"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." -Anais Nin

"Self-esteem isn't everything; it's just that there's nothing without it." -Gloria Steinem

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

That's what she said

Perception and Confidence

So we're just going to start off the say talking about perceptions: how we're perceived, how we perceive others

How do you feel you are perceived? I feel like a lot of people perceive me to be

very young and almost like I'm not capable of my position

I think, honestly, I'm very happy and joyful

and I think that comes across as naïve sometimes.

Like you should be hardened and cynical and tough. Right, like if I'm going to be tough, I've gotta be tough on the outside.

I don't feel like that's necessary. I think it's easy for people to make assumptions based on

the way that they are feeling.

People have a judgment of you no matter what you're doing.

I think there are definitely some perceptions based on

a perceived ethnicity. I've actually gotten that review,

that I come off a little snooty. They don't mean it.

I always feel like, if I was a little bit taller, if I didn't have the freckles,

then I would command more respect. It's always, like, a 'not-quite-enoughness' of something.

Yeah, when you said if you were taller, that reminds me that when I wear heels, I think

people respect me more.

I feel like the higher the heel I wear, the more the guys take me seriously and feel like

I get judged sometimes by women

because I joke, "Oh yeah, I want to look the boys in the eye," but it's true, like, I don't want to be

looking up

sometimes. I guess, maybe women see each other as competition

which I think is definitely true. There's this competitiveness that we have of beauty

or like, who looks

better than the other. I went through puberty very young and I kind of looked like this when I was 13.

It's like, terrifying.

I had a lot of scary interactions with girls in junior high. So now around women,

I am so scared of being perceived as overly

sexual. If all of you were around and a man started hitting on me,

I would be so scared because I would be thinking that you would think that

I would want that and not that maybe you wanted the attention or like,

maybe it's like, your husband or boyfriend or something and that

all of a sudden, like, I would have just done something so wrong.

These things in our head that someone said to us when we were younger can just,

like, ruminate and ruminate to the point where this is my reality,

this is who I am and it's like a total lie. You know what I mean?

What about you? Um, gee, I don't know.

I'm going to explode with my comments. I spent a long time

trying to

keep up and get ahead and impress people with the fact that I knew what I was doing.

Which, to this day, I still do when I walk on set. I'm still,

deep down, a little girl nervous that

everyone's going to wonder whose mother is she. It used to be whose girlfriend is she,

but now it's whose mother is she?

I absolutely do some compensating in terms of intelligence.

I've always felt not as intelligent as everyone else. I come across as

the girl who got straight A's in school when I was fighting for B's and

barely made it. I think something you're saying you're really interesting

and you, it's like, this is how I come off and

I wish it were different. How do we balance

that

learning from what people tell us to become better people

and staying true to who we really are?

I feel like one of the best take-aways do a check-in and see what can be bettered constantly.

I mean, that's amazing and I think that's brave and I think that's

such a conscious way to live and such a beautiful way to grow. I am not afraid of the fact that

I'm in therapy because there's always something to work on.

Everyone has a blind spot. I think we're always going to be

really critical of ourselves. Just realizing that we're all feeling those kinds of

uncomfortable moments when you go anywhere helps

in the long run. It's the human condition to always be

striving for more. Like, I'm human, you know? I have

insecurities and I'm totally weirded out

98% of the time, but I mean, like, I think it's always been

my power to be like, I'm going to do this anyways because I want to and I believe in it.

I perceive women entirely differently now as

a 20-something. In middle school, you learn

to judge, right? There are the cool kids and the ugly kids,

pretty much. Even though I was one of the ugly ones,

I would judge women based on their appearance alone,

all the time. I feel very, I feel this

oneness with all the women now,

like, no matter our height or shape or race or whatever,

we all have the same insecurities. I don't know a woman who hasn't

dealt with the fact that something's not right,

that something you can't change! It's

ridiculous, but we've all gone through it, so I feel a great unity

with all of you because

It's exhausting, isn't it?

You loved Natalie Patterson's spoken word. So we invited her back.

I was not always confident enough to speak the words the way I felt them.

thought silence would suffocate the pain

It does not. I taught myself to come alive.

I wrote and wrote and wrote until my mouth could form the words my backbone

wouldn't carry.

I wrote until I found the truth of things, until I saw the light again.

There is always light somewhere beyond the bruises and

the names you call yourself. Sometimes your worst enemy

is in your own skin. Sometimes, it shares your face

and claims to love you. That hateful voice is not love, I promise you.

There will come a day

when your fight is bigger than your fear when you nearly claw your way out of

your body to prove you exist. Leave that skin

for someone else and design your own wings. You are a masterpiece, magnificent in

your glory. Have you seen her lately?

The girl- the girl with the halo smiling and welcome home hand she is the best

thing never seen because you're too busy being

scared to be great and I get it. Sometimes your body is

as cumbersome as adulthood is. Sometimes you're drowning

and wonder if anyone even notices. Read books for answers and nothing

speaks to you. We are told our complexity is a burden by people too weak to

embrace their own condition,

to be selfless, exist restless, unhappy, and never,

never expected to verbalize it. We are told to balance the uncertainty of this

world with grace

in stiletto heels and a perfect complexion and that? That is just not

realistic, so let's

let's rewrite these unspoken rules, the ones that shackle us to people we never intended

on being.

News flash. You're allowed to fart.

Cellulite? Well, cellulite is the devil.

Get out, you naked girl with cellulite said no one ever, so get over it.

High heels are not a requirement. A flat stomach is not for everyone because

chips

are delicious. You are allowed to be as you truly are.

There is space for every person on the spectrum. We are a dynamic.

If nothing else, gorgeously ourselves. We are women of something greater. Speak

and the universe will react. Align your actions with your intentions

and watch your life become breathtaking as a sunset.

I dare you.

What inspires your confidence?

#darlingpancakes

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