Manners

Hi. Iím Antonio Centeno, the founder of Real Men Real Style and today, weíre going to

be talking about ìHow do you treat other people with respect at social events?î Okay,

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Okay, so the question that came in is ìHow do I treat others with respect at a social

event?î and this came from a gentleman. Heís a bit of an introvert and he doesnít, itís

hard for him to talk to other people but heís finding that heís getting invited to more

and more of these Christmas parties and things in which heís having a step up and represent

his family and heís going with his wife and heís just wanting to present himself better

and heís got the clothing down. Heís been watching the videos but heís, ìHow do I

talk with these people?î so Iíve got 5 things that you should be thinking about when youíre

at a social event and you follow these, youíll be in good shape.

Number one, introduce yourself. People have gotten really away from this. It used to be

that if youíre having a conversation, you see somebody come up to join and if youíre

not sure that they know each other, you introduce them. Most people donít even think to do

this so you really canít wait to be introduced. Maybe give it a couple seconds but once youíre

kind of acknowledge as youíre joining the conversation and if you donít know one of

the people present or you think itís been a while and maybe they didnít remember who

you were, be polite and introduce yourself and give your name. Always give your name

and to both parties so that people remember and hopefully theyíre going to say it so

they remember your name and make sure you get their name and that you remember it.

And thatís the second thing, remember names. Now, itís just really hard for people and

probably ñ Iím bad at myself. I always forget names and the trick that I use and I always

try to associate it with something. So if they tell me their name is Sidney then I think,

ìOkay, Sydney Australia.î And I think somehow I associate them with Australia or they tell

me their name is Rebecca then I think, ìOkay, Rebecca. Thatís a good friend of mine, his

wife.î So I somehow associate that and I also try to say it. I maybe even ask them,

ìOh, do you go by Beca or do you have a nickname?î

So we spend a little bit of time talking about their name, maybe just a couple of seconds

but it helps me form that association and sometimes I donít even listen to what theyíre

almost saying to me. Iím trying to say their name again and again. Make that association

and the first few times you respond to them, say their name. Memory isnít just about whatís

up here, itís about what rolls off our lips and the physical process of actually saying

the name a few times and people love hearing their names so donít worry. Itís not going

to be a bad thing and you may actually be helping other people in the conversation if

they forgotten that Rebeccaís name is Rebecca but she likes to go by Beca. Thatís her ñ

what she likes to be called.

The third thing, listen. Okay so think about it. Youíve got two eyes, youíve got two

ears and youíve got one mouth. Therefore, you should be listening and observing probably

four times as much as you should be talking. If you find that youíre carrying the conversation,

you need to pull back because people, they get bored real easy. I mean you could talk

all day about your business, I know I can. You get me talking about Real Men Real Style

in a tailored suit, yeah. Set aside a couple hours because I can talk all day about my

companies but you know what? Most people find it boring unless someoneís really engaging

you and itís a one on one and they keep coming in with good questions and you can tell that

this is something theyíre almost taking notes on.

You donít want to continue to talk. What you want to do is turn and ask questions about

them. Really sincerely, be curious about the other person because often times when weíre

talking with somebody, weíre not listening. Weíre actually preparing to speak ourselves

and that you want to get away from that. Listen and really pay attention to that other person

because people really like it when other people pay attention to them and if youíre just

meeting somebody for the first time, probably one of the best ways that you can get them

to form a positive impression of you is actually for you to ask good questions about them and

let them expand about everything thatís interesting in their lives, whether itíd be their children,

whether itíd be their business, whether itíd be their preference for food.

Really take the time to get to know this individual and form a true relationship and a good bond

and the other part is respecting what other people say but not losing your dignity if

they start going into gossip, if they start talking bad about somebody, if they take it

down the religionÖ

Öor the political slant, at that point you can kind of lead a conversation by maybe changing

the subject by asking other questions and going back, kind of going back to the focus

and being very polite about it but saying, ìOh you know? But I was really interested

about your business. I was really interested in hearing more about your family.î

If they continue to go down that route then this is the final thing and this happen with

all conversations, you need to excuse yourself. You need to step away from the conversation.

Often times, thereís other people you want to speak with and simply say, ìExcuse me.î

Perhaps you need to go get something to drink. Perhaps youíre hungry. Perhaps you see someone

you need to go talk with but always be prepared to excuse yourself and to move on from the

conversation. And always, when youíre leaving, shake hands.

If youíre meeting somebody for the first time, repeat their name and that is how you

treat others with respect at a social event. So hopefully that helps the gentleman that

wrote the question and I know itís hard for many of us because weíre introverts and weíre

not used to talking with other people. Itís actually hard for me a lot of times but you

just need to get out there and shake hands and smile and just ask some good questions.

All right, this has been Antonio Centeno with Real Men Real Style. Iíll see you in the

next video. Bye-bye.