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  • Ajahn Brahm: Just so people know that we are beginning to video stream these talks, even

  • those which weren't actually video streamed live. Our president told me, couple of weeks

  • ago, that we think maybe about 300 people - never really count people here - listen

  • to these talks live, but about 17 000 listen to it on the Internet. It's a huge number.

  • 17000. And places as far away as Iceland. So to the group in Iceland, good evening to

  • you all.

  • This evening's talk is going to be on the Buddhist attitude towards sensuality. Now,

  • we live in a sensual world, and sometimes some religions, they have a very eccentric

  • response to sensuality which is around them. We see that with people enforcing their womenfolk

  • to wear burkas, or even, say, in the Amish community, asking people to wear loose fitting,

  • unsensual clothes. And you look at the monks and nuns in front of you, and this is our

  • idea of a burka, or is it? What is it, and what is the Buddhist attitude towards sensuality

  • in this world?

  • Certainly that that's an important question, because some people's ideas about the problems

  • of sensuality, and the joys of sensuality have a huge impact on the way that they live

  • their lives, and the way they act upon other people. So, this is why I wanted to talk about

  • this and Buddhism. Certainly, you see from the people here that we don't ask people to

  • come and wear non-sensual clothes. Sometimes there are some of you here who think, oh,

  • we have some very young monks here. We don't want to lose those monks. And it has happened

  • in the past, that maybe a skimpily clad young girl comes in, and they're ushered outside.

  • Please don't do that. Simply because that's going to offend somebody, and you should have

  • more confidence in your monks. And you wouldn't do that if a hunky man came in here when Sister

  • Ajahn Vayama was giving a talk. [Laughs].

  • So that point is, here, you see in Buddhism, we don't have anything like veils, and there's

  • a good reason for this. Certainly, that sensuality is there and sensuality can cause problems

  • in the world. Now, we do have problems with pedophiles. We do have problems with sexual

  • predators. We do have problems with, even, rapists. We do have problems with other addictions,

  • not just sexual addictions, such as overeating or people who are addicted to pornography,

  • or people who eat too much, or gamble too much. There are many addictions in this world

  • which are concerning sensuality. There is a problem there, but sometimes there's a problem

  • if we try and suppress it just too vigorously, because that impinges upon our freedoms and

  • our wishes to enjoy the world in which we are born into. And so, what is the Buddhist

  • attitude toward these problems, so that we can live and enjoy our life, at the same time

  • try and avoid, as best as we can, some of the extremes of sensuality? I think just the

  • way I've defined this talk tonight, I think you've already got the clue that the Buddha

  • was always talking about a middle way, not to go to extremes. And it's the extreme parts

  • of this which have caused the problem.

  • But, with sensuality, we can actually understand, just when we watch our mind, especially, that

  • it's not so much what's out there, but the way we respond to what's out there, which

  • is the biggest problem in life. And one of the key stories which I grew up with, was

  • coming from my own teacher Ajahn Chah, who being a monk, obviously you have a different

  • value system when it comes to sensuality. Now, monks and nuns are celibate, and to live

  • a celibate life you-know in the world, obviously the monks and the nuns cannot really escape

  • from the sensual objects out there, whether it's food, or whether it's sex, or whether

  • it's movies or whatever. So, you actually had you deal with this, and one of Ajahn Chah's

  • stories was that when he was a young, lusty novice, you-know, 18, 19 years of age, with

  • all the hormones running through him, he wanted to become a monk, but, obviously, he saw young

  • Thai girls, and he would have lust towards them. And so for three months, during a period

  • of what we call Rains Retreat, the time when I don't come here, Sister Vayama doesn't come

  • here. Those of you who have been coming here for a long time know for three months we always

  • go back into our monasteries. He was staying in a town monastery, so for three months,

  • he decided he would not look at any girl at all. He would keep his eyes down, and not

  • even look at anybody, thinking that that type of restraint would overcome his lust. So for

  • three months, he refused to even look at a girl. And he said what happened, for those

  • three months he was fine, but after his resolution was completed, the first girl he looked at

  • he went crazy with lust.[Laughter].

  • And this is one of the problems, that just not looking, not facing up to the problem

  • is actually not overcoming it. Actually, it makes it much worse. And that's why that asking

  • people to cover up, so the monks or the nuns don't see anybody. They want you to cover

  • up. It doesn't really help the situation, because as soon as the covers are taken off,

  • people actually go crazy. It's actually almost suppressing something. If you suppress it

  • and don't understand it, usually there's a bigger explosion later on. The simile which

  • I've often given, if anyone here is meditating, if you feel like coughing, please cough straight

  • away, because if you don't cough straight away, and you suppress it, when you do cough

  • it's like a volcano going off, and you just disturb everybody. [Laughter].

  • Sometimes, that type of suppression is typical of some of the ways in which we deal with

  • the problems in our world.

  • And so that, since we live in such a world, we have to instead of trying to cover up the

  • triggers with burkas, or with veils, or with people dressing up in sort-of loose fitting

  • clothing, and not accentuating you-know your bodies, and not wearing scents and make-up

  • and goodness knows what else. That won't solve the problem. The problem has to be solved

  • actually in one's relationship with the sensory world. And that certainly is the Buddhist

  • attitude. It's again, not just with sexuality, it's with food. Sometimes people come to our

  • monasteries, both the Gidgegannup and to Bodhinyana monasteries at Serpentine, and think, "My

  • goodness! Look at all the delicious food that you monks eat!" We had complaints in the first

  • years when I was a monk because sometimes we had these Thai ladies married to Australians,

  • and they'd come and bring food to the two monks who were there. This was before Sister

  • Vayama came. And sometimes the Australian men, the husbands, would complain. They'd

  • say, "My wife never cooks anything like that for me! This is unfair!" And the Thai women

  • would say, "You should become a monk. Then I'll cook for you." [Laughter]. We got the

  • most delicious food. And so sometimes people would complain to the monks, "You're supposed

  • to be monks. Why are you eating such delicious food? You should just eat ordinary food, just

  • like bread and water. That's probably the best for you. Then we'd respect you even more."

