Name: 川普嗆聲：美軍正在「痛宰」伊朗！ (Trump Says the Military Is "Knocking the Crap" Out of Iran)
Uploaded: 2026-03-04T23:06:07.000Z
Duration: 9 min 58 s

And now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news.

那麼，如果您不介意的話，我們要來開始新聞了。

In a new interview, President Trump said that the military is knocking the crap out of Iran, but

在一次新的訪問中，川普總統說軍隊正在痛擊伊朗，但是

added, quote, we haven't even started hitting them hard.

他補充說，引述，我們還沒有真正開始重擊他們。

Hey, man, the commander in chief is supposed to be able to keep military secrets.

嘿，老兄，三軍統帥應該能夠保守軍事機密。

He's so excited to bomb people, he can't help himself.

I wouldn't want to be in eastern Tehran at 3am tomorrow, I can tell you that much.

我跟你說，我可不想明天凌晨三點在德黑蘭東部。

也許他不在艾普斯坦的檔案裡。

It honestly feels like he would have told us by now.

說真的，我覺得他早就告訴我們了。

During a Medal of Honor ceremony yesterday at the White House, President Trump began talking about the curtains and said, quote, I picked those drapes in my first term.

昨天在白宮的榮譽勳章頒獎典禮上，川普總統開始談論窗簾，他說，引述，這些窗簾是我第一任期時挑的。

That's like Santa mentioning he always liked Christmas.

這就像聖誕老人說他一直很喜歡聖誕節一樣。

You guys will never guess my favorite holiday.

你們絕對猜不到我最喜歡的節日是什麼。

During the same ceremony, President Trump also said that he's tried to get a Medal of Honor for himself, but

在同一場儀式中，川普總統也表示，他曾試圖為自己爭取榮譽勳章，但

added that he was told it would, quote, be bad protocol.

他補充說，他被告知這「會破壞規矩」。

I just want you to consider how many things he's admitting here.

我只想讓你們想想，他在這裡承認了多少事情。

He's admitting he tried to give himself a medal of Honor, he's admitting that it's a bad look, and

他承認他試圖頒給自己榮譽勳章，他承認這看起來很糟糕，而且

he's admitting he had to be told it's a bad look.

他承認他被告知這看起來很糟糕。

It's one thing you have a puppy that has to be told not to piss in the house.

這就像一隻小狗，得被告知不能在家裡大小便一樣。

This is like a stupid 16 year old dog that still has to be told not to piss in the house.

這就像一隻笨拙的十六歲老狗，還得被告知不能在家裡大小便。

The White House released a video on Friday of administration officials sharing their favorite memories with President Trump.

白宮週五發布了一段影片，內容是政府官員分享他們與川普總統最美好的回憶。

And Marco Rubio said that time he got my name right.

馬可魯比歐說，那次他記對了我的名字。

During a visit on Friday to a Texas Whataburger location, President Trump spoke to a crowd of customers and said he hopes they do not drink alcohol.

川普總統週五在德州一家 Whataburger 分店拜訪時，對著一群顧客說，他希望他們不要喝酒。

They're dining in at Whataburger on a Friday night.

他們週五晚上在 Whataburger 裡用餐。

The indoor water park chain Great Wolf Lodge this week will offer a limited edition milkshake that blends vanilla ice cream and ranch dressing.

室內水上樂園連鎖店 Great Wolf Lodge 本週將推出一款限量版奶昔，混合了香草冰淇淋和牧場醬。

And after one of those, you become the water slide.

然後喝完一杯後，你就變成溜滑梯了。

What I like is the tail of that joke felt like you were going down a water slide.

我喜歡的是那個笑話的結尾，感覺就像你在溜滑梯一樣。

The pizza chain Papa John's has announced that it will close 300 underperforming restaurants.

披薩連鎖店 Papa John's 宣佈將關閉 300 家表現不佳的餐廳。

But how do you tell which ones are underperforming?

但你怎麼知道哪些是表現不佳的？

When they're all selling Papa John's Times Square performer the Naked Cowboy has reportedly divorced his wife and fellow performer, the naked cowgirl.

據報導，室內水上樂園連鎖店 Great Wolf Lodge 的表演者 Naked Cowboy 已經和他的妻子、同為表演者的 Naked Cowgirl 離婚了。

But there's been cracks in the relationship for a while.

