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  • This summer I was back in Ohio for a family wedding,

    今年夏天我回俄亥俄州去參加一個親戚的婚禮。

  • and when I was there,

    當我在那裡,

  • there was a meet and greet with Anna and Elsa from "Frozen."

    與他人會面時,被《冰雪奇緣》中的安娜(Anna)和艾莎(Elsa)迎接。

  • Not the Anna and Elsa from "Frozen,"

    噢,那當然不是《冰雪奇緣》中的安娜和艾莎,

  • as this was not a Disney-sanctioned event.

    因為這並不是迪士尼公司批准的活動。

  • These two entrepreneurs had a business of running princess parties.

    這兩個商人有公主派對的業務。

  • Your kid is turning five?

    如果你的小孩五歲了,

  • They'll come sing some songs, sprinkle some fairy dust, it's great.

    她們會來唱一些歌,撒一些“仙塵”,這太棒了。

  • And they were not about to miss out on the opportunity

    並且她們不想錯過

  • that was the phenomenon and that was "Frozen."

    那些關於《冰雪奇緣》等熱門現象的機會。

  • So they get hired by a local toy store,

    所以她們受僱於當地玩具店,

  • kids come in on a Saturday morning,

    在一個星期六上午,孩子們來了,

  • buy some Disney swag, get their picture taken with the princesses,

    買一些迪士尼飾品,和公主們合影留念,

  • call it a day.

    然後到此為止。

  • It's like Santa Claus without the seasonal restrictions.

    這就像聖誕老人一樣,只不過沒有時令限制。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And my three-and-a-half-year-old niece Samantha was in the thick of it.

    並且我三歲半的外甥女薩曼莎對這正來勁。

  • She could care less that these two women were signing posters and coloring books

    她根本就不在乎這兩個女人,在海報和彩色畫冊上以“Snow Queen(雪女王)”以及

  • as Snow Queen and Princess Ana with one N to avoid copyright lawsuits.

    為了避免版權訴訟的 "Princess Ana(只有一個字母N的阿娜公主)" 的名字簽名。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • According to my niece and the 200-plus kids in the parking lot that day,

    對我的外甥女和那天在停車場的200多個孩子來說,

  • this was the Anna and Elsa from "Frozen."

    她們就是《冰雪奇緣》中的安娜和艾莎。

  • It is a blazing hot Saturday morning in August in Ohio.

    那是個八月裡俄亥俄州熾熱的星期六上午。

  • We get there at 10 o'clock, the scheduled start time,

    我們在十點鐘到達,即計劃中開始的時間,

  • and we are handed number 59.

    我們被排到第59號。

  • By 11 o'clock they had called numbers 21 through 25;

    直到十一點整,他們終於叫了21到25號。

  • this was going to be a while,

    但還得再等上一段時間。

  • and there is no amount of free face painting or temporary tattoos

    而這裡沒有能夠阻擋店外那令人崩潰的炎熱之氣,

  • that could prevent the meltdowns that were occurring outside of the store.

    免費的面部彩繪或臨時紋身貼

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • So, by 12:30 we get called:

    所以,到十二點半,終於輪到了我們,

  • "56 to 63, please."

    “56到63號,請進。”

  • And as we walk in, it is a scene I can only describe you

    當我們進入時,我能給你描述的就只是

  • as saying it looked like Norway threw up.

    好像挪威嘔吐了一樣

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • There were cardboard cut-out snowflakes covering the floor,

    雪花硬紙剪畫鋪滿了整個地板,

  • glitter on every flat surface, and icicles all over the walls.

    到處都有亮片裝飾著每個平面,冰柱遍佈在每一堵墻上。

  • And as we stood in line

    當我們排隊站著,

  • in an attempt to give my niece a better vantage point

    為了讓我外甥女有一個

  • than the backside of the mother of number 58,

    比起在58號孩子母親的背側更有利的位置

  • I put her up on my shoulders,

    我把她舉到了我肩膀上

  • and she was instantly riveted by the sight of the princesses.

    而當她一看見公主的模樣就被迷住了

  • And as we moved forward, her excitement only grew,

    我們向前走時,她越來越興奮,

  • and as we finally got to the front of the line,

    當我們終於到了隊伍的最前面,

  • and number 58 unfurled her poster to be signed by the princesses,

    58號孩子攤開了她即將被公主們簽名的海報時,

  • I could literally feel the excitement running through her body.