  • But sometimes I tried that. My first year as a monk, for a practice, I put all the food

  • together which was disgusting anyway, and I got the spoon and mixed it all up. I only

  • had one meal a day. It was a sludge, it was a slop and if you saw it, you'd actually pour

  • it out straight away. It wasn't even fit for pigs, let alone for monks. But the trouble

  • was it was an interesting experiment which I did. Every food no matter what it was, the

  • sweets, everything in one bowl and stirred it up so it was absolutely consistent. After

  • a while, it actually started to taste nice. It was a weird thing but the way that sensuality

  • works. After a while no matter what it is, you start to like it. It starts to become

  • attractive, delicious and tasty. So what it made very clear to me - it was not the food

  • which was the problem. No matter what food you have there, after a while it becomes delicious

  • and you crave it. It doesn't matter what, if it's a man or a male monk what women you

  • see, after a while, even if they are in burkas, after a while even the burkas start to appear

  • sort-of attractive. Whatever it is, so the attraction is not on the object out there.

  • You can like anything after a while. So it's quite clear that the reaction to the dangers

  • of sensuality should never be concerned with the triggers of sensuality. Even in Singapore,

  • they are just going to be opening up a couple of casinos. And obviously, that the sensuality,

  • it is sensuality, of gambling, the thrill of it, the excitement of it is also problematical

  • but we don't solve that problem by banning all the casinos because what happens when

  • you ban the casinos then you have illegal casinos. It's not really the thing outside

  • which is the problem. It's the way we react to them. It's our attitude towards these things

  • and so, it's actually quite glad that I had... because I have a group in Singapore and they

  • showed me some of these documents and they asked me my opinions about those casinos in

  • Singapore. And I told them, and I'm very glad that the Singapore government was actually

  • following, it didn't really follow advice really, I understood what they were going

  • to do anyway, was actually not to stop these things but actually to contain the worst parts

  • of gambling by having legislation in place which can stop the addictive gamblers. And

  • for other people, who are addictive, to show some restraint. And that is actually what

  • is going to be happening in Singapore. So that loan sharks, the money lenders, can't

  • be on the casinos exploiting people's addictions. Now if a person is going to that casino too

  • often their family or even themselves can voluntarily ask themselves to be banned if

  • it's going to be causing financial trouble or social trouble, they can be put on the

  • blacklist. Sometimes, they volunteer themselves. It's a way of actually dealing with worst

  • parts of gambling because other than that... I remember as a kid that I would sort of have

  • a bet on. In England, it was called the Derby or the Grand National, two races, horse races,

  • you would bet on every year and it was only like two shillings or whatever. It was for

  • fun and you never expected to win anything. If you did you just shared it with your friends.

  • And that to me never seem to be like a problem but of course, sometimes, the addictive gambling

  • is a problem. In the same way that sensuality which ordinary human beings have in the world.

  • I'm not talking about monks now. I'm talking about lay communities. Now, having a partner

  • in life, having relationships, having sex, the ordinary type of stuff is usually not

  • problematical except if it gets too far or get addicted or get too far under the power

  • of one's sensuality. And this is actually where we have to have ways of not dealing

  • so much with a trigger out there because you can't really control that trigger out there

  • but dealing with our attitudes towards these things.

  • And so, as Buddhists, sometimes people will think we're so tolerant. You know in Buddhist

  • countries like Thailand which have a lot of prostitutes and in Singapore like gambling

  • or have like people wearing skimpy clothes or whatever. And anything goes sometimes,

  • they said in Buddhism. I think that was Tina Turner when she became a Buddhist. Why become

  • a Buddhist? I think she was quoted as saying because you can do anything you like in Buddhism.

  • That's not quite true. I hope I didn't misquote her but, it's the triggers outside we are

  • not so concerned with. So, the Buddhist response is actually just try to work to one's attitude

  • towards these things in life. And in order to work on those attitudes, we have something

  • we call mindfulness. We are aware of how these things affect us.

  • And we also understand with some wisdom about the dangers in these things. So, like gambling,

  • it can be fun but there's obviously a danger there. And we use our awareness, our mindfulness

  • to actually know how far we can go, what the danger is. The same with the relationships

  • and sex, of sensuality, of lust, we know what the advantage are. We know what the dangers

  • are of it. And also, whatever else whether it's eating, whether it's watching movies,

  • whether it's watching the Internet or whatever, we know the dangers which are there. And this

  • is not stopping the things out there. It's actually stopping the way we relate to them

  • when it gets too far. And obviously, like sexuality, we know there's dangers there.

  • When we're talking about dangers, there was never ever in Buddhism, that's one of the

  • reasons why I was inspired to Buddhism, there is never anything like evil or sin or you're

  • bad boy because you had sex with a girl or something. That badness and evil, that ultimate

  • bad thing was never there, instead it was always this almost like a precursor of utilitarianism

  • because Buddha would say the basic ethics and I repeat this many, many times. It's not

  • just anything goes in Buddhism but it's - what you are going to do or say or even think is

  • it going to be harmful to others or harmful to yourself. If it is, it's called not bad,

  • not evil - unskillful. It's a great word, unskillful, because it doesn't have any like

  • moral judgment as if it comes from some absolute. This is bad and this is good. Because if it

  • says this is bad this is good and you're told it by someone else, you don't have to think

  • it out for yourself, you believe in. Because of those blind beliefs, we get into terrible

  • troubles in this world. We don't even think it out for ourselves and so, because we believe

  • that blowing ourselves up is going to send us to heaven, we do such stupid things. Or

  • because we believe that say sex is bad, we get these puritans. But what we actually say

  • is what is skillful in these circumstances? By skillful, I mean, is it going to be conducive

  • to the goal we're searching for? Is it really going to be help? Is it going to be purposeful?

