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[music playing]
VLAD: Morning, Renfield.
What's for breakfast?
-Oh, some I'm sure you'll absolutely love.
-What is that?
-Bat phlegm.
With a merest hint of rosemary.
-I think I'll just stick with corn flakes.
-You know, your father hates you eating that rubbish, don't you?
-Lucky he's fast asleep in his coffin then, isn't it?
-Good morning, Vlad! My son and heir!
The darkness of my live.
The reason I get out of my coffin.
-What are you doing up so early?
You do remember you're a vampire, don't you?
-Yes, which is more that I can say about you.
[chime]
-Oh, goody!
It's here!
-Does he have to get this excited every time
his copy of Funerals Monthly arrives?
-Eww, what is that smell?
-Bat phlegm with rosemary.
I hate rosemary.
-It's here.
Vlad's destiny.
Ah!
-I didn't know a burger boy uniform
could fit in an envelope.
-Oh, Ingrid, do go away.
In this envelope is the exam paper
for your first blood test.
The first step along the long and blood-soaked path
to vampire-hood.
-Dad, I thought you said, "Exams don't matter?"
-Well this one does.
INGRID: What a pity he's not going to pass it.
DRACULA: Of course Vlad's going to pass the test.
If he doesn't he won't get his full vampire powers.
-I'd never want that to happen.
-Exactly.
Wait a minute.
This isn't one of your "I want to be normal.
I want to be like the breathers.
Human blood tastes well minging" things, is it?
-Um, no.
-It better not be.
You're going to pass this test, or you won't be setting foot
in that useless school ever again.
And you won't be seeing those breather friends of yours,
either. -What?
INGRID: Aw, that would be a shame.
But daddy knows best, Vladdy.
-Ingrid.
No one likes a suck-up.
-So let's get this straight.
They're like GCSEs, but instead of going on to do A-Levels,
you get to maim and kill innocent people?
-Exactly.
Three more years of exams and if I pass them all,
I become a fully fledged vampire.
-But if you fail the test, you won't
be able to fly or suck people's blood?
-Great, isn't it?
-Uh, no.
You'd be a rubbish vampire.
VLAD: I know. I'd almost pass as human.
But, there's a catch.
If I failed, Dad'll never let me see you again.
Our friendship would be over.
-What?
Life without me is so not worth living.
-Exactly.
So I have to pass the test.
This is where you come in.
I've never really listened to Dad's lectures
about vampire culture.
But you on the other hand are an expert.
-I am.
I'll be your teacher.
-I wonder what undiscovered talent we'll be trying out.
-I hope it's better than last year.
We were this close putting the caretaker's dog on the tee.
-He's good. -Yeah.
-Dad, you nearly pulled my arm off.
I'm going to try out for the school football tam tomorrow.
-You can't.
-Most Dads want their sons to play football.
-I am not most Dads.
-You're telling me.
-Listen, Jonno.
This is a dangerous time.
In two days it'll be the second full moon of autumn.
That's when the blood tests, an important rites of passage
for adolescent vampires are supposed to take place.
-So?
-So, Vlad will be taking the test.
I want you to keep your eyes peeled
and report any unusual behavior today.
-Let me think about this for a minute.
No.
-What do you mean no?
-I mean I don't want to keep my eyes peeled
or harass Vlad for any evidence he's a fictional creature.
All I want to do is try out for the football team.
-What about your destiny?
What about the Van Helsing name?
-With any luck, it'll soon be on the back of a football shirt.
-Getting ready to pick your football teams?
-Yeah.
-Hey, Robin, did you fancy trying out?
No, I forgot.
You don't play football.
You'd rather be a sad vampire geek all your life.
-Ignore them, Robin.
-Please. As if I care.
I'd rather be a vampire geek any day
than a sports freak like those two.
Stop worrying.
Vampire's my thing.
I know everything there is to know.
With me on your side, you can't fail.
OK.
Ask me the first question.
-What have I told you about that accent?
-Sorry.
Just trying to add a bit of atmosphere.
ZOLTAN: OK.
First question.
[clears throat] If Boris can turn into a wolf in three
seconds and Inga can turn into a bat in five seconds, how long
would it take Boris and Inga to storm a peasant dwelling
and drink the blood of everyone inside?
-Could you repeat the question, please?
-I don't think you will know the answer.
-How do you know?
