Name: 為什麼東亞 ?????? (Why Yes = No in East Asia ??????)
Uploaded: 2025-02-18T15:02:26.000Z
Duration: 19 min 10 s

情態副詞

This sounds absurd, but it's actually very common in East Asia and core to its culture.

這聽起來很荒謬，但實際上在東亞非常普遍，也是東亞文化的核心。

程度副詞

First, East Asians have a pretty extreme aversion to saying no.

首先，東亞人非常討厭說 "不"。

Just look at articles like Wordiz listing 16 ways to say no in Japanese without actually ever saying the word.

看看 Wordiz 這樣的文章就知道了，它列出了 16 種用日語說 "不 "的方法，但實際上卻不用說這個詞。

There are also some long-standing cultural factors in East Asia that make saying yes an accepted way to mean no.

東亞還有一些長期存在的文化因素，使得說 "是 "成為一種被接受的表示 "不 "的方式。

In fact, the rabbit hole goes much deeper than just yes meaning no, so stick until the end if you want to see how far this contradiction goes.

事實上，這個兔子洞遠不止 "是 "意味著 "否 "這麼簡單，如果你想知道這個矛盾到底有多深，請堅持到最後。

But I know claiming yes equals no sounds crazy, so let's start with some examples, some of which you might actually be familiar with.

但我知道，聲稱 "是 "等於 "否 "聽起來很瘋狂，所以讓我們先舉幾個例子，其中有些例子你可能真的很熟悉。

Some popular methods as proposed by Yamae are saying no by saying yes.

Yamae 提出的一些常用方法是通過說 "是 "來拒絕。

Yeah, I do need to take care of my frog though.

是啊，不過我還得照顧我的青蛙。

He's traveling the world right now and I just need to be at home for when he comes back.

他現在正在環遊世界，我只需要在家等他回來。

In fact, you said yes, but really you mean no.

事實上，你說 "是"，其實是說 "不"。

Yamae says you can also imply no by being really vague or by changing the subject of the question.

Yamae 說，你也可以通過含糊其辭或轉移問題主題來暗示 "不"。

Dude, do you ever think about why people go to the clubs though?

老兄，你想過人們為什麼要去俱樂部嗎？

Like before dating apps, it feels like people went to the clubs to find a date, but now it just feels like people go there to disassociate.

就像在約會軟件出現之前，人們去俱樂部是為了找對象，但現在人們去俱樂部只是為了脫離群眾。

Or look, you don't even have to entertain them with a response.

或者你看，你甚至都不需要回應他們。

All right, at this point, I know someone is thinking, just tell them if you don't want to go.

好了，說到這裡，我知道有人在想，如果你不想去，就告訴他們吧。

But that's the whole point of this video.

但這正是這段視頻的意義所在。

We're going to look at why saying no is so hard in East Asia, what kind of strategies have evolved given this culture, and how you might be able to tell next time if someone really means the yes they gave you or if they're just saying it.

我們將探討為什麼在東亞說 "不 "如此困難，在這種文化背景下演變出了什麼樣的策略，以及下一次你如何分辨對方是真心答應你，還是說說而已。

To start, we have to break down this phenomenon of avoiding no, and it really comes down to two things.

首先，我們必須打破這種迴避 "不 "的現象，這其實可以歸結為兩點。

Let's talk about the art of politeness and the importance of face.

讓我們來談談禮貌的藝術和麵子的重要性。

Aside from some of us being innate people pleasers, saying no is hard because this response usually contradicts with the expectations of the asker.

除了有些人天生喜歡討好別人之外，說 "不 "也很難，因為這種回答通常與請求者的期望相矛盾。

No one is ever going to ask for something expecting to be turned down, so they've come to you, and now you have to let them down.

沒有人會希望自己的要求被拒絕，所以他們來找你，現在你必須讓他們失望。

Even if you have a valid reason, saying no can still suck.

即使你有正當的理由，說 "不 "仍然會很糟糕。

How much it sucks though is dependent on a lot of factors, like how close you are with them, what sort of relationship you have, what kind of person they are, the size of the imposition, whether you're turning down a big ask or a small thing, and some other factors that probably have more weight in East Asia, like their rank, are they your senior, are they older than you, and if you are in a position to say no, taking into consideration social hierarchies, expectations, and possible consequences depending on the context.

不過，到底有多糟取決於很多因素，比如你和對方的關係有多近、你們之間是什麼樣的關係、對方是什麼樣的人、強加給你的壓力有多大、你拒絕的是一個大要求還是一件小事，以及其他一些在東亞可能更重要的因素，比如對方的級別、對方是你的長輩嗎、對方比你年長嗎、你是否有資格說 "不"，同時還要考慮到社會等級制度、人們的期望以及在不同情況下可能產生的後果。

We'll talk more about these cultural factors later, because this has evolved a lot of the strategies in saying no.

