a...sweatshirt. - What is that?
All right. Here's two tickets.
- [gasps] - It's for opening night.
- Is it? - Yeah, opening night, 7:45.
- Is this real? - It's real.
- It's real. - We didn't make you pull over for nothing.
- If she says it's real...
- Okay, bye. - Bye, see you later.
both: Tickets to "Star Wars"!
- Tickets to "Star Wars." - Oh, yeah, oh, good, good.
Now it's happening. Now we're doing it.
How are you doing? - We love you!
- Oh. It's Princess Leia.
- Oh, hi. - Do you love me also?
Uh, I don't know you yet.
- I'm Princess Leia. - Oh, now I know.
- Yeah. - So we're selling tickets
for charity to "Star Wars." - Okay.
- So, you look like you have money, it's a nice car.
Can you take my card?
- No. - No, you're gonna think
long and hard about it. You've got cash.
All right, let's try them. - Yeah, come on.
This is bull [bleep].
- Are you a "Star Wars" fan? - Yes.
- Which character do you like?
I like Skywalker.
- Skywalker? - Skywalker.
That's my brother!
Do you have, like, $10?
- No, just let him have it.
- I want $10. - All right.
You're a nurse, right? - Yeah, I am.
- I like nurses. You're good people.
- Love nurses. - Thank you.
- All right, we're gonna give you two tickets to opening night, "Star Wars."
Get out!
- Get out of here.
Will you wear your nurse's outfit to the opening? - Okay
- Nurse. - Are you a "Star Wars" fan?
- As soon as you heard- - I am.
I was driving across the street.
- Will you trade this for a-- - I would.
- Ask him to make a-- do you have a talent?
- He doesn't have any money.
- I can do a handstand.
And a song while you're up.
- A song while I do it? - Yeah.
- [humming "Star Wars" theme]
- That is good.
- You have two tickets to go see "Star Wars" opening night.
How cool is that? - That is fantastic.
- That is cool. And dress up.
- I will. - Not the--good.
- The Force be with you. - Oh, and you.
- You want tickets to "Star Wars"?
- Okay. - All right.
Should we get in the middle?
- No. - That'll cause an accident.
- Opening night, "Star Wars." - Opening night.
- A hundred bucks? - $100 is great.
- Sure, yeah. - Okay.
- It's for a charity. - It's going to charity.
- Absolutely. - All right.
- 100 bucks for you. - Wonderful, thank you so much.
100 bucks for me. - Oh, thank you.
- It's mine. All right.
I need three, I will give you a hundred.
- Wow! This is taking off.
I'm gonna take that. - Isn't that amazing?
- That's awesome. - What is your charity?
- My charity is for mental illness for animals.
- Oh, that's so great. - Thank you.
- What do you have? What do you want to trade?
- Do you have, like, $10?
- You have cigarettes, you have water,
and you have a lot of auditions down there.
- I know. - All right.
I'm gonna give you two tickets to opening night, "Star Wars."
Where are you going? - I'm gonna take the picture.
- Oh, you will? Thank you.
- Here, go.
No, I'm gonna take it with Ellen.
Oh, okay. - Oh, she just went to Maps.
- Here. - I can't do it.
Okay. - Now she's on Maps.
She's trying to take a picture...
- Okay, go. - And she--
- Ellen! Here we go, I did it.
There...there...and look.
- Oh, a selfie. - I can't do this.
Okay, no, I didn't get it. Okay, there.
Look, I did it. - All right.
[cheers and applause]
You did it. - Good.
I did it. I'm so proud.
- All right, so proud.
[applause]
"Star Wars: The Force Awakens" opens in theaters everywhere
this Friday. It is gonna be magnificent.
Thank you so much, Carrie Fisher!
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初級 美國腔

【艾倫秀】艾倫在路上賣星際大戰電影票！

16045 分類 收藏
陳怡平 發佈於 2015 年 12 月 23 日    陳怡平 翻譯    Vivi Lee 審核

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