Name: 與其向伴侶道歉，不如這樣說......聽聽婚姻治療師怎麼說 - Esther Perel 埃絲特． (與其向伴侶道歉，不如這樣說... ► 聽聽婚姻治療師怎麼說 - Esther Perel 埃絲特．沛瑞爾（中英字幕）)
Uploaded: 2025-04-02T02:15:35.000Z
Duration: 2 min 46 s

When you apologize about your absence, what you missed, what you didn't do,

當你為你的缺席、你錯過了什麼、你沒做什麼道歉時、

you basically still saying, I'm super important.

你基本上還是在說，我超級重要。

過去簡單式

But if you actually said, then you are actually saying that they matter.

但如果你真的這麼說了，那麼你實際上就是在說它們很重要。

I often like to ask people, you know, what's the one thing I said that stayed with you, that made a difference?

我經常喜歡問別人，你知道，我說過的哪句話讓你記憶猶新，讓你與眾不同嗎？

It was a situation where when they are late, when they miss an appointment, when they miss an activity that a couple had agreed upon or a game of the children or whatever it was, you know,

在這種情況下，如果他們遲到了，如果他們錯過了一個約會，如果他們錯過了一對夫婦約定的活動或孩子們的遊戲，或者不管是什麼，你知道的、

And I said to them, if you're still at the computer at 10 o'clock and you know, and you're apologizing, that's you consider that being considerate, I'm aware and I'm apologizing.

我對他們說，如果你在 10 點鐘還在電腦前，你知道，你在道歉，那就是你考慮周到，我知道，我在道歉。

But when you apologize about your absence, what you missed, what you didn't do,

但當你為你的缺席、你錯過了什麼、你沒有做什麼而道歉時、

I'm that important, but I couldn't be there.

我是那麼重要，但我不能去那裡。

But if you actually said, I'm so thankful that you're here because I could not have stayed at the office late.

但如果你真的說，我非常感謝你能來，因為我不可能在辦公室待到很晚。

I could not have gone to that last minute dinner, I could not have gone and seen so-and-so if you were not here.

如果你不在這裡，我就不可能參加那場最後的晚宴，我就不可能去見某某。

then you are actually saying, I couldn't do this without you, which means I am an independent person who is completely interdependent with you.

那麼你實際上是在說：沒有你，我做不到這一點，這意味著我是一個獨立的人，但與你完全相互依存。

Whatever you are doing is bolstered by someone who is making this possible for you. And that acknowledgement, it's not just to be nice and to say thank you,

無論你在做什麼，都會有人為你提供支持，使之成為可能。而這種認可，不僅僅是為了表示友好和感謝、

it humbles you, it says, I could not do this without you.

它讓你謙卑，它說，沒有你，我做不到這一點。

That gives the other person not a sense that they are superfluous or intrusive, they have a presence and a meaning in your life.

這樣，對方就不會覺得自己是多餘的或闖入者，他們在你的生活中是有存在感和意義的。

Making the other person know that they matter.

I'm having a huge day at business or a huge day at work, and I can do this and I can stay late and because whatever, you've taken care of 10 different things that would make it possible for me to have my mind completely focused.

我今天的業務或工作都很繁忙，我可以這樣做，我可以待到很晚，因為無論如何，你已經做了十件不同的事情，讓我可以完全集中精力。

I'm here, I'm with Esther Perel, I'm talking or whoever all the other guests are, and I can do that because there's someone there that has taken care of all of the stuff I don't have to worry about.

我在這裡，和埃絲特-佩雷爾（Esther Perel）在一起，和其他嘉賓哈拉，我可以這樣做，因為有人在那裡為我處理了所有的事情，我不用擔心。

And when you acknowledge that and you thank a person for that, you're basically saying, I couldn't do this if you didn't do that.

當你承認這一點併為此感謝一個人時，你基本上就是在說：如果你不這樣做，我就做不到這一點。