我們稍後會更多地討論這些文化因素，因為這已經演變出了很多說 "不 "的策略。

But I want to walk us through what happens when we turn someone down.

但我想告訴大家，當我們拒絕別人時會發生什麼。

Because saying no is an act of refusal, it's also known as a face-threatening act.

因為說 "不 "是一種拒絕行為，也被稱為 "威脅面子 "的行為。

You don't want to make someone lose face, or make them feel embarrassed or hurt when you reject an invitation to hang, or reply that you can't help them out with what they're asking.

你不想讓別人丟面子，也不想讓他們在你拒絕他們的邀請或回答他們的問題時感到尷尬或受傷。

Because of this, we have to be more considerate in how we deliver our refusals.

是以，我們在拒絕時必須考慮得更加周到。

This consideration really is just being polite.

In fact, Brown and Levinson defined politeness as a complex system for softening face-threatening acts.

事實上，布朗和萊文森將禮貌定義為軟化面子威脅行為的複雜系統。

Politeness can range from a simple and direct no thank you, to all those examples we had at the beginning, where no wasn't even mentioned in the response.

禮貌的範圍可以很廣，從簡單直接的 "不，謝謝"，到我們開頭提到的那些在回答中根本沒有提到 "不 "的例子。

In these latter cases, it's a very deliberate way to preserve face for the other person, and it's also very indirect.

在後一種情況下，這是一種非常刻意的為對方保留面子的方式，也是一種非常間接的方式。

These elaborate soft rejections are intricately designed to reflect the other person's age, rank, and seniority, all of which would impact the level of politeness deemed appropriate in East Asian interactions.

這些精心設計的軟性拒絕，巧妙地反映了對方的年齡、等級和資歷，所有這些都會影響東亞人交往中被認為適當的禮貌程度。

This link is highlighted by Cyril as he says,

Politeness is the chief motivation for indirectness.

East Asian societies are also quite hierarchical, and they place a strong emphasis on maintaining group harmony.

東亞社會的等級制度也相當森嚴，他們非常重視維護群體和諧。

Given this context, if you've decided to say no, this decision already kind of upsets the group harmony.

在這種情況下，如果你決定說 "不"，這個決定就已經破壞了集體的和諧。

So it's really on you now to express the sentiment in a non-threatening, even flattering way, depending on how senior the other person might be.

是以，現在真正要做的是，根據對方的資歷，以不具威脅性，甚至是諂媚的方式表達自己的情感。

Really, you just want to make sure the other person doesn't lose face.

真的，你只是想確保對方不丟面子。

In politeness theory, face can be positive and negative, and this is relevant in any social situation.

在禮貌理論中，面子可以是正面的，也可以是負面的，這一點在任何社交場合都適用。

Positive face is our desire to be appreciated, validated, and liked.

積極的面孔是我們渴望得到讚賞、肯定和喜歡。

If you wanted to appeal to this whilst asking for a favor, you could say,

如果你想在請求別人幫忙時利用這一點，你可以這樣說、

Could you help me with an assignment, please?

You're the smartest in our class, and you know the most on this topic.

你是我們班最聰明的，也最瞭解這個話題。

Flattery does wonders in appealing to positive face.

拍馬屁在吸引正面形象方面有奇效。

Then you have negative face, which concerns our freedom to do what we want.

然後是 "消極面"，它涉及我們為所欲為的自由。

In order to be considerate of this, when you ask someone for a favor, you could slip in words to make the request seem less of a burden.

為了考慮到這一點，當你請求別人幫忙時，你可以說一些話，讓請求看起來不那麼沉重。

Or show that you're being mindful of their time by saying,

或者用一句話來表達你對他們時間的重視、

我很抱歉打擾你們，但是等等等等。

In rejecting someone, we can keep in mind the same two basic ones.

在拒絕他人時，我們可以牢記同樣的兩個基本原則。

You can appeal to positive face by turning down an event saying,

您可以通過拒絕某項活動來吸引積極的面孔、

That sounds like it would be a great time.

這聽起來會是一段美好的時光。

You can also speak to negative face referring to yourself.

您也可以針對自己的負面形象說話。

I would lend you money, but I'm in a bind too, so I can't help you.

我想借錢給你，但我也很困難，所以幫不了你。

The next reason for why yes means no has to do with power.

