When I was 13, John Cena was my favorite wrestler, and he called his fans "The Chain Gang" and me being 13 at the time, had to add a 69 at the end.

我 13 歲的時候，John Cena 是我最喜歡的摔角選手。他的粉絲名為「鎖鍊幫」，而 13 歲的我，就非得在後面加上 69。

I mean what else can you expect from a person who wears her name in hoop earrings?

你能對一個人幫自己帳號「戴上」圈圈耳環的人抱有什麼期待？

Cause I'm Cuban, and proud.

我是古巴人，超級驕傲。

Fresh out of the Quinceañera stage.

剛剛過成年禮的時期。

So I chose HairyJ69, when I was 18 and in college because I'm hairy, extremely hairy, I'm Jewish, and I like to 69.

我 18 歲讀大學時，選擇了 HairyJ69 這個名字，因為我毛髮很茂盛，超級濃密、我是猶太人，而且我喜歡 69。

I chose this screen name, because I wanted to live in California.

我選這個帳號是因為我想要住在加州。

I thought that's where all the pretty and popular people lived.

我以為那邊住的都是漂亮有名的人。

Clearly I wasn't much of a speller.

顯然我那時候不太會拼字。(註：California 拼成 Califor"ina")

This is genius all right, like when you're scanning your friends list, you wonder who's on, and then when you see that I'm on, you're like, "Hey, Ryan is on."

我根本就是天才，當你看好友列表時，你會好奇誰在線上。當你看到我時，心裡會想：「嘿，Ryan 上線了。」

I added the X because I forgot my password.

後面加上 X 是因為我忘記過密碼。

I'm pretty proud of it actually.

我還挺引以爲傲的。

[Voiceover] That never occurred to you - Ryan is on "X" ?

[旁白] 你沒想過看起來像是 「Ryan 在嗑藥」嗎？（X 代表 ecstasy 搖頭丸）

Oh (beep) No, that never occurred to me.

噢 (消音) 我從來沒想過。

Oh my god.

天啊。

You threw me off, man. I'm like...

你把我搞糊塗了，天啊，簡直是...

You ruined it, (beep).

你毀了這一切。(消音)

I chose this name when I was about 13 years old.

我 13 歲的時候創了這個帳號。

Stay hooded, because I thought I would stay ghetto.

「帶著頭巾」是因為我以為我會一直像街頭小混混。

Brat is because I was spoiled.

Brat 是因為那時我被寵壞了。（註：Brat 表示乳臭未乾的小孩）

And 0131 because I'm an Aquarius.

0131，因為我是水瓶座。

Chubbystar, cause I was a little thick growing up and clearly I'm a (beep) star.

「胖胖明星」，因為我小時候還蠻壯的而且一看就知道我是個（消音）明星。

I don't know why I chose 27 actually.

老實說不知道當時為何選擇 27。

That's my age right now.

但這是我現在的年紀。

Maybe this is all like full circle.

也許這是一種因果循環。

I wasn't very good at girls, so I thought that maybe being quirky and slapstick would help.

我不擅常跟女孩子相處，所以我想或許表現得古怪或有趣一點可以讓清況有所不同。

It didn't.

並沒有。

I was shocked when this was not taken.

我很訝異沒有人使用這個帳號。

It's not ironic enough to be funny.

看來這還不夠諷刺到讓人覺得好笑。

It's, it's more painful.

這反而看起來痛苦。

I don't know why I thought this was cool or okay or acceptable in any way.

我不知道為什麼我覺得這是個很酷很棒、很讓人滿意的帳號。

I thought farts were hilarious as a junior high student and sad part is, I was born in 83, not 87.

國中的時候，我覺得「放屁」很好笑。不過可悲的是，我是 83 年出生，不是 87 年。

Fartlover83 was taken.

已經有人使用「放屁愛好者 83」這個帳號了。

So I'm not alone in my loving farts.

看來放屁愛好者不只有我。

So I was 13, I was trying to get girls online, and I thought I was a Cyber Casanova.

13 歲的時候，我試著透過網路認識女生，我自以為是網路浪子。

I like to not live with regrets, I was trying to get chicks on AOL.

我不想讓生活留下遺憾，我那時是想在即時通上泡妞。

I really liked soccer, and I liked the word "dude".

我真的很喜歡足球，也喜歡 dude 這個字 （註：dude意指男孩或花花公子）

I thought dudette sounded weird.

"dudette" 聽起來很怪。

I didn't wanna have a number, so my dad suggested ii, cause it means the second.

我也不想加任何數字在後面，所以我爸建議我加 ii ，因為這是二世的意思。(註：羅馬數字 2 為 II)

So my AIM name is technically Soccer Dude the second.

所以我的即時通帳號是「足球男孩二世」

I made up this word and I don't know what it means at all.

我創了這個字，但一點也不知道是什麼意思。

I have no idea what I was going for with this.

完全不懂那時的我在想什麼。

My AIM name was Blackbarbiegoku367.

我的即時通帳號是「黑色芭比悟空 367」

Because it combined my four favorite things.

結合了四種我喜歡的東西。

Being black, playing with barbies, Goku from Dragon Ball Z, and 367 because that was my crushes locker number.

身為黑人、玩芭比娃娃、七龍珠的悟空，至於 367 是我暗戀的人的置物櫃密碼。

I'm not ashamed.

我不覺得羞恥。

(laughs)

(笑)(消音)(笑)

(beep) You know what, I'm a little embarrassed.

(消音) 跟你說，我覺得有點丟臉。

I'll say it.

我承認。

I thought it was the king of AIM, but (beep).

我以為這是最炫的帳號，但...(消音)