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  • From the company who has the rights to Godzilla, King Kong, and Pacific Rim --

  • so please, please, do a crossover where they all fight each other & stuff --

  • Comes the best American Godzilla movie ever made...

  • which really isn't saying much...

  • "That's a lot of fish!"

  • Godzilla.

  • Prepare for a movie that was sold as a face off between Walter White and Godzilla

  • Yet barely contains any Bryan Cranston

  • and even less Godzilla.

  • Seriously, there's less than 20 minutes of him. We counted.

  • Get ready for the tease of the summer,

  • bringing you the king of monsters like you've never seen him before:

  • Obscured by water

  • Hidden in smoke

  • Barely visible through masks

  • Shot from really long distances on television

  • And shrouded in near-constant darkness.

  • Oh wait, here we go!

  • "Ahhhhhh!"

  • Awwww.

  • In a movie called "Godzilla,"

  • spend 80% of the runtime with two monsters that no one has ever heard of:

  • This gigantic spider monkey thing

  • And this moth who is totally not Mothra.

  • Then watch as they fight against all odds to find a safe place to pork.

  • Take that, true love!

  • Instead of watching the title character kick ass,

  • spend hours of screen-time with Kick Ass and the rest of his boring family.

  • There's his dad, whose wig is almost as bad as his Japanese.

  • Kick Ass' wife, an emergency room nurse who reacts to a crisis by abandoning her patients

  • and pawning off her only child on a coworker.

  • And this guy:

  • He's a professional bomb disposal expert who never defuses any bombs,

  • a magnet for every single giant monster,

  • an a-hole who keeps volunteering for dangerous missions instead of coming home to his wife

  • and kid.

  • "If you don't walk out, you don't come back at all."

  • "Sir, I'll do whatever it takes."

  • and a hero who spends more time and effort saving this random boy he met on a train than

  • he does trying to save his own family.

  • "I'm gonna be at the house by sunrise. Then I'm gonna get you and Sam out."

  • Tell them to run, you idiot!

  • In a nod to the series' Japanese roots,

  • ride along with Ken Watanabe,

  • who's only in the movie to dramatically say one name:

  • "We call him Gojira."

  • Deliver one cool line:

  • "Let them fight."

  • And, of course, stare.

  • Starring...

  • The Olsen Triplet

  • Discount Channing Tatum

  • Duhhhh

  • Crysenberg

  • and Real Kaiju Have Curves.

  • Godzilla. The Good One.

  • Man, if that's what his breath is like, I'd hate to see his farts.

From the company who has the rights to Godzilla, King Kong, and Pacific Rim --


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B1 中級 美國腔

誠實的預告片 - 哥斯拉 (2014) (Honest Trailers - Godzilla (2014))

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    洪小閎 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日