ZOLTAN: Because this is a maths problem
and you have a problem with maths.
-Well, give us another question.
One that requires proper vampire knowledge.
Not stupid maths.
ZOLTAN: What was Sebastian the Cruel's world record
for most blood drunk in one sitting?
-Well?
Do you know this one?
-Actually I do.
The answer is-- B.
-Master Vlad, Robin can't help you pass this test.
-Yes I can.
-He's right, Robin.
This is pretty tough.
I'm not sure you're up to it.
-Aw, so you think I'm useless, do you?
-Well, of course not, but-- ROBIN: But what?
VLAD: Well, I just think you have
to be a real vampire to know the answers.
-You take that back.
VLAD: What's the big deal?
You're not a vampire.
-So I'm not good enough because I'm not a vampire.
-Robin, shut up and put your fangs back in.
The only reason I'm trying to pass this stupid test
is because of you.
Why can't you be a normal friend for a change.
-If I'm not normal enough for you,
then maybe you should find someone else to help you.
-He may not be a real vampire, but he's
certainly a real drama queen.
-So Vlad, how's the studying coming along?
-Slowly.
-Aw, it must be so hard being of subnormal intelligence.
I don't suppose you'd consider helping
your little brother pass?
-Not a chance.
Once you fail, Dad'll finally realize
I'm the only one with any vampire talent.
Ha.
-Right Vlad.
Ready to score top marks in the blood test?
-Don't you sleep anymore?
-Don't worry, Dad.
If Vlad fails you'll still have one child who got top marks.
-Really, who?
-Me!
I got the highest score in my year.
-I thought that was your cousin Boris.
VLAD: Dad.
I'm worried I'm going to fail.
-Oh, you--
VLAD: No, I'm serious.
The questions are so, well, vampy.
DRACULA: Vlad, we've already discussed this.
If you don't pass, you'll leave that ghastly breather's school
and never see your friends again.
And your sister won't get her full powers, either.
-What?
-Hey, kids. I don't make the rules.
-Well, well, well.
Where does that leave us now, then?
Hm?
-This is so unfair.
I am planning on becoming an all-powerful vampire goddess.
How can I do that if I'm stuck with half powers like you.
-I thought you'd have caught on by now, sis.
Vampire culture not so big on girl power.
Should we say 5 o'clock to hit the books?
-Where is your brother?
-Probably painting his fingernails black.
Again. -Robin?
-Morning, everyone.
Lovely day, isn't it?
-All right, young man.
What have you done with my son?
-Ha, ha, ha!
Very funny, father.
ELISABETH: I can't believe it.
You're so normal looking.
-What are you doing?
-Having breakfast if that's alright with you.
-This is about your silly fight with Vlad, isn't it?
Well, Vlad wanted a normal friend.
Now he's got one.
-Boys are so dumb.
-Hi.
Exciting, isn't it.
Find a good striker, yet?
-What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be hanging upside down or doing something weird?
-Didn't I tell you?
I'm trying out for the team.
-Come on then.
Show us what you can do.
-This should be seriously funny.
[cheers]
PLAYER: Nice goal, Robin. PLAYER: Nice goal.
PLAYER: Yeah!
-This is so weird.
COACH: Right.
The following pupils made the team.
Will Walker.
Sam Griffiths.
Robin Branagh.
-What?
I mean, cool.
That's great news. Football rocks.
-Jonathan Van Helsing.
-I made the team.
I made the team.
Yes! Woo-hoo!
-Very sorry to interrupt, lads, but you
can take Jonathan's name off the list.
He can't play.
He has a, um-- a rash.
-Dad!
I can't believe you did that.
-Sorry, Janno, but there are such things as priorities.
We need to steal that exam paper from the castle.
Then we'll have it.
Absolute proof that the whole lot of them are vampires.
From now on we'll communicate using these radios.
Are you with me?
-Well, that depends.
If I don't find an example, and it turns out that Vlad isn't
taking some stupid test, will you finally
give up on the whole slaying thing and let me play football?
-I'll give up the whole thing. That's how confident I am.
-Right then.
I'll help you.
-Robin?
What are you wearing?
Bit late for Halloween isn't it?
-See you in training later, Rob.
-Don't be late.
-All right?
-Yes!
Great news.
Ingrid's agreed to help me pass the test.
-Cool.
I've got some news as well. I made the football team.
