Here's the guy who's got his sh*t together.

這是一切駕輕就熟的萬事通。

He's always there whenever you need help.

你需要幫忙時，他永遠都在。

Need some help?

需要幫忙嗎？

Like, "When are taxes due?"

例如：「什麼時候要繳稅？」

April 15th.

4 月 15 日。

Where should I grab dinner?

我該去哪吃晚餐？

Oh, there's a great new Indian restaurant downtown.

喔，市中心有間很不錯、新開的印度餐廳。

Uh, who's your favorite Kardashian?

呃，你最喜歡卡戴珊家族的誰？（譯註：卡戴珊家族為美國知名實境節目主角）

None, there are way better things on television.

都不喜歡，電視上有其它好看多了的節目。

- But if you had to pick. - Khloe, obviously.

- 但如果是一定要你選。 - 當然是克羅伊。（譯註：Khloe 為卡戴珊家族五名女兒中的老三）

Then there's the guy who you try to fix.

接著是你試著想要整頓的男人。

He always needs your help, even if he's not totally aware of it.

它總是需要你的幫助，即使他自己不完全知道。

- Talk to her. - What? No!

- 跟她說話。 - 什麼？不要！

Hey, Alison, he thinks you look really nice today.

嘿，Alison，他覺得你今天很美。

Oh, thank you; see you soon.

喔，謝謝你，晚點見。

Bye.

掰。

Maybe I should invite her over.

我許我應該邀請她來我家。

Should probably tidy up the place a bit.

大概應該先整理一下。

Yes, your project is a success.

太好了，你的計畫成功了。

(I) Bet my mom will clean it for me.

我敢打賭，我媽會幫我打掃。

Next up, the guy who makes you laugh.

下一位是總讓你大笑的男人。

He's the first person you'd invite to a party.

他是你會邀請參加派對的第一個人。

Clever girl!

聰明的女孩！

If he's not throwing the party himself.

前提是，派對如果不是他自己舉辦的話。

Oh, you're too skinny.

喔，你太瘦了。

The one thing he takes seriously are things that, well, aren't serious.

他唯一會嚴肅看待的事情是，嗯，不太嚴肅的事情。

But there's also the guy who pisses you off.

但也會有一個總是惹毛你的人。

He's the last person you'd invite to a party.

他是你最不想邀請參加派對的人。

Well, okay, I'm just saying I have my own opinion, you have yours, just respect that.

嗯，好，我只是在說，我有我的意見、你有你的，請尊重這點。

I always feel like I'm being attacked.

我總覺得自己被攻擊。

For some reason, he's just cool enough to still be your friend.

基於某些原因，他就是酷到足以繼續當你的朋友。

He has zero clue how bad he can come across to others.

他對於自己在別人面前形象可以有多差是好無頭緒。

Hey, you know what? Hey! The lady is not interested, so back the f**k off.

嘿，你猜怎麼著？嘿！這位小姐沒興趣，所以你給我滾。

Well, at least he's honest.

嗯，至少他是誠實的。

- You okay? - Yeah.

- 你還好嗎？ - 嗯。

Honesty isn't something you'd associate with the guy who's secretly in love with you.

「誠實」不會是你用來跟暗戀你的男人做連結的字眼。

So, what are your plans this weekend?

那麼，你這週末有什麼計畫？

It's especially bad when he happens to be your close friend.

當他恰好是你好朋友時，狀況會變得特別糟。

I was thinking of seeing a movie.

我在想要去看部電影。

He acts like your friend, but he doesn't know that you know...

他假裝是你的朋友，但他不知道你知道⋯⋯

- ... that he wants to be more than friends. - There's a new animated film out.

- ⋯⋯他想要的不只是當朋友。 - 有部新動畫片上映了。

I can't remember if it's Disney or DreamWorks.

我不記得是迪士尼還是夢工廠動畫製作的。

Every time you're alone, things potentially get super awkward.

每當你們獨處時，事情可能會變得超級尷尬。

So, uh, did you, uh, wanna invite anyone else?

呃，那麼，你，呃，有想要邀請其他人嗎？

Yes, you do.

是，有。

Oh, that's... that's... that's cool, uh...

喔，那⋯⋯那⋯⋯那很好，呃⋯⋯

Yeah, we can all get something to eat afterwards or something.

嗯，我們之後可以一起去吃個東西之類的。

Last, but definitely not least, the guy you're secretly in love with.

最後但絕非不重要的是那個你偷偷愛著的男人。

Every moment with him is torture.

跟他在一起的每分鐘都是折磨。

Uh, I think you got something...

呃，好像有什麼東西⋯⋯

Your heart stops.

你的心臟驟停。

... stuck in your teeth.

⋯⋯卡在你的牙縫。

Might be parsley.

可能是荷蘭芹。

Ha, he almost touched you.

哈，他差點觸碰你了。

Does that mean he likes you?

那表示他喜歡你嗎？

Well, what do you think about it?

嗯，這件事你怎麼想？

Wait, you weren't listening; what did he say?

等等，你根本沒在聽，他說了什麼？

Just agree enthusiastically.

就興奮地同意吧。

Really? I don't really care much for it at all.

真的嗎？我對它倒是不太在乎。

Shit, you idiot; you must look so dumb right now.

該死的，你這個白癡，你現在看起來一定超蠢。

You okay?

你還好嗎？

Act completely normal.

裝得若無其事。

Oh, you're just acting a little weird.

喔，你只是行為有點怪。

Ugh, that's the opposite of normal!

噢，這跟若無其事恰恰相反！

Not that weird's a bad thing.

怪怪的也不算什麼壞事啦。

Yes, he totally loves you back!

沒錯！他一定也愛你！

You're going to be together forever.

你會跟他永遠在一起的。

Nope, never mind; he likes her, and you're gonna be forever alone.

不，別想了，他喜歡她，而你將會單身一輩子。

But we all know that's not true, because you'll at least have these six types of guys friends to help you find out who you really are.

但我們都知道那不是真的，因為你身邊至少會有這六種男性友人，可以幫你找到真實的自己。