(laughs)

別在做那個手勢了

Don't ever do that.

嗨!大家好

Hi everyone!

嗨~

- Hey!

別那樣 -看我現在跟誰一起

- Stop that, look who I'm here with.

等等 你蹲低好了

Wait, you get down in my video.

我想要和你拍的影片一樣

I want to do what you did.

呃..你不用蹲到那邊去...

Well, you don't have to go right there.

他們知道我在哪裡啦 算了 回來啦

(laughs)

哈囉大家好

They're gonna know where I am, come back up here.

嗨嗨

Hey everyone!

我叫Tyler Oakley 然後你是?

- Hi-hi.

妮姬米娜!

- My name is Tyler and who are you?

歐買尬

- Nicki Minaj!

我是Dan,全名是Dan Howell 頻道名稱是Dan is not on fire 哈囉

- Oh my god.

所以終於發生了

(laughs)

大概有多久......好久了

- I'm Dan, Dan Howell, Danisnotonfire, hello.

我知道 超久了

- So, this is finally happening

真的等了好久

after, I feel like it's so long.

你終於在我床上了

- I know, so long.

我一直想 Dan我們今天要做什麼

- It's been a long time coming.

你有任何點子嗎?

- You're finally on my bed.

他就說 我有個完美的想法

- I was like, what are we possibly gonna do today Dan?

對你的頻道來說再好不過了

Do you have any ideas?

OK 我實在是絞盡腦汁

And he's like, I have the perfect idea.

關於任何大家都還沒拍過的影片

It's perfect for your channel.

所以就是其中的一個想法

- Okay, I was having a brainstorm

這個影片沒有任何人拍過有大概10個理由

about possible videos that could possibly happen

沒有人想做 我也不覺得這個會被允許放上Youtube

and it was an idea that I had that I was like this

我告訴Tyler之後...

couldn't happen for about ten reasons.

我就說 完美的計畫阿!

No one would ever do it, I don't think it's allowed,

所以我們今天要來看A片

and I tell Tyler and he's like--

我們要想一些字

- I'm like, perfect!

然後在色情網站上搜尋

So today we're gonna be looking at porn (record scratches)

但是是很單純的字

and we're gonna suggest words that

單純的字

we have to search on a porn website.

或者日常能看到的用品

- But innocent words.

如果我們用這些字

- Innocent words.

在網站上找到影片的話

- So everyday objects.

我就可以得分

If we manage to find a porn video that for

還有精神上可能會受創

some reason contains this totally innocent everyday

然後我們還必須看完影片

object then we get a point and

你第一個字會打什麼?

in the process, mentally scar ourselves.

呃....氣球...吧?!

- And we have to watch it.

那就搜尋吧

What's your first word?

哪有可能會出現氣球....

- Um, balloon, balloon.

一定會有的好不好

- Search balloon.

怎麼可能...OK

- What could possibly--

我的天阿

- There has to be balloon.

騎著並且擠破大氣球

- What could possibly, okay.

影片裡有很多氣球 然後她正騎在那些氣球上面

- Oh my god.

你應該要知道 她是全裸的

(laughing)

氣球爆了

- Big balloon ride and pop.

T: 她愛死了 D:她看起來不在乎氣球爆掉了

(loud squeaking)

不是 是她適應了

There's lots of balloons and she's riding the balloon.

哇靠...

- She's completely naked, you should also know that.

第一個項目: 氣球 達成!

(laughing)

你得分了

It popped!

這就是

- She did not seem bothered by that.

這樣就得分了?!

- No, she's used to it.

這個影片了

Oh, shit.

OK 我還滿喜歡有些食物

- Item number one, balloons, yes.

被當成A片的題材

- You got a point.

OK OK 當然

- There is...

突然間所有食物都變得很有性暗示耶

- That is a point.

就像茄子?

- videos of that.

鳳梨也是啊

- Okay, well I like the idea of

鳳梨?

some type of food being turned into porn.

那就是鳳梨了

- Okay, okay, yeah sure.

不!別! 我也不知道...

Suddenly all food seems horrifyingly sexual.

來不及了

- I'm like an eggplant?

女同志情侶與西瓜和鳳梨

- Pineapple.

-影片: 我看到你帶了個朋友 很好

- A pineapple?

太可怕了...

A pineapple.

對阿

- No, no, I don't want to know.

影片編輯真好

- No, I'm doing it.

那是個陰道

Lesbian couple with melons and pineapples.

我沒看到西瓜阿?

- [Man] I see you brought a friend, excellent!

喔看到了

- This is terrible.

我的天啊

- I know.

OK 那其實是在

(cheesy music)

她們的胸部上噴漆 是西瓜跟鳳梨跟圖案

Well edited.

這樣還算數嗎?

(laughs)

對阿那就是鳳梨阿

Vagina, that's a vagina.

如果她們只是把她們的胸部

(laughing)

噴上鳳梨跟西瓜的樣子

- Where are the watermelons?

噴漆出來的鳳梨

There they are!

這樣還算嗎?

