Jory: Because nobody likes roasted nuts!

Jon: Uh, apparently, you like SOMETHING in the room, though, huh, Jory?

Jory: Hello, and welcome to...

Jory and Riley: ..."Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?"

I'm your host, Jory Caron.

I'm your early-retirement sidekick, Riley McIlwain.

Jory: You guys want BIG BOOM?

Riley: HERE'S a big boom!

*Riley moans*

Jory: That's not the big boom they're wanting, Riley.

Riley: Sure it is!

Jory: Give 'em the Big Boom!

Riley: BIG BOOM!

Jon: WOW! That's almost as big as my dick!

Riley: Disco stick!

Jory: (referring to Jon's comment) Not true...

Riley: BOOM stick!

Jory: Disco stick?!

*Riley squeals*

Jory: Oh, we're gonna give it to you! How are we gonna give it to you?

Riley: Shake Weight!

Jory: On a gold plate!

*theme song plays*

Jory: It smells like victory!

Jory: All hands to the deck!

Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!

Jory and Jon: WHOA!

Jory: You got that on camera, right?

Riley: I don't trust this bitch!

Jon: Are you out of your mind?!

Jory: The masks- they do nothing!

Riley: You TOTALLY could have died!

Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!

Jory: Stopping, stopping!

Riley and Playlist Live crowd: 3.5!

Jon: YEAH!

Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?

Jory: Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Field of Destruction...

Jory: (yelling) ...THREE...

Jory and Riley: (yelling) ...POINT-OH!

*Riley stops yelling "oh," but Jory continues for a long time*

Riley: Alright, alright, alright! We get it, we get it! STOP!

Riley: (through clenched teeth) We get it, we get it, we get it!

Riley: Oh, God!

*Jory finally stops yelling "oh"*

Jory: Microwaving things is what we do here! And that's why we don't have any tin foil shield...

Riley: (whispering) No tin foil shields!

Jory: ...to protect our nuts, because, let's be honest here...

Riley: No one likes roasted nuts!

Jory: ...they're all gone, and there's only two more episodes, and it doesn't really matter now, does it?

Riley: (screaming) NOTHIN' matters anymore!

Jory: Let's do this as a blowout!

Jon: You guys have gone over the edge!

*Riley excitedly pounds on the top of Heather*

Jory: OH, look at that microwave! Sweet microwave! Too bad she's gonna be GONE!

Riley: WHOO!

Jory: Fill 'er up!

Riley: With that BOOM stick, baby!

Jory: Fill 'er up!

Jory: Aw, yeah! AW, yeah!

Jory: So, now, all we gotta do is put some time on the clock!

Riley: Some time!

Jon: How long should we put it in there for, guys?

Jory: Like 30 minutes!

*whistling of screamer firework, followed by explosion pop*

Jory: Plugging in!

Jon: Be careful!

Jory: I'll try my best!

Riley: At least we got it on film!

Jory: Exactly!

Jon: I don't wanna see you blow up, so don't!

Riley: Let's go, let's go!

Jon: (screaming in terror) GET OUTTA THERE!

Riley: (screaming) GO, GO, GO, GO!

*Ryan laughs*

Riley: Alright, pull the string!

Jon: Alright, so we have the entire mechanism hooked up to a pull-string.

Jory: You ready?

Riley: I'M ready!

Ryan: Let's do this!

Jon: Alright, cross your fingers, hope to die!

Jon: Actually, DON'T hope to die...

Ryan: I didn't hear the generator rev up.

Riley: I think it's hittin' it twice.

Jon: It must've slipped, Jory.

Riley: (to Jory) Go and hit it twice.

Jory: The string isn't working 'cause it was hitting "start/stop" immediately. It just wasn't going.

Jory: So, uh, I'm gonna hit it by hand.

Jory: Uh, I still have two hands. Hopefully, I will when this is done!

Jon: Alright, good luck, Jory. We're gonna back up. You stay here.

Jory: Yup, yup.

Jory: Godspeed to myself! (chuckles)

Jon: Yes!

Jon: Good luck! We're all counting on you!

Ryan: Godspeed!

Jon, Riley, and Ryan: (yelling) RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!

Riley: (laughing) RUN! [Beep]!

*firework mortar explodes*

Jon, Riley, and Ryan: WHOA!

Jory: I didn't see it!

Riley: Where'd the microwave go?!

Jon, Riley, and Ryan: RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!

Riley: (laughing) RUN! [Beep]!

*firework mortar explodes*

Jon, Riley, and Ryan: WHOA!

Jory: I didn't see it!

Jon, Riley, and Ryan: RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!

Riley: (laughing) RUN!

*firework mortar explodes*

Jon: (to Jory) You didn't see it, did you?

Jory: No.

Jon: You were running from the explosion, 'cause you're THAT bad-ass!

Jon: (to Jory) You got pretty far in five seconds, though! I think you don't give yourself enough credit.

Jon: Look at all the [beep]in' smoke!

Jory: So, you may be wondering where the hell the microwave is!

Riley: I don't know!

Jon: There's the DOOR!

Jory: It took a journey back here!

Jory: So, how did it look?

Jon: I don't know. It looked pretty cool!

Ryan: It was awesome!

Jon: It's a lot smaller than I thought it would be, though.

Jon: Can you pick it up, or is it still too hot?

Riley: REAL hot!

Jory: Oh, it's touched.

Jory: [Beep]! That IS hot!

Riley: I TOLD you it was hot!

Jory: Why do I always touch the hot things?!

Jory: (in redneck voice) Pick it up like a beaver! We got a beaver right here!

Jon: Whoo! Look at that thing- it's just wrecked!

Riley: (sarcastically) It smells great!

Riley: I wonder if it still works?

Jory: So, you may actually be wondering if it's a good idea to microwave a large mortar firework.

Jory: Just get a shot of that right now, and that's your answer- right there!

Jory: No, it's not a good idea. It's a horrible idea, unless it's your job!

Jory: Seriously, though, don't try this at home.

Riley: No, no. WE'RE not even at home!

*Jory chuckles*

Jory: That's about it for this episode of...

Jory and RIley: ..."Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?"

I'm your host, Jory Caron.

I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain.

*end credits play*

*funeral montage music plays*

Jon: Hamilton Beach?! Is that a location in New Hampshire, or is that the name of a microwave?

Jory: Have we done "Heather"?

Jon: No!

Jory: I'VE never done a Heather!

Jory: We really should let it burn...

Jory: (moaning) ...RIGHT there!

Jory: You know, they all blend together!

Riley: That fire is... out!

*Jory laughs*

*firework mortar explodes*

Jon, Riley, and Ryan: WHOA!

*funeral montage music stops*

*Click on episode #77 to witness the beloved Helga die by screeching pyramid, as well as hear "all hands to the deck"!*