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  • Who watches the Apple Watch? Jessica Chobot does, on today’s Nerdist News!

  • The Apple Watch is coming soon, my friends! - April 24th to be exact - and if yesterday’s

  • event is to be believed, it’s going to be spectacular! It’s gonna change the world!

  • It’s going to track my health, be super intuitive to use, and have a battery that

  • lasts forever and ever until all of humanity has been wiped out and mole people rule the

  • earth, right? Eeeh, more like, “kinda?” But mostlyno?” In fact, it’s pretty

  • much no different than any other smartwatch on the market.

  • The main menu looks weird - way too much like the PS Vita’s “bubbleset-up, the apps

  • still look chunky and unpolished, and the features are basic - like pumpkin spice latte

  • basic. I shouldn’t be laughing. It’s nice that this thing has a heart-rate monitor and

  • tells you to stand up every hour or so, but where are the glucose monitors, the blood

  • pressure sensors, or any of the other advanced health features that had been rumored that

  • I’ll never use? Even worse, early hands-on reports from The Verge and Wired have claimed

  • that it’s interface lacks the simple elegance of it’s big brother devices. The dial and

  • communication buttonon the side are really easy to press accidentally. Theglance

  • feature that can give you a view of all your apps with a simple swipe apparently means

  • having to reboot the apps individually when you want to actually interact with them. I

  • mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m as excited as the next gal to send tiny pictures of hand

  • drawn dicks to people’s wrists. But for a price somewhere between 350 and 10,000 dollars?

  • I think not.

  • Come on, you guys! I meanyoure Apple! To be awesome you have to do three things:

  • be super intuitive to use, change the world, and look cool. But the Apple Watch isn’t

  • super intuitive and looks kinda dorky. Even when it’s made out of solid goooooold. What

  • the hell is happening? This is your first entirely new product without Steve Jobs. And

  • so far it’s more disappointing than Dan Casey’s bar mitzvah. Or just Dan Casey. (We love you Dan!)

  • You are shattering my perception of reality, Apple! Nothing makes sense anymore. What’s

  • next? Dogs and cats living together? Flying pigs? That’d be kind of cool. Me, going

  • back to my Android phone?! I do mean it. It’s gonna be chaos!

  • And why are you making HBO Now Apple exclusive?! Youre holding my precious Game of Thrones

  • hostage just to push your products!? Make it stooooop!--

  • Woaaaahhohohh. Relax, Jessica.

  • [gasp] Spirit Guide Bruce Campbell?

  • Yep that’s right - in the flesh. Hahaha. Listen, I’m sorry to hear that youre

  • so riled up about this whole Apple thing. Look, it’s just a watch. Nobody under the

  • age of thirty’s worn a watch in like two decades. So it’s fine. You know what I do

  • when I need to relax?

  • No, what do you do?

  • Crack open a ginger ale, put on some easy listening, and slaughter a couple hundred deadites.

  • Oh, you mean like in the movies.

  • No, Jessica. Theyre real. Theyre very real. And they are most definitely not groovy.

  • In fact, I think I hear one now. Gotta go! Wohooohahhhh!

  • No! No! Don’t go, Bruce Campbell! Come back! [sobbing] Bruce Campbell, everybody! Be sure

  • to check out his brand new pop culture trivia series Last Fan Standing, every Monday on

  • Con-TV.

  • So, tell me iFriends. What do you think of the Apple Watch? Are you on board for HBO

  • Now? Should I be more concerned about the deadites? Let’s discuss!

  • Leave your comments below, Apple friends, click my watch-less wrist to subscribe to

  • Nerdist, we have all the updates about the Apple Car, and head on over to

  • for even more Nerdist News!

  • Bruce, Bruce, where are you? Come back!

  • I have other problems too!

Who watches the Apple Watch? Jessica Chobot does, on today’s Nerdist News!


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Apple Watch要爛到什麼程度?(Nerdist News/Jessica Chobot) (Apple Watch is Going to Suck HOW Bad? (Nerdist News w/ Jessica Chobot))

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    Jeff Hsiao 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日