  • What the consequence are going to be for ourselves and other people? That's what mindfulness

  • has behind it. Just like what you think what's the consequences. Where is this going to lead?

  • And so, if we say with sensuality, there always has to be some restraint. Whether a lay person

  • or a monk, we have restraints so we are not going to have any partners or any sex. That's

  • our restraint because we have a goal of developing very deep meditation. We might come up with

  • that later on but as lay person in this world, your restraint has to be, I would hope, just

  • with your partner.

  • Because you should know that if you have... if you're already having a relationship and

  • you have sex outside of that relationship that's really going to hurt someone. Now don't

  • think you... I maybe wrong here but I don't think you can actually say, the other person

  • would say "oh you go ahead, go and do that. Go and sleep with my best friend. I don't

  • mind." I think that most people would mind. I could be wrong there but please tell me.

  • But most people would mind if you cheat in that relationship. So that's obviously an

  • example of like harming someone else. So, if our aim is not to harm another person certainly

  • if that was like an underage child. We know that's going to harm that person. I mean these

  • psychologists, sociologists, know that pedophilia, which is having sex with someone underage,

  • is going to be harmful. In the same way that misusing your position of authority as a teacher,

  • as a counselor with your students there's just too much transference going on there,

  • it's not a very clear relationship to complicate with any sexual or emotional, or other entanglements.

  • So, that's usually a no-no as well. Why is it a no-no? Not because it's evil or because

  • it says so in some sort of book it's an abomination. Simply because it's going to be harmful and

  • against that on the opposite side when Buddhism talks about like homosexual relationships

  • and sex, we ask what's the harm in that? And, of course, there is no harm in it. At least

  • no harm which I can see, and therefore OK, off you go, enjoy your relationship together.

  • So when we actually see that it's not evil, not bad, but it's not that you can do anything

  • you like. We are wise about this. Is it going to harm another person? Is it going to harm

  • ourselves? What's going to be the result of this? It's the same with like unprotected

  • sex. If you're, obviously, wanting to have a baby, fine but if you don't want to have

  • a baby, you know, have protection. So, the idea of like in some religions condoms being

  • bad or any type of contraception being evil that's certainly not around in Buddhism, because

  • it's not what you are doing so much but why you are doing it and what the effect is. You're

  • not harming anybody, you are not harming yourself, it's for the greater good, fine that is called

  • skillful. Just like a carpenter is skillful because they're making a piece of wood and

  • they make it well. They make an effort and they make a beautiful furniture afterwards,

  • that's skillful. Unskillful is if they don't know what they're doing, they take a piece

  • of wood and make a big mess of it. So, not good, not bad but skillful and unskillful.

  • So, with the way of sensuality, we always have to have some restraint because we know

  • it's going to be harmful so first of all we should be wise to know what's harmful, what

  • isn't harmful to us. And obviously, just underage sex or sex outside of your relationship, that

  • probably would be harmful. So what happens? How can we have some strategies to actually

  • stop that harm or limit that harm? And this is where the Buddhist idea of mindfulness

  • comes in because with mindfulness, when you are aware of what's going on, you find you

  • do have much more control in your life. It's just like the carpenter learns more about

  • their tools so that when they are sawing, when they are planning, they are much more

  • sensitive so they don't make so many mistakes and that sensitivity to your inner world,

  • to your mind, to your lust, to your anger, to your desires, to what you want, is an important

  • part of Buddhist practice.

  • So, we don't just say no, don't do it. We don't say that's bad or that's unskillful.

  • One of the nicest thing about Buddhist practice is we help you find out what you are doing,

  • why you are doing it, and how to lessen the problems which is why that when we have these

  • trainings of the mind in meditation to increase your mindfulness, awareness, you start to

  • see your whole mental processes and what happens. Where does lust comes from anyway? What actually

  • is happening there?

  • One of the problems is, when a person does.., you might might be in a nice relationship.

  • When you do see some other person, there will always be people who are attractive. Wow,

  • she's nice. He's hot. Whatever it is, there will be an attraction and of course that's

  • natural, you can't stop that. And just to think that I'm not going to look at another

  • girl not when I am married, only you dear. I'm not going to look at anyone else for the

  • rest of my life. That's a lie, isn't it? You can't do that. Or I'm not going to like anyone

  • else. Well, that's a lie because you will have lust for other men and other women once

  • you get married, once you have that relationship. So, be realistic and then say what are we

  • going to do about this. And obviously, that mindfulness is very important because that

  • mindfulness sees that whether it's lust, whether it's anger, whether it's any other addiction,

  • there is a whole train of mental activity, a process. It's the mindfulness which can

  • interrupt that process at anytime and it stop before it gets too bad. What mindfulness does

  • is like trying to stop a train. When a train has left the station, it's going 110 kilometers

  • an hour down the track with so much weight behind it. If the train driver tries to stops

  • and put on the breaks because there's an obstruction on the road or on the rails in front of it,

  • sometimes you just can't do that. It's going too fast and the momentum is too strong. A

  • train going that fast takes maybe half a kilometer to come to a halt which is why that sometimes

  • there are these terrible crashes when a car crosses the railway line. The driver sees

  • it but it's going too fast to stop.

  • This is what happens when we try to catch our lust or whatever, our anger, when it's

  • a bit too late. It's gone too fast, the momentum is too strong, we can't stop it straight away.

  • Many of you know that when you're in the power of lust, you can't stop just straightaway.

