The illustrated memoir of a first time dad.

這是一個新手爸爸的解說回憶錄。

I don't remember being anxious or scared of becoming a dad,

成為父親的那一刻，我不記得自己是焦慮或是害怕。

but I think that's because I was so sure nothing would go wrong.

但我想這是因為我很確定不會出任何差錯。

You often imagine how you'd respond to an emergency situation.

你經常會想像你對突發事件會怎麼反應。

We all like to think we'll cope with it like people do in films or on television.

我們都覺得我們會像電影或電視上的人一樣冷靜。

I really didn't have a clue.

我完全一點頭緒都沒有。

I've never been good with blood.

一直以來，我對「血」都抱持著恐懼。

They told me I could say hello quickly before they took her away.

他們告訴我，我能在他們帶走我的小孩前跟她打個招呼。

When I said, "I'm your dad,"

當我說，我是你爸爸的時候，

it sounded like an apology

那聽起來像是在道歉。

The next few hours we're confusing.

在幾個小時過後，我們都感到很疑惑。

We didn't understand exactly what happened,

我們不知道到底發生了什麼事。

just knew she was very ill and needed to be transferred to somewhere else.

只知道她情況非常糟而且需要被送去別的地方。

My wife had to stay behind to recover from the surgery.

我老婆在術後需要留下來復原。

I tried to ignore how fast the ambulance was traveling.

我試著忽略救護車開的多快。

When you see all those machines and tubes and wires and hear all the beeps and alarms,

當你看到那些機器和插管和電線，並且聽見這些幫浦聲和警報聲。

that's when you realize it's a life or death situation.

我才發現這是一個生或死的情況。

The doctor was very frank with me.

醫生坦白地告訴我，

He explained my daughter's condition was incredibly serious.

解釋說我女兒的情況極其嚴重。

She suffered an injury to her brain.

她的腦部受到創傷。

At that point, I was beginning to realize how helpless and hopelessly out of my depth I was.

在這個瞬間，我開始發現我是多麼的無助和絕望。

Once I got back to my room, all the emotions suddenly took over.

當我回到房間時，所有的情緒都瞬間爆發了出來。

Cause dads are supposed to be heroes, aren't they?

因為爸爸不應該是位英雄嗎？

I think I was expecting to have a baby and suddenly be transformed into this person who knew how to deal with any situation.

我覺得我期盼的是有小孩後瞬間轉變成一個可以解決任何情況的人。

I had a family now that needed me.

我有一個需要我的家庭。

We were all facing a huge struggle.

我們全都面臨著巨大的掙扎。

I just didn't feel strong enough.

我覺得我不夠堅強。

When Cerebral Palsy was first mentioned,

當提到「腦性麻痹」時，

my first thought was, "Well I don't really know what that is."

我第一個想法是我真的不太清楚那是什麼。

The parenthood I've been anticipating was gradually fading away

我期待的親子關係正在逐漸的消失，

and was being replaced with lots of questions.

取而代之的是接踵而至的問題。

Eventually, she opened her eyes, and we got to hold her for the first time.

但她終究睜開了眼睛，然後我們第一次抱起她。

Although she was still connected to a lot of equipment.

儘管她還是跟很多儀器連接著。

We felt that she was finally connected to us as well.

我們終於感覺到我們之間的聯繫。

When you've been in an environment like that with a new baby,

當你和你的寶寶在一個這樣的環境，

with so many doctors and nurses,

充滿了醫生和護士。

when you finally got home, it's eerily quiet.

當你終於回家後，怪異的很安靜。

There's no alarm to tell you if she's stopped breathing.

那裡完全沒有一個警報告訴你她有無停止呼吸。

I don't think either of us really slept,

我不覺得我們任何一個人有真正睡著過。

but things got easier.

不過事情逐漸變的輕鬆。

Well, we got more used to it like all parents do,

我們變得更加熟練就像其他父母一樣。

and we were so busy.

而且我們很忙，

Sometimes it's still really hard to deal with.

有時候還是有點難處理。

You have a lot of guilt and sadness about the situation,

你對這個情況會有很多內疚和悲傷，

but most of the time you're just astounded by what she's accomplishing

但是大多時間你會對她的成長很震驚，

and focusing on how much fun you're having together.

然後專注於你和她的有趣時光。

When she took those first steps on her frame, we were all so excited.

當他第一次用輔助器走出第一步的時候我們都很興奮。

There was always a big question mark over walking.

一直以來對走路都有一個很大的問號，

But quite often you found that when one question mark disappears,

但是會你發現當一個問號不見後，

another one springs out to take its place.

另一個會跳出來代替它。

The process of drawing what happened has been really cathartic for me.

畫這些的過程對我很安慰，

It's helped me realize just how far we've all come.

這讓我發現我們已經走了多遠。

After all the complications,

在這些複雜因素後，

the idea of having another baby was frightening,

有另一個小孩的想法使人害怕，

but ultimately we realized that it was what we all wanted and needed.

但最終我們發現這是我們都希望和需要的。

My experience of fatherhood hasn't really been anything like what I imagined it would be,

我當父親的經歷跟我想像的完全不一樣，

but that's probably true of all dads.

但是對所有的爸爸來說因該都是這樣，

I am definitely a different person now.

我現在完全是另一個人了。

The whole thing about being a hero and knowing how to save the day,

全部那些關於成為英雄然後知道怎麼挽救一天，

I wasn't supposed to be the hero in all of these.

我不應該在這之中成為英雄，

There are plenty of them,

裡面已經有很多了。

the doctors, the nurses, the physios, the paramedics,

有醫生，護士，物理療法師，護理人員，

and my little girl who showed me what it really means to be brave and determined and strong.

還有告訴我勇敢和堅強是什麼的寶貝女兒，

She taught me that just being dad is more than enough.

她告訴我光當一個爸爸就已經非常足夠了。