    我確實可以感受到從她身體透出的那股興奮。

  • And let's be honest, at that point, I was pretty excited too.

    老實講,當下我也是相當興奮的。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I mean, the Scandinavian decadence was mesmerizing.

    我的意思是說,那種北歐斯坎地納維亞頹廢的場景的確非常迷人。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • So we get to the front of the line,

    所以我們終於到了隊伍前,

  • and the haggard clerk turns to my niece and says,

    面帶倦容的店員朝我的外甥女說:

  • "Hi, honey. You're next!

    “嗨,親愛的,你是下一個!

  • Do you want to get down, or you're going to stay

    你是想下來,

  • on your dad's shoulders for the picture?'

    還是繼續待在你爸爸的肩上合影?“

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And I was, for a lack of a better word, frozen.

    那時,語塞的我,凍若木雞。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • It's amazing that in an unexpected instant we are faced with the question,

    令人驚訝的是,在那個不預期的時刻,我們面對著這一個問題:

  • who am I?

    我是誰?

  • Am I an aunt? Or am I an advocate?

    我是一個阿姨嗎?或者問,我是一個倡導者?

  • Millions of people have seen my video about how to have a hard conversation,

    數百萬的人們看過我的有關如何對那些難以啟齒的事開口的錄影帶,

  • and there one was, right in front of me.

    而現在這個,就在我面前。

  • At the same time,

    同一時刻,

  • there's nothing more important to me than the kids in my life,

    沒有什麼比那些在我生命中的孩子更重要了,

  • so I found myself in a situation that we so often find ourselves in,

    所以我發現我自己在一種我們經常察覺自己深陷其中,

  • torn between two things, two impossible choices.

    被兩件事,或者兩個不可能的選擇拉扯著。

  • Would I be an advocate?

    我會是個倡導者嗎?

  • Would I take my niece off my shoulders and turn to the clerk and explain to her

    我會把我的外甥女放下來,轉身去朝店員解釋說

  • that I was in fact her aunt, not her father,

    事實上,我是她的阿姨,不是她的爸爸嗎?

  • and that she should be more careful

    並且說,她應該更加留心,

  • and not to jump to gender conclusions based on haircuts and shoulder rides --

    不要根據髮型以及把小孩扛在肩上這種事拿來判定一個人的性別——

  • (Laughter) --

    (笑聲)

  • and while doing that,

    且在做這件事的時候,

  • miss out on what was, to this point, the greatest moment of my niece's life.

    錯過了在某種程度上,對我外甥女來說是一生中最美好的時刻。

  • Or would I be an aunt?

    或者讓我只是一個阿姨?

  • Would I brush off that comment, take a million pictures,

    我可以忽略那句評論,照很多相片,

  • and not be distracted for an instant from the pure joy of that moment,

    而絲毫不從那單純的歡樂中被打斷,

  • and by doing that,

    但如果這麼做,

  • walk out with the shame that comes up for not standing up for myself,

    我將帶著未為自己據理力爭的羞恥感,走出店門。

  • especially in front of my niece.

    尤其是,在我外甥女面前。

  • Who was I?

    我到底是誰?

  • Which one was more important? Which role was more worth it?

    到底哪一個比較重要?哪一個角色值得得多?

  • Was I an aunt? Or was I an advocate?

    我是一位阿姨嗎?或者我是一個倡導者?

  • And I had a split second to decide.

    我只有一剎那的時間去決定。

  • We are taught right now

    現在我們被教導

  • that we are living in a world of constant and increasing polarity.

    我們生活在一個不斷極化、對立的世界,

  • It's so black and white, so us and them, so right and wrong.

    就像黑與白,我們與他們,對與錯。

  • There is no middle, there is no gray, just polarity.

    在這其中,沒有中間狀態,沒有灰色地帶,只是對立。

  • Polarity is a state in which two ideas or opinions

    對立指的是:1. 一種兩個想法或觀點

  • are completely opposite from each other;

    完全相反的狀態;

  • a diametrical opposition.

    2. 截然相反的敵對。

  • Which side are you on?

    你站在那一邊?

  • Are you unequivocally and without question antiwar, pro-choice, anti-death penalty,

    你真的是斬釘截鐵地反對戰爭,讚成合法墮胎,反對死刑,

  • pro-gun regulation, proponent of open borders and pro-union?