-Good one. -What?
Do you think I'd be useless at that, too?
VLAD: Is this about yesterday?
Look, I'm sorry about what I said.
Maybe you can come around later?
Ingrid doesn't know everything.
I'll still need my number one vampire expert to help me.
-Do I look like someone
-Don't worry, Master Vlad.
You still got me.
-Yeah, I know.
-It's not the same though, is it?
INGRID: Vlad!
Identify the O positive blood by smell.
-You are kidding?
-If you don't start smelling in one, two--
-All right! All right.
No idea what the answer is, but that one is definitely tomato
juice.
-You're not even trying!
I am!
I just-- I don't know.
-Vlad, you know what will happen if you don't pass?
-Ingrid, I just lost my best friend.
You start to wonder if there's any point
in passing this test anymore.
-There is no way I am letting my future domination
of the vampire world be ruined by my little brother having
a tiff with his breather friend.
Now start swotting.
-Your father wants to see you.
-Both of us?
-What do you think?
-You want to see me?
Ah, Vladimir.
I feel that perhaps you're not trying
your best to pass this blood test.
And I know that no son and heir of mine
would fail something so straightforward
and if they did, well, they wouldn't
be my son and heir for very long.
-Are you saying you'd disown me if I fail the test?
-No, of course not.
I'd just deny all knowledge of your existence.
-You're not having the best of days, are you Master Vlad?
-Um, let me think.
My best friend won't talk to me, my Dad's about to disown me.
The day I buried my pet turtle in the backyard
was my favorite day ever compared to today.
I can't think of a single reason to pass this test.
All I've ever wanted was to be normal, Zoltan.
This is my one chance to make it happen.
Robin and dad don't care about what I want.
So why should I care about them?
I'm going to fail this test.
I'm going to do what I want to do for once.
RENFIELD: Ah!
Morning.
May I interest anyone in my special new recipe?
Rat mucus and brine?
Hm?
Suit yourselves.
All the more for me.
[doorbell rings]
INGRID: So, have you memorized the six-step bat
transformation rule?
No, I just can't seem to remember it.
-I knew you'd ruin my life one day.
[coughing]
-It's for you.
-Hi Vlad.
-I brought you this for luck.
It's always worked for me.
-Listen, Chloe.
I won't be needing this.
I'm going to fail the test. CHLOE: What?
Why?
VLAD: I don't feel I have any reason to pass now
that Robin won't even talk to me.
-But what about me?
I love having you as a friend, and I know Robin does too.
This is just a stupid phase he's going through.
Well, at least I hope it is.
-I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind.
ERIC: Sly Fox, do you copy, over.
JONNO: Dad.
-Do you copy, over.
-Dad, I'm standing right here.
[transmission noise]
-Sly Fox, do you copy?
-Yes, Golden Eagle.
I copy.
Happy now?
-Remember the plan, Janno?
-Sneak in, look for exam paper, steal exam paper,
and then run away from scary, nasty vampires.
-I'm not saying all that again!
-Just trying to instill good reconnaissance skills.
-And you promised, if you're wrong about all this,
you give up on the whole family of vampires thing.
-I give you my word as a slayer and as a father.
-OK then. I'm going in.
Or should I say I'm going in. -That's my boy.
-Now this test is tough.
I'm not going to lie to you, but you got the moves
and you've done the training.
-Yeah, you can do this.
I know you can.
If you don't, I'll kill you.
-Ingrid.
Go get your brother a cold flannel for his worried brow.
-Absolutely.
Anything I can do to help my little brother pass his test.
-Thanks, guys.
I'll do my best.
But, for now, I'd really like to be left alone.
-I get it.
You're in the zone.
-Um, no.
Not really.
-Well you better get there quick!
-Ow! -Come on, you lads!
Keep moving. No pain, no gain.
Swing those elbows.
That's it.
Come on, boys--
-Robin!
-Would you mind?
Footie stars don't hang around with their little sister.
I've got a reputation now, you know?
-You've always had a reputation, Robin.
For being a complete idiot.
This is your last chance to say you're sorry.
Otherwise, he's going to fail.
Um, it's goodbye, Vlad.
Forever.
-Sorry, Chloe, but I've got slightly
more important things on my mind.
Like making sure I don't pull a hamstring.
-You don't even know where your hamstring is.
-I do. It's in my left ham.