  • You just can't say no I'm going to stop now. It's like a train just trying to pull on the

  • breaks and stop immediately, it just cannot be done. But the best time to stop the train

  • is when it's first moving out of the station. It's maybe going at one kilometer an hour

  • and then you can put on the break, it's easy to stop it. So one of the great things about

  • mindfulness is actually you can see the whole process happening. You can stop it earlier

  • if you think it's going to be unskillful, if it's not going to help you. So a man who's

  • got a nice wife instead of just allowing the whole process to get so inflamed so that you

  • are just under the power of lust and you can't stop it anymore, you try and stop it earlier.

  • And that way, if you see this really, really nice girl and she is really amazing. You see

  • that whole process happens, stop it now before it gets too late. It's called just simple

  • restraint.

  • To be able to stop that thing obviously, we have to want to stop it and that's where the

  • wisdom comes up. Just don't be stupid and think you're in control of these things. Once

  • you get too far, you are out of control which is why I've told many women who've had problems

  • with their husbands that when a man gets lust they literally are crazy.

  • It's not a joke but you are mad. One thing you think you'll never get caught. [Laughs].

  • You do get caught and your wife is no idiot. She knows what's going on. She knows the signs.

  • It's amazing just how many men have an affair and they think, I am in complete control.

  • It's only a bit of fun. My wife won't ever even find out. And then when she does find

  • out, it comes to me to sort out all these problems and try to give him another chance.

  • Or maybe no other chance and divorce and all the problems that comes from that, and custody

  • battles. There is a danger there so don't let it go so far so you go crazy and you lose

  • your common sense. You will get caught. So are you willing to have that problem in your

  • relationship and do that to this other person that you live with and your kids?

  • So this is actually our mindfulness and our wisdom don't allow us to go to such a point

  • where we get crazy and we lose the sense of reality. Don't always think that you are in

  • control of this stuff because you know sexuality is such a strong force. Most of you can't

  • control it. When it gets so far that's it. Relationships keep going on and sometimes,

  • you know it's going to hurt. You should have known earlier so please learn. It's not a

  • guilt trip. We are not saying you're a bad boy and you terrible girl, you shouldn't have

  • done that. And you're excommunicated from the Buddhist society for life. Guilt again

  • has no part of this because if we have guilt and we are running through fear, we should

  • never work through fear. We should always work through just the wisdom, understanding

  • the consequences and being wise and being sharp. So in sensuality everybody has to have

  • some sort of restraint.

  • In other words, it's not just some free lunch so we can just eat at the table of sensuality

  • as much as we want, and thinking nothing is going to go wrong. We have to balance our

  • diet of sensuality. Not too much not too little. According to our means, and how we make that

  • decision of how much and also the best way for your partner. Just for her or for him

  • and keep it that way. And also understand the dangers there. And again, because I'm

  • a monk, because we draw the line as monks having actually very little sensuality especially

  • sexuality with the opposite sex. Because again, that was going to really help our deep mediation

  • even much more. It's one of the great teachings of the Buddha. He said that when you lessen

  • the sensuality your concern for the outer world especially even sexuality, food, and

  • entertainment. Literally, your mind goes more inside. It doesn't get drawn outside so much

  • and it makes it much easier to get into the deep meditations. That might interest some

  • of you and might sort of confuse some of you but it's one of the reasons why when you go

  • on these nine day meditation retreats we always ask people to keep eight precepts, which means

  • no sexuality for those nine days in order that you can actually focus more on the inner

  • world rather than the outer world. Because the sensuality we're talking about there draws

  • you out. And for the time you meditate you want to go in. And actually you do get another

  • type of happiness when you withdraw from that sensuality. So monks and nuns are usually

  • non-sensual and because we're non-sensual sometimes people think all Buddhists should

  • be like that and they start complaining, "What happen if everybody became a Buddhist? Then

  • we will not have any more people in the world." That's a stupid comment. Because only some

  • people will go to be monks and nuns. Ordinary Buddhists, they have families and they go

  • to the casino. But if you go to the casino be careful. Don't go too far. Know your limits

  • and if you get too far let the train stop before you know it's irreversible. It is the

  • same with sensuality, sexuality. As monks, this is where we draw the line but we don't

  • go too far. But as I said, the monks even they get into food as well. One of the things

  • I noticed when I was a young monk as soon as I gave up sex I really got into food.

  • Food was incredibly delicious. There's almost if you give up one thing you get up another

  • thing. And I was very fascinated to see that actually when you go through puberty actually

  • there comes a stage before sexuality when you really get into food also, as if I was

  • going backwards in my development. As a young man you get really into the food and then

  • you get into the girls and I was going backwards. Gave up the girls and going into food again.

  • Before actually going back again to sort-of not being involved in that at all but even

  • actually with food, it's delicious, it's nice but obviously you can't eat too much, you

  • get stomach aches. So you actually have to restrain yourself. All the sensuality we have,

  • you know, it's almost like it has to be a voluntary restraint when we see the problems

  • and difficulties which it might give us. And the mindfulness actually gives us a sense

  • of more control. So those people who have addiction problems in this world whether addicted

  • to sex, addicted to pornography, addicted to gambling or addicted to having one partner

  • after the other, if they realize it's a problem and they want to try and restrict it, then

  • the mindfulness practices helps them enormously. Of course, once they have to realize it is

  • a problem and then how do we solve it - the mindfulness, awareness of what's happening

  • in your mind. And get different responses so we don't go through the same old habitual

  • reactions. What mindfulness is, is just like you see these three exit doors of the front

  • of this hall and two on the side. What mindfulness is if you see more than one doorway so you

  • can go through other doorways. Because in life we're creatures of habit. We think we

  • always have to do things exactly the same way. We literally go through the same doorway

  • every time. It's habit, we don't even look to see if there's any alternative. So it's

  • the same reaction - you see the beautiful girl - the same reaction over and over again.

