(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A GREAT NIGHT FOR US.

WE'RE ALWAYS EXCITED ON THE SHOW TO FIND NEW TALENTED VOICES THAT

CAN CONTRIBUTE TO OUR PROGRAM SO WE ARE VERY PLEASED TO WELCOME

OUR NEWEST CONTRIBUTOR FROM SOUTH AFRICA, MR. TREVOR NOAH!

TREVOR, THANKS FOR JOINING US. NICE TO SEE YA!

WELCOME, SIR! >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Jon: HOW ARE YOU? WE'RE REALLY DELIGHTED THAT YOU'RE

GOING TO BE JOINING US. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND I KNOW YOU FLEW IN JUST YESTERDAY FROM SOUTH AFRICA.

>> YEAH, I JUST FLEW IN AND BOY ARE MY ARMS TIRED!

>> Jon: OKAY. ALL RIGHT THERE, OLDIE BUT A GOODIE. VERY NICE.

>> NO, NO, SERIOUSLY, I'VE BEEN HOLDING MY ARMS LIKE THIS SINCE

I GOT HERE.

YEAH, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE MORE AFRAID OF POLICE IN AMERICA

THAN IN SOUTH AFRICA.

IT KIND OF MAKES ME A LITTLE NOSTALGIC FOR THE OLD DAYS BACK

HOME.

>> Jon: THAT'S JUST -- C'MON, ARE YOU SAYING BLACK PEOPLE IN

SOUTH AFRICA TODAY DON'T GET ASSAULTED AND KILLED BY POLICE?

>> OH NO, NO, I MEAN THEY DO, BUT SINCE APARTHEID ENDED

THEY'RE NOW ALSO GETTING KILLED BY BLACK POLICE.

PROGRESS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WELL THAT'S, THAT'S, LISTEN, BABY STEPS.

BUT YOU'RE RELAXED NOW, YOU'RE NOT NERVOUS, YOU FEEL GOOD.

>> I'M JUST A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS, TO BE HONEST.

BETWEEN YOUR COPS, AND, FRANKLY, YOUR EBOLA.

>> Jon: YOUR EBOLA, MY FRIEND! IT'S NOT OUR, BELIEVE ME, HE

MISPOKE -- YOU ARE FROM AFRICA, IT'S YOUR EBOLA, MY FRIEND.

>> NO, NO. NO,NO. SOUTH AFRICA, JON.

WE HAVEN'T HAD A SINGLE CASE IN OVER 18 YEARS.

IN FACT, MY FRIENDS WARNED ME, THEY WERE LIKE

"TREVOR, DON'T GO, DON'T GO TO THE U.S., YOU'LL CATCH EBOLA!"

BUT I WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?

JUST BECAUSE THEY HAD A FEW CASES OF EBOLA DOESN'T MEAN WE

SHOULD CUT OFF TRAVEL THERE.

THAT WOULD BE IGNORANT."

RIGHT?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Jon: SURE -- THAT, THAT

-- THAT WOULD BE IGNORANT.

YOU KNOW, I GUESS WE TEND TO FORGET THAT SOUTH AFRICA,

YOU KNOW, ISN'T, YOU KNOW, RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO LIBERIA. RIGHT?

>> IT'S 4,000 MILES AWAY.

>> THAT'S WHAT I, YEAH, I WAS CALCULATING IN KILOMETERS.

>> I'M SURE YOU WERE, JON, >> Jon: THANKS.

>> I KNOW. YOU KNOW WHAT,

TO A LOT OF AMERICANS AFRICA IS JUST ONE GIANT VILLAGE, FULL OF

AIDS HUTS AND STARVING CHILDREN WHO

YOU CAN SAVE FOR JUST FIVE CENTS A DAY!

BUT THERE'S A WHOLE OTHER SIDE OF AFRICA YOU NEVER GET TO SEE.

>> Jon: YEAH! YOU'VE GOT THAT VIDEO OF THE LIONS WHO CHASE

THAT BUFFALO, AND THEN THE CROCODILE COMES UP

AND HE GRABS IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? AND THEN HE GOES --

>> YEAH, YEAH, AND THEN THE BUFFALO GETS AWAY.

>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH YEAH!

>> YES. YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

>> Jon: NOPE, ME NEITHER.

>> JON, YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S PLAY A LITTLE GAME.

IT'S CALLED "SPOT THE AFRICA".

>> Jon: THIS DOESN'T INVOLVE ME

IDENTIFYING ANYTHING ON A MAP, RIGHT?

>> NO, NO. I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU.

>> Jon: THANK YOU.

>> JUST TELL ME WHICH OF THESE PICTURES WAS TAKEN IN AMERICA

AND WHICH IS FROM AFRICA.

>> OKAY, I GOT THIS. THE BEAUTIFUL HIGHWAY ON THE RIGHT

THERE, PROBABLY SILICON VALLEY, IT'S PROBABLY HEADING OFF TO

TWITTER THERE. THE ONE ON THE LEFT, CLEARLY BEEN SHELLED

BY REBELS, I'M GONNA GO WITH SOMALIA, MAYBE. AND --

>> ACTUALLY, THE ROAD ON THE RIGHT IS A SUPERHIGHWAY IN

CENTRAL AFRICA, THE PHOTO ON THE LEFT I TOOK FROM MY CAB ON MY

WAY HERE FROM THE AIRPORT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) YEAH, THAT'S THE F.D.R.!