-I brought you your cape.
Just in case.
-What exactly am I supposed to do with this?
CHLOE: You're supposed to put it on and stop
acting like someone you're not!
-I've been hanging
Vampires.
Good one, Dad.
-Make way for the best soon-to-be vampire
that ever lived. -Yup.
Ready to kick the blood test's butt.
-Mission accomplished.
-Great work, Jonno.
Where's the exam paper? -Sorry, Dad.
There was no exam paper.
Looks like we're getting out of the slaying business for good,
just like you promised.
We can still catch the match if we hurry.
-Wait, wait, wait!
Um, did you see anything else there?
Vials of blood?
Books on vampire lore?
A bloodless corpse of an innocent victim?
-Nope.
It's a vampire-free zone.
-Well for goodness sake, Janno.
You were only in there five minutes.
You have to go back in.
-What?
You promised!
-This time look properly.
-Fine.
I'll go back in. I promise.
But seeing as we're not keeping our promises anymore.
Time to catch the second half of the match.
-Good luck, Vlad.
Try not to focus too much on the dreadful consequences
of not passing. -Thanks, Dad.
No pressure as usual.
-Your exam starts now.
-The future starts here.
-What have I missed?
-Nothing much.
Just a bunch of stupid boys running around a pitch
thinking that they're fantastic.
Oh yeah, and our team is 1-0 down with a few seconds
to play. -Oh, tense.
It's an open goal.
He's going to score!
How'd he miss that?
-You just cost us the game!
-It's not my fault.
I, um, had something in my eye.
COACH: Why don't you go home and play with your cape, Robin.
-Good idea.
Let's put an end to all this madness.
Oh--whahaha.
VLAD: Question eight.
What is the most common blood type?
Who cares.
-Sly Fox, come in.
Do you copy, Sly Fox?
ERIC (OVER RADIO): Sly Fox, do you copy?
Do you copy, Sly Fox?
ERIC (OVER RADIO): Sly Fox, do you copy?
-Dad?
Yeah?
I mean, Golden Eagle, copy. -What's that noise?
Is everything OK in the castle?
-The butler's got his radio on.
Anyway, best get back to the search.
Over and out.
VLAD: Question 10.
How do you turn yourself into a bat?
-Hm?
Don't move.
-Psst.
-What are you doing here?
-I'm sorry for being an idiot.
I don't want you to fail your test.
-Robin, it's too late.
I've only got about 10 minutes left.
Doubt I could pass now even if I wanted to.
ROBIN: Please, Vlad.
You're my only friend.
And trust me, being normal really sucks.
-OK.
I'll do my best.
Now get out of here before Renfield catches you.
-Knock and run!
Pesky kids.
ERIC (OVER RADIO): Jonno?
Jonathan Van Helsing.
Sly Fox, do you read me!
-Uh, dad?
Just had a run-in with some unruly cobwebs.
Vampires, eh?
Can't they dust like the rest of us.
Just leaving the castle now, won't be a mo.
Golden Eagle, we have a problem.
-I'm disappointed in you, son.
You promised me that you'd look for that exam paper.
-And you promised me you'd give up
on this stupid slayer business.
I just wanted to be on the football team,dad.
What's wrong with wanting
else for a change?
-Never mind, Janno.
Why don't I help you with this popcorn, eh?
Plenty of time to unmask the forces of evil tomorrow.
live -You bet.
-I'm surprised you've got an appetite considering
your results will be here any minute, Master Vlad.
-Thank you, Zoltan.
-You'd better of passed, Vlad.
I don't need full vampire powers to kill you while you sleep.
-Confident, Vlad?
You better be.
[chiming]
-Here it is.
The test results which will prove Vlad
to be the vampiric genius I know he is.
Well, that's rather disappointing, I must say.
-Oh, no!
-I can't believe this is happening.
-53%.
Even Ingrid scored more than that.
-53%?
-You mean he passed?
-Technically. -Yes!
-Did I mention that one day I'll be the most powerful vampire
in the world, and you'll all fall at my feet and worship me?
-I wouldn't get too cocky if I were you, sis.
I've still got three more blood tests to go.
[music playing]
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小小吸血鬼 (Young Dracula - BBC Series - Season 1 Ep 13 'The Blood Test')

2309 分類 收藏
yi 發佈於 2015 年 1 月 28 日
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