  • What mindfulness does, you actually see other ways you can deal with this problem. Or no,

  • this may not be a problem, maybe some of you want to do it, but you've got more alternatives.

  • An addict has got no alternatives at all. They're in a rut, a habit, which is so ingrained

  • they just go there and they cannot stop themselves.

  • There are other alternatives all the time. But we need the mindfulness trained to see

  • that. So what mindfulness actually is, is when you come here on a Friday night never

  • sitting in the same place. I'm excepted here because I have to sit in this place. That's

  • where the microphone is. But why is it that people always try and sit in the same place

  • or they park the car in the same way, always eat the same food? When they go to work in

  • the morning, they always go the same way or they go back the same way, become creatures

  • of habit. When you become creatures of habit that's called no mindfulness. It's a wonderful

  • thing to be able to change. And I will challenge you tomorrow morning - one of my first examples

  • of training in mindfulness is when you wake up tomorrow morning and you brush your teeth,

  • which side of the mouth do you start brushing your teeth? The left or the right or in the

  • middle, above or below? Tomorrow morning I challenge you - start somewhere else. Start

  • a different part of the mouth every morning. Come on! Live on the wild side! [Laughter].

  • That's a very simple example, but it makes a point that we're habitual, we always start

  • in the same place. There's no reason to start at that place, but because we start at the

  • same place, it's a creature of habit. We don't need to even think about or be aware of what

  • we're doing. It just goes and does it without any mindfulness, awareness at all. You literally

  • are dulling your mind out and becoming a creature of habit. And it's the habits which causes

  • the addictions whether it's with the gambling, with food, with sex, other sensuality, or

  • say pornography. Why do people want to watch pornography on the Internet so much? After

  • a while it does become an addiction. You get drawn in there and after while we can't stop

  • ourselves. OK. You can stop yourself. There's other doorways you can go through, or maybe

  • other windows on the net.

  • So first of all you've got to know it's a problem and then do something to stop it.

  • Obviously, one of the reasons why people get addicted is also there's a pleasure to it

  • as well. I was very fascinated to see the way the Buddha looked at sensuality by saying

  • yeah there's a pleasure there but there's also a payback afterwards. And the Buddha

  • - this is 25 centuries ago - he compared such sensuality like to borrowing money, taking

  • out a loan. Which is actually very deep and profound because when say you are watching

  • pornography or you know getting into some sort of sensuality there's a lot of joy there

  • at the beginning. But often we have to pay it back afterwards. And sometimes like a loan

  • the only way you can pay it back is by taking out another loan to the pay off the original

  • debt and the loan gets bigger and bigger and bigger until one gets into such a great financial

  • mess, there's no way you can actually pay back your loan. And that is actually just

  • a beautiful description of addiction and actually how it happens. Because we get some pleasure

  • back in the first and then to actually get some more pleasure we have to do it again

  • but even more intense, and then more intense next time, until the only way can get that

  • pleasure is taking bigger and bigger doses of the drug, until we're really, really in

  • great debt. It's a very profound description of actually what addiction is and how it happens.

  • So the understanding that please don't that deep into any addiction that you get caught

  • into such a debt trap. But there's also understanding that there are other pleasures in this world.

  • Not just the sensory pleasures. And it's true, the pleasures of just your family, friendship,

  • romantic love rather than sexual love. Those other pleasures should also be recognized

  • and should be emphasized, because the other pleasures can be used as a substitute for

  • the instant gratification of some sensuality. So if you are addicted to some types of that

  • sensuality, not just mindfulness, but give yourself another reward, another thing which

  • is a bit more skillful than the one before. So that way that we can actually - we're not

  • condemning sensuality, nor are we trying to prohibit sensuality by covering everybody

  • up in a burkha or by saying it's evil. We're actually dealing with it in a wise way so

  • we can find our middle way. We don't go to extremes so we have a means of stopping ourselves

  • going to those extremes. We have gone to those extremes. We try to learn maybe a little bit

  • of meditation so our mindfulness becomes more clear so we can actually stop ourselves before

  • we get to that point. So for example, if someone is addicted to pornography on the web, the

  • mindfulness actually tells you, "look, as soon as you press that button and enter that

  • site, you're lost." Just like in AA, or people addicted to smoking, it's once you've picked

  • up that first cigarette and it's in your mouth, that's too late already. You can't put it

  • down then. You have to actually stop before you pick the cigarette up. And to be able

  • to do that we have these wonderful techniques which we call programming mindfulness. By

  • programming mindfulness, what you do when that trigger is not in front of you, when

  • you feel comfortable, when you think it's actually no problem, that's when you put the

  • suggestions into your mind. Say with cigarettes, "I will not pick up that first cigarette.

  • I will not pick up that first cigarette. I will not pick up that first cigarette." Because

  • as a meditator I know just how the mind works. It is conditioned. You are susceptible to

  • suggestion. And if you keep saying that to yourself again and again and again in the

  • quietness of, say, your bedroom when you think it's not a problem.You say it then, when it's

  • not a problem. When it's not in front of you. When it's in front of you, it's too late.

  • And after a while what happens, say with the cigarette smoker, normally they would actually,

  • they're trying to give up but they see a cigarette and it's in their mouth before they even know

  • it. Because it's habit. It's just like brushing your teeth, you don't even need to think about

  • it you've done it so often. But what actually happens when they develop that degree of mindfulness,

  • and they condition themselves, "I must not smoke that first cigarette. I must not smoke

  • that... I must not pick it up, sorry. I must not pick it up. I must not pick it up." What

  • happens just before they're about to pick it up? The mindfulness actually clicks in.