但這段關係已經出現裂痕一段時間了。

真替那個介紹他認識的人感到難過。

他們會說，你一定要認識我的朋友。

According to a new book, the conclave that elected Pope Leo last year was interrupted after Vatican security officials detected an active mobile connection.

根據一本新書報導，去年選出教宗 Leo 的祕密會議，在梵蒂岡安全官員偵測到活躍的手機訊號後被迫中斷。

And an older cardinal discovered he had a phone in his pocket.

一位年長的樞機主教發現他的口袋裡有手機。

Because you just know that flashlight was on.

因為你絕對知道手電筒是開著的。

And finally, Disney World's Rock N Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith shut down over the weekend so it can be reopened as the Rock N Roller Coaster starring the Muppets.

最後，由 Aerosmith 主演的 Disney World 雲霄飛車 Rock N Roller Coaster 在週末關閉，以便重新開放為由 Muppets 主演的 Rock N Roller Coaster。

And the good news is they didn't have to change it very much.

好消息是他們沒有對它做太多改變。

You know, from films like American Beauty, Biling Julia and nyad.

你知道，來自《美國心玫瑰情》、《比莉·珍·金》和《尼雅德》這些電影。

See her next in the Bride in theaters on imax this Friday, March 6th.

這週五 3 月 6 日，在 IMAX 的戲院裡，可以看到她主演的《新娘》。

你看過她在《Hacks》裡的演出。

Her new special wake up is streaming now on Netflix.

她的新特別節目《Wake Up》現在正在 Netflix 上串流。

So excited to talk to her about her fantastic special.

超期待跟她聊聊她超讚的特別節目。

And her excellent new novel Kin is out now.

她超棒的新小說《Kin》也已經上市了。

Tayari Jones 又回來跟我們哈拉囉。

Ilona Mar, Olympia and Ilona Mar on family chips this week.

這週 Ilona Mar、Olympia 和 Ilona Mar 要聊家庭晶片。

White House Press Secretary Caroline Levitt has been holding a lot of press briefings lately.

白宮新聞祕書 Caroline Levitt 最近開了很多場記者會。

發生了很多事，你知道的，但是

there are a lot of questions about what this administration has been doing that we feel are still unanswered.

我們覺得這屆政府做了什麼，還有很多問題懸而未決。

So we decided to hold another one right here, right now.

所以我們決定就在這裡、就在此刻再辦一場。

Press Secretary Levitt and the late night press corps are here in the studio ready to go.

新聞祕書 Levitt 和深夜記者團已經在攝影棚準備好了。

So without further ado, it's time for another late House.

所以，事不宜遲，又到了深夜白宮時間。

Late White House, Late Press House, late.

深夜白宮、深夜記者會、深夜。

I know you're worried, but I haven't made a mistake yet.

我知道你擔心，但我到目前為止都沒犯錯。

It's time for the late night White House press review.

是時候來看看深夜白宮記者會回顧了。

Seth Meyers, Late night with Seth Meyers.

賽斯·麥爾斯，《賽斯·麥爾斯深夜秀》。

Caroline, how much of his daily briefing does President Trump read before getting bored and giving up?

卡羅琳，川普總統在感到無聊放棄之前，會讀他每日簡報的多少內容？

What does President Trump miss most about his life before becoming president?

川普總統最懷念他當總統前生活的什麼？

他跟傑佛瑞·愛潑斯坦的關係。

Caroline, how will history remember the Trump family burdens that have really done nothing for our country?

卡羅琳，歷史會如何記住川普家族那些對我們國家毫無貢獻的重擔？

I heard that Stephen Miller is planning on visiting Germany when Would he like to go there during World War II?

我聽說史蒂芬·米勒計畫在二戰期間去德國拜訪，他想什麼時候去？

Hey, what's RFK Jr. S go to order at happy hour?

嘿，RFK Jr. 快樂時光最常點什麼？

Caroline, this next one's for all the real 90s music heads out there.

卡羅琳，接下來這個是給所有真正的九零年代音樂迷的。

You know, the type of people who have a paid subscription to Pitchfork.

你知道，那種有付費訂閱 Pitchfork 的人。

這會是一個只有懂音樂的人才懂的笑話。

Caroline, what's the most popular Fiona Apple song?

卡羅琳，最受歡迎的 Fiona Apple 歌曲是哪一首？

Nearly eight in ten Americans say criminal.

將近十分之八的美國人表示犯罪。

What advice do you have for single people who like someone but aren't sure how to ask them out?

對於喜歡一個人但又不確定如何開口的人，有什麼建議嗎？