ROBIN: Happy birthday, Ingrid.

-Robin, it's perfect.

[music box playing]

-Unlike you.

Next.

-Happy birthday, sis.

-Peace, Love and Transylvania: How

to be a Happy, Blood-Free Vampire?

-You haven't read it already, have you?

Don't worry.

I kept the receipt.

-Presents!

Hm.

Oh, the unmortification, Vladdy.

I've forgotten your birthday.

-My birthday.

My sixteenth birthday?

-Oh, nonsense.

If it was, the castle bell would be tolling to summon you

for your vampire transformation.

[gong]

-I can't hear anything at all, can you?

[gong]

-All right, so it's Ingrid's special day.

Here.

Have a vintage fang brush.

-Is that it?

-Well, it's more than you got from your mother.

I see she couldn't even bother to show up.

[music]

-Happy birthday, darling.

-Mum!

[music]

-My first coffin.

-Just a little something from Patrick and me.

-That's right.

Just waltz in and steal the glory.

Where were you when there nappies needed changing?

-Out, drinking blood with you.

-Exactly.

A shamefully irresponsible mother,

where as I have done everything I could for this girl.

MAGDA: So you've organized her coming of rage party?

You have lead on someone to bite?

-Of course.

Robin, huh?

What are you doing this evening?

Oh, pathetic.

-Oi.

No one is biting anyone.

-Well, you just try and stop me.

[door slams]

-Ingrid, wait.

-What?

-I just wanted to say

[sigh]

-Goodbye.

-I'm only going to be in there two minutes.

-Yeah, I know but when Boris changed

he became selfish and evil and--

-Well, I'm already selfish and evil,

only now I'll come with added fangs.

[walking]

[door closes]

[swords crossing]

-Come on, then.

Let's get this party started.

[knocking]

-This is starting to get boring.

Great.

Now I'm talking to myself.

EVIL INGRID: Patience, Ingrid.

Bad things come to those who wait.

-Oh, I look so evil.

-Together, we will bring darkness where there is light.

-And death where there is life.

Bring it on.

-The breathers aren't going to know what's bitten them.

-Hello, Ingrid, what a nice surprise.

[screaming]

INGRID: Cool.

-Wait.

There's more.

-Will?

-Hi, Ingrid.

[screams]

-That's my boyfriend.

-He's a breather, Ingrid.

Surely you wouldn't stoop so low.

-Back off, sister.

I decide who I go out with.

-You call yourself a vampire?

Don't you know the more powerful of the two of us

will rule supreme?

So I'll be making the decisions from now on,

and I say Will dies!

-Over my dead body.

-My thoughts exactly.

-Open the door!

Let me out!

-Don't do it!

It's a vampire trick.

-Come on, help me!

-There's no escape, Ingrid!

-Vlad!

-Time for the old Ingrid to die.

-Vlad!

Help me!

Please!

-I-- the son and heir of Count Dracula order you

to stand aside and open the door.

-Vlad!

[screams]

-Where did she go?

-I don't know.

But I'm coming, ready or not.

-Oh.

Did you feel that?

-Feel what?

-Come on.

-I am really proud of you both.

A whole month without saying the b word.

-Yeah and I feel, um, at peace with the world.

-Uh-- me, too.

-So I shouldn't be worried about this than?

-Ingrid's birthday.

-She's getting her fangs.

General, tool up.

Today is a slay day.

-Remember the mantra.

Sure as Boy Scouts sing around camp fires,

there are no such things as vampires.

Drinking blood, the living dead.

It's not for real, it's in our head.

-Good.

This is real progress.

I think you're ready to move on to the next stage.

-Oh, wicked.

What's the next stage?

-Destroying all your weapons.

-Shouldn't we be getting to school?

-Suddenly mass doesn't seem so scary.

-Shhh.

I don't know what it is, but there is something in here.

I'm telling you.

-Well, yeah, a sleeping vampire.