  • It's like an antivirus. Not a Norton Antivirus, a Buddha Antivirus [laughter], which actually

  • stops the habitual process. The thought comes up, "No I won't pick it up." That's a very,

  • very effective way of actually stopping addictions. And because the mindfulness is actually pre-programmed

  • in there to say, "Danger. You're going to pick up a cigarette." Or you know, "You're

  • going to start another affair when you're married." Or, "I'm going to bet too much at

  • the casino." Or whatever else it is you're doing. And that programming is very powerful,

  • because that picks up the signal. It's like a little red light starts flashing in your

  • mind, "Danger, danger, danger. You're maybe going too far." Then you have the opportunity

  • to stop yourself. A lot of times you can't stop yourself because you don't know what

  • you're doing. The mindfulness isn't there. It's habits. So that way we can actually stop

  • ourselves. There's other ways of stopping yourself also. Remind yourself of the dangers,

  • what happens when you've done that before. Some of you, you know, you have had affairs

  • outside of marriage. Sometimes you may have even, had sex unknowingly with a say fifteen

  • year old girl, or whatever it is. You didn't know she was that young, or whatever it is.

  • Or you've been attracted to somebody at work who is, you know, you're their boss. All these

  • sort of very, very dangerous areas of our life.

  • Be careful. If you've made a mistake once, be careful. Pre-program yourself. Don't go

  • and create that pain and problems for yourself and others again. So you program yourself,

  • "Danger, danger, danger." Once you have programmed danger, danger, you have all other ways of

  • dealing with this. Obviously that moving away from the stimulus if at all possible, move

  • away from the cigarettes. Get out of the casino. Move out of that office, or whatever else

  • there is, if there's somebody there who is attracting you too strongly. You have the

  • choice to do that, so you're actually taking control of your sensuality if it's going to

  • far. Again, throughout this talk you see that I'm not saying sensuality is bad. I'm just

  • saying the extremes of sensuality. It's quite wonderful fine, you're having a wonderful

  • relationship, enjoying sex with your partner, homosexual, whatever, whatever is creating

  • that bond between the two of you. That's wonderful. That's fine, but be careful not to take it

  • to the point where it harms yourself and harms another person. That sort of sensuality, which

  • we even see on the TV or you see on the movies, that's not really the problem at all. Because

  • it's a long time since I've seen the TV. People actually tell me what goes on on those TVs.

  • But I remember like... I went to visit my mother in London about 15 years ago, the first

  • time I'd seen TV in about 7 years. It was like a copper movie show. I forget what it

  • was called - not Defenders, or something. Anyways, half an hour TV show, repeated every

  • week. As I was watching it with my mother, for giving her company, I couldn't believe

  • how many people died in about half an hour. I was actually counting them. I got to about

  • a dozen or something got shot and killed. I couldn't believe this because before, when

  • I was... before I became a monk, the TV was so tame. Because I had 7 years I hadn't seen

  • the actual progress of violence on TV, the contrast was so strong inside of me because

  • the police show I remembered as a kid was a police show - anyone old enough might remember

  • this - Dixon of Dock Green.

  • Dixon of Dock Green was this London bobby in the days when they didn't have guns. If

  • he caught a burglar, the burglar would say, "Ah, Sergeant Dixon, it's an honor to be caught

  • by you, sir." [Laughter].

  • And apparently they don't do that anymore. [Laughter]. Things have changed. And no one

  • got shot, and if they did go ever get hurt, if there was a bullet, they'd go, "Ooh, ooh,

  • ooh." You wouldn't see any blood at all. And they'd just fall on the floor without any

  • gore or anything. But apparently things have changed enormously since then. But of course,

  • if you try and censor this, what happens? If you say, OK, no lewd speech on the TV,

  • or no naked flesh, or no sex. What happens? It just goes underground. And of course when

  • it goes underground, that makes it even more interesting. When it's an illegal video, or

  • when it's something... That's not obviously the way to deal with sensuality, to prohibit

  • it. Whether it's porn movies on the Internet, or whatever there always has to be some sort

  • of restraint. That restraint is done from understanding, is it going to harm me or harm

  • another person? That makes it sensible. You can understand why.

  • That's the only real way of dealing with this, whether it's one's self, one's kids, one's

  • partner, whatever, to appeal to their wisdom and encourage that wisdom to see the reason

  • why these things are a problem. And actually give strategies to deal with addictions or

  • with problems, but without the guilt trips because just the guilt makes things even worse.

  • What happens with guilt you are saying that you're worthless, you're a mistake. And people

  • who are made to feel guilty or are punished, they have low self esteem. Because of the

  • low self esteem they actually look for harming themselves. Obviously that's a great generalization

  • of a very complex process, but that explains it almost in a nutshell. You make a person

  • feel guilty, they want to punish themselves, they don't want to be happy. So this idea

  • of not harming themselves and not harming others. Why? They deserve to be harmed. So

  • the addiction carries on. So the guilt trips are actually counter-productive to actually

  • having some sensible happiness and good health in a world of sensuality.

  • But also that people ask, "Now why are monks celibate and why are nuns celibate, anyway?Why

  • do you actually reject sensuality?" And are we somehow weird, depraved? I sometimes have

  • good fun as a monk. It was over a year ago that I was invited to the gay pride breakfast

  • which was at Curtin University. About a year and half ago I think. And when asked to give

  • a little talk, I just went up there and say, "I am more deviant than all of you, all you

  • gay, lesbians and transgenders. Because I'm celibate." So, I'm the most deviated in the

  • whole room. [Laughs]. I'm just making a little joke about that. Obviously I always respect

  • people of all genders and all sexual...preferences. But the point was that my preference being

  • celibate was even more threatening to many people. What are monks and nuns doing, giving

  • up - are we afraid of sex? Is it a case we were hurt when we were young? [Laughter].

