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  • Today we debate: Taco vs. Burrito.

  • Let's talk about that.

  • ♪ (theme music) ♪

  • Gooood Mythical Morning!

  • We don't normally take this tone on our show, but there are a lot of serious

  • issues out there on the internet, a lot of passionate opinions that people have

  • - Yes. - and we thought we would just take

  • one of those issues head-on today. And that is: (shouts) Taco versus Burrito!

  • Okay, so we're gonna do a debate format show. Experimental! Spoiler alert. Or not.

  • I don't know what the definition of that is.

  • - Hm. What's been spoiled? - That that's what we're doing.

  • - (laughs) Oh, okay. - A debate format.

  • So we're going classical debate format here in as far as we know it.

  • We didn't do the debate team in any of our schooling.

  • - No we didn't. - We're gonna do it now and we're gonna be

  • be great at it. Or at least one of us is. 90-second opening remarks

  • - and then a 30-second - (in unison) cross-examination.

  • And then we'll flip. Then, after that round, it's a series of--

  • - Rebuttals. - rapid-fire rebuttals and argumentation

  • culminating in you deciding in the comments which is superior, the burrito or the taco.

  • It is time for...

  • - (Link) Debate-o-Rama! - (Rhett) Taco vs. Burrito.

  • (applause, patriotic music and crowd noise)

  • - (stage whispers) Great, how's your wife? - (stage whispers) How's Christy?

  • - Oh, I know. - How are the kids?

  • - Oh, you did the wife joke too. - How's your dog?

  • - He's good. - Yeah. I've always been a fan of your dog.

  • (smoothly ) Okay, I'm ready. I have my debate notes here and I am of the--

  • (normally) Do I have to use the fake voice? 'Cause that's not gonna be sustainable.

  • (normally) No, no. Use your own voice.

  • I am Burrito and I'm told that-- Eddie?-- I'm going first because "burrito" comes

  • - before "taco" in the alphabet. - (Eddie) Yes, Mr. Link.

  • I'm also representing burrito almost arbitrarily, but I shouldn't have told you

  • - that. I really believe in this. Okay. - What? I really believe in mine.

  • (Eddie) All right, Mr. Link, it's time for your opening remarks. You have 90 seconds.

  • - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) Please begin.

  • Thank you, arbiter, or moderator, whatever you are. Eddie, thank you.

  • Mythical Beasts, thank you for watching. Thank you, my formidable opponent,

  • - Rhett, for being here. - Yeah.

  • And thank you to the people of Mexico for making burritos possible,

  • the supreme folded covering over food that makes it more awesome than tacos.

  • Reason number one: They're neat!

  • Just look at this thing. There's no spilling, look! I'm--

  • - (laughs) - I'm shaking. I dropped half of it.

  • (laughs) Look at that. Nothing's coming out of this thing. I mean, that's one

  • thing, right? It's pretty neat. I really blew it when half of it fell apart.

  • - I'm gonna admit that. - I'm noting that.

  • That doesn't normally happen. They're also very convenient. Think about it.

  • You can just sink your teeth into this any way. You don't have to assume some sort of

  • "makin' out with a girl and I don't know which way her mouth faces" kind of a thing.

  • You just one-handed, right there, bite it anywhere, and you're in Mexican Heaven.

  • Right? Point three: These things are huge! Especially if half of it doesn't break off.

  • I mean, you can feed two people with one of these things.

  • You could sustain a small family or use it as a weapon.

  • (thunk)

  • You hear that? If that was your face, it would be like blunt trauma happening.

  • So there you go, right off the bat. I'm saving some good stuff, but it's neat,

  • nothing comes out. You can one-hand this thing, it's very convenient.

  • Put your mouth on it anywhere and start eating. And then three,

  • - (timer dings) - did I mention it was huge?

  • (Eddie) All right, Mr. Link, your time is up.

  • So right off the bat, I'm gonna retrieve this half.

  • (Eddie) Thank you for your remarks, Mr. Link.

  • - It landed on a bag, so it's still clean. - (clears throat)

  • (Eddie) Mr. Rhett, it's time for

  • - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) the cross-examination round.

  • - Yes. - I noticed you were taking notes.

  • Yes, Mr. Link, I noted early on in your presentation that your burrito

  • broke in half. And I want to say that you were making that point...

  • The point you were making when it broke off was that the burrito was neat.

  • - And then it broke. - Right. Look how clean of a break it was.

