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  • Peking House is my family-owned Chinese restaurant in Willimantic, Connecticut,

    北京樓是我家經營的中國餐廳 位於康州的威利曼蒂克(Willimantic)

  • where I spent nearly 20 years growing up, before we sold it.

    我在那裏生活了20年, 直到我們把它賣掉

  • My brother and I spent most of our time


  • in the room in the back called "the office."


  • "The office" was really just a storage room,


  • but it had our gaming systems,


  • and the game that we played the most was called Super Smash Brothers Melee.

    我們最常玩的就是 「任天堂明星大亂鬥DX」 (Super Smash Brothers Melee)

  • For those who don't know,


  • Super Smash Brothers Melee is an older fighting game

    「任天堂明星大亂鬥DX」 是古早的一款打鬥遊戲

  • made for the Nintendo GameCube.

    我和弟弟 常花好幾小時玩這個遊戲

  • My brother and I spent hours playing this game,


  • so much that we even challenged restaurant customers to matches.

    我的朋友更因而推了我去 參加一個本地電玩比賽

  • Eventually, my friends dragged me out to a local tournament,

    33人的比賽中 我最後排第13位

  • where I ended up placing 13th out of 33.

    不太差, 但當然與頂尖玩家相差甚遠

  • Not bad, but definitely far from the best.

    後來, 經過與一些高手學習

  • After training with higher level players,


  • and taking notes on matches I found online,


  • I started to travel to national tournaments,


  • and before I knew it,


  • I was being whisked around the United States at the age of 17,


  • all because of a video game.

    這簡直是夢想人生 對吧?

  • Totally living the dream life, right?


  • This is how I ran head first

    一個充滿競爭的 「任天堂明星大亂鬥DX」群組

  • into the competitive Super Smash Brothers Melee community,


  • a scene that I've been a part of for nearly ten years.


  • I'm sure that when I say competitive gaming,

    你們必定在幻想 一屋抱著筆電的人的模樣

  • you guys are imagining a room of people hunched over their laptops.


  • Sometimes it can look like that,


  • but more often it looks something like this.


  • (Laughter)

    因為「任天堂明星大亂鬥DX」 實在是一個太舊的遊戲

  • Because Smash Brothers Melee is such an old game,


  • it requires those big, boxy TVs to be played on.


  • Our players are so dedicated,


  • that they will actually lug these things onto their flights as carry-ons.


  • (Laughter)


  • The community is also absurdly diverse.

    這照片攝於新澤西州的 一個年度比賽 Apex

  • This is a photo of Apex, an annual tournament held in New Jersey.

    2013年, 超過1500位 來自16個不同國家的玩家參加比賽

  • In 2013, over 1500 people showed up from 16 different countries.

    我想如果16個國家的人 都湧入新澤西州

  • I feel like if 16 countries are flying out to New Jersey,


  • that's saying something.

    對不起 新澤西州

  • Sorry, New Jersey.


  • (Laughter)


  • In the gaming community,


  • I was known by my gamer tag "_milktea,"


  • but in real life, I was still very much just Lilian.

    17歳時 我很安靜和怕羞

  • When I was 17, I was shy and quiet,

    我常被同學欺凌 因為我的不一樣 因為我是亞洲人

  • and I was often bullied by my classmates for being different, for being Asian.


  • Some of them made fun of the clothes I wore.


  • Others asked me out on dates as a joke.


  • Another called me a Chinese prostitute.


  • But when I was "_milktea,"


  • I was part of a community that welcomed and accepted me.


  • Except what's missing from this picture?


  • Do you see any women?

    當性別失衡的情況是如此明顯 群體中的活動很容易被曲解

  • When the gender imbalance is this large, social dynamics can become a bit skewed.


  • You get a lot more attention than you normally would.


  • [milktea is an angel]


  • At the time, I didn't understand why I was getting this attention.

    我只知道 這比我在學校面對的好多了

  • I just knew that it was so much better than what I was dealing with at school.


  • [I love Milktea.]


  • Here's one of my favorites.

    [陳奶茶 你真的很正]

  • [Milktea chan you are really attractive.]

    [如果要為你的美評分 10分滿分我會給你8分]

  • [If I had to rate you for beauty I give you a 8 out of 10]


  • [Only because I've been crushing on another girl for a long time]


  • (Laughter)

    但是 事情又開始變糟

  • But then, things took a turn for the worse.

    [為什麼 你們都責罵奶茶 lol?]

  • [Why is everyone blaming milktea lol?]


  • [She is a harlot.]

    [她根本不愛「大亂鬥DX」 她只是想得到注意]

  • [She doesn't like Smash, she just wants attention.]


  • And then you started to see comments like this.