TRY AGAIN. TRY AGAIN.

>> ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. OKAY, THIS ONE'S EASY. ON THE LEFT THERE

THAT'S THE "SUCCESS ACADEMY" IN HARLEM. ON THE RIGHT THERE WE

GOT, YOU KNOW, WE GOT HOMELESS KIDS. I'M GOING WITH IN SOMALIA

AGAIN. I THINK THAT'S MY GO TO REFERENCE.

SOMALIA. HOMELESS KIDS.

>> I'M SORRY, JON. THE ANSWER I WAS LOOKING FOR WAS

"CLASSROOM IN KENYA" ON THE LEFT AND "CHILDREN

IN DETROIT" ON THE RIGHT.

LAST ONE.

>> Jon: I HATE THIS (BLEEP) GAME.

ALRIGHT, NOW, I GET HOW THIS WORKS NOW. THE ONE ON THE

RIGHT THERE, THAT'S DETROIT, RIGHT? OKAY? AND THEN UH --

>> WELL ACTUALLY, THAT'S, THAT'S A SLUM IN JOHANNESBURG.

SOME PLACES IN AFRICA ARE STILL PRETTY (BLEEP).

>> Jon: ALRIGHT, I GET YOUR POINT THERE, TREVOR. BUT

YOU'RE NOT SAYING THAT THINGS IN AFRICA ARE BETTER THAN THEY

ARE IN AMERICA, ARE YOU?

>> NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT. YOU GUYS ARE SAYING THAT.

>> THE UNITED STATES RIGHT NOW INCARCERATES MORE

AFRICAN-AMERICANS AS A PERCENTAGE THAN APARTHEID

IN SOUTH AFRICA DID. THE RACE GAP IN WEALTH IN THE UNITED

STATES RIGHT NOW BETWEEN THE MEDIAN WHITE FAMILY AND THE

MEDIAN BLACK FAMILY IS 18 FOLD. THAT'S GREATER THAN THE

BLACK-WHITE GAP WAS IN APARTHEID SOUTH AFRICA.

>> Jon: OH MY GOD. >> HERE'S THE AMAZING PART.

FOR SOUTH AFRICA TO ACHIEVE THAT KIND OF BLACK-WHITE WEALTH

GAP, WE HAD TO CONSTRUCT AN ENTIRE APARTHEID STATE, DENYING

BLACKS THE RIGHT TO VOTE OR OWN PROPERTY.

BUT YOU, YOU DID IT WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!

WE TRAINED FOR DECADES AND YOU JUST WALTZED IN AND WON THE GOLD

MEDAL.

>> Jon: WELL THAT'S, YOU KNOW, BLUNDERING INTO THINGS

IS HOW WE ROLL.

>> WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE GETTING BETTER, WE STARTED FROM THE

BOTTOM AND NOW WE'RE HERE. >> Jon: A LITTLE BIT OF DRIZZY.

A LITTLE BIT OF DRAKE RIGHT THERE. A LITTLE BIT OF --

>> I'VE NEVER HEARD OF HER. >> Jon: ALRIGHT.

>> I'VE GOT TO BE HONEST, JON.

AFRICA IS WORRIED ABOUT YOU GUYS. YOU KNOW WHAT AFRICAN

MOTHERS TELL THEIR CHILDREN EVERY DAY?

BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE BECAUSE THERE ARE FAT

CHILDREN STARVING IN MISSISSIPPI. IN FACT,

WE ARE SO WORRIED THAT ME AND SOME OF MY FRIENDS IN

SOWETO GOT TOGETHER AND I TOLD THEM, I SAID GUYS, FOR

JUST A FEW PENNIES A DAY, YOU CAN HELP AN AMERICAN.

>> Jon: THAT'S VERY KIND, TREVOR.

>> NOW THEY'RE EXPECTING SOMETHING FROM YOU IN RETURN.

THEY'RE EXPECTING AT LEAST A LETTER A MONTH.

>> Jon: NO, I KNOW. I KNOW HOW THAT GOES.

I KNOW HOW -- YOU HAVE TO WRITE --

>> IF YOU WANT, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU CAN JUST DRAW A PICTURE.

>> Jon: WILL YOU PUT IT UP ON THE FRIDGE? THAT'S NICE.

>> OH AND YOU KNOW WHAT? WE WROTE A SONG FOR YOU AS WELL.

>> Jon: ALRIGHT. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS.

>> YEAH, YEAH. GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS

♪ FEED AMERICA.

♪ LET THEM KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME.

>> Jon: OH, NO! ALRIGHT NO, PLEASE! WE CAN'T --

>>♪ FEED AMERICA EVERYBODY NOW!

♪ LET THEM KNOW IT'S

CHRISTMASTIME ♪♪ >> Jon: TREVOR NOAH,

EVERYBODY!