    主張槍支管制,主張開放邊境,並且支持聯邦政府嗎?

  • Or, are you absolutely and uncompromisingly

    或者,你又的確毫不含糊地

  • pro-war, pro-life, pro-death penalty,

    主戰,反墮胎,主張死刑,

  • a believer that the Second Amendment is absolute,

    認為政府應當允許公民持有並使用槍支,

  • anti-immigrant and pro-business?

    反對移民並且親企業?

  • It's all or none, you're with us or against us.

    是與否,支持我們與反對我們——

  • That is polarity.

    這就是對立。

  • The problem with polarity and absolutes is that

    對立化與絕對化的癥結,在於——

  • it eliminates the individuality of our human experience

    它忽略了我們的人生閱歷所帶來的個人特點,

  • and that makes it contradictory to our human nature.

    也與人性相違背。

  • But if we are pulled in these two directions,

    我們或許在對立中不知所措,

  • but it's not really where we exist --

    但,對立的世界並不真的是我們所存在的世界——

  • polarity is not our actual reality --

    現實並不總是對立的——

  • where do we go from there?

    我們由現實去向何方?

  • What's at the other end of that spectrum?

    而在另一個極端的,又是什麼?

  • I don't think it's an unattainable, harmonious utopia,

    我不認為這是一個達不到的和諧烏托邦,

  • I think the opposite of polarity is duality.

    我認為對立的反面是二元性。

  • Duality is a state of having two parts,

    二元性是:1. 一種雙重性的狀態,

  • but not in diametrical opposition,

    但不是針鋒相對。

  • in simultaneous existence.

    2. 同時存在。

  • Don't think it's possible?

    你難道不認為那是可能的嗎?

  • Here are the people I know:

    就提我所知道的一些人為例:

  • I know Catholics who are pro-choice, and feminists who wear hijabs,

    我認識提倡墮胎合法的天主教徒,戴頭巾的女權主義者

  • and veterans who are antiwar,

    反戰的退伍軍人,

  • and NRA members who think I should be able to get married.

    以及那些認為我應該能結婚的全國步槍協會(其反對強制限制)的工作人員。

  • Those are the people I know, those are my friends and family,

    那些是我認識的人,那些是我的朋友和家人。

  • that is the majority of our society, that is you, that is me.

    那是我們社會的大多數,那是你,那是我。

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

  • Duality is the ability to hold both things.

    二元性是一種能夠包容兩種事物的能力。

  • But the question is: Can we own our duality?

    但問題是:我們能擁有屬於我們的二元性嗎?

  • Can we have the courage to hold both things?

    我們有能夠包容兩種事物的勇氣嗎?

  • I work at a restaurant in town,

    我在鎮上的一家餐廳上班,

  • I became really good friends with the busser.

    我與服務員助理成了很要好的朋友。

  • I was a server and we had a great relationship,

    而我是一個服務員,我們關係很好。

  • we had a really great time together.

    我們在一起度過了非常美好的時光。

  • Her Spanish was great

    她的西班牙語很好,

  • because she was from Mexico.

    因為她來自墨西哥(墨西哥官方語言為西班牙語)。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • That line actually went the other way.

    看來這句話實際上起了反效果。

  • Her English was limited, but significantly better than my Spanish.

    她的英語有限,但明顯比我的西班牙語強啊!

  • But we were united by our similarities,

    但我們因為我們的相似性而合作無間,

  • not separated by our differences.

    而不會因為我們的不同而分離。

  • And we were close, even though we came from very different worlds.

    即使我們來自非常不同的世界,我們仍很親近。

  • She was from Mexico,

    她來自墨西哥,

  • she left her family behind so she could come here

    她離開了她的家庭,是為了能來這裡工作,

  • and afford them a better life back home.

    補貼家用,讓他們在家能過上更好的生活。

  • She was a devout conservative Catholic,

    她是個虔誠的天主教徒,

  • a believer in traditional family values,

    那種深信傳統家庭價值觀、

  • stereotypical roles of men and women,

    傳統性別角色的人,

  • and I was, well, me.

    而我是,呃,還是我。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • But the things that bonded us were when she asked about my girlfriend,

    但讓我們結合的東西是她打聽我的女朋友的時刻,

  • or she shared pictures that she had from her family back home.