  • Many people think that way. Actually I mentioned this story a few weeks ago, but this is actually

  • - there is a monk called...Ajahn Juin. He was one of the old Thai monks who lived in

  • this beautiful monastery "~Phu ~Top". It's like a top hat mountain and some of the Thai

  • people know him and I - I mean he was a very famous monk at that time - I went to visit

  • him and this lady came from Bangkok and asked this monk, "Did you become a monk,because

  • you had a failed love affair?" He said, "No, of course not." She said, "Ha, that makes

  • sense, you ordained to forget and you have forgotten by now." [Laughter]. It's logically

  • consistent what she said, but that's not why he ordained as a monk, and I never ordained

  • a monk because I got jilted in my love affairs. The reason I became a monk is because I know

  • I had sex and I knew what sex was like, but when I meditated once I got this incredible

  • experience which is better than sexual orgasm and that was what just really shocked me.

  • What's going on there? And so I decided to become a monk just for a couple for years

  • to find out what meditation was really like. And being a monk, you have these rules of

  • no sex. I didn't really understand what that was for at first, that was just what a monk

  • does. But after a while when you understand the nature of the mind, you understand that

  • sensuality does actually draw you out into the world, and meditation is going deeper

  • inside. So actually the more you limit your sensuality, the easier it is to meditate.

  • You don't get drawn out so much. So that when I became a monk for a couple of years, sure

  • it was hard to restrain the mind looking out for the beautiful girls and the nice food,

  • and the TVs and the movies and all these other sensual things we were missing in the world.

  • Well, I also had some interesting experiences. I mentioned I going to visit my mother and

  • seeing the TV after seven years. I also remember the first time that after seven years I flew

  • on an aircraft. From Bangkok to London. I got a cheap fare on Philippine Airlines, an

  • economy class. This is 25 years ago. I couldn't believe just how sensuous and luxurious economy

  • class on Philippine Airlines was. [Laughter]. It was my senses were, "Ah! Amazed!" Because

  • I'd been in a forest monastery which was very, very austere. What I realized from that, that

  • sensuality is also very relative. To other people cramped in the economy class of an

  • aircraft 25 years ago that was just so tough and it was such an ordeal. But for me, who

  • had never sat on a chair for seven years, being served ripe fruit which was hot and

  • which was Western which I could eat. I even got ice cream. I remember that ice cream.

  • [Laughter]. But in the tub instead of in my bowl. That was just melting into my rice and

  • curry. [Laughter]. And even the muzak, the muzak on the plane that was.. I mean, I hadn't

  • heard music for seven years. That was amazing, that was just so sensuous, I couldn't get

  • that out of my head afterwards. So you see that's obviously a joke for you because you

  • go on an aircraft and the muzak on there is just yucky and the food, aircraft food people

  • think is disgusting. An economy class you're so cramped up. But for me, because I'd been

  • living a far more austere existence in these forest monasteries. That was amazing. In the

  • aircraft there wasn't even any mosquitoes. First time in seven years I was free from

  • mosquitoes for more than an hour or two.

  • That was to me, was luxurious and sensual. So, you can see sensuality is also very relative

  • and the sensuality which you are experiencing now, sort-of 10 years ago that will blow people's

  • minds. The houses you live in, the cars you drive, what you see on the TV. This is nature.

  • So the point is, sensuality is going to get more intense in another 10 years' time. We

  • can't really stop it, we can't have some great saint or someone saying, "No we are not going

  • to have, we are going to go back to Dixon of Dock Green. We are not going to have any

  • violence. We are going to have the presenter of the six o'clock news wearing a burkha."

  • I don't know who that is anyway, some floozy on the Channel 9 or Channel 7, but you can't,

  • you can't do that. The point is, that we live in a sensory world. If you want to get out

  • of the sensory world, come in to a retreat center or monastery for few weeks to get some

  • sort of idea of perspective. And if you want to do meditation, sometimes you just have

  • to leave that sensory world outside and instead of being drawn outside, drawn inside. If you

  • really want to get into deep meditation, it is an interesting thing to do because you

  • actually do get incredibly... joy of actually not being caught up in that sensory world.

  • What actually you do is say, "I can stop looking if I want to." One of the great things of

  • being a monk for so many years you can actually look at a beautiful girl and an ugly girl

  • and look at them exactly the same. Not many men can do that. Now one story.

  • I should actually find out who this lady was, but she was some TV star. I think she was

  • in Water Rats, or something. I don't know her name. Somebody told me, she is really

  • really famous. If I told you her name now I think you would all know her. But I went

  • to teach, it was just an afternoon meditation session in Sydney. This fellow had a little

  • group in Darling Point, like a really top, affluent place of Sydney. So he's in this

  • little group. There are about sort-of 20-30 people. I was talking about meditation. And

  • this lady kept on looking at me and smiling. I didn't know, she was acting very strange.

  • Not like an ordinary girl. [Laughter]. And, in the end, I just took it in my stride and

  • taught the meditation etc., and afterwards I mentioned to the person organizing this

  • and said, "That lady was acting really strange." And he told me that that was a famous TV actress.

  • I figured out she was looking at me strangely because I didn't recognize her. What she was

  • actually saying is, "See, it's me; I am the famous TV star."

  • [laughter] Ajahn Brahm: And I didn't know.

  • [laughter]

  • Ajahn Brahm: It's a great experience when you're a monk and you don't know who's who.

  • So because, because of that, she's obviously must be some very beautiful girl and sort-of

  • an ugly girl...and what is beauty and ugly anyway? Why is that to attract us? When you're

  • a monk and you mediate a lot, you don't see that anymore. I love that, being a monk, having

  • that opportunity to see a beautiful girl sits here, an ugly girl sits here. You spend the

  • same amount of time with both. You don't go to the ugly girl, "Go on, off, off, off."

