Yet a talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend.

但會說話的泰迪熊竟要跟他的女友結婚

I now pronounce you teddy bear and wife.

我在此宣布你們結為夫妻

You may kiss the bear.

妳可以親吻小熊了

Proving that the Americans don't give a crap about anything.

這證明美國人啥鳥事都不在乎

So I got some big news.

我有件事要跟你說

Tami-Lynn and I are gonna have a baby.

我和美玲想要生小孩

That's awesome! Wait! How do you guys....

太棒了！等等，你們要怎麼...

We....We need a sperm donor.

我...我們需要一個精子捐贈者

What is that? What are you doing?

那是什麼？你在幹嘛？

Getting ready, dude.

我在做準備啊

What are you getting ready? What...what are you doing with your hand?

你在準備什麼？你...你的手在幹嘛？

I'm doing this for you. So when I get in, I can just bust it out.

我這是在幫你呀，這樣等等我進去，就可以馬上噴出來

You think you're at Red Lobster?

你以為你在紅龍蝦餐廳嗎？ (Red Lobster是美國一家連鎖餐廳)

Hey, Johnny you did it!

嘿，強強，你成功了！

Right here, buddy. Catch!

就在這啦。接著！

What the... dude, that's somebody's kid!

那是人家的小孩耶！

Dude, it's in my eyes! I'm blinking it in!

流到我眼睛裡了！我把它眨進去了啦！

Wait wait, I'm gonna take a picture and post it on Facebook.

別動別動，我要拍照上傳臉書

What!

什麼！

Hashtag #Grrr... Monday!

標籤 #痾痾...星期一！

Help me!

快來救我！

Oh my god, Teddy! Look at this!

天哪！泰德你看！

It says that if we wanna have a baby, you're gonna have to prove you're a person in a court of law.

上面寫說如果我們想生小孩，你必須在法庭上證明你是個人

This is a nightmare.

太可怕了

We gotta fight! We'll get a lawyer and we'll sue the government for your civil right.

我們要奮鬥到底！請個律師，要求政府還你公民權

I'm Samantha Jackson. You must be Ted.

我是珊曼莎傑克森，你一定是泰德吧

Yah, Samantha Jackson. What's your middle name?

珊曼莎傑克森，你的中間名是....？

Lesley

雷絲莉

Oh my god! You're Sam L Jackson!

天啊！你是珊L傑克森

That's great! Just like Samuel L Jackson.

聽起來就像山繆傑克森

Who is that?

他是誰？

You've ever seen any movie ever? He's the black guy.

你沒看過電影嗎？他就是電影裡的黑人啊

They denied you the same rights as everybody else just because you're different.

他們拒絕讓你擁有跟一般人一樣的權利，只因為你跟一般人不一樣

Can you get me my life back?

你可以幫我要回我的人生嗎？

Ted, do you believe you have a soul?

泰德，你覺得自己有靈魂嗎？

[Sing] What did you think I would do at this moment?

[唱歌]你覺得我現在在做什麼？

Objection!

反對！

Overruled

無~~效~~

If you want to be human in the eyes of the law, the important thing about being a human is making a contribution to society.

如果你想要法律承認你是人，當人很重要的是必須對社會有所貢獻

Where the hell is my coffee? You're not building rockets! Figure it out!

我的咖啡死哪去了？你是在製造火箭嗎！快點拿來！

What a prick!

真是個混蛋

20 bucks I can toss a cookie crisp in that guy's ass crack.

賭20塊，我可以把餅乾丟進那傢伙的股溝裡

Do it! I'm gonna do it.

丟吧！我要丟了

Oh my god!

哇塞！

Who did that!

誰做的！

Sir, I apologize for my five-year-old child.

我為我五歲小孩的無禮向你道歉

Bad boy! You sit there and eat your fish nuggets!

壞小孩！坐好，吃你的魚條

Fish...nugget

魚魚...條

Go go go!

走走走！

Alright, I'm gonna ask you to do test questions. Are you ready?

我現在要問你一些模擬問題，準備好了嗎？

Yep. Bring it on!

來吧！

Do you consider yourself to be human?

你認為自己是人類嗎？

Objection! Sustained!

反對！有效！

No, the witness cannot object.

證人不能反對

Overruled! Sidebar! Guilty! Speculation!

反對無效！花邊新聞！有罪！猜測！

Hearsay! Bailiff! Brief case!

謠言！法警！公事包！

Disregard! In my chamber!

藐視法庭！在我的辦公室！

Stop beavering the witness!

別再盤問我的證人！

I rest.

我停止舉證

We can totally be lawyers!

我們根本可以當律師了！