Oh my God, you guys are so Asian right now.

我的媽呀！你們現在看起來真的很亞洲人。

I'm gonna be Asian too.

那我也不要輸給你們。

So where are you from?

那你是哪裡人?

I'm from Texas.

我家在德克薩斯州。

No, I mean like where are your parents from?

喔，我的意思是說父母從哪裡來 ?

You know, you're pretty tall for an Asian.

你知道嗎，在亞洲人裡面你算高的了

Oh, they're from Korea.

他們是韓國來的。

Where are your parents from?

那你呢?

Michigan.

密西根。

No, where are your parents' ancestors from?

我是說你父母親的祖先從哪來啦。

I don't know, like Europe?

我不清楚，我想歐洲吧 ?

I just wanted to introduce you to Eugene over here.

跟你介紹一下 Eugene。

Eugene, say hi to Stacy.

Eugene，跟 Stacy 打聲招呼吧 !

Hi Stacy.

Stacy 妳好。

Yeah, well Stacy's really into Asian guys so I figured it'd be a nice...

Stacy 其實是亞洲控所以我想你們可以......

It is so nice to finally meet your girlfriend!

很高興終於見到你女友了！

Yeah, so me and my friend were at 99 Ranch and...

所以，後來我和我的朋友就去大華 (市場) 去了......

What's 99 Ranch?

大華是? (美國十大連鎖超級市場之一，販賣很多的亞洲食品)

Actually, I'm his sister.

其實我是他姊姊/妹妹。

Yeah, this is my girlfriend.

對啊，這才是我女友。

You don't know what 99 Ranch is?

大華你會不知道 ?

Oh, it's that new bar, right?

是新的酒吧，對吧 ?

Oh, such a banana.

真是西化得很徹底呀！ (外黃裡白，指西化黃種人)

So anyways, yeah.

算了算了。

Um, I don't speak Mandarin, do you?

抱歉，我不會說中文耶，妳會嗎？

No, sorry.

不會，抱歉。

So you're Chinese.

你是來自中國的華人囉 ?

Taiwanese, actually.

是臺灣才對。

You speak Cantonese.

那你會說廣東話。

Mandarin.

我說的是中文。

You know my cousin's wife is Oriental.

我表/堂兄弟的太太也是東方人。

Ah, so she's a rug.

你以為他是一張地毯嗎。

Are you North or South Korean?

是北韓還南韓?

South.

南韓囉 !

How can you tell?

你怎麼知道的 ?

Because I'm not trapped in North Korea.

因為我沒有被困在北韓出不來啊。

No, she's from the Orient.

不，她是從東方諸國來的。

The Orient, ah, so we're in the 1950's right now.

「東方諸國」，你以為我們還在 1950 年代嗎 ?

I'd be the Red Ranger.

我要當紅色巡守員。

I'd be the Blue Ranger.

那我要藍色的。

You're the Yellow Ranger!

你就當「黃」的吧 !

How do I change this setting?

要怎麼改設定 ?

Are you serious?

你真的不知道 ?

Yeah, I just got this phone.

對啊，我才剛買這支手機。

You're like a bad Asian.

你這樣會對不起亞洲人喔。

So my mom was like (with Korean accent) "Eugene"

我媽這樣叫我「Eugene，」(韓國人口音)

"Why are you so skinny?"

「你是不是都沒吃飽 ?」

You can say that?

她真的這樣說 ?

That feels like a little bit racist.

這樣感覺有點種族歧視耶。

I mean it's...

我不是這個意思......

Were your parents upset that you wanted to go into entertainment?

你的父母支持你進演藝圈嗎 ?

Of course! 'Cause I'm Asian you think that my parents want me to be a doctor or a lawyer or engineer.

所以，你覺得因為我是亞洲人，所以我父母親要我當醫生、律師或工程師嗎 ?

OK, that's like a little racist, but it's cool.

好吧！是有點刻板印象啦！但是很經典。

So she was like (with Korean accent) "Oh, Eugene..."

所以她是這麼說：「噢！Eugene......」

No, no, you can't do it though.

妳不行，只有我可以這樣做。

Oh, OK, fair.

好、好，你說了算。

Oh, I wasn't trying to be offensive, it's good that they're cool with it, though.

我不是故意要攻擊你，他們支持你很好啊。

Nah, they wanted me to be a doctor.

哪有 ! 他們希望我當醫生。

Take a selfie with me.

我們來自拍吧 !

Yeah Mom, that was my new girlfriend.

媽，她是我新女友。

Uh no, she's not Korean.

她不是韓國人。

I'm so glad I have minority friends.

我很高興有「少數族群」的朋友。

All my pictures are with White people.

我一堆照片都是白人。

Uh, you know, technically Asians are the majority.

你應該要知道，亞洲人不是少數族群。

There are literally billions of us in the world.

這世界上有幾十億的人口。

Oh, OK, smile!

我了解了，笑一個 !

Oh my God, I love that new HBO show.

我好愛那部新的 HBO 影集。

It's so diverse.

充滿了多樣性。

Yeah, there are no Asians on it.

嗯，但是都沒有出現亞洲面孔。

Hey Eugene, what's 28 times 72?

Eugene, 28 乘以 72 是多少 ?

Yeah, but there are two Black people!

不過有兩個黑人呀 !

And an Asian receptionist.

還有一位亞洲接待員。

I don't know, it's like 1,500.

不知道，應該是 1500 吧 !

OK, thanks.

知道了 ! 謝謝

Are we all in the frame?

我們有被切到嗎 ?

Yeah, you're on, you're all in.

沒有，你在上面；你們都在鏡頭面。

I just had this thought.

我突然有個想法。

If we had a baby together,

如果我和他有小孩，

it would be the most beautiful half-Asian baby in the entire world.

那會是世界上最可愛的亞洲混血寶寶了 !

Right?

對吧 ?

Yes, definitely.

是的，沒錯。

It would totally be half Asian.

恰好一半的亞洲人。

Dude, in general half-Asian people are the most beautiful.

老兄，亞洲混血真的最可愛了。

Oh my God, I had the best pho last night.

我昨晚吃到史上最好吃的「呵」粉。

You mean pho.

你是說河粉吧 ?

Yeah, pho.

對呀！「呵」粉啊。

Hey Eugene, I saw your "Awkward Moments Only Asians Understand" vid.

Eugene，我看到你「只有亞洲人才懂的那些尷尬時刻！」的影片了。

As an Indian, where was the rest of Asia?

我是印度人，你影片裡好像沒有這部分的亞洲？

I went with my girlfriend Tammy Nguyen, do you know her?

我和我女友 Tammy Nguyen 去的，你認識她嗎？

Nguyen?

那姓氏唸「阮」才對。

I don't know, I think probably around eight o'clock.

不記得了，大概是八點吧。

So, you might wanna think about that next time you label something Asian.

你下次想寫亞洲人的時候請注意一下。

Gah, this is awkward.

媽呀！超冏！

Is that your brother?

他是你哥哥嗎？

What?

你說什麼？

It's all on you.

都是你害的。

It's all on your cow!

害你個頭！

Down Bastian!

Bastian 你先冷靜！

I am the great, stolen Dragon!

我是偉大的失落龍族。

Yup, you are.

對對，你是。