(laughs)

我覺得算

Okay, so they have spraypainted

OK 鳳梨這個項目你得分了...

their boobs to look like watermelons and pineapple.

走開啦色情網站的彈跳視窗

- Does it count as pineapples...

真的 超煩的

- Yes, that's a pineapple!

一定不會有的!

- if the lesbians have sprayed

攪拌器

pineapples onto their boobs?

別!!!!

- Spraypaint pineapple.

等等 這個單字裡面有"H"? (whisk)

- Does that count?

還真的有個H

- Yeah, that counts.

歐買尬 天阿Dan

- Okay Tyler, you get the point for pineapples.

看那個標題

Go away live Jasmine popups.

我的天...

- I know, right?

快念那標題 快念

- Surely not.

我才不要

(laughs)

你可以念的

Whisk.

你念 我會幫你嗶掉

- Noooo.

攪拌器把她的XXX撐開....

Wait, whisk has an h?

那真的可以當我自傳的標題

(gasps)

我快哭了

Yes it does!

等等 她們要把攪拌器放進去了

Oh my god, no, no, Dan!

天阿Dan

- Look at the name of the video!

這是我做過最糟糕的事情

- Oh my...

我有點想讓Phil (Dan 的室友)現在進來

(laughing)

好了好了 夠了

Read the title, read the title.

好

- No!

這就是我的第2分了

- You have to read the title.

而且我非常的為自己感到驕傲

You can say, I'll bleep that word.

我接下來要輸入...

(laughing)

你在你的公寓閒晃

Wire whisk stretches her (beeping).

你注視著一個東西你會看著什麼?

- That's literally the title of my autobiography.

皮卡丘?

- Can i cry!

喔天阿

- Wait, no, they're about to put it in.

叫做"神奇寶貝H漫"?

Oh my god, Dan, no.

H漫

- This is the worst thing that I've ever made happen.

那什麼意思?

- I want Phil to walk in though, right?

其實就是變態動漫啦!

(screams)

動漫是什麼?

- Okay, that's that, that's that.

就是漫畫.. -是同志的漫畫嗎?

- Okay.

解釋一下現在是什麼情形

- And that's a second point for

小智跟皮卡丘在一個森林裡

Dan who is really proud of himself.

武藏也在那裡

- Yeah, I'm gonna go with...

皮卡丘正在施展十萬伏特

- You're walking around your apartment,

然後武藏躺著腳開開

you're looking at things, what are you seeing?

看那個屁眼 那是小智! YES!

- Pikachu?

我的童年!

(gasps)

他屁股其實滿可愛的

Oh, noooo.

別阿皮卡丘

It's called Pokemon hentai?

皮卡丘在幹嘛?? -皮卡丘

- Hentai.

把那放下

- What's that mean?

那是誰的屌阿?

- Hentai is basically pornographic manga.

那是皮卡丘的?

- What's manga?

那是皮卡丘的屌???

- It's just comic book anime. - Gay, or not gay.

我們受夠這個了

- Explain what's happening.

讓我離開這裡

- Okay, so Ash and Pikachu are in a forest.

這是我人生中最慘的一天

- Jesse's there.

Tyler 你得分了

- Pikachu is using thunderbolt.

謝謝

- And now she's on her side with her legs spread.

你很驕傲嗎?

(panting, moaning)

我很驕傲

Look at that butthole, that's Ash, yes!

我覺得我不想再得分了...

- My childhood!

有湯匙功能的叉子

- He has a cute butt, I'll say that.

不要!! 拜託沒有

(moaning)

等等

- Pikachu, no!

我沒有看到任何叉子

- What is Pikachu doing? - Pikachu!

沒有此搜尋結果!

- Put that down.

所以我沒有得分!

- Whose dick is that?

歐買尬 感覺像是某種很值得驕傲的事情

- Is that Pikachu's?

我想不出來了 你有任何意見嗎?

- That's Pikachu's dick!

網球

(splattering)

點下去 你知道我要你點哪一個

We're done with that.

這個

Get me out of here.

嗯哼

- This is the worst day of my entire life.

有顆球

Tyler, you get a point.

她怎麼把那個放進去的

- Thank you.

我還在期待有種

- Are you proud?

充滿快感的"啵"一聲 結果沒有...

- I am.

而且她最後怎樣了

- I mean I don't want to win anymore.

她穿什麼阿?

Um, spork.

皮衣 還有一顆在她陰道裡的球

- No, please, no.

有像類似我...

- Wait.

穿皮衣 還有一顆在你陰道裡的球嗎?

- I don't see any sporks.

好了 換我了

- There are no search results

搜尋便祕呢?

for spork and I don't get the point.

只有一個搜尋結果

- Oh my god, is that something worth being proud of?

而且那個影片還有43%的人按不喜歡

I am so done, what do you have?

名字叫"就是長這樣"

(laughs)

11分鐘喔?

- Tennis ball.

這是有劇情的

(gags)

有人的姑媽走近來了

- Click it, you know which one I want you to click.

喔這在演戲嗎?

- This one.