    或者是她分享了來自她家裡的照片。

  • Those were the things that brought us together.

    就是那些東西讓我們更接近彼此。

  • So one day, we were in the back,

    所以有一天,我們在儲藏室,

  • scarfing down food as quickly as we could, gathered around a small table,

    聚在一塊小桌旁,盡我們所能狼吞虎嚥地吃,

  • during a very rare lull,

    在罕見的平靜中,

  • and a new guy from the kitchen came over --

    一個新來的傢伙從廚房裡過來了——

  • who happened to be her cousin --

    那人碰巧是她堂弟——

  • and sat down with all the bravado and machismo

    帶著20歲的他所能表現出來的虛張聲勢以及男子氣概

  • that his 20-year-old body could hold.

    坐下了。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And he said to her, [in Spanish] "Does Ash have a boyfriend?"

    他對她說:“(西語)阿什有男朋友嗎?”

  • And she said, [in Spanish] "No, she has a girlfriend."

    她回答:“(西語)不,她有一個女朋友。”

  • And he said, [in Spanish] "A girlfriend?!?"

    他又說:“(西語)一個,女朋友?!”

  • And she set down her fork, and locked eyes with him,

    她放下了她的餐叉,盯著他的眼睛說:

  • and said, [in Spanish] "Yes, a girlfriend. That is all."

    “(西語)是的。一個女朋友。就是這樣。”

  • And his smug smile quickly dropped to one of maternal respect,

    他那自命不凡的微笑很快就變成了那種對母親的尊重的笑容。

  • grabbed his plate, walked off, went back to work.

    他抓著他的盤子走開了,又回去工作。

  • She never made eye contact with me.

    她說這話時對我從沒有眼神接觸。

  • She left, did the same thing --

    她也走了,做著同樣的事——

  • it was a 10-second conversation, such a short interaction.

    這是一次十秒鐘的談話,如此短的互動。

  • And on paper, she had so much more in common with him:

    理論上,她和他多的是相似之處:

  • language, culture, history, family, her community was her lifeline here,

    語言、文化、歷史、家庭,甚至她的社區,是她在這裡的生命線,

  • but her moral compass trumped all of that.

    但她道德羅盤所指引的,卻勝過所有。

  • And a little bit later, they were joking around in the kitchen in Spanish,

    過了一會,他們又在廚房裡用西班牙語

  • that had nothing to do with me,

    開著那些和我無關的玩笑,

  • and that is duality.

    這,就是二元性。

  • She didn't have to choose some P.C. stance on gayness over her heritage.

    她不必為了選擇站在同性戀立場而捨棄了她的傳承。

  • She didn't have to choose her family over our friendship.

    她不必為了選擇她的家庭而捨棄我們的友誼。

  • It wasn't Jesus or Ash.

    這不是耶穌或者阿什。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

  • Her individual morality was so strongly rooted

    她的個人道德觀念是如此根深蒂固,

  • that she had the courage to hold both things.

    讓她有能包容兩件事物的勇氣。

  • Our moral integrity is our responsibility

    維持我們道德的完整性,是我們的責任,

  • and we must be prepared to defend it even when it's not convenient.

    我們為了保護它必須做好準備,即使是在困難的時候。

  • That's what it means to be an ally, and if you're going to be an ally,

    這就是成為一名支持者的意義,如果你要成為一名支持者,

  • you have to be an active ally:

    你只能是一個活躍的支持者:

  • Ask questions, act when you hear something inappropriate,

    提出問題,在聽到不適當的話語時行動,

  • actually engage.

    全心全意的投入。

  • I had a family friend who for years used to call my girlfriend my lover.

    我有一個家人的朋友,她幾年來都習慣叫我的女朋友 “我的愛人”。

  • Really? Lover?

    真的嗎?愛人?

  • So overly sexual,

    這過度性感,

  • so '70s gay porn.

    就像是70年代的同性戀色情。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • But she was trying, and she asked.

    但她在嘗試,她也問過了。

  • She could have called her my friend,

    她本可以叫我的女朋友 “我的朋友”,

  • or my "friend," or my "special friend" --

    或者 “朋友”,或者 “摯友”——

  • (Laughter) --

    (笑聲)

  • or even worse, just not asked at all.

    或者更糟,根本都不問。

  • Believe me, we would rather have you ask.

    相信我吧,我們寧可你問。

  • I would rather have her say lover, than say nothing at all.

