- I like guys with big dogs.

我喜歡養大狗的男人

- If I saw a girl with a weird/funky looking dog

如果我看到有個女孩牽著一隻長相奇怪(或奇特)的狗

I'm automatically assuming she has a huge heart.

我會自動推測她心地很善良

- A guy with a Pitbull is definitely good in bed.

養鬥牛犬的男人，床上功夫肯定了得

- Absolutely.

沒錯

- My mom would want me to date any man

我媽希望我可以和

who owned a Golden Retriever.

養黃金獵犬的男人交往

- Girls with Golden Retrievers have a lot of patience.

養黃金獵犬的女性充滿耐心

- They've already been married for 15 years since high school.

兩人從高中開始交往，到現在已結褵十五年了

- They probably are stable.

兩人感情很穩定

- I feel like Golden Retrievers

我覺得黃金獵犬

are either family dogs or sugar daddy dogs.

不是有小孩的家庭養的狗，就是有乾爹的女孩養的狗

- I would want to date a man who had a lab.

我想要跟養拉不拉多的男人交往(譯註：lab為簡稱)

- He's a good one.

他肯定是個好男人

- Yeah.

沒錯

- He's a catch.

他是百年難得一見的好男人

- Keeper.

絕對要好好把握

- Solid, dependable girl, hands down.

穩定、值得信賴的好女孩、讓人安心

- I've only known three people

目前我只認識三位

in my entire life who have had Australian Shepherd dogs.

有養過澳洲牧羊犬的人

They've all ended up in prison.

最後全都去蹲監獄了

- Yeah, a girl with a Australian Shepherd is super cool.

嗯，養澳洲牧羊犬的女生真的很酷

- When I see a girl with a Dalmatian

看見牽著大麥町狗的女生時

I'm definitely intrigued.

我絕對會特別注意她一下

- You know that girl has got some bling.

你知道這女孩穿金戴銀

- She can afford to take you to dinner.

請你吃頓晚餐絕不成問題

- Exactly.

沒錯

- A girl with a Husky definitely

養哈士奇的女生絕對

has an awesome apartment and no kids.

有棟漂亮的公寓，沒有子女

- I think she drinks vodka.

我覺得她還喜歡喝伏特加

- He's an alpha male.

老公有大男人主義

- Mm-hmm.

嗯哼

- He's really attractive.

他真的魅力十足

- I'm a little terrified of you.

我有點怕妳

- Sweet and kind, but they will take care of you if there is danger.

體貼善良，遇到麻煩時，絕對會幫助妳

- Labradoodles.

拉不拉多貴賓犬

- [Both] Eh.

(兩人一同)嗯…

- You have to have a sense of humor about yourself--

你必須懂得自嘲

- Yeah.

對

- To constantly look at a Pug's face

一直盯著巴哥犬的臉時

and clean the (beeping) out of it's face folds.

想把牠皺成一團的....(消音)的臉弄平

- Anyone who has a Pug, I'm like, I don't know.

養巴哥犬的人，嗯，我真的不知道該怎麼說

- Guy with a Pug--

養巴哥犬的男人

- You're adorable.

你一定很可愛

- They're the cutest.

牠們是最可愛的

- Men that own Pugs or Basset Hounds are stoners.

養巴哥犬或巴吉度獵犬(譯註：俗稱短腿獵犬)的男人都是癮君子

- Girls with Corgis are kind of like, spacey.

養柯基的女生，很像都有點迷迷糊糊的

You know, they'll forget that they even have a dog.

你懂的，有時甚至會忘記自己養了條狗

- And they're very smart and quirky.

他們一定都很聰明、與眾不同

And they're really into music.

有很好的音樂品味

- So I assume you sleep around a lot.

所以你應該有很複雜的男女關係

- Not feelin' it.

我並不這麼想

- I think a girl with a Basset Hound

我覺得養短腿獵犬的女生

is going to be a little bit more chill.

可能是冰山美人

Might be down to hang in with you on the weekend.

可能不太願意周末和你出去喝酒

- You're a catch.

你是百年一見的好男人

- Yup.

對

- She's not worried about what people think.

她從來不在乎他人的眼光

- For some reason I feel like

不知道為什麼，我覺得

if you have a Boston Terrier you're very clean.

養波士頓梗的男人都很愛乾淨

You're a clean guy.

你是個喜歡乾淨的男人

- I definitely want a man with a Bulldog.

我想要跟養牛頭犬的男人約會

- Yeah, they're steward.