她看起來很對於便祕

- Mmhmm.

很有經驗

- There's a ball.

她穿的是運動長褲 我也曾穿

(gasps)

她準備要睡覺了

- How does she get that in there?

你知道等等會怎樣嗎?

- I'm expecting some type of

呃...我不知道那個是什麼?

satisfying pop sound, but there's nothing.

那是灌腸劑

Also, what is she up to?

她一定是...

- What is she wearing?

她的屁股裡居然有個管子

- Leather on leather, with a ball inside her pussy.

你想要這個項目的得分了嗎?

- That was like me up until--

哈哈好 把這個拿走

- Leather on leather with a ball in your pussy?

歐買尬

(laughs)

好可怕的廣告

Okay, my turn.

你不覺得那些廣告很爛嗎?

What about constipated?

很簡陋耶

Only one video.

對阿 我沒看過異性戀的色情網站廣告

- With a 43 percent disliked rating.

其實就有點普通

- It's called Just the way it is.

我會告訴你如果有哪裡不太正常的發生了

11 minutes?

馬麥醬

There's a whole plot.

馬麥醬?

- Someone's aunty comes in.

對阿怎麼了?

- Oh this is, is this acting?

沒有此搜尋結果

- She looks like she's experienced

沒有A片是有馬麥醬的??

the sensation of constipation.

我想輸入..甜甜圈

- She's putting on sweatpants, I've been there.

我只是想著一個非常好吃的甜甜圈

- She's getting into bed.

-影片女: 我最喜歡波士頓派了

- Do you know what's happening here?

所以那是甜甜圈?

- Um, I don't know what that is.

你們不能在餐廳做這種事 很沒衛生

- That's an enema.

警察開始...

She's 100 percent consti--

口交

(gasps)

太多劇情了

That's a tube in her ass.

我很討厭太多劇情 而且她也不好看

- Do you want the point for constipation?

很好 妳們正在....

- Yeah (laughs) just take it away.

-影片男: 喔寶貝 別吃那個

Oh my god.

-影片女: 喝起來很熟悉的味道

- Really horrifying ads inside there.

-影片男: 我射在裡面...

- Aren't the ads just the worst?

我射在裡面...

- So crude, aren't they?

所以你得分了 做得好

- I know, I've never seen straight ads.

一切都被搞砸了...

- I mean, that's pretty normal.

我很抱歉

I'll tell you when something irregular happens.

OK 如果你喜歡的話

(yelling)

可以給我們一個讚

(laughing)

讚也可能是...某種東西

Marmite.

對阿 讚 解釋的真好

- Marmite?

我們也同時錄了個影片在Dan的頻道

- Yeah, what?

我們做了什麼?

- Nothing.

有點純真但是有點髒

- There's no marmite porn?

我們玩了"挑戰人性的卡片"

- Wow.

這個遊戲有點會冒犯到別人

I'm gonna go with doughnut 'cause

所以如果你正處於那種

I'm thinking like a yum, just delicious doughnut.

想要毀滅自己人生的心情的話 那個影片會很好玩的

- [Woman] Bostom creme is my favorite.

真的很好玩

- So that, there's doughnuts.

快去看吧!

(laughing)

很好玩! 點他的臉或者連結會在下方的注解欄位

You can't do that in a restaurant, that's just unhygienic.

然後訂閱Dan 因為他是我最喜歡的Youtuber之一

- So, the cop has begun...

如果你還沒訂閱我 看在Tyler的份上訂閱吧!

- Fellating.

我不懂為什麼你看著個影片卻還沒有訂閱我

(laughing)

我差點碰到你胸部

- There's too much plot.

沒關係

I hate too much plot and she's not cute.

碰到也沒關係的

(woman moans)

OK

- Great, you're having sex, great, just...

這真是我人生的最低潮

- [Man] Oh, honey, don't eat that.

我也是

- [Woman] This tastes familiar.

這也是你目前為止Youtube生涯裡的低潮嗎?

- [Man] I came in it.

我覺得比較像是我的生涯平均值

(laughing hysterically)

- [Both] I came in it.

- So you get the point, well done.

Everything's been ruined now.

I'm really sorry.

- Okay, so if you liked it you

can always give it a thumbs up.

- Thumb's ruined, another thing.

- Yeah, thumb, that works perfectly

and we also did a video over on Dan's channel.

What did we do?

- Kind of more innocent but kind of not.

We played Cards Against Humanity

which was still kind of offensive.

So if you're in the mood for more things to just kind

of ruin your life then that was pretty fun.

- That was fun.

- Check it out!

- It was good, click his face or click the link below

and subscribe to Dan because he's one of my favorites and--

- If you haven't, then do it to Tyler.

I don't know why you're here if you haven't already.

I nearly touched your breast.

- That's fine.

- Wouldn't be anything wrong with that, okay!

- Okay, cool.

(laughs)

Bye!

(laughs)

- This is the lowest point of my life so far.

- Samesies.

- Is this the lowest point of your Youtube life so far?

- I think this might be, like, mid-range for me.