  • Yeah, but half of it fell on the ground and you had to pick it up.

  • - I see it right there. I could grab it. - But it--

  • - Mind if I touch your podium? - That's fine.

  • This is it. It broke, so, you know, it speaks for itself.

  • Okay, but we all know you don't eat things in an earthquake, usually.

  • - (timer dings) - Try to shake a taco.

  • (Eddie) All right, the cross examination's over.

  • - Okay, I will shake a taco. - Try to shake a taco.

  • (Eddie) Mr. Rhett, it's time for your opening remarks.

  • - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) Please begin. You have 90 seconds.

  • I would like to thank everyone that Link thanked. In addition, I would like to

  • thank Mexican Americans here in Los Angeles for making

  • my trek to get a taco very easy. There's always a taco within a 1-mile radius.

  • I'm very appreciative of that.

  • My argument comes down to The Three O's of Tacos.

  • The Three O's of Tacos. The first O is Original. The taco is completely original.

  • In fact, it predates the European arrival of settlers in the Americas.

  • So this is what they were eating. This is the original Mexican food.

  • No imposter like the burrito.

  • The second O is Options. (laughs) You got options when it comes to tacos!

  • You got hard tacos, you got soft tacos, you can even get the puffy shell.

  • You can get beef, you can get chicken, you can get tofu.

  • This is for a man or a woman who wants options, okay? This is for somebody who

  • doesn't wanna commit to anything. You can have three or four different meals in one

  • and that's just for starters. And the third O is Openness.

  • I want you to open your heart to the taco, but I also want you to recognize

  • the open configuration of a taco means there are no surprises.

  • The food is able to breathe. You're able to smell the food. Fifty percent of taste

  • is smell. I wanna smell my food before it goes into my mouth orifice.

  • And, if some falls out as on occasion will happen, it's just taco salad.

  • - (timer dings) - (Eddie) All right, thank you, Mr. Rhett.

  • - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) Mr. Link, it's time for your

  • cross-examination. You have 30 seconds.

  • First question: since when does food need to breathe?

  • Uh... science shows that, uh... food needs to breathe.

  • The food in you burrito has been suffocated thoroughly and has died.

  • Okay, you mentioned all the options for tacos, but

  • - Yes, lots of them. - have you ever eaten a breakfast taco?

  • - Yes. - Tell me about it.

  • It was kind of like a breakfast burrito but it was open. And small.

  • - (timer dings) - Are you lying?

  • - No! - (Eddie) All right, Mr. Link, your cross-

  • - (Eddie) examination round is over. Order! - (both laugh)

  • (Eddie) Can everybody please calm down?

  • And by the way, since when is-- one of his points was just a history lesson.

  • - (Eddie) Please calm down, Mr. Link. - Yeah. Origins. Original.

  • - (Eddie) Mr. Link, please... - What? Moderator?

  • (Eddie, laughing) Please calm down, Mr. Link.

  • - (in unison) Okay. - What happens now?

  • I'm smiling. I'm still getting votes.

  • (Eddie) Now it's time for the first rebuttal.

  • - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) This will be Mr. Rhett's turn.

  • - Oh, he goes first. Okay. - Okay.

  • I'm fine with that.

  • Anyone can make a taco. You could probably teach a monkey or a dog

  • to make a taco, because all it takes is putting a tortilla on the ground and

  • throwing some stuff in it and then folding it up.

  • You have to be a mad scientist / genius to make a burrito because you have to

  • master the art of burrito-gami, which is origami for burritos. I've never been able

  • to do it. Every time I try to make a burrito and then I bite down on it,

  • it ends up pooping out refried beans on my hand or the hands of a loved one,

  • - even worse. - (timer dings)

  • - And that never happens with a taco. - When what? How does it poop?

  • (Eddie) Okay, Mr. Link, it's time - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪

  • - If you don't get the fold right. - (Eddie) for your rebuttal.

  • Okay, basically you've just said that tacos are for stupid people who aren't

  • - willing to commit. - Dogs and monkeys, specifically.

  • People who want options, so they have commitment issues.

  • I will say that, look at how messy this is. If you just look away, everything's--

  • Oh, my goodness. Is there-- what kind of weather's happening over there?

  • Look, everything's gone.

  • Look at all the chicken that stayed in there.

  • Look, and then it's an earthquake.

  • Look how hard it is to get that chicken out of there.

