My name is Tyler Oakley and if there is one language

that I am most fluent in, it would have to be Emoji.

If you don't use Emojis, you are missing out in life.

I don't know who you are,

I don't know what your life goal is, but girl,

get with the times, because I only speak Emoji.

If you don't know what Emojis are,

they are little emoticons or images that you can use

to convey feelings or emotions or stories,

or anything that you want to say.

They are coming out with, I think, 200 more Emojis,

so we have a whole range coming,

but there are a few Emojis that I have always wanted,

I've felt like I've needed in times of crisis

when I'm really trying to tell a story and I need

that exact Emoji, that just don't exist

and they're not coming in the future expansion pack.

So, without further ado, if you're watching, head of Apple,

these are the Emojis that I need in my life.

I'mma get straight to the point.

I need a dildo. (laughs)

There are times when I need to say something with a dildo.

There's no beating around the bush with this one. (laughs)

The eggplant can only do me so well, okay.

I can only use that so many times

and have to explain myself.

Give me a dildo Emoji.

Ranch dressing, this is self explanatory.

How am I gonna tell somebody what sauce I need

when I get a 20 piece McNugget and I'm in a hurry

and I can only convey one Emoji?

Please.

A pickle, duh.

We already have a poop Emoji,

but it has a smiley face on it

and I'm just like, sometimes you have shit

that's just not a happy experience,

so maybe a sad poop Emoji.

A skittle, so that I can flick a skittle at you.

What about a fetus Emoji?

Because sometimes if you're about to give birth

and you want to convey a fetus is about to come out of you

and it can have a little umbilical cord.

That would be really convenient,

because I know there are pregnant mothers,

maybe even mothers that didn't even know they were pregnant,

maybe they're having a shit and the baby comes out

like that TV show and they want to be like,

"ooh, sad poop Emoji, ooh, fetus Emoji."

That would get the storyline right across.

You don't even have to explain yourself.

Just sad poop Emoji, fetus Emoji.

Bam, I didn't know I was pregnant.

I'm a problem solver.

Perhaps a condom, because why wouldn't we be

promoting safe sex.

A tampon.

I wouldn't need this I don't think ever,

unless I got a bloody nose, but I'm sure half of the world

might want to convey that that's what they need.

Listen, I'm looking out for everyone here.

A plunger.

In case ...

You know what the fuck that's in case of.

Now we already have a monkey covering his eyes

and then one with his ears

and then one with his mouth, but I really do think

we need a monkey throwing shit at somebody,

because sometimes I just feel like a monkey

that's gotta throw my shit at a human.

Now when I am feeling like the queen of all bitches,

I usually use the manicure Emoji,

but sometimes I'm like,

"I need to get rid of my downstairs mixup,"

so how about a pedicure Emoji?

That could be cute.

Also, if somebody's looking a mess,

I need a eyebrow plucking Emoji,

so I can convey a little message to them.

What about a half pound bean burrito Emoji?

We don't even have a burrito Emoji.

I feel like that's a little bit offensive to my people.

People that like burritos.

On top of that, I like a big, huge, half pound burrito.

I want to see a big ol' stuffed burrito,

like after they say, "Are you sure you want guacamole?

"It'll cost extra."

I'm like, "Yeah, bitch, of course I want guacamole.

"I don't give a fuck if it costs extra."

As if I didn't already know that it costs extra.

I want to see that big, stuffed burrito

that you know you paid extra for guacamole for.

In an Emoji.

We already have the thumbs up, the thumbs down.

We have a fist, we have a clapping Emoji.

What about a shocker Emoji, because sometimes

I am feeling like a shocker.

Not that I've ever put that into a woman (laughing),

but some people might want to tell their lady friend,

"Hey, I would love to give this to you."

Maybe a Razor scooter, because we already have

a car and a train and a plane and all those

transportation modes, but a Razor scooter would be nice,

because back in my day, I used to Razor scooter

over to my friends' house and hook up with them.

So if I had to tell him nowadays that I'm about

to Razor scooter over, how would I do that?

I need you to be thinking about these things

while you're making new Emojis.

How am I gonna convey to my friend

whom I'm experimenting with when I am in middle school

that I want to go Razor scooter over to his house

and just (clicks mouth), how?

Perhaps a Pizza Roll that's really hot and microwaved,

or a whole plate of Pizza Rolls.

Also, while we're talking about necessary Emojis,

how about some non-white people Emojis?

Because, girl, not everybody is white, news flash.

A genital wart.

How about a genital wart?

Not that I'm gonna have to tell people anything

about genital warts, but you never know.

A Beyonce Emoji.

It's kind of offensive that it doesn't already exist.

That is the short list of all the Emojis

that I am feeling like I need.

If you have an Emoji that you think you need--

I almost burped, there it is, okay, great.

If you have an Emoji that you think you need,

let me know in the comments below

and hopefully they'll see this and pick

some really good ones, because lord knows

this is the way to communicate.

I don't have time for 140 characters anymore.

If I could just send one Emoji, that's all I need to do.

Okay, so that's all.

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go to districtlines.com/tyleroakley and get a t-shirt

or a poster or something real cutre.

I have new t-shirts as of today.

It's plain, it's simple, and it conveys

everything about you.

They may be only limited time, so you might want

to get one before they're gone and send me a picture

of you being real cute in it and you might be

my person of the week next week.

That is all I have for you guys today.

I hope you have a fabulous life

and I will see you guys next time.

Later.