    比起什麼也不說,我寧可讓她說“愛人”。

  • People often say to me, "Well, Ash, I don't care.

    人們經常對我說,“好吧,阿什,我其實不在乎。

  • I don't see race or religion or sexuality.

    我並不關心人種、宗教或者性別之類的。

  • It doesn't matter to me. I don't see it."

    這些跟我沒關係。我不在意它們。”

  • But I think the opposite of homophobia and racism and xenophobia is not love,

    但我認為,對同性戀的憎惡、種族主義以及仇外主義的反面並不是愛,

  • it's apathy.

    是冷漠。

  • If you don't see my gayness, then you don't see me.

    如果你並不在意我是同性戀者,那麼你也不會在意我。

  • If it doesn't matter to you who I sleep with,

    如果對你來說我和誰睡覺並不重要,

  • then you cannot imagine what it feels like

    那麼你也無法想像那種

  • when I walk down the street late at night holding her hand,

    當我在深夜裡牽著她的手走在街上的感覺,

  • and approach a group of people and have to make the decision

    尤其在接近一群人時,做出決定

  • if I should hang on to it or if I should I drop it

    看是要繼續牽著,還是要放手

  • when all I want to do is squeeze it tighter.

    而我其實只想握得更緊;

  • And the small victory I feel

    以及我不必再放手時

  • when I make it by and don't have to let go.

    所感受到的小小勝利。

  • And the incredible cowardice and disappointment I feel when I drop it.

    以及當我放手的時候所感到那令人難以置信的懦弱和失望。

  • If you do not see that struggle

    如果你看不出那些掙扎,

  • that is unique to my human experience because I am gay, then you don't see me.

    它是屬於我獨一無二的經驗,因為我是同性戀者——那麼你也不會看到我。

  • If you are going to be an ally, I need you to see me.

    如果你想成為一個盟友,我需要你在意我、看到我。

  • As individuals, as allies, as humans,

    作為個體,作為夥伴,作為人類,

  • we need to be able to hold both things:

    我們需要能夠包容兩件事:

  • both the good and the bad,

    好與壞,

  • the easy and the hard.

    難和易。

  • You don't learn how to hold two things just from the fluff,

    你從順境中是學不會如何包容兩件事的,

  • you learn it from the grit.

    你是從磨練中學到它的。

  • And what if duality is just the first step?

    再說,如果二元性還只是第一步?

  • What if through compassion and empathy and human interaction

    如果通過同情心與惻隱之心以及人際互動

  • we are able to learn to hold two things?

    我們就能夠學會包容兩件事呢?

  • And if we can hold two things, we can hold four,

    而且如果我們能包容兩件事物,那我們同樣也能包容四件。

  • and if we can hold four, we can hold eight,

    如果我們能包容四件事物,那我們同樣也能包容八件。

  • and if we can hold eight, we can hold hundreds.

    如果我們能包容八件事物,那我們同樣也能包容成百上千件事物。

  • We are complex individuals,

    我們是多元化的個體,

  • swirls of contradiction.

    矛盾的漩渦。

  • You are all holding so many things right now.

    你們現在已經包容了很多事情。

  • What can you do to hold just a few more?

    為了能夠多包容一點,你還能做些什麼?

  • So, back to Toledo, Ohio.

    那麼,回到俄亥俄州的托萊多市。

  • I'm at the front of the line,

    我在那條隊伍前,

  • niece on my shoulders, the frazzled clerk calls me Dad.

    肩上扛著外甥女,疲憊的店員稱我為父親。

  • Have you ever been mistaken for the wrong gender?

    你曾經被認錯性別嗎?

  • Not even that.

    甚至不只是這樣,

  • Have you ever been called something you are not?

    你曾經被人誤稱嗎?

  • Here's what it feels like for me:

    這就是我的感受:

  • I am instantly an internal storm of contrasting emotions.

    我立刻被捲入由相斥的情感混雜而成的風暴中。

  • I break out into a sweat that is a combination of rage and humiliation,

    我因憤怒與屈辱而出了一身的熱汗。

  • I feel like the entire store is staring at me,

    我覺得整間商店都在盯著我看。

  • and I simultaneously feel invisible.

    同時我感覺不被看見。

  • I want to explode in a tirade of fury,

    我想在千言萬語的憤怒中爆發,