    [因為妳只是宅宅女神 其他什麼都不是]

  • [coz you're only known in the scene for being the subject of nerdy fantasies]


  • [suck a **** in crappy smasher's dreams]

    這些年間, 我內化了他們的態度

  • Over years, I began internalizing all of this,

    我更把這些態度 投放在其他女性身上

  • and then I took these attitudes and projected them onto other women.

    "她為什麼如此嬌柔?" "她真的是個玩家嗎?"

  • "Ew, why is she so girly? Is she even a real gamer?"

    我感到我的聲音縮小 而憤怒在心中滋長

  • I felt my voice shrinking and the resent growing inside of me,

    最後 我開始遠離這個電玩群組

  • and eventually, I distanced myself from the Smash community altogether.


  • Fast forward a few years.

    我得到第一份工作 在紐約

  • I landed my first job in New York City.

    在那裏我了解到 性別規範的行為不是唯一的標準

  • There, I realized that sexist behavior didn't have to be the norm.

    但是 我仍舊是什麼都不說 與人保持距離

  • But nevertheless, I stayed quiet and withdrawn.

    要我公開演說? 絕不可能發生

  • Public speaking? Never going to happen.


  • (Laughter)

    但是, 我的臉書上 出現了這個留言

  • But then, this Facebook comment appeared in my feed.

    [我想我們是時候停止 在網上記錄對群組的恐懼]

  • [Stop chalking up the terror of the internet to the Smash community.]


  • [In general, we're very accepting of females]

    我發誓 在那一刻

  • I swear, at that very moment,

    在我心中的害羞女孩 同時被燃點了

  • my inner wallflower spontaneously combusted.

    我開始在網誌寫下 我在群組中的經驗和遇到的問題

  • I started writing blog posts that talked about my experiences

    我十分驚訝 我的文字被廣泛流傳

  • and issues I had faced within the community,


  • and to my surprise, they went viral within our scene.

    其後 一個遊戲網站 Polygon 記錄了我之後的工作

  • A well-known fighting game website picked up one of my posts

    這一切引領我們創立了 The New Meta

  • and later on, Polygon, a gaming site, covered my future work.

    一個我與紐約大學遊戲中心 共同創立和管理的小組

  • All of this led to the creation of The New Meta,

    我們找來很多 來自不同遊戲群組的女性

  • a panel that I cofounded and moderated with the NYU Game Center.


  • We roped in tons of women from different gaming communities

    我們整個小組希望可以 提升大家對問題的關注

  • to talk about issues of sexism within gaming.


  • But the entire panel's point was to raise awareness

    作為一個女性 我也曾有性別歧視

  • in a way that did not shame male gamers.

    甚至討厭女性 反對自己的性別

  • As a woman, I was sexist,

    有時候 當你長期沈浸在一個環境內

  • and even misogynistic, against my own gender.

    會令你難以分辨 具傷害性和正常的行為

  • Sometimes, when you've been immersed in an environment for long enough,


  • it can be hard to differentiate between harmful behaviors and normal ones.


  • While some gamers are intentionally malicious,


  • some may not even realize


  • that they're perpetuating sexist behaviors in the first place.


  • Empathizing with these gamers is more productive


  • than outright dismissing them.


  • Initiate a conversation.


  • Deconstruct these behaviors,

    還有 請你放下指責的態度

  • no matter how obvious they might seem to you.

    如果我當時 因為歧視別人的性別而被排擠

  • And please, leave the accusatory tone behind.


  • If I had been dismissed as a sexist neckbeard,


  • I wouldn't be on this stage talking to you right now.

    我發現人們都是願意改變的 他們都希望幫忙

  • And to my surprise,

    [作為一個男性 我可以如何 公平對待eSports的女玩家?]

  • I found that people were willing to change, and they wanted to help.

    [我很努力 但我需要些建議]

  • [As a guy, how to treat girls in eSports equally?]

    毎毎我有所懷疑的時候 我就會收到這樣的回覆

  • [Trying my hardest, but advice would help.]

    [ 我有幾個玩 "任" 的女性朋友 包括我的女朋友 都因為你而站出來 分享自己的經歷]

  • And whenever I had any doubts, I started to receive feedback like this.


  • [I got a few female Smashers into the scene because of you.]

    沉默只會令電玩世界的 性別歧視繼續下去

  • This entire experience has shown me


  • that my silence only further enabled sexism within gaming.

    偏見非常容易被內化 並讓人迷失

  • Nobody is perfect.


  • Internalizing biases and becoming lost in them is deceptively easy.


  • By being vocal,


  • you force yourself and those around you


  • to reevaluate their actions and their perceptions.

    你要發言 且要負責任地發言

  • Everyone in this room has a voice.


  • You have to use it, and you have to use it responsibly.


  • Not only can you provoke change,


  • but you can empower others to do so, too.


  • Thank you.

  • (Applause)

Peking House is my family-owned Chinese restaurant in Willimantic, Connecticut,

北京樓是我家經營的中國餐廳 位於康州的威利曼蒂克(Willimantic)


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