If you're overly nice, overly kind, overly polite, that's when you get rolled.

如果你過於和藹可親、彬彬有禮，那你就會被捲鋪蓋走人。

How to get someone to do what you want.

如何讓別人做你想做的事

The biggest mistake people make is they talk a lot.

人們犯的最大錯誤就是話多。

If I'm doing all the talking and you're doing all the listening, you're learning everything about me.

如果我一直在說，而你一直在聽，你就會了解我的一切。

You're learning about what I care about, my values, my belief systems.

你們要了解我關心什麼、我的價值觀、我的信仰體系。

You're getting a good read on me.

你很瞭解我。

There's a myth that people think if I do most of the talking, I have control.

有一種說法是，人們認為如果我說得最多，我就能控制局面。

It's garbage.

這是垃圾。

What you want to understand is that person's motivational mindset.

你要了解的是這個人的動機心態。

What are you motivated by?

你的動機是什麼？

So that is your value and belief system.

這就是你的價值觀和信仰體系。

Everybody's motivated by something different.

每個人的動機都不一樣。

But I have to hear you and pay attention to you to understand what that is.

但我必須傾聽你，關注你，才能理解那是什麼。

Here, have a drink, talk to me, let me know.

來，喝一杯，跟我談談，讓我知道。

If you give people enough space, they will reveal themselves to you.

如果你給別人足夠的空間，他們就會向你展示自己。

But we're so busy talking, we're so busy making noise because we think everybody needs to hear me.

但我們忙著說話，忙著製造噪音，因為我們認為每個人都需要聽到我的聲音。

Everybody needs to know me, me, me, me.

每個人都需要了解我、我、我、我。

You know what?

你知道嗎？

Nobody cares.

沒人在乎

If you're really trying to build a connection with a person, then build it.

如果你真的想與一個人建立聯繫，那就建立聯繫吧。

And let them tell you what they think.

讓他們告訴你他們的想法。

Because now I see the world through your lens, not mine.

因為現在我是通過你的視角看世界，而不是我的。

I always say, when especially I do a lot of keynotes and training for businesses, you don't matter, they matter.

我經常說，尤其是在我為企業做主題演講和培訓時，你並不重要，重要的是他們。

What do they want?

他們想要什麼？

What do they need?

他們需要什麼？

What's important to them?

什麼對他們最重要？

Let them tell you.

讓他們告訴你。

And then when they tell you, instead of trying to guess how to enter a conversation, what do I do?

然後，當他們告訴你，而不是試圖猜測如何進入對話時，我該怎麼做？

I shut up.

我閉嘴了

I listen.

我聽著

I let you reveal to me what matters to you, what your values are.

我讓你告訴我什麼對你重要，你的價值觀是什麼。

And then I come in more intelligently into the conversation and I speak to you.

然後，我就會以更聰明的方式進入對話，與你交談。

People will show you what they care about.

人們會向你展示他們所關心的東西。

If we just hold back, stay silent, ask good questions.

如果我們只是忍氣吞聲，保持沉默，提出好問題。

And you know what?

你知道嗎？

We're genuinely curious.

我們真的很好奇。

I genuinely want to get to know you.

我真的很想了解你。

I genuinely want to understand you.

我真的很想了解你。

I don't genuinely want to tell you all about me.

我並不是真的想告訴你關於我的一切。

That's different.

這是不同的。

And the one factor that's really important is not having judgment, being nonjudgmental.

有一個因素非常重要，那就是不做判斷，不妄下定論。

When you show judgment to another person, they're going to filter what they say.

當你對他人做出評判時，他們會對你的話進行過濾。

They're going to shut down.

他們要關門了。

They're going to hold back because nobody likes to be judged.

他們會忍氣吞聲，因為沒人喜歡被人評頭論足。

Also in the room, my goal was not to get them to like me.

同樣在房間裡，我的目標不是讓他們喜歡我。

My goal was to get them to feel heard, to feel respected, for me to be professional.

我的目標是讓他們感受到我的傾聽，感受到我的尊重，感受到我的專業。

And I think we bring the wrong terms because it's confusing.

我認為我們使用了錯誤的術語，因為這會造成混淆。

If I want you to like me to think of it this way, then I'm going to think I have to be nice to him.

如果我想讓你喜歡我這樣想，那麼我就會認為我必須對他好。

I have to be his friend.

我必須成為他的朋友。

In business, you can be warm, but when you start becoming people's friends, that's when the lines get blurred and we get confused.

在生意場上，你可以熱情，但當你開始成為別人的朋友時，界限就會變得模糊，我們就會感到困惑。

In fact, there's research done by Susan Fisk and Chris Malone, and they say, be warm to people, be open and approachable.

事實上，蘇珊-菲斯克和克里斯-馬龍做了一項研究，他們說，對人要熱情，要開放，要平易近人。

But if you're overly nice, overly kind, overly polite, that's when you get rolled.

但是，如果你過於和善、過於親切、過於禮貌，那你就會被捲鋪蓋走人。

You want to find that beautiful balance where I'm a professional.

你想找到一個美麗的平衡點，讓我成為一名專業人士。

I'm warm.

我很暖和

I'm nonjudgmental.

我不做評判。

Come talk to me.

來和我談談

Tell me.

告訴我

But at the same time, I maintain my authority.

但同時，我也要保持自己的權威。

I maintain my boundaries.

我堅持自己的底線。