We're in Taipei, Taiwan

我們在台灣的台北

And we have to days to eat all of your food

我們有兩天的時間可以吃你們所有的食物

When it comes to Taiwan a lot of people think about

很多人一來到臺灣就想到夜市或是小籠湯包，但是你應該要先想到臺灣人吃什麼早餐

the night markets or they think about the soup dumplings but

如果你從來沒吃過臺式早餐，那你就落伍了

you need to start thinking about taiwanese breakfast

第一道是煎蘿蔔糕。喔~

If you've never had breakfast in Taiwan before

其實我有一點訝異。（蘿蔔？）我一直以為它會是像薯餅一樣，它會是一絲一絲的。我以為會是像那樣。

you are missing out my friends

我要吃了。　吃吧。

Okay first up, fried radish cakes.

喔我的天啊！這嚐起來跟馬鈴薯泥一樣。哇～

Oh, yes.

可以再多拿三塊嗎？這些太好吃了。

okay I'm actually a little bit surprised

喔我的天啊！裡面還有一點肉末。（哇賽）

[Simon: radishes?] Yeah, I know right?

這是很薄的蛋餅。看起來裡面有蔥，然後裡面包著我們剛才吃的蘿蔔糕。可是蘿蔔糕看起來跟剛才的不太一樣。

that's exactly- I was expecting these to look like hashbrowns

還是一樣好吃。我以前從來不知道有這樣的食物。

like you know when you get shredded hashbrowns?

我必須說，比起薯餅或是其他東西，我更喜歡吃這個。我也是。

like I pictured a giant radish thing being shredded

如果要我跟選蘿蔔糕跟薯餅選一個當早餐，我會選這個。

I'm going in

喔我的天啊！

alright here we go

我以前都不知道黃豆文化對台灣的重要。你的是冰豆漿，我的是熱豆漿。

Oh man, it tastes like... a mashed potato shot

這很奇妙，因為我只喝過用鋁箔包喝過豆漿。沒錯。

oh my god, woah

喔我的天啊！我的就跟拿鐵一樣，可以幫我加一杯濃縮咖啡在裡面嗎？

Can we get 3 more of these?

這很甜但是很清爽。

This is amazing.

好了，現在我們可以開始在台北的一天了。走吧。

Oh my god. And it has like, little bits of meat in there?

我們現在在春水堂。

Holy smokes.

我知道我一定念的很不標準，但是我真的一直在練習。你真的練習了很久，寶貝。

So this is a really thinly fried omlette

聽著，各位！你聽過波霸嗎？珍珠奶茶？它來自台灣。你知道嗎？

it looks like it has green onions in it

來自這裡。就是這裡，這裡是發源地。

and it's wrapped around radish cake again

這是我這輩子看過最大杯的珍珠奶茶。

But the radish cake doesn't look the same

老天阿。這太瘋狂了。你有看到這有多大嗎？

That is perfectly small.

他們不是在開玩笑的，我的手腕端著這個都痠了。

I didn't know any of this food existed.

我們喝一口吧。

May we just say, I prefer this over hash brown any day.

這是一杯好喝的珍珠奶茶。我的嘴巴裡面全部都是波霸。哇。我的天啊！

Me, too.

它甜的剛好。喔我的天啊！

If I had a choice between radishes for breakfast and hashbrowns for breakfast, I'll pick this

我愛這個。

Oh my god.

你覺得這類的茶也算是有咖啡因嗎，Simon？

I didn't realize how big soy culture was in Taiwan.

對......蛤？你說什麼？

Yeah!

＊＠＃＄％︿＆＊（％＃

You have a fresh, cold soy milk and mine is a hot soy milk.

一個台灣珍珠奶茶很棒的原因，就是不只是珍珠奶茶而已，它的其他菜也很好吃。

This is so weird because I'm only used to having soy milk in boxes.

這太瘋狂了，喔！蘿蔔！

Yeah, exactly.

喔你的夢想又成真了。

Oh my god.

我要吃這個。寶貝。蛤？我的天啊！真的嗎？

Mine's like a latte. Can I have a shot of espresso in here?

這就像是很完美的馬鈴薯泥。

That's so sweet but fresh.

這看起來很棒，因為它有麥還有蝦子，還有其他我不知道的東西。

Alright. Let's get this day in Taipei started.

我也要試一個。

Let's do it.

喔我的天啊！

It rhymed!

