-I'm with David.

-That's Chez Bretner.

He was on that show Night Guard.

KELLY (OFFSCREEN, MOANING): Oh, Chez.

-I totally ended up hooking up with him.

-I'm gonna make things right between us.

I'm buying you brunch.

CHEZ (OFFSCREEN): Breakfast and lunch is brunch.

Lunch and dinner is linner.

Dinner and midnight snack?

Din-night snack.

I mean, these are funny things, right?

-Yeah.

-I feel like we're on an episode of Seinfeld.

-Not quite.

-What do you do?

Like, do you like your job?

-Yeah, I don't know--

-Because I'll be honest, you know?

I'm just tired of being that guy from

the Night Guard series.

There's more to me than that.

I'm thinking about doing some downtown theater, you know?

Something really stripped away, grungy, dirty, you know?

Maybe something political, you know?

Really stickin' it to those fat cats over there in DC.

We gotta take those guys down a notch.

They take themselves a little too seriously.

Whoa.

Dave.

One o'clock.

-Oh, yeah.

She's--

she's beautiful.

-You gotta go for it, brother.

I had my fill yesterday, and then some.

It's your turn.

-No, I don't know--

-Come on, David.

Girls who read books are always thinking about S, E,

double hockey sticks.

-Sell?

-No.

Sex, brother.

Girls who read books are always thinking about sex.

You've got to go for it, man.

All right, otherwise I will.

-No, no.

I will--

I'm gonna give it a shot.

-Yeah.

-Just--

OK.

-(WHISPERING) Wait, wait, wait, Dave. (SHOUTING) Ask her

about the book.

-Uh, sorry to bother you.

Um, could I take a look at that, uh, the book you're

reading?

-Oh.

-What is it?

-Yeah.

Oh, Rosewood Junction, huh?

-Uh-huh.

-Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's a, that's a good copy of it.

OK.

Thanks.

-Have you read this book?

-That?

Oh.

Yes.

-Really?

-No, I mean it's like, you know how Reagan was like, you

know, "I love jelly beans?" Well, that's the

way I am with books.

I'm addicted to the books.

-That's so funny.

I love the Reagan stuff.

-Yeah, it's old, but it works, you know, it's like--

"Oh, I'm not gonna do it." "Thousand points of light."

-That's funny.

-"Isn't that special?" You know?

It's like--

"Hmmm.

Could it be Satan?" You know?

It's like. "I'm gonna

pump you up." -[LAUGHS]

-Whatever, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't even matter.

-Do you want to sit down?

Join me?

-I'd love to.

Thank you.

Oh.

-So since you read the book, which of the cousins did you

most relate to?

-[CHOKING]

-Wow.

Are you all right?

-Yes.

Fine.

Um--

-OK.

So which--?

-I mean, which of the cousins--

-Yeah.

-Did I most-- uh, yes.

The question is--

-Yeah.

The cousins.

-The cousins.

You want me to tell you which cousin I like

the best in the book?

Aaah.

-So then which one?

-Yeah, which one?

Um, yeah.

-Wow.

Are you all right?

-Well, I just--

I gotta go.

-Why?

-My friend's over there, and we're having brunch, and I

don't want to leave him alone there.

And I feel bad 'cause I'm having such a good time

talking about Rosewood Junction, the book, with you.

But I gotta go.

So I can't stay here right now.

-OK.

Do you want to maybe, then, have dinner or something?

I'm free Tuesday.

-Re-really?

I--

I would love to.

-Great.

OK.

There you go.

-OK.

Arielle.

-Yeah.

-I will see you on Tuesday.

-Yeah.

And we can talk all about Rosewood Junction.

-Right.

See you then.

-Dave.

Over here.

-Oh, right.

Finishing the, uh, the brunch with the--

-How did it go?

-Good, good, good.

-Ah, she's cute.

Really cute, Zandy.

She's like this Brooklyn Jewish intellectual

coffee-shop kind of girl, you know?

-Dave, I don't think you can handle that.

-Those kind of girls demand constant attention downstairs,

if you know what I'm saying.

-Doesn't bother me as long as I can take a break and check

my email.

-It doesn't matter how fast you check your email.

It'll break the mood and she won't climax.

-I like her, Zandy.

I really do.

-Then what's the problem?

-The problem is she's gonna want to talk about that book,

Rosewood Junction, when we go out next Tuesday.

-Sounds like somebody's got some

reading to do this weekend.

It's David.

-I really can't, Griffin.

I've never read a book from beginning to end in my entire

life.

-Just read the stupid book.

-If only it were that simple, Zandy.

-Hey, Dave.

If the elephant in the room could talk, I think it would

ask, do you not know how to read?

-Yeah, Griffin, I know how to read.

I read Entertainment Weekly cover-to-cover every month.

But I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit down and read like

200 pages in a row.

Screw that!

-Dave.

I've got it.

Three words.

Book on tape.