about my TEDxHouston Talk.

我上回在 TEDxHouston 的演講

I woke up the morning after I gave that Talk

我在那次演講後的早晨

with the worst vulnerability hangover

經歷我有始以來最糟的

of my life.

脆弱感後遺症。

And I actually didn't leave my house

我感覺糟糕到

for about three days.

在那演講後的三天我都沒出門。

The first time I left was to meet a friend for lunch.

我第一次再度出門是去跟一個朋友共進午餐。

And when I walked in, she was already at the table.

當我走進去的時候，他已經坐在座位上了。

And I sat down, and she said,

我坐下，然後她說：

"God, you look like hell."

「天啊！你看起來慘不人賭！」

I said, "Thanks. I feel really --

我回答：「謝謝。我真的感到--

I'm not functioning."

我的身體無法正常運作。」

And she said, "What's going on?"

她問我：「到底發生什麼事了？」

And I said, "I just told

我說：「我在不久前

500 people

跟五百個人分享

that I became a researcher

我是一個

to avoid vulnerability.

躲避脆弱感的研究者。

And that when being vulnerable

我告訴他們，我在收集關於脆弱感的資料後發現

emerged from my data,

脆弱感的本身

as absolutely essential

正是我們能夠

to whole-hearted living,

全心生活的基本要素，

I told these 500 people

並且我告訴這五百人，

that I had a breakdown.

我因為這個發現經歷了一場崩潰。

I had a slide that said Breakdown.

我有一張簡報就寫著“崩潰”兩個字。

At what point did I think that was a good idea?"

到底是在什麼時候我覺得這會是個好主意呢？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And she said, "I saw your Talk live-streamed.

她對我說，「我有看你那場講座的現場直播。

It was not really you.

那並不像真正的妳。

It was a little different than what you usually do.

那跟平常的妳有些落差，

But it was great."

但那是場很棒的演講。」

And I said,

我答：

"This can't happen.

「我不能讓它發生，

YouTube, they're putting this thing on YouTube.

YouTube，他們要把講座影片放到Youtube 上面。

And we're going to be talking about 600, 700 people."

我就等於要在跟六，七百的人說話。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And she said, "Well, I think it's too late."

然後她說，“我想現在想這些都太遲了。”

And I said, "Let me ask you something."

我說：讓我問妳一件事。

And she said, "Yeah."

她說：好阿。

And I said, "Do you remember when we were in college

我說：你記得我們在大學的時候

and really wild and kind of dumb?"

曾瘋狂像個傻子的樣子嗎？

And she said, "Yeah."

她說，我記得。

And I said, "Remember when we'd leave a really bad message

然後我問：你記得我們曾經

on our ex-boyfriend's answering machine?

在我們前男友的答錄機裡留下很糟的留言嗎？

Then we'd have to break into his dorm room

我們還得闖入他的宿舍房間

and then erase the tape?"

去刪除那個錄音嗎？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And she goes, "Uh ... no."

然後她回我：嗯…我不記得。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So of course, the only thing I could think of to say at that point was,

所以，當時我能想到的回應只有這個：

"Yeah, me neither.

恩..對啊，我也不記得。

That ... me neither."

那件事我…也不記得。

And I'm thinking to myself,

然後我在腦海裡思考，

"Brene, what are you doing? What are you doing?

「Brene 妳在幹嘛？妳到底在幹嘛？

Why did you bring this up? Have you lost your mind?

為什麼要提起這件事？妳失去理智了嗎？

Your sisters would be perfect for this."

你的姊妹們會對這個很有一套的。」

So I looked back up and she said,

我停了一下，然後她說：

"Are you really going to try to break in

「你真的要在他們

and steal the video

把影片放到Youtube 上之前

before they put it on YouTube?"

在闖進去將他偷走嗎？」

And I said, "I'm just thinking about it a little bit."

我答：「我只是有一點想這麼做而已。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

She said, "You're like the worst vulnerability role model ever."

她說：妳真的是個有史以來最差的“脆弱感”模範。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And then I looked at her and I said something

我看著她然後說了一些

that at the time felt a little dramatic,

當時感覺蠻戲劇化的話

but ended up being more prophetic than dramatic.

