- Come on Fox, go over there! - He's cute.

- 拜託，Fox，過去啊！- 他好可愛啊！

You wanna make out with someone?

你到底想不想和別人更進一步關係？

Uhhh...

呃...

I would literally die if I made out with someone like once only.

如果我這輩子只和別人親熱過一次，我真的會想死。

Yeah, how do you live? I don't get it, I don't get it, I don't get it.

對啊，你到底是怎麼過生活的？無法理解啊，不懂，我真的不懂。

I'm good.

不用了，謝謝。

Aaaahh.

唉唉唉。

- This is so typical of you. - You're so cute.

- 果然很你的作風。- 真可愛。

Alright, just go over there...

能不能就走過去...

- Why would you wear your favorite flannel today if you're not gonna go hit on some bitches? - Oh, you're so cute.

- 你今天都穿上了最愛的法蘭絨襯衫又幹嘛不去搭訕些妹子呢？- 噢，你真的好可愛。

So that's me. The single friend.

這就是我。單身狗。

I don't mind being single, but for some reason, everyone else seems to.

我並不介意單身，但不知道為什麼大家似乎都很在意我單身這件事。

Why does it matter if I'm dating anyone?

我有沒有跟別人交往很重要嗎？

Because you're awesome and you're cool and you deserve to be with someone who loves you.

因為你很棒又很酷！你值得和一個愛你的人在一起。

Plus you have amazing boobs that need to be seen.

而且你胸部超美，我們可不能讓它們就這樣被埋沒了。

Also, if you never date anyone ever,

再來，如果你一直都單身，

how are you gonna take a couple's basket weekend?

是要如何體會週末時情侶一同出遊野餐的感覺呢？

Being a single friend means a few different things.

作為一隻單身狗，你會面對不同的處境。

First, everyone is always tryin' to set you up.

第一，大家總是想替你做媒。

Richard!

Richard！

Reminds me of the Dunkaroos kangaroo.

讓我想到零食品牌 Dunkaroos 的吉祥物袋鼠。

Uh... What about Melody?

Melody 呢？

She keeps calling me bro.

她一直把我當兄弟。

No, Jake.

噢不，那 Jake 呢？

You guys! I don't wanna be dating anyone!

夠了！我不想談戀愛！

I like being alone.

我喜歡一個人。

Amber?

Amber？

Oh! Amber is so fuckin' hot!

哦！Amber 超辣的！

It also means you spend a lot of time being the third wheel.

其次，代表你經常要在朋友約會時當電燈泡。

Or the fifth wheel.

或是四人約會中的「第五者」。

Or the seventh wheel.

甚至是六人約會中的「第七者」。

Basically, you're all the odd numbers.

基本上，你都會是單數的那一方。

Three, five, seven, nine, you get the point.

三、五、七、九，你懂的。

But it's not all bad.

但身為單身狗也沒有很糟。

Being the single friend also means you never have any relationship drama.

因為單身的關係，你自然不會有八點檔連續劇般的感情遭遇。

Oh, dating fuckin' sucks!

噢！談戀愛這件事情爛透了！

It turns out Heather, still in love with her ex-ex-girlfriend.

結果，Heather 還愛著她的前前女友。

The gymnast?

那個體操運動員？

No, the contortionist.

才不是，是柔體雜技演員。

- Oh yeah. - Yeah.

- 哦，我記得了。- 兩位。

Kim went MIA (missing in action) and hasn't text me back.

Kim 失蹤了，到現在都還沒回我簡訊。

- Eww! - What!

- 啊！- 蛤？

Whatever, it's fine.

不管了，就這樣。

I need a grown-ass man anyway.

我需要一個成熟的男人。

Yeah, no scrubs.

沒錯，遠離渣男！

No scrubs.

遠離渣男！

But honestly, being single is pretty nice, 99% of the time.

老實說，在百分之九十九的時間裡，單身是很爽的一件事。

You get to do what you wanna do whenever you wanna do it

想做什麼就去做

with your favorite person in the world, you.

和世界上你最愛的人一起，那就是你自己。

The only time it sucks is when you actually do have a crush on someone and you literally have no idea how to behave.

唯一的缺點就是當你真的迷戀上某個人的時候會完全手足無措。

Oh god, is she coming over here?

天啊，她是朝著我走過來的嗎？

Hey Fox, I didn't know you came here.

嘿，Fox，沒想到你會來。

Uh, yeah, it's great.

呃，對啊，這裡很不錯啊。

Uh, the Yelp review is kinda deceiving.

呃，Yelp 網站上的評論有點不準。

You'd think being poorly rated when it has 3.5 stars which is relatively decent.

3.5 顆星會讓人誤以為這裡很差，但實際上棒透了。

The entire star rating system is just crazy to me.

整個評分機制對我來說有點不合理。

Oh, god, stop talking about Yelp stars, you weirdo.

噢，天啊，不要再講 Yelp 的評價了，你這怪胎！

Yeah, uh, I guess I never thought about it like that.

對耶，呃，我從來沒想過這個問題。

We should hang out sometime.

我們應該找時間出來玩。

You could tell me about your Yelp theories and stuff.

我們可以聊聊你對 Yelp 的看法或什麼的。

Say something, literally anything.

回話啊，說什麼都行！

She would love to.

她很樂意。

She's free this Friday.

她這週五有空。

Okay. Sweet. Bye Fox.

好，真好，Fox，掰啦。

See. Being a single friend isn't that bad.

看吧，當個單身狗沒那麼糟。

Especially when you have crazy-ass friends to help you through it.

特別是當你有一群瘋瘋癲癲的朋友神助攻的時候。

Hold up. Hold up.

等等，等等

- You see him over there? - Mmm...

- 看到那邊那個男的嗎？ - 嗯...

I bet you I can get him to buy me a drink quicker than you can.

跟你打賭，我會比你更快讓他請我一杯飲料。

Can I use tongue?

可以用舌頭嗎？

I'll be.

我會用上的。

Then it's motherfuckin' on!

看我大顯身手吧！

Fox.

跟上！Fox！

(laughter)

(笑聲)

(upbeat dance music)

(輕鬆配樂)