falls for clumsy, virginal, average girl

with no apparent personality.

We've all heard the "50 Shades of Grey" story before.

This is "Twighlight." With sex.

I mean, it actually is a "Twilight" fan fiction.

So I did read this book.

I actually read two of them.

Don't judge me.

And I must say, I felt kind of torn.

Half the time my inner goddess was doing the salsa.

The other half of time she was

banging her head against the wall.

So, can I just say that I was so excited

that there is a BDSM erotica in the mainstream.

People are reading about sex and jerking off to this book.

And I think that's awesome.

I think more people should read erotica.

That said, as a BDSM erotica,

I don't think this baby does a very good job

at portraying BDSM.

It relies on tired stereotypes about the BDSM community.

And the nature of their dom-sub relationship

isn't healthy.

They don't do it right.

And when we're talking about consensual violence,

not doing it right is kind of a big deal.

So Christian's story goes like this.

He is a tortured soul, born of a crack whore.

And he's taken advantage of at 15 years old

by a pedophile lover.

And here we go.

The tired trope of people who are

into BDSM being damaged and abused.

So then comes along the sweet, virginal Anastasia Steele.

And the entire series is basically

her trying to cure him of his one flaw.

The flaw being the BDSM.

The best part is that, supposedly, this transformation

happens through a storm of bad communication,

passive-aggression, stalking, helicopter rides.

And at the heart of the storyline is this idea

that if you're patient enough and you're kind enough

and you say and do the rights things,

that you can fix your fucked-up lover.

And in the scariest scenarios, that you can fix your abuser.

Another issue I took in terms of the BDSM stuff,

was the fact that consent was not good. Yeah.

So basically, how it's supposed to be,

to draw the line between pleasure and violation,

you make sure that both parties are informed

about what they're going to do,

they're excited about it, and they're both saying,

"Yeah, I want to do it."

Not an "OK. I guess" or "Well, if it makes you happy."

It's a "Yeah! I want it!"

And how does Christian get this?

He hands her a friggn' contract and says,

"Sign this please."

Like, no asshole, that's not how it works.

Especially when she has no idea

what half the things on that list are.

And, you know, when she doesn't sign it!

Contracts, in general, they're not a good way to do consent.

You need to talk about this stuff.

You need to explore boundaries and be open

and communicative with each other.

And it's true that sometimes informed

and enthusiastic consent is given.

Other times, it's not.

There were scenes that I read

that left me feeling really weird.

Like I just read an assault scene.

And that's because without enthusiastic

and informed consent, it is assault.

And this is why it makes me a little bit nervous

that people are getting into BDSM

using "50 Shades" as their guide.

As a dominant, Christian has an obligation

to both understand and follow Anastasia's boundaries.

Christian seems more in the market of pushing boundaries.

In fact, on multiple occasions he pushes her

and wants to rush her into doing bigger

things that she's obviously not ready for.

I mean, the dude is a child.

Children should not be dominants, OK?

As a dominant, he also has an obligation to provide

something called aftercare.

A BDSM scene can be physically and emotionally exhausting.

So it's essential that both people follow up

immediately afterward, especially if you're new partners.

Our darling Christian's aftercare?

Just taking off.

Yelling at her for yawning.

Threatening to spank her again

for having a strong, negative reaction to spanking.

Yeah.

And just like the Edward character,

he also has abusive tendencies.

Yeah, being a dom may mean deciding what your sub wears

or what they eat.

But it does not mean stalking them

or isolating them from everybody.

Being a dom doesn't mean

that you are exempt from human decency.

Fancy that.

My hope is that people who have taken an interest

in BDSM from reading these books,

will use it as an entry point and not as a guide.

I'm gonna put some links in the description that offer

some healthier information

on beginning a safe and consensual BDSM relationship.

I am also gonna put some other books

that you might like to masterbate to

in the description, so.

Have a great week everyone.

I'll see you next week. (kiss)