He was 5’7” which at the time was taller than average.

他 5 呎 7 吋（約 170 公分），高於當時人的平均身高。

The rumor that he was a teeny tiny man was just a piece of British war propaganda.

他是矮子的謠言，只是戰爭中英國方面釋放的假訊息。

Napoleon’s true Waterloo was mean people.

拿破崙真正的失敗是敗在刻薄的人們。

It’s not true that humans only use 10 percent of our brains.

人類只使用大腦 10% 的觀念是錯的。

No study has ever shown or even claimed that.

沒有任何研究顯示或證實該說法。

It’s just something people say for no reason.

只是人們信口胡說。

Yeah, turns out the whole brain is important.

沒錯，其實整個大腦都非常重要。

No matter what your drunk cousin Dave tells you, there’s no such thing as cow tipping, because cows sleep lying down.

不要相信酒醉叔叔的胡言亂語，你不可能推倒站立打盹的乳牛，因為乳牛不會站著打盹，他們是躺下睡覺的。

Well then, what have I been getting drunk and knocking down them?

那我一直喝醉然後推倒他們做什麼？

Mom?! Oh god, mommy I’m sorry!

我錯了！媽媽我錯了！

Touching baby birds doesn’t make their mothers reject them.

鳥媽媽並不會排斥被觸摸過的新生鳥兒。

Mamas love their babies.

哪有媽咪不愛自己小孩的？

That’s right!

就是這樣！

You could’ve saved that bird you saw when you were ten.

你十歲的時候看到的那隻鳥，本來有機會存活。

You let it die.

你卻狠心的拋棄牠！

George Washington didn’t have wooden teeth.

華盛頓總統的假牙不是木製。

His actual dentures were made of gold, lead, hippopotamus’s bones and donkey teeth.

而是由金子、鉛、河馬骨頭和驢子牙齒合成的。

Ha! Wood, how pedestrian.

哼！木頭材質也太缺乏想像力了。

There is no medical reason to drink eight glasses of water a day.

從醫學的角度來看，並無證據顯示一天 8 杯水對身體有益。

Now you tell me?

你現在才說？！

Sorry stoners, undercover cops don’t have to tell you they’re cops just because you asked them.

抱歉啦癮君子們，就算你開口問，便衣警察也可以不承認他的真實身分。

Cops are allowed to lie.

警察是可以說謊的。

That’s not a thing.

這沒什麼！

Whoa wait! So are you a cop?

等一下！你是警察嗎？

I’m not.

不是。

But like, you could be a cop?

你可能是警察吧？

No, I’m not.

都說了我不是。

Vikings didn’t wear horns on their helmets and the iron-maiden never existed.

維京人的頭盔上並沒有角，所謂的鐵娘子也不存在。

It was a hoax that was made up in the 19th century.

是在19 世紀編造出來的玩笑。

Fake! Fake!

都是假的！都是假的！

George Washington Carver didn’t invent peanut butter, Thomas Crapper didn’t invent the toilet and Al Gore never claimed he invented the internet.

花生醬不是 George Washington Carver 發明的，廁所也不是 Thomas Crapper 發明的， Al Gore 從來沒說過網路是他發明的。

That’s correct! What I did do was sponsored legislation…

是啊！我是贊助立法好嗎…

Oh my god you’re so boring!

你好無聊喔，真是的！

Albert Einstein didn’t fail high school math.

愛因斯坦高中數學沒被當過。

Of course I freaking didn’t.

拜託！老子怎麼可能被當？

I’m the greatest scientist of all time and you jackasses think I failed math?

我可是天下第一的科學家，你們這群愚民居然說我數學不及格？

E equals MC screw you!

E=MC ，給我滾！

Nice one!

說的好！

The great wall of China is not visible from space.

萬里長城在外太空是看不到的。

Yeah, every astronaut looks and none of us had ever seen it.

沒錯，從來沒有太空人看到過。

But hey, why listen to us?

算了，誰會鳥我們啊？

We’re only astronauts.

我們只是太空人。

Not to mention if you’re ever thrown out of an airlock, you wouldn’t explode.

更不用說，就算從太空艙掉出來，你也不會爆炸。

In fact, you can survive up to 30 seconds before you ran out of oxygen and lost consciousness.

實際上，在耗盡氧氣和失去意識之前，你最多可以生存 30 秒。

So here’s a question: If none of these things are true, then why do we all believe them?

那問題來了: 如果這些事情都不是真的，那我們為什麼都相信呢？

Simple!

答案很簡單！

Because they all tell good stories.

因為這些故事都包裝得非常好。

It’s so comforting and fun to think that Albert Einstein sucked at math too or that cops have to do what you say if you know the magic words, but that doesn’t make it true.

相信愛因斯坦是數學笨蛋聽起來很安慰人也很好玩，或只要有禮貌詢問警察就會據實以告，都能達到欺騙自己與娛樂生活的效果，但並不表示那就是事實。

And nothing is more important than the truth.

事實勝於一切。

Hey guys, I’m Adam Conover from College Humor.

我是幽默大學的 Adam Conover。

Click here to subscribe or here to watch another video.

點左邊訂閱頻道或是點右邊看其他影片。

Might as well right?

不妨喝一杯吧？

I mean we’re all gonna die someday, might as well fucking live it up while we can.

反正有一天都要死，何不及時行樂、玩個痛快？