但到最後成為一個更像是預言的話

I said,

我說：

"If 500 turns into 1,000

「如果五百 個（觀眾）變成一千個

or 2,000,

或兩千個，

my life is over."

我的生命就真的完了。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I had no contingency plan for four million.

我完全沒有預料到會有四百萬個觀眾。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And my life did end when that happened.

我的生命在那時候真的是玩完了。

And maybe the hardest part about my life ending

或許，這當中最困難的部份

is that I learned something hard about myself,

是我看見了關於我自己的矛盾。

and that was that,

就像

as much as I would frustrated

我總是因為不能順利地

about not being able to get my work out to the world,

廣傳我的研究而感到十分挫折，

there was a part of me that was working very hard

我也同時竭力的想

to engineer staying small,

想將自己縮小，

staying right under the radar.

讓自己變得很不醒目。

But I want to talk about what I've learned.

我想要告訴你麼我學到的功課。

There's two things that I've learned in the last year.

去年我學會了兩件事情。

The first is

第一件事是

vulnerability is not weakness.

脆弱感並不等於懦弱。

And that myth

有這個迷思

is profoundly dangerous.

是非常危險的。

Let me ask you honestly --

讓我問你—

and I'll give you this warning,

我要先給你一個警告，

I'm trained as a therapist,

我是一個被訓練過的治療師，

so I can out-wait you uncomfortably --

我可以等你， 等到你感到非常不舒服—

so if you could just raise your hand that would be awesome --

所以如果妳可以簡單誠實的舉起你的手，那會省事很多。

how many of you honestly,

你們當中有多少人，

when you're thinking about doing something vulnerable

在想到要做，或是要說些一些

or saying something vulnerable,

關於脆弱的事時

think, "God, vulnerability's weakness. This is weakness?"

會覺得 「天啊，脆弱就等於懦弱。這就是懦弱？」

How many of you think of vulnerability and weakness synonymously?

在你們當中有多少人覺得脆弱跟懦弱是相似詞？

The majority of people.

大多數的人都這麼覺得。

Now let me ask you this question:

現在我再問一個問題：

This past week at TED,

過去一周在TED的講座，

how many of you, when you saw vulnerability up here,

在座當中有多少人，當你們看到脆弱感在台上被呈現時，

thought it was pure courage?

覺得那是一個很純粹的勇氣？

Vulnerability is not weakness.

脆弱不是懦弱。

I define vulnerability

我會定義脆弱

as emotional risk,

是一個情緒上的風險，

exposure, uncertainty.

被暴露，以及不確定性。

It fuels our daily lives.

它推動著我們過每一天。

And I've come to the belief --

當我這麼相信的時候—

this is my 12th year doing this research --

那是我第12年在作這個研究—

that vulnerability

脆弱

is our most accurate measurement

是測量勇氣

of courage --

最精準的量尺—

to be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen,

勇敢的允許自己脆弱，

to be honest.

讓真實的自己被看見。

One of the weird things that's happened

有件很奇怪的事情發生，

is, after the TED explosion,

在那次TED講座之後。

I got a lot of offers to speak all over the country --

我被邀請到全國各地方去演講—

everyone from schools and parent meetings

從學校，家長座談會

to Fortune 500 companies.

到擁有五百個員工的公司。

And so many of the calls went like this,

他們大多會在電話上說：

"Hey, Dr. Brown. We loved your TEDTalk.

Dr. Brown妳好，我們很喜歡你的TED演講，

We'd like you to come in and speak.

我們想要邀請你來跟我們分享。

We'd appreciate it

我們會很高興，

if you wouldn't mention vulnerability or shame."

如果你不會涉及到脆弱或是羞辱感。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

What would you like for me to talk about?

你希望我談些甚麼呢？

There's three big answers.

他們給我三個大的答案。

This is mostly, to be honest with you, from the business sector:

老實說，這是大多數的公司行號會選的：

innovation, creativity

創新，創意，

and change.