這是一個豬肉燒賣，外面被米飯包覆住。我不知道有這種燒賣，我從來不知道。

We are here at Chung Shui Tang, which I'm sure I mispronounced

喔我的天啊！喔我的天啊！喔我的......天啊！天啊！喔我的天啊！

But I've honestly been practicing for like [Martina: You've practiced so hard Ducky] 5 minutes

現在有一個新問題了，豬肉燒賣V.S蘿蔔糕

Listen guys, you think you know boba?

我們現在要做一件我已經等不及要做的事了！我們要去洗頭！

You think you know bubble tea?

他們會幫我的頭皮按摩，幫我的脖子按摩。就像是一個小時的享受，很棒是不是？

It came from Taiwan, did you know that?

（嗯哼。）誰不喜歡被碰你的頭髮？（就是啊！）沒錯吧？

It came from here

你準備好了嗎？好了。那走吧，走吧～

It came from here.

Simon, 你要去哪裡?

This is the originator.

我才不要洗頭洗一個小時，我要待在這裡。

Here is the biggest boba tea I've seen in my entire life.

喔我的天啊！這太好吃了！

This...

我在天堂～

Oh my god.

我在天堂～我超愛別人碰我的頭！

...is nuts.

我超愛別人碰我的頭～

Holy smokes.

喔我的天啊！我有了最棒的一次經驗。你也是嗎？我也是！你先說！好！

Do you see...

我吃了一個牛肉的東西，（＊＆︿％＄。（我洗了我的頭髮＊＆︿％＄！。）

Okay

台灣夜市！如果你在台灣沒有去一個夜市，你根本沒來過台灣。

How big this is?

你來台灣還有什麼意思？這是精華，這是我們一直期待的。

They're not messing around here.

這是我們要共度餘生的地方。如果你看到一個帳篷，就是Simon跟Martina的。

No.

你們有賣的，我全部都要吃

My wrists are sore.

肉丸！

Okay we gotta one shot it.

喔哇！是甜的！（聽不懂）好吃，裡面有肉！

That is a delicious bubble tea.

哇～我要～全部的食物。

I got a mouthful of boba.

臭豆腐！這是油炸過的臭豆腐。我們已經等很久了。你在一公里外就可以聞到，

Woah

你準備好要燙傷你的嘴巴了嗎？好了。喔我的天啊！這太震撼了！

Oh my god. That is perfectly sweet.

好了。準備好了嗎？每樣東西都要嚐一次。

Oh my god.

哇！這很好吃！喔～我現在吃到那個臭味了！

I love this.

超難吃(sucks)！很好吃！吃起來像襪子(socks)！

Do think this kind of tea counts as caffeine, Simon?

我覺得很像醋。有醋味的襪子。

Of course.

聽著，我以為這會比我想像中的臭很多。哇！這沒有很臭。臭豆腐，我對你不夠臭這件事很失望。

What? What do you mean?

我不失望。只要再更臭一點就太臭了！我很失望！

Now what I think its amazing about going for bubble tea in Taiwan is

我想要試試看其他東西，拜託！

is that it's not just about the bubble tea

哇～你真的很喜歡這個。

it's also about the side dishes

胡椒餅！

This is crazy.

喔我的天啊！肉好甜！有蒜味嗎？

Radish cakes.

裡面好像有丁香！就像是漢堡包。裡面是很棒的芝麻麵包。

Oh, your dream has come true again.

很脆！喔好棒！你看它有多棒！

Yup

炸雞排！

Yup.

喔！太棒了！太棒了！我的天啊！

Yup

好多汁～～～好燙～～～

Yup.

（太可愛了！！）

I wanna go for this.

喔我的天啊！

DUCKY

走開！走開！

Oh my god.

你又沒有特別喜歡吃雞肉！喔天阿寶貝！

Really?

你準備好了嗎？喔我的天啊！你說得沒錯，真的是天啊！

That's like, mashed potato perfection.

生煎包！

Okay this look amazing because it has barley and shrimp

喔我的天啊！哇～

and a whole bunch of other stuff that I don't know.

底部很酥脆，頂部像海棉。裡面的肉很軟。

Okay, I gotta try one too.

喔～喔我的天啊！

I'm going in for it.

我可以吃吃看另一個嗎？

Oh my god!

花生捲冰淇淋！

That is...

我說得對嗎？我只會說對一次！

...a pork shumai

這是一個春捲。磨碎的太妃糖（應該是花生糖吧～）還有香菜跟冰淇淋。你相信嗎？

covered in rice.

我很期待這個！

I didn't know this exists.

喔我的天啊～喔我的天啊～

I didn't know this exists.

那個太妃糖是亮點！冰淇淋......香菜跟冰淇淋！我不敢相信有這種食物！

OH MY GOD.