為什麼 "是 "意味著 "否 "的下一個原因與權力有關。

We mentioned East Asia having a more hierarchical structure in society.

我們提到，東亞的社會等級結構更分明。

So these are cultures which we would say have a high power distance.

是以，我們可以說這些文化具有很高的權力距離。

Power distance refers to how accepted it is that there will be an unequal distribution of power.

權力距離是指人們對權力分配不均的接受程度。

In East Asia, people accept this difference in power as a result of seniority or age, and they will be quite conscious of behaving according to where they are in the hierarchy.

在東亞，人們接受這種因資歷或年齡而產生的權力差異，他們會很自覺地按照自己在等級制度中的位置行事。

In Japanese, the social norms you would follow in order to be properly polite is called wakimae.

在日語中，為了表現出應有的禮貌而遵守的社會規範被稱為 "wakimae"。

Following wakimae influences how you would speak to someone, which would then naturally include how you refuse someone.

若前會影響你與人交談的方式，自然也會影響你拒絕別人的方式。

And we can imagine saying no to someone who's higher up in the hierarchy would be harder than saying no to your sibling or friends.

我們可以想象，對更高層次的人說 "不 "比對你的兄弟姐妹或朋友說 "不 "更難。

Maciejewski did a study on this as he asked Japanese respondents who they struggled with saying no to the most, and the most common answer was their boss.

Maciejewski 對此做了一項研究，他詢問日本受訪者，他們最難以拒絕的人是誰，最常見的答案是他們的老闆。

In fact, the two respondents who didn't answer with their boss hadn't yet entered the workforce, and they instead said refusing their upperclassmen was the hardest.

事實上，沒有和上司一起回答的兩名受訪者還沒有參加工作，他們反而說拒絕上司是最難的。

One respondent elaborates on this situation.

一位答覆者詳細闡述了這種情況。

In a Japanese company, for example, you have to obey your boss.

例如，在日本公司，你必須服從你的老闆。

If I refuse an invitation, I will feel anxiety.

如果我拒絕邀請，我就會感到焦慮。

I'm afraid they might not invite me again.

And this anxiety of the consequences from saying no could explain why most Japanese respondents refuse their boss with a response like this.

這種對拒絕的後果的焦慮可以解釋為什麼大多數日本受訪者會用這樣的回答來拒絕上司。

I'm terribly sorry, but I've made another plan for that day a long time ago.

我非常抱歉，但我很早以前就為那天做了另一個計劃。

So I'm very sorry, but I'll have to say no to your wonderful invite.

所以非常抱歉，我不得不拒絕你的盛情邀請。

Compare this to how American respondents would refuse their boss, appealing again to that positive face and beginning with that would be wonderful, before expressing their regret of not being able to make it.

對比一下美國受訪者是如何拒絕他們的老闆的，他們再次訴諸於那張積極的面孔，以 "那真是太好了 "開頭，然後再表達他們無法做到的遺憾。

The work culture in Japan with its strong hierarchies, power distance, and emphasis on group harmony could have led to Japanese respondents being more apologetic in turning down their boss, whilst weaker workplace hierarchies and a more equal distribution of power in the West may have allowed American speakers to open more positively and even talk more informally in turning down the same invite.

日本的工作文化具有等級森嚴、權力距離和強調團體和諧的特點，這可能會導致日本受訪者在拒絕上司時更多地表現出歉意，而西方較弱的工作場所等級制度和更平等的權力分配可能會讓美國受訪者在拒絕同樣的邀請時表現得更積極，甚至說話更隨意。

Soft rejection therefore becomes a life skill in East Asia.

是以，軟性拒絕在東亞成為一種生活技能。

So because of East Asian countries valuing face, prioritizing group harmony, and in having a considerable power distance, you get an environment where yes becomes no and a whole bunch of other refusal strategies to boot.

是以，由於東亞國家重視面子，把群體和諧放在首位，再加上存在相當大的權力距離，就會出現 "是 "變成 "否 "的環境，以及其他一大堆拒絕策略。

Here are the 16 ways we had to put forward saying no.

以下是我們不得不提出的 16 種說 "不 "的方式。

I won't go through all of them, but feel free to pause and take a look.

我就不一一介紹了，大家可以停下來看看。

Although I really think some of these would do more harm than good.

雖然我真的認為其中一些弊大於利。

Like if I ever asked someone to hang out and they pulled a number 7 and left the room,

比如說，如果我曾經約某人出去玩，而他們卻拿出 7 號牌，離開了房間、

字幕列表影片播放

為什麼東亞 ?????? (Why Yes = No in East Asia ??????)

context

situation

physical

positive