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In conclusion, everybody should live by themselves
because you don't need anybody else to make yourself happy.
(upbeat music)
Hey everyone, my name is Matt Bellassai
and this is Whine About It a weekly video series
where I get drunk at my desk and complain about stuff.
On this week's episode The Worst Types of Roommates.
Let's drink.
(upbeat music)
Mmm, that's not too bad.
Okay, all right, first of all there's always that one
roomate who never takes out the garbage.
You think this is some kind of game?
You think this is some kind of garbage game?
where if you pile your tower of shame tall enough
a little garbage fairy will come and take all your garbage away,
little garbage fairy will just come
and gobble up your garbage?
Guess what, the garbage fairy it's me,
it's me who's the garbage fairy.
I take out all the (bleep) garbage all the time,
and that's why I use your toothbrush to scrub the toilet
and I get in there deep.
Then, there's that roommate she's always in there
with her boyfriend and they're just bumping uglies
way too loud all the time.
Congrats on all the sex you're having, I'm so happy for you
but if I have to hear you shouting the lyrics
to Ave Maria while you're in there stirring your potato salad
while I'm trying to watch The Real Housewives
I'm gonna spit in your box of Special K with Red Berries,
again, I'm gonna spit right in it.
You know that sound that it makes when you stir up
a cold potato salad?
That's the sound it makes, like two wet slugs just rammin'.
Then, there's the one roommate who thinks it's okay
to eat my food right out of the fridge,
like I'm not even gonna notice.
If you think for a second that I don't count every stick
of the sweet potato fries that are in the fridge
you're out of your (bleep) damn mind.
Food is like my children.
Food is like my babies.
You think it's okay to just come into my fridge
and eat my babies, eat up all my little babies?
Every time someone eats my food
I reserve the right to punch 'em right in the kidney,
It's in the Constitution, look it up.
That's what our Founding Fathers said.
They didn't even have two kidneys then,
all of them only had one.
Benjamin Franklin, one kidney.
That's why it was so important to them.
Then, there's that one roomate
who just never does the dishes.
They just let 'em pile up in a whole wet, crusty mess.
"Oh, I forgot," that's what they say.
"Oh, I just forgot to do the dishes."
Oh, you just forgot for three months straight
while that family of squirrels moved in under that pot
that couldn't scrub for 20 seconds.
Maybe I'll just forget not to tell everbody about that thing
I saw you doing in the bathroom with the bottle of mustard.
What if I just didn't forget that, is that what you want?
Is that what you want?
You want me to just not forget that and tell everybody
about the bottle of mustard?
Also, why are the so many (bleep) damn pubes
on your bar of soap?
What are you doing down there?
What are you doing to yourself?
Show some respect.
I don't even know how you use that soap to get clean.
That looks like an angry hedgehog.
It's just in there growling back at me,
it's looking me right in the face
with its two furry little eyes, furrowing it's pubey brow.
Also, roommates who terrorize my Netflix suggestions
'cause they go in there and they watch all their shitty
dumb shows.
It's all garbage is what they watch.
And, I'm getting suggestions for some crime watching goat detective mystery
all because you watched 30 seconds
of some shit on my Netflix account.
I don't want that, I don't want that on my Netflix account.
Also, any roommate who deletes a single second off of my DVR.
My DVR is like a sandwich.
I picked out all the meats, and all cheeses,
and all the breads and it's like you came in here
you just took a big, old pee right on it.
You peed on my sandwich, my DVR sandwich.
That's why everyone should live by themselves,
no roommates.
Okay, okay, okay?
All right everybody, thank you for watching this week.
As always, you can find our videos every week
on WhineAboutIt.tumblr.com, on my Facebook page
which is Facebook.com/BuzzFeedMatt.
That's it, that's everything.
(upbeat music)
Everyone's always like, "Matt, what do you do at work when you're done?"
Nothing.
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差勁室友都這樣!你中標了嗎? (The Worst Types Of Roommates: Whine About It Ep. 21)

49376 分類 收藏
Pi-Chien Hu 發佈於 2017 年 2 月 23 日    Pi-Chien Hu 翻譯    chowing 審核
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