我太開心了！台灣，為什麼我沒有早點來這裡？你是一個仙境！

Oh my god.

有很多神秘有好吃的食物，我愛你。

Oh my god.

我愛你，台灣！（快點再來！！）

The real question is...

我真的很......你自己有一個！！

rice covered pork shumai or radish cake

吃太多了～一定要運動！

We are about to do something I cannot wait to do.

我們在北投！我們正在享受超棒的自然溫泉！

We are going to get our hair washed.

我的腳踝因為昨天在夜市走太多路好痠。

They're gonna massage my head and massage our neck..

我的肩膀因為端了太多食物好痛～

It's like an hour of hair pampering right? That's amazing!

我手指握了筷子好幾個小時！

Um... yeah.

我的下巴因為一整天都在咬一堆美食變得很痠痛。

Who doesn't like having their hair touched?

我需要這個。我需要這個。

Right!

美麗的手指！

Right?

Wow, fantastic baby. Dance~ (Big bang-fantastic baby)

Okay... okay you ready?

我要死了！

Yup!

你在幹嗎？

Okay, let's go! Let's go!

你幹嗎還泡在裡面？我們還有很多事要做！你在找藉口好讓自己可以永遠待在這裡面嗎？

Simon, where are you going?

來不來隨便你～。你要去哪裡？

Ain't no damn way I'm getting my hair washed for an hour.

鼎！泰！豐！！

This is where it's at.

小籠湯包應該要得到比平常我們拍的那些影片還要更好的待遇。

Oh my god!

所以我們要把我們FAP FAP的影片都用在這一次～這當然是為了你們～。都是為了你們～。

This is totally awesome.

但現在，先享受一些讓人食指大動的影片～～～。舔螢幕吧～快舔！！舔！！！

I'm in heaven.

我們的戶外活動，U-Bikes！Let's go ！

I'm in heaven.

我本來很高興我們可以運動一下，但是我們還是一直不停地在吃！對吧，Simon？

I love having my head touched.

寶貝！那是哪來的？

I love having my head touched.

我不知道！

OH MY GOD I had the most wonderful experience!

好吧，我們只有一個人在運動。我們兩個其中一個。

You too? Me too!

我餓了！寶貝，我們才剛吃飽。

You go first! Okay so...

已經十分鐘以前了！我的天啊！

Taiwan night markets!

每個人都告訴我們說，要是我們沒有吃過芒果雪花冰，就不能離開台灣。

If you don't go to one of these when you're in Taiwan, you haven't experienced Taiwan!

他們搶了我們的護照，威脅我們留在這裡。所以我想我們應該要試試看。我們又要很痛苦地吃美食了～。我們是為了你們。都是為了你們。

What's the point, even?

天啊！你看到那一大塊芒果了嗎？

This is what it's all about, this is what we've been waiting for

喔我的天啊！這個白色的東西是什麼？豆腐嗎？

This is where we are going to spend the rest of our lives

恩～這太棒了！我好冷～～。這就像是棉花糖冰淇淋。

Good night and God speed.

喔哇！喔我的天啊！

Look for the tent that says Simon and Martina will be here.

我現在知道為什麼我一定要吃這個了。

I'm going to eat everything you have to offer.

這是珍珠奶茶雪花冰。

Yup.

這像是粉圓。熱的粉圓放在冰的上面。聞起來像是黑糖。

Oh wow.

喔天啊！喔天啊！

Sweet and savoury but not like Sweet and Sour sauce.

我們來讓大家看看這一碗多大，因為我現在才注意到它有多大碗。

Oh yes.

你看到這份量有多大了嗎？

Oh there's meat in here!

這很大份。這，真的很好吃！

Wow.

你準備好吃肉了嗎？你準備好吃麵了嗎？你準備好要喝酒了嗎？因為我們準備好了！

I want...

我們現在在一間熱炒店。

all the food.

喔我的天啊！這光是用看的就很好吃了！喔～這樣看起來也很好吃！

Stinky tofu.

上更多菜了嗎？太好了！看看這些！老天啊！看看這些顏色。

Alright this is the deep fried version.

參觀一下我的美食王國。

We like waited forever for this super-

這不是你一個人的王國，Simon。你要跟我們分這些食物。

You can smell this from a mile away.

喔我的天啊！

Alright you think we're gonna burn our mouths off?

不敢相信！

Yup!

就像是你進到一家餐廳，你什麼都看不懂。你從菜單上面隨便選幾樣菜，你還是可以吃得很開心。

Oh my god it's so... pungent!

喔我的天啊！＊６

Alright. Now try everything at once.

那簡直是不敢相信！

Wow. That is delicious!