還有改變。

So let me go on the record

讓我從我的經歷中

and say,

告訴你們吧

vulnerability is the birthplace

脆弱是

of innovation, creativity and change.

創新，創意，還有改變 誕生的地方。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

To create is to make something

去創造ㄧ些

that has never existed before.

過去不存在的東西，

There's nothing more vulnerable than that.

沒有什麼比這個更脆弱的了。

Adaptability to change

適應改變的能力

is all about vulnerability.

需要的全是勇氣。

The second thing,

第二件事，

in addition to really finally understanding

為了要完全瞭解

the relationship between vulnerability and courage,

脆弱和勇氣之間的關係，

the second thing I learned is this:

我學到的第二件事是這個：

We have to talk about shame.

我們需要聊聊羞辱感。

And I'm going to be really honest with you.

我將會非常誠實的對你們說，

When I became a "vulnerability researcher"

當我成為那個“脆弱感研究者”，

and that became the focus because of the TEDTalk --

而成為關注的原因是因為TEDTalk—

and I'm not kidding.

我可沒有在開玩笑。

I'll give you an example.

讓我給你一個例子。

About three months ago, I was in a sporting goods store

大約三個月前，我在一個運動用品店

buying goggles and shin guards

要買護目鏡和護腿板

and all the things that parents buy at the sporting goods store.

和所有父母親會在運動用品店買的東西。

About from a hundred feet away, this is what I hear:

大約在ㄧ尺遠的距離，我聽見

"Vulnerability TED! Vulnerability TED!"

“脆弱感TED! 脆弱感TED!”

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I'm a fifth generation Texan.

我是第五世代的德州人

Our family motto is "Lock and load."

我們家的格言是 “子彈上膛 (準備出擊)“

I am not a natural vulnerability researcher.

我並不是一個天生的脆弱感研究者。

So I'm like,

所以

just keep walking, she's on my six.

我就繼續走，

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And then I hear, "Vulnerability TED!"

然後我又聽到“脆弱感TED!”

I turn around, I go, "Hi."

我轉身，然後說 ：嗨。

She's right here and she said,

他就在我身旁然後說：

"You're the shame researcher who had the breakdown."

「你就是的個（在台上）崩潰的那個羞愧的研究者」

(Laughter)

(笑聲）

At this point

就在那個時候，

parents are, like, pulling their children close.

所有在場的父母都把小孩緊抓在她們身邊。

"Look away."

「別去看她」

And I'm so worn out at this point in my life,

我那時的生活已經是精疲力盡了，

I look at her and I actually say,

所以我看著她然後說：

"It was a frickin' spiritual awakening."

「那是個超讚的靈魂甦醒經驗！」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲)

And she looks back and does this,

然後他看著我做這個

"I know."

（ 眨眼）「我知道」

And she said,

然後她說，

"We watched your TEDTalk in my book club.

「我們在我們的讀書會中看你的演講

Then we read your book

然後我們看你的書

and we renamed ourselves

我們改稱我們自己

'The Breakdown Babes.'"

"崩潰寶寶"

And she said, "Our tagline is:

然後他說「我們的標語是：

'We're falling apart and it feels fantastic.'"

我們正在失敗然後這感覺超讚！」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

You can only imagine

你們就可以想像

what it's like for me in a faculty meeting.

我在教職員會議中是怎麼樣被看待。

So when I became Vulnerability TED,

所以當我變成脆弱感 TED，

like an action figure --

就像一個動作片人物，

like Ninja Barbie, but I'm Vulnerability TED --

像忍者芭比，只是我的名字是脆弱感TED。

I thought, I'm going to leave that shame stuff behind,

我在想，這樣我就可以將羞辱感的事情拋在後頭，

because I spent six years studying shame

因為研究羞辱感

before I really started writing and talking about vulnerability.

是我在研究脆弱感的六年前所作的。

And I thought, thank God, because shame is this horrible topic,

我在想，真是感謝上帝！因為羞辱感是一個超可怕的題目，

no one wants to talk about it.

沒有人會想要聊關於它的事。

It's the best way to shut people down on an airplane.

它是使人在飛機上閉嘴最好的方法。

"What do you do?" "I study shame." "Oh."