他們很負責任

They're dependable.

很值得信賴

- Mm-hmm.

嗯哼

- Good foundation. - They can wiggle.

-良好經濟基礎 -牠們還會搖尾巴

- Yeah, they can wiggle.

對啊，牠們會搖尾巴

- I think girls with really big dogs are lonely.

我覺得養著大狗的女生應該都很寂寞

- A guy with a Mastiff or a Great Dane,

養英國獒犬或丹麥獵犬的男人

is an absolute deal breaker for me.

絕對是我的天菜

- I'm expecting she's gonna be pretty tough, pretty strong.

我覺得她應該是很難相處、很強勢

- Because big dogs say you're single.

因為大狗無形中透露出你仍單身

But then too big of dogs, and I feel like

但體型較大的狗，會讓我覺得

they're compensating for something.

他們想彌補生活中的不足之處

- Me too.

我也這麼覺得

- I think tiny dogs are a really good replacement for dolls.

我覺得小型狗就像是洋娃娃的替代品

- If I see a girl with a Chihuahua I feel like chances are

如果我看見一個女孩牽著吉娃娃，我覺得十之八九

she's probably gonna be high maintenance.

女飼主大概都很難搞

- They just have the worst attitudes.

她們個性不太好

And I assume that the owner also has a (bleep) attitude.

我猜飼主的個性也很…(消音)

When I see a girl with a Pomeranian

看見一個女生牽著博美犬時

I automatically assume diva.

我會自動聯想到女歌手

- If you just generally seem like a bad person

如果妳又剛好有張「臭臉」

then the worst thing you can do as a girl

那身為女生，妳所能做盡最壞的事就是

is carry around it--

帶著一隻博美犬

- An accessory that's alive.

活生生的配件

- Yeah.

沒錯

- She has a brush, like hidden somewhere

她應該有把刷子，不知道藏在哪裡

that she brushes her dog's hair

刷子拿來順狗毛用

before she gets out of the car just to meet you for coffee.

在她準備要下車，和你在咖啡店碰面前

- Yeah.

沒錯

- I assume you're taken.

我猜你已經結婚了

It's like absolutely wearing a ring on your finger.

這就像手上戴了婚戒一樣

Done deal, not going for it.

已經「名草有主」，死會了

- I think a Pit Bull is statement.

我覺得鬥牛犬就是最佳證明

- Straight up, I don't trust women with Pit Bulls.

一切貨真價實，我完全不相信養鬥牛犬的女人

- It'll say, "We're both friendly.

就像說著：「我們都很好相處

"You've misjudged us."

你誤解我們了。」

Or, it'll say, "I'm holding this to kill you".

或像是表態：「我準備好要殺死你了。」

- Everyone on the internet right now

現在每個在看影片的人

is going to hate me for saying that.

一定會討厭我接下來所說的話

- But I don't like guys that have Pit Bulls.

但我不喜歡養鬥牛犬的男人

- If a girl has a Pit Bull she's most likely sexy.

養鬥牛犬的女生大多性感

And if she wasn't sexy before the Pit Bull, now she is sexy.

如果原本並不性感，在養鬥牛犬後也會變得性感

She also most likely has tattoos.

她身上也烙滿紋身

- Good in bed.

床上功夫很厲害

- Yes!

沒錯

- It might sound stereotypical

聽起來很像有點性別刻板印象

but I think the coolest girl

但我相信最酷的女孩

would have the most downtrodden looking dog.

會養長相最醜的狗(譯註：原意是「像被輾過的」)

- I feel like when you meet a girl with a mutt rescue dog you're just kind of like,

我覺得遇到一位養「米克斯」的女生，當下會有一種感覺：

"You're just a good, solid chick".

妳真是貨真價實的辣妹

- They took a second to get to know the dog.

他們會花些時間了解自己的狗

- And you're probably kind of sexy and adventurous.

可能長得性感、有冒險精神

- Done deal. - Sold.

瞄準目標，我要把你得到手

- You can put the ring on my finger.

我可以嫁給你了

- Yup.

就是這樣

Uh, right now.

嗯，就是現在

- You adopted from a rescue shelter.

你從收容中心領養小狗

You are a good human being.

你是個好人

- Yeah, you're a giver, a nurturer.

你樂善好施、懂得照顧周遭

- The world.

世界上再也找不到第二個像你這麼善良的人

- Mm-hmm.

嗯哼

- Yeah.

沒錯