我們已經試過了很多臺灣的傳統食物，像是一些街道小吃。

OH. I can taste the smell now. There you go.

但這並不代表台灣沒有一些時尚的食物。今天，我們有一些東西要介紹給你們，就像是結合了傳統跟現代。而對我們來說這是一個很棒的結尾。看看這些飲料跟餅乾。

That socks.

Simon很期待那些餅乾。我也很期待那杯喝的。

Tastes good!

這很好笑，這已經是我們拍的第七次了。當然你們不知道。

Tastes like socks.

然後Martina就一直在喝，她說＂喔！我要再重喝一次。＂

It tastes a little like vinegar to me.

臺灣，我們會再來的。我們一定會。（快來！！）

Vinegar socks.

所以這就是美好的臺灣，我們度過了超棒的時光。我對臺灣的看法已經完全改變了。

Listen. This was supposed to be a lot stinkier than I expected.

我可以很肯定的說這趟旅行太短了。真的太短了。沒錯，我們很樂意再來臺灣。我們必須逛更多夜市。

WOAH.

吃更多小籠湯包。如果你是一個吃貨，你一定要來這個國家。這個國家就像是食物中的海洛因。

This is not that stinky.

來臺灣吧！食物中的可卡因XD

I am disappointed in your lack of stinkiness, stinky tofu.

I'm not disappointed... nope.

Anymore stinkiness would be too much.

Disappointed.

I would like to try something else please.

Woah you're really diggin' in there.

Hu jiao bing!

Oh my god. That meat is so sweet!

Is it garlic-y?

It's like they have cloves in there as well.

It's like a hamburger bun inside this like beautiful sesame bun.

The crispiness... oh yeah.

Look how dense that is.

Fried chicken steak.

Oh yes!

Yes. Yeah!

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Go away. Go away.

You don't even like chicken that much.

Oh my god Ducky. Are you ready?

Oh my god.

Oh my god is right.

Sheng Jian Bao!

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Wow.

The bottom, is like beautifully crispy.

The top is spongy and then the pork on the inside is so soft.

Oh my god.

Can I see the other one here?

This one.

Ducky wait!

Hua Sheng Juan Bing Ji Ling!

(Perfect!)

Is that right?

Never again!

So this is a spring roll, shaved coffee

with cilantro

and ice cream. Can you believe it?

I am so pumped for this.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

That coffee!

With the spring roll and ice cream

Cilantro and ice cream...

I can't believe this exists!

I'm so happy with my life

Taiwan, why haven't I visited you sooner?

You are... a wonderland of mysterious, delicious food

and I love you.

I love you. I love you Taiwan.

I love you so- you have your own!

ate so much

must exercise

to make room for more food.

More food.

Ah...

Oh yeah.

We are in the Grand View Resort Beitou.

And we are enjoying some amazing, natural hot spas.

Ah, my ankles are so sore from all the walking I did last

night in the night market.

Ugh, my shoulders were so painful from lifting up all that food to my mouth.

My fingers ache from gripping chopsticks for hours upon hours.

My jaw was so painful after chewing and chewing all

that delicious food all day.

Ah, yeah I needed this.

I needed this.

*inaudible* fingers!

Wrinkled fingers!

Wow, fantastic baby, dance!

Hurry, I'm dyin-

What are you doing?

Why are you saying the *inaudible* we've got more stuff to do

Are you just looking for excuses to stay in the tub forever?

K, I'm going without you.

Where are you going?

Din Tai ***ing Fung

Now Xiao Long Bao deserves more than just a few

snippets of some sexy food videos.

So we're going to dedicate an entire fa-fap to this

For you guys of course- just for you. But for now, enjoy

some sexy food porn shots.

Lick the screens like you love it.

Drool, drool with us.

Lick it. Lick it. Lick it good!

Onboard X adventure. YouBikes, let's go!

I'm actually happy that we got a little bit of exercise in.

Pretty much we've been eating non-stop, right Simon?

Ducky! Where did you even get that from?!

I don't know.

But I don't care!

Ugh. Okay one of us is exercising.

One of us.

I got hungry.

Aw, Ducky we just ate.

Ten minutes ago!

Oh. My. God.

So we've been told by everybody here that we can't

leave Taiwan until we try some mango shaved ice.

they've confiscated our passports and they threatened to

keep us here forever so

I guess we're gonna have to try this out.

We're just gonna have to suffer and eat something super delicious.

We're gonna do this for you guys.

We'll do this for you guys.

Oh my gosh is that giant mango chunks?

Oh my god.

What is this, what is this white stuff here is that tofu?

This is amazing.