  • - So, it's messy. It's cumbersome - (timer dings)

  • - and dangerous. - (Eddie) Okay, okay. Mr. Rhett?

  • Look at this thing. You try to get the angle in here and it's like making out

  • - with a girl with a weird mouth. - (Eddie) Please, Mr. Link.

  • - It's like, what do I-- - (Eddie) Mr. Link?

  • - Oh, I got a kink! - You brought up the weird mouth

  • on the girl thing twice. I've never met a girl with a mouth that went sideways,

  • - or upside-- this way. - Have you ever just bitten a taco

  • - any way you wanted? - (Eddie) Mr. Link, it's time for Rhett's--

  • It's like you gotta...

  • I feel like I could eat a taco straight up.

  • - (Eddie) It's time for Rhett's rebuttal. - If I wanted to eat a taco like this,

  • I could. (crunches)

  • (Eddie) Please, may we please stay on topic?

  • - It's still good. - Yeah, That brings me to my other point.

  • - Hold on, I gotta make my point! - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪

  • (Eddie) It's Mr. Rhett's rebuttal. You have 30 seconds.

  • - What about toppings? Listen. - Okay.

  • If you want toppings, you don't get toppings on a burrito. You get what

  • you get in there. If they screw up and they put all the guacamole in one spot,

  • you get a guac bite and that's it, you can never live that down.

  • And the second thing that happens is, if you want to put sauce on a burrito,

  • what are you gonna do? Eat it like this and put it on top one at a time?

  • - That's stupid. - No, you put it in there.

  • If you dip the burrito into the salsa, the burrito parts come out.

  • Did I mention that tacos are extremely dangerous? The way that he demonstrated

  • eating a taco will lead to taco shards cutting the roof of your mouth.

  • I have bled. Tacos have made my inner face bleed before because of the shardness.

  • And by the way, have you ever gotten excited while eating a taco?

  • Oh look, we won the game! Look, look at that. Is that gonna happen with a burrito?

  • - No. - (in unison) Oh, we won the game!

  • - Nothing. - Look at that! It completely gave way!

  • - (both laughing) - No, look, I did it too.

  • - Look, I won the game! - We won the game, and look what happened.

  • We lost the burrito!

  • (Eddie) All right, I think this concludes our debate.

  • - This is chaos. - (Eddie) Thank you Mr. Rhett and Mr. Link.

  • Soft tacos are wannabe burritos but you didn't know how to roll.

  • - (Eddie) Mr. Link! - My case rests.

  • - (Eddie) Thank you. Thank you both. - My case rests as well.

  • - (applause and patriotic music) - Hey, thanks.

  • - You know what? That was... - (stage whisper) How's your wife?

  • - She good? - She's just as good as she was

  • - at the top of the debate. She's fine. - You wanna do some tennis next week?

  • - You did a great job. - Racquetball. You into racquetball?

  • - Handball. - Or handball, that's even better.

  • - There's no racquets. - Yeah, just...

  • - Just your hands and balls. - I forget mine anyway. (laughs)

  • - Okay. - (both laugh)

  • So there you go. Let us know in the comments: Burrito vs. Taco.

  • - Thanks for liking and commenting. - You know what time it is!

  • Hi, I'm Britney from Wilbraham Massachusetts,

  • and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.

  • If we can't all agree on tacos versus burritos, we can all agree on waffles.

  • Everybody loves waffles. And if you love waffles, you need to check us out

  • - on Instagram for Waffle Wednesday. - Click through to Good Mythical More

  • where we continue the candid discussion of burritos versus tacos and invite the

  • crew into the discussion, as well as you.

  • - (Rhett) Rhett is a grumpy tacooooo! - Whaaat?

  • - (Link, silly voice) Hey Rhett, what's up? - (Rhett, grumpily) what?

  • - (Rhett) Nothin', man. - (Link) I'm so happy. I feel empty inside,

  • - but I'm still happy. What about you? - (Rhett) Well, life sucks. Bleeeh.

  • (Rhett) Life suuucks. Bleeeeeeeeeh.

  • - (Link laughs) - (Rhett) Baaah. That's how much it suuuucks.

  • (Link) Lemme... Thanks for that.

  • [Captioned by Caitrin: GMM Captioning Team]

Today we debate: Taco vs. Burrito.

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塔克餅與捲餅--辯論會--O-Rama。 (Taco Vs. Burrito - Debate-O-Rama)

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    周興文 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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