  • [laughter]

  • Ajahn Brahm: Because that's where sensuality starts to disappear - so it's great being

  • able to, if you can, resist that sensuality. You can be more fair to other people. This

  • is why we do it as a monk. We know we do lots of meditation. So it's great, actually, doing

  • a little retreat, because you can understand sensuality much more and you can understand

  • you can restrain it. So it up to you; you can take it or leave it. Sometimes people

  • think they want to be free. And the free world is being able to enjoy our sensuality. We

  • should have no limits, whatever we want to watch - whether it's violent movies, or the

  • most sexual movies, the most deviant sex, or whatever - let's have a free world. Let's

  • tell our people to do this. But the point is - people aren't free. Sometimes those sensory

  • desires actually captivate us. We become a prisoner of our sensuality, which is why that

  • we have to have that sex. We have to have that drug. We have to gamble. And sometimes

  • people get to the point they have to have those relationships outside of their marriage.

  • And they hurt and they realize they weren't in control after all. That wasn't freedom.

  • So it's great thing actually to investigate. Is it the freedom of sensuality or has sensuality

  • got its limits where you're in the prison of sensuality, you have to have it? So it's

  • great following a little bit of mindfulness and restraint, because you find you can, almost

  • like control your sensuality. You can go as far as you want. If the thing is going to

  • harm another person, harm yourself, you can say, "No." You can stop it. And that's what

  • we do with mindfulness, built of meditation, with wisdom - taking away the guilt, taking

  • away the evil and the bad and putting in the word "skillful". And understand what that

  • word "skillful" truly means, whether it's really going to be serving our purpose, serving

  • our interest, what we really want to get out of our life. When we understand that, we understand

  • the Buddhist approach to sensuality: not to deny it, not to cover it up, but to deal with

  • it. Deal with it with wisdom, with mindfulness,

  • in a way, which can create the best happiness for ourselves and all other beings. So that's

  • the talk on sensuality this evening. Thank you.

  • I did no jokes this evening. I have to think one pretty quickly. But last week, I didn't

  • have time for questions. So I tried to keep it little bit shorter this time, just under

  • the hour, for some questions. Has anyone got any questions on the talk about sensuality

  • tonight?

  • Yeah? OK, I can see you with the lights. Yes?

  • Man: Is it wisdom, for us, for our society, to set limits on things like violence, on

  • the premise that most people can't handle it - as what you were saying, that freedom

  • of sensuality, or that violence on TV or overt sexuality? Is that, again, look you can't

  • have this level of exposure or activity in our society because in the end, it's going

  • to affect the whole society in some way, do you think...?

  • Ajahn Brahm: OK, you are asking me to say that a level of violence - or you might even

  • say pornography, or even gambling, or whatever else - is such a degree that it's good for

  • the powers that be to ban it, because people can't handle it? I think that history has

  • shown the banning things never works. When you try and ban something, you have to enforce

  • that ban. That's where we get "Tali-ban" from or "Telli-ban". [laughter]

  • Ajahn Brahm: And not only that, but in banning things, we get - where do we draw the line?

  • And people are clever enough, you'll always get a way around the ban, somewhere, or whatever.

  • So instead of actually banning things, instead of saying that people can't handle it, let's

  • teach people to handle it. So I think the resources should be going in, instead of banning

  • things, teaching people how to handle these things better, even actually to say no to

  • them, to turn them off, rather than actually be, have a blanket ban on things.

  • It's a difficult one, because obviously sometimes it's good to have some restraint, especially

  • with kids who, again, haven't got the emotional maturity to exercise such self-restraint.

  • It's a difficult question there, because who has such emotional maturity to exercise self-restraint?

  • Should we give everyone a restraint class and an exam, and say, "OK, now you are free

  • to be mature, make your own decisions where other people can't"? It's such a difficult

  • decision with censorship. But what we have seen in history: people always find a way

  • around it, every ban... When the American government tried to ban alcohol in the prohibition

  • years, all it did was fed a underground criminal element, and people drank anyway. When people

  • try and stop pornographic movies, there's always a way that people, if you really want

  • it, you can get it. So isn't it much better to try and encourage people to be more self-reliant,

  • self-responsible?

  • Otherwise, it isn't going to work. So in Buddhism, it's very much the responsibilities is on

  • you. Karma, we're the owner of our deeds, so now we take responsibility for it. So there

  • you are. You have all those things in the world. How much you want to go, what you don't

  • want to do; it's up to you. All that Buddhism can teach is to be wise. Be discerning. Understand

  • what is going to be of help and what is not going to be of help. What's going to harm,

  • what's not going to harm? And also teaching strategies, so you can exercise it a little

  • bit more wise control of your decision-making, with a bit more mindfulness - so, please,

  • anyway, tomorrow morning, brush your teeth in a different part of your mouth. [laughter]

  • So beginning in training in restraint. Thank you for that question. It's a great question.

  • I'm not sure if I could answer it adequately. I don't know if anyone can answer it adequately.

  • You have to answer it yourself. Any other questions you have?

  • OK, I know that I've just (promised?) a joke to end up with. I know that the quote from

  • Groucho Marx, who was one of my great heroes, when asked during sexual revolution, when

  • the radio reporter asked him what he thought about sex, and he said, "I think it's here

  • to stay." [laughter]

  • And there's a lot of wisdom. Humor is good because there's wisdom behind it. You can't

  • stop it, genie out of the bottle. So how are we going to deal with it? OK, that's Buddhism

  • and sensuality. Thank you for listening.

Ajahn Brahm: Just so people know that we are beginning to video stream these talks, even

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"佛教對感官的態度"|阿闍黎-婆羅門著 ("The Buddhist Attitude to Sensuality" | by Ajahn Brahm)

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    Buddhima Xue 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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