Name: 喬恩談特朗普耿耿於懷的愛潑斯坦醜聞和德西談雪梨特警牛仔褲的瘋狂廣告 | 每日秀 (Jon on Trump's Nagging Epstein Scandal & Desi on Sydney Sweeney Jeans Ad Madness | The Daily Show)
Uploaded: 2025-08-04T02:01:45.000Z
Duration: 35 min 14 s

Let's begin tonight with a young man by the name of Donald Aloysius Trump.

今晚，讓我們從一位名叫唐納德-阿洛伊修斯-特朗普的年輕人開始。

進階被動語態

As you know, this young man has been embroiled in the Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficking scandal and did what anybody who is innocent, when facing an accusation of this type, did what anybody who is innocent would do, he fled the country, he fled the country taking a jaunt to bonnie old Scotland, that's probably not the right accent, to leave his troubles in the United States behind and finally gain an ocean's distance between himself and the

大家都知道，這個年輕人捲入了傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦的性交易醜聞，面對這樣的指控，他做了任何一個無辜的人都會做的事，他逃離了這個國家，去了美麗的蘇格蘭。

Epstein scandal and focus on his new trade deal with the EU.

愛潑斯坦醜聞，重點關注他與歐盟達成的新貿易協議。

I'm sorry, yes, you there, from the Inverness Castle Times.

對不起，是的，是你，來自《因弗內斯城堡時報》。

Mr. President, was part of the rush to get this deal done to knock the Jeffrey Epstein story out?

總統先生，匆忙完成這筆交易的一部分原因是為了揭露傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦的故事嗎？

Donald Trump, he's all like, how did you even hear about it?

唐納德-特朗普（Donald Trump）說，你怎麼會聽說這件事？

I thought you guys just got Baywatched like three months ago.

我還以為你們三個月前才被 Baywatched 了呢。

Doesn't anybody here have a question about this trade deal sinking both of our economies with tariffs?

難道就沒有人對這一貿易協議會讓我們兩國的經濟因關稅而沉淪提出疑問嗎？

How high do I have to make the tariffs before you guys shut the f**k up about Epstein?

我得把關稅提高到什麼程度，你們才會對愛潑斯坦閉嘴？

But of course, how do you expect the media to move on when even Trump has trouble doing so?

當然，連特朗普都難以做到這一點，你還能指望媒體繼續前進嗎？

So it was on the day of striking a trade deal with the EU, Donald Trump presented once more, this time for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, his classic Epstein defense, 13 reasons why

就在與歐盟達成貿易協議的當天，唐納德-特朗普在愛丁堡藝穗節上再次展示了他的經典辯護--愛潑斯坦的 13 個理由。

Those files were run by the worst scum on earth.

這些文件是由地球上最惡劣的人渣管理的。

If they had something they would have released.

如果他們有什麼消息，早就發佈了。

Now they can easily put something in the files that's a phony.

現在，他們可以輕而易舉地在文件中加入一些虛假資訊。

If I, Donald Trump was in the files, they would have released it.

如果我唐納德-特朗普在檔案裡，他們早就公佈了。

So clearly I'm not in the files, but of course I'm clearly in the files.

很顯然，我不在檔案裡，但我當然在檔案裡。

我的意思是，他們到底有特朗普什麼把柄？

特朗普送給愛潑斯坦的令人毛骨悚然的畫？

Your Honor, I submit to the court, if there is one thing I would never do, it is draw.

法官大人，我向法庭陳述，如果有一件事我永遠不會做，那就是平局。

I cannot physically even perform the task of drawing.

I do not possess the motor skills and muscle strength required.

我不具備所需的運動技能和肌肉力量。

I cannot draw, not now, not ever, although sometimes people say, would you draw a building and I'll draw four lines and a little roof, you know, for a charity.

我不會畫畫，現在不會，以後也不會，雖然有時人們會說，你能不能畫一棟樓，我就畫四條線和一個小屋頂，你知道，為了慈善事業。

I mean, sometimes people would say, would you draw a woman and I'd draw a parentheses for breasts and a triangle for Bush for charity, for charity.

我的意思是，有時人們會說，你會畫一個女人嗎？我會畫一個括號代表乳房，一個三角形代表布什，為了慈善，為了慈善。

I wouldn't call them drawings, more of a cubist pastiche of punctuation and geometric shapes to trick the eye.

我不會稱它們為圖畫，更像是用標點符號和幾何圖形來欺騙眼睛的立體主義拼貼畫。

Some would see a naked woman, of course, others would see an old woman holding a falcon, riding a hoverboard with a triangle for a vagina.