「你的職業是在做些什麼呢？」「我研究羞辱感。」「噢」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I see you.

而且我可以看（穿）你。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But in surviving this last year,

但去年為了要活下來，

I was reminded of a cardinal rule --

我被一個很基本的規則提醒著—

not a research rule,

不是研究規則，

but a moral imperative

而是在我成長過程中的

from my upbringing --

道德規則。

you've got to dance with the one who brung ya.

就是要繼續作那些讓你成功的事。

And I did not learn about vulnerability

我並沒有從研究脆弱感中學到關於脆弱

and courage and creativity and innovation

關於勇氣，關於創意，關於創新

from studying vulnerability.

這些事。

I learned about these things

我是在研究羞辱感中

from studying shame.

學到那些的。

And so I want to walk you in

所以我想要帶各位

to shame.

了解羞辱感。

Jungian analysts call shame

Jungian （心理學家）稱羞辱感為

the swampland of the soul.

“靈魂的沼澤地”。

And we're going to walk in.

我們現在要走進去。

And the purpose is not to walk in

我們的目的不是要走進去

and construct a home and live there.

然後去蓋一個房子住在那裡，

It is to put on some galoshes

我們是要穿上橡膠鞋走進去

and walk through and find our way around.

穿進去並找到可以走了路。

Here's why.

這是因為：

We heard the most compelling call ever

在這個國家，我們都聽過這個迫切的呼籲

to have a conversation in this country,

要彼此對話

and I think globally,

我覺得全世界都是這樣，

around race, right?

一個環繞各個種族問題的對話，對嗎？

Yes? We heard that.

我們都聽過，

Yes?

對吧？

Cannot have that conversation without shame,

如果我們不提及羞辱感 我們就不能有這樣的對話 。

because you cannot talk about race without talking about privilege.

因為你ㄧ談論種族就不得不談到特權，

And when people start talking about privilege,

而當人們談到特權時，

they get paralyzed by shame.

他們就會因羞辱感而感到癱瘓。

We heard a brilliant simple solution

我們都聽過一個聰明又簡單的解答，

to not killing people in surgery,

要降低在手術中殺人的機率

which is have a checklist.

，就是準備一個核對清單。

You can't fix that problem without addressing shame,

你不可以解決這個問題卻不去處理羞辱感。

because when they teach those folks how to suture,

因為當他們要教那群人（醫生）如何縫合的時候，

they also teach them how to stitch their self-worth

他們得同時教導那些人如何縫合自我價值

to being all-powerful.

以至於能成為全能者。

And all-powerful folks don't need checklists.

而全能者是不需要核對清單的。

And I had to write down the name of this TED Fellow

我得寫下這個TED學者的名字，

so I didn't mess it up here.

所以我才不會搞錯。

Myshkin Ingawale,

Myshkin Ingawale，

I hope I did right by you.

我希望我的拼對。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I saw the TED Fellows my first day here.

我第一天到這裡時看到了這位來自TED成員。

And he got up and he explained

他站了起來，解釋他是如何

how he was driven to create

而被驅策去創造

some technology to help test for anemia

一些技術來幫助檢測出貧血，

because people were dying unnecessarily.

以防止病人因為沒必要的因素死亡。

And he said, "I saw this need.

他說，「我看到這方面的需求，

So you know what I did? I made it."

所以，你知道我做了什麼？我做一個嘗試。」

And everybody just burst into applause, and they were like "Yes!"

然後全場的人都給予他掌聲，說太好了！

And he said, "And it didn't work.

他接著說，「但它並沒有成功。

And then I made it 32 more times,

於是我又再試了32次，

and then it worked."

然後它才奏效。」

You know what the big secret about TED is?

你知道關於TED的大秘密是什麼？

I can't wait to tell people this.

我等不及要告訴人們這個

I guess I'm doing it right now.

我想我現在就這樣說吧。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

This is like the failure conference.

這裡就像是失敗者的研討會。

No, it is.

不，這真的是。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

You know why this place is amazing?

你知道為什麼這個地方如此神奇嗎？

Because very few people here

因為在這裡