No.

Something else.

An evil presence.

-Well, yeah.

A sleeping, irritated vampire.

EVIL INGRID: Hmmm?

The instincts are strong in this one.

HA!

[whimpers]

-Shhh!

-It's Ingrid!

She--

-Gone!

-Love of garlic!

[snap]

-Gone to wreak havoc at school.

-Robin, she can't go outside.

She'll burn.

ROBIN: Not with sun block 75 she won't.

-Let's go.

We've got to find her.

-You know what?

He's actually really superficial.

-And he's trained as a [inaudible] student.

-Get out of my way!

-You, girl, no smoking!

-Happy birthday!

-Whatever, have you seen Will?

Yeah, he just went up--

-That way.

[bell ringing]

-Right.

We'll need to go break and destroy these.

-What if we need them?

-Jonno, we promised your mum.

So it's the birthday girl, milk or should I

say, birthday vampire.

Looking for your first victim to suck on?

-Dad, the mantra.

-Sure as Boy Scouts sing round campfires,

there are no such things as vampires.

Drinking blood the living dead.

It's not for real, It's in our head.

-That's it.

You're all right.

Give me the stake.

-You two really are a couple of freaks.

-You're right, Dad.

We need to get rid of these as soon as possible.

-How's this, Mistress Magda?

-Fabulous.

[scream]

-What's going on here?

MAGDA: I'm organizing a party for Ingrid,

seeing as you completely failed to do so.

What sort of example is that for the kids?

-Says the woman who ran off with a werewolf.

-Don't forget the jelly and icicle scream, serf, and wake

me when it's done.

-You traitor!

You're helping her make me look bad.

-Sorry, Master.

Have you tried saying no to her?

-Of course not.

I'm undead, not brain dead.

I just wish I could be rid of her once and for all.

-I know ways, sir.

Squirt [inaudible] in her perfume.

-What, kill her?

Don't be stupid, Renfield.

-Oh, yes, even you aren't that evil.

Mistress Magda said the same thing only today.

-Oh, did she?

Really?

-Where could she be?

-I don't know.

-Robin, this is a disaster.

We've looked everywhere.

-Huh.

Come on, I thought you were the clever one.

-Think.

Think.

-Maybe we should be looking for Will, not Ingrid.

-Maybe we should be looking for Will, not Ingrid.

-Will?

-That's who she's trying to find, isn't it?

-That's who she's trying to find, isn't it?

-Of course.

Robin, you're a genius.

-All the weapons of the slayers I have defeated.

I knew they'd come in useful.

-So you're gonna stick that great big stake in Magda?

-No, Renfield.

You are.

Stop!

We've got to get rid of them all!

-But this was my first ever stake.

Can't I just keep this one?

-No!

-We're destroying everything.

-Look, you said it.

If we're gonna keep Mum around it's the only way.

[wood chipping]

-Will.

-Happy birthday.

-Oh.

[music]

-Wait.

We need to talk.

-About what?

Are you dumping me?

-I'm leaving Stokely forever and I want you to come with me.

-What?

Where?

-I don't know.

Look, meet me up the castle at first break?

-But--

-Trust me?

Please?

-No!

EVIL INGRID: Mmm.

He looks good enough to eat.

-You idiot.

You brought it with you!

ROBIN: Brought what?

-That!

INGRID: Look, I've got to go.

Promise you'll meet me later?

[evil laughter]

-Vlad?

Shouldn't the vampire be chasing us?

-She's not a vampire.

Are you, Ingrid?

You didn't go through with the transformation.

If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll-- Well,

I can't bite you, but I'll do something evil.

-I don't get it?

I thought you had to transform.

-I thought so, too.

But there's a way out of it, isn't there?

-None whatsoever.

-Run!

-So that's it.

Our slaying days are over.

-Yeah.

Feels good to be free.

[screaming]

-Ugh- Stake dust!

-Ingrid!

-You'll never get me!