當然，有人會看到一個裸體女人，也有人會看到一個老婦人手持獵鷹，騎著一個三角形陰道的懸浮滑板。

In Trump's defense, he did end his relationship with Epstein in the aughts.

在特朗普的辯解中，他確實在上世紀八十年代結束了與愛潑斯坦的關係。

Perhaps a look into why he ended it will exonerate Trump.

也許調查一下他為什麼要終止此事，就能為特朗普開脫罪責。

That's such old history, very easy to explain, but I don't want to waste your time by explaining it.

這些都是陳年往事，很容易解釋，但我不想浪費你們的時間去解釋。

What he said was Epstein had done something inappropriate and that's why they're no longer friends.

他說愛潑斯坦做了不恰當的事 所以他們不再是朋友了

You see, Donald Trump recognized that Epstein had finally crossed the line.

你看，唐納德-特朗普意識到愛潑斯坦終於越界了。

Now, if it were me, obviously giving this explanation in front of reporters, I probably would have stopped there.

現在，如果是我，面對記者做出這樣的解釋，我可能會就此打住。

But, since I am not, and Trump went on to describe Epstein's inappropriate behavior and wait till you hear what was the Rubicon that Epstein crossed.

但是，既然我不是，特朗普繼續描述了愛潑斯坦的不當行為，等著聽愛潑斯坦越過的盧比肯河是什麼吧。

He hired help and I said, don't ever do that again.

他僱了幫手，我說，別再這麼做了。

And I threw him out of the place, persona non grata.

我把他趕了出去，不受歡迎的人。

You all know him as Jeffrey Epstein, the sex trafficker.

你們都知道他叫傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦，是個性販子。

I mean, the sex trafficking, I was like, OK.

我的意思是，性交易，我當時想，好吧。

But he was also a low level employee poacher.

但他也是一個低級別的偷獵者。

Anyway, Mr. President, do you want to slice this bologna any thinner?

總之，總統先生，你想把臘腸切得再薄一點嗎？

順便說一句，我從沒去過那個島。

And Bill Clinton went there supposedly 28 times.

而比爾-克林頓據說去過那裡 28 次。

You expect me to believe that Bill Clinton went to the island only 28 times?

你以為我會相信比爾-克林頓只去過島上 28 次？

I mean, if anybody had VIP Diamond Island status, there's probably still parrots alive on that island going, hey Bill, back again.

我的意思是，如果有人擁有鑽石島貴賓的身份，那島上可能還有鸚鵡還活著，它們會說 "嘿，比爾，又回來了"。

That is truly the best parrot impression you'll hear.

這真是你能聽到的最好的鸚鵡模仿。

Here comes my favorite part of the defense.

Trump's ego and narcissism are so central to his being that even his denial of going to the island comes with a caveat.

特朗普的自負和自戀是他存在的核心，以至於他連否認上島都有一個前提。

I never had the privilege of going to his island, and I did turn it down.

我從未有幸上過他的島，我也拒絕了。

Hey, Donald, want to go to the island this weekend?

嘿，唐納德，週末想去島上嗎？

Well, first of all, Jeffrey, thank you for thinking of me.

首先，傑弗裡，謝謝你能想到我。

Unfortunately, that's the weekend that the teen pageant that I bought is installing the indoor security locker room cabinets.

不幸的是，那個週末我買下的青少年選美會正在安裝室內安全更衣室櫃子。

But luckily for Trump, it wasn't all Epstein-related pressers.

但對特朗普來說幸運的是，並不是所有的新聞發佈會都與愛潑斯坦有關。

He was able to get in some of his beloved whack-a-ball.

他還能玩玩他心愛的 "打地鼠 "遊戲。

Mr. Trump, are you enjoying the Scottish hospitality?

特朗普先生，您享受蘇格蘭的熱情好客嗎？

Are you enjoying the Scottish hospitality?

Mr. Trump, can you escape the Jeffrey Epstein crisis?

特朗普先生，您能擺脫傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦的危機嗎？

Is Epstein what they yell in Scotland instead of four?

愛潑斯坦是蘇格蘭人喊的 "四 "嗎？

To extend the golf metaphor, Trump finds himself in the rough.

延伸一下高爾夫球的比喻，特朗普發現自己正處於崎嶇不平的道路上。

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喬恩談特朗普耿耿於懷的愛潑斯坦醜聞和德西談雪梨特警牛仔褲的瘋狂廣告 | 每日秀 (Jon on Trump's Nagging Epstein Scandal & Desi on Sydney Sweeney Jeans Ad Madness | The Daily Show)

privilege

tough

expect

climate