DAVID: You know, I think if you buy into this feminist

philosophy, you're going to get yourself in trouble.

ANDREA: Do you realize how offensive

you're being right now?

DAVID: Andrea, it's just basic science.

Men go all over the place, and they screw.

That's how-- that's what they do.

And women stay home and take care of the nest.

ANDREA: Jesus, you're a fucking caveman.

DAVID: Why do you think men make more money?

That's why women stay home and they like, raise kids, and

they're basically good at being

secretaries and teachers.

ANDREA: Oh my god.

DAVID: Orville and Wilbur Wright.

They were men.

They invented airplanes.

They can fly.

It's not a coincidence.

Look at George Washington Carver.

He invented peanut butter.

He was a man.

A black man, yes, but he was a man.

Like, look, how many whores are there

versus how many gigolos?

I never see gigolos.

Never.

Whores, a lot.

ANDREA: David, you don't understand women at all.

And until you do, you're going to be miserable and alone.

Excuse me.

DAVID: What are you doing?

ANDREA: Excuse me.

DAVID: What?

Would you wait a second?

ANDREA: No.

DAVID: I know what you thinking, right?

I don't understand women.

Well, you're right.

I don't understand women.

They're life's greatest mystery to me.

But how would I learn how women tick?

I mean, what?

Is there some kind of school for women?

I mean, yeah, maybe Smith College is one, and Mount

Holyoke, Brynn Marr, Barnard, Wellesley College.

Ratcliff, Vassar, Mills College, Hollins University,

Simmons College, Sweet Briar College.

But where am I going to learn about what it's

like to be a woman?

Wait a minute.

Say, man, you know a place around here where a guy can

get ahold of a canister of lipstick?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Showtime.

DAVID: Hi.

MATT: Uh, hi.

DAVID: I couldn't help but notice you

from across the room.

I am so hard right now.

I mean, my nipples are so erect right now.

MATT: Oh.

DAVID: Matt.

It's me, David.

You're favorite single friend.

MATT: Oh my god, David, is that you?

DAVID: Shh.

I'm under cover.

I'm trying to learn more about women.

MATT: You completely had me fooled.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

FEMALE SPEAKER: need to learn how to listen.

When I'm having sex, I want to be able to

tell him what I like.

FEMALE SPEAKER: You think after four years he would

remember my birthday.

How hard is it to remember my birthday?

DAVID: Now that I know everything about women,

Andrea's going to be putty in my hands.

DAVID: Our culture can be so misogynistic.

It's hard enough for women to compete in the career track

with the way society frowns on maternity leave.

I don't know.

As far as I'm concerned the woman's place in the house,

the White House.

ANDREA: Wow.

I'm truly impressed with your progressive attitudes.

What made you change?

DAVID: Well, let's just say I got in touch

with my feminine side.

ANDREA: Cheers to that.

ANDREA: By they way, just so you know, I'm still not

attracted to you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAVID: Anybody home?

I'm here to spill my seed for cash.

I guess nobody's here.

I'll just get ready to do my thing.

FEMALE SPEAKER: May I help you?

DAVID: Uh--