Name: 一段成功的親密關係，背後有什麼秘訣？ (The Secret To A Successful Relationship)
Uploaded: 2022-03-20T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 2 min 51 s
Description: 統計數據表示，第一次婚姻約有20%-25%的機率會失敗。婚姻看似嚇人，然而，仍然有一些方法能永遠幸福快樂。要怎麼樣才能跟伴侶維持一段健康且持久的關係呢？就讓我們看看這支影片吧！ 1avow0:27 avow 表示「公開表示、公開承認」。 They avowed that they are in a relationship....

Relationships are terrifying. I mean, did you know half of all marriages last forever?

感情是一件很嚇人的事。我的意思是，你知道有一半的婚姻是永久的嗎？

程度副詞

Hello loves, Julian here for DNews. Alright, first of all, the oft-quoted statistic that 50% of marriages fail is just plain wrong.

嗨，我是 DNews 的朱利安。首先呢，大家常說的：「據統計，有百分之 50 的婚姻是失敗的」，這數據完全不對。

The actual number for first marriages is closer to 20-25%, but that still begs the question.

首次婚秵失敗的實際數字比較接近百分之20至25，但這仍是個問題。

Why do they fail? Why do people who have avowed themselves to one another for their whole lives come up short?

為什麼他們婚姻會失敗？為什麼一個承諾會將生命獻給此生最愛的人無法走一輩子？

Well, John and Julie Gottman have been pondering that question for decades.

約翰與茱麗．高德曼幾十年來一直在這個問題中周旋。

By the way, they’re both psychologists, and yes, they’re married. Feel free to "d’awwww" now.

順道一提，他們都是心理學家，而且沒錯，他們是夫妻。現在可以發出驚歎聲了。

According to the Gottmans, you can actually predict with 94% certainty which relationships will be healthy and which will be festering quagmires of misery and stress simply by how they support each other.

根據高德曼夫妻的說法，簡單從夫妻如何支持彼此來看，就能預測婚姻會是「從此過著幸福快樂的日子」還是「以淚洗面」，且準確度達百分之94。

Anyone who’s been in a relationship knows that sometimes you and your partner’s interests don’t align.

有談過感情的人就知道，有時候你和伴侶的興趣是不可能一樣的。

Maybe you like hockey but they’re not so hot in it.

也許你喜歡曲棍球，但你的伴侶卻不熱衷。

Or maybe they like camping and you understandably think sleeping on the dirty ground in the woods with no wifi is a terrible way to spend a vacation.

或者也許你的伴侶喜歡露營，而你卻認為要睡在森林裡骯髒的地上，也沒有無線網路，這種假期著實令你卻步。

But when one person tries to share their interests with their significant other, that’s a bid for emotional support.

但是，當一個人試著和另一半分享興趣時，那就是一種可以支持感情的連結。

How often they get that acknowledgment makes all the difference.

而另一半是否對此作出回應，往往關係到彼此的感情。

John Gottman conducted a study where he invited 130 newlywed couples to what looked like a bed and breakfast, but was actually a lab where they could observe the subjects.

約翰．高德曼做了一個研究，他的研究團隊邀請 130 對新婚夫妻到一個看起來像民宿的地方，但是這個地方事實上是研究團隊用來觀察這些受試者的實驗室。

He was watching for how often one person would say something seemingly inconsequential, like, "Hey, check out that bird!" or, "I have the weirdest feeling we’re being watched right now."

他觀察了其中一方說些無關緊要的話的頻率，像是：「嘿，看那隻鳥！」或「我覺得好像有人正盯著我們看。」

Gottman called these "bids" for emotional support, and noted how often their partner would respond in a meaningful way.

高德曼將這些舉動稱為支持情感的「連結」，也記錄下他們的伴侶對這些無關緊要的話採取有意義的回應的頻率。

Their findings show that couples stay together when they show bids of interest or support 9 out of 10 times, while couples who only support each other one third of the time split within six years.

他們的研究發現，夫妻之間若十句話中有九句有興趣或情感支持上的連結時，這些夫妻會繼續走下去，但若只有三分之一，這些夫妻則會在六年內離婚。

Ignoring those bids for support and acceptance can have an actual physiological effect.

若這些連結被忽略，會真的造成心理上的影響。

The Gottmans and a team of researchers brought in newlyweds to interview them.

高德曼夫妻和研究團隊訪問了一些新婚夫妻。

They were asked some pretty tough questions on their relationships while electrodes monitored their heart rates, blood flow, and sweatiness.

他們問了這些夫妻一些感情中比較棘手的問題，並同時監測他們的心跳、血流速度與出汗情形。

While across the board, everyone responded calmly to the questions, some couples showed higher heart rates, blood flow, and sweat production.

大致上，每個人回答問題時都是平靜的，不過有些夫妻有較快的心跳、血流速度，與較高的出汗情形。

In other words, their palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy.

換言之，他們的掌心會出汗、膝蓋發軟、手臂僵硬。

They’re nervous, but on the surface they look calm and ready.

他們很緊張，但是表面上看起來卻從容不迫。

The stress of being in the same room as their spouse and talking about their relationship caused their sympathetic nervous system to kick in and they had a fight-or-flight response.

和另一半在受訪時共處一室導致他們交感神經系統發生作用，進而產生戰鬥或逃跑的生理反應。

Those couples were usually divorced within 6 years.

那些夫妻通常會在六年內離婚。

So if you want to have a healthy and less stressful relationship, it’s important you both work actively to support each other’s emotional bids, even if camping is just the worst.

所以，若你想要有一個健康且較沒有壓力的感情，雙方致力於產生支持對方情感上的連結是很重要的，即使你痛恨露營，也不要全然否定對方。

If you want to learn another trick to keeping the fire lit, check out Anthony’s explanation of how texting can ruin a relationship over here.

若你想要學學維持感情的妙方，看看安東尼在這部影片裡解釋為什麼簡訊能毀掉一段感情。

What do you think the key is to living happily ever after? Tell us your secret in the comments, and I’ll see you next time on DNews.

永遠幸福快樂的關鍵是什麼呢？將你的祕密留言